How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Failed Attempts at Marriage Counseling with a Sociopath

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by Quinn Pierce  I sat in the small, tastefully furnished room and listened to the tick”¦tick”¦tick of the clock.  I had long since stopped listening to the conversation going on around me. This was not the way it was supposed to be.  I stepped into the psychologist's office less than a half hour earlier full of optimism and hope.  Unfortunately, I was, once again, realizing how naive I had been. An Insincere Effort For nearly a year, I had been begging and pleading with my (then) husband to come to marriage counseling.  Our relationship was deteriorating a a rate that was destined for destruction.  He always supported me and the children going to counseling, so I was amazed when he a …

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Divorcing A Sociopath: Getting Away, Staying Away

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 by Quinn Pierce At the heart of every sociopath is insecurity.  These individuals crave adoration, praise, and power above all other emotional needs.  Decisions are not based on weighing pros and cons, an internal moral compass, or even  possible consequences. Instead, a sociopath will usually make decisions for one of three reasons: putting themselves in a favorable light to be admired by others, hurting someone who is no longer an ally, or personal gain.  Of course, their most coveted decisions are those that result in a combination of two or more of these outcomes. Hiding the Truth During my marriage, I enabled this process by making excuses for my husband,  or pretending he was a …

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Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim

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by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past.  To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive.  He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner.  He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person.  I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful exp …

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Why is it so difficult to detach from a sociopath?

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by Quinn Pierce The other day, in one of my counseling sessions, I was recounting a story about some family members who still interact with my ex-husband, despite my requests that they respect me enough to not have any contact with him. I was no longer angry or annoyed by their behavior, I had since realized it is much easier if I lower my expectations for some people in my life and distance myself from others.  But, I was curious about their inability to stop contact with my ex-husband even after knowing everything he has done to my family. The Inexplicable Bond It led me to wonder: Why is it so difficult to detach from a sociopath? It seems as though it makes no difference if …

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Recovery From A Sociopath: New Beginnings

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by Quinn Pierce As with all new beginnings, the New Year always brings a sense of hope for a better tomorrow.  And as this year draws to a close, I have to admit that I feel a sense of relief.  This was definitely one of my more challenging and tumultuous years, and I will be happy to consider it part of my past. Recognizing Positive Experiences However, before I do, I think it's important to acknowledge my accomplishments within the struggles.  Sometimes, when we are plagued by the abuse, and the inevitable drama, from the sociopath in our lives, we may have learned to cope by pushing away the memories that cause us to re-experience the hurt and sadness. But, as survivors, we need to …

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Married to A Sociopath: A False Sense of Control

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By Quinn Pierce   Learning Avoidance When you are in a relationship with a sociopath, you quickly learn the act of avoidance.  Without saying a word, a sociopath can let you know exactly when he or she is angry or disappointed with your behavior.   That leads you to begin reacting to subtle clues and hints that may never be stated, but are clearly understood. For me, I began avoiding all situations that would create that indescribable tension in the house.  The feeling of walking on egg shells while holding my breath. Hollow Choices Sometimes, it would mean turning down a shopping trip with friends, or a trip to the store without the children.  It just became easier to avoid …

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Co-Parenting With A Sociopath: Children and Healing

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By Quinn Pierce Two weeks ago, my older son was admitted to the hospital due to his anxiety.  He was unable to overcome the panic attacks and overwhelming fear that has plagued him since the end of the summer, and we decided it was time for a higher level of care. As traumatic as the decision was for me, I knew in my heart it was the best decision for him; and it truly was.  It may have been the most difficult day of my life, but I kept in mind the healing that would finally begin for my son. The Constant Drama Takes a Toll I also kept in mind the fact that all of this might not have happened if it were not for my ex-husband, my son's father, who has riddled our lives with such chaos …

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Married to a Sociopath: Illusions and Distractions

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By Quinn Pierce I watched a special on television once about a magician.  The show revealed secrets behind the magician's act.  I remember watching the assistant disappear through a trap door.  The door was situated beneath a table that was sitting on an angle which the audience couldn't see. It occurred to me that living with a sociopath is not unlike living with a magician.  A sociopathic spouse creates an illusionary life complete with spontaneous tricks, secrets, and a hidden escape route. Distraction With a Touch of Flair Most arguments within my marriage were subject to a minimum requirement of drama.  It was very unusual for a topic to be discussed at face value; usually, my ex …

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Divorcing A Sociopath: The First Steps Are The Most Difficult

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by Quinn Pierce I remember walking along the sidewalk, the ice-covered snow crunching under my feet.  The moonlight did nothing to warm winter's night air, but I couldn't feel the cold. I just walked. One foot in front of the other. Next to me, my dog, Sammy, followed my pace keeping her long Great Dane legs in short strides.  This was our usual Saturday night outing since separating from my ex-husband.  It was the only thing I could bring myself to do instead of sitting at home, missing my children and crying. I tried so hard to shield them from the angry and hurt emotions swirling around my dissolving marriage.  I believed it was best to try to foster a healthy relationship between …

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Recovery From A Sociopath: Next Steps

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Some of our greatest life lessons are learned after we think we already passed the test. I believed that ending my marriage to a sociopath would be the defining step to my recovery and healing.  I committed myself to a healthy lifestyle, and practiced the long-forgotten skill of believing in myself and trusting my instincts. So, it came as quite a surprise that there was much more work to be done if I wanted to rid my life of the residual effects of a toxic fifteen year relationship. Starting Over By the time I met the man who would turn out to be the real love of my life, I thought I had grown and healed much more than I actually had. Not eager to start a new relationship, I spent …

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