Background checks for online daters

When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness.

Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com.

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132 Comments on "Background checks for online daters"

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Yah, that old ’ugly spot’ just doesn’t want to go away even though we KNOW we need to keep it away”.

As far as pathological lying: hahahahahaha
Is THAT what that was? More like a demon from hell is what it is!

“Your picker is broke”: hahahaha, that’s one way to put it, Ox! 😉
As far as ’picking a better specimen in the future’”well, after a fashion a person becomes a little ’gun shy’”I am surprised to hear women talking about filling up that ’ugly spot’ with another ordeal so soon! Without allowing themselves the opportunity to find their own selves first. I am not a ’serial dater’, always thinking that if I just keep looking, I will find what I am looking for, although I don’t know what I am looking for but I will know it when I find it. Hmmm”.that’s what I thought with x sp”.
VULNERABLE is the word. Think about that.

I am not trying to discourage anyone from finding happiness in their lives. I am soooooooooooo happy for those couples who find peace and love and joy and happiness but I also believe there are some people who are meant to walk alone in this life. It has taken me 60 years to learn that I just may be one of those people and it isn’t a ’sad state of affairs’, actually, it’s very liberating, especially after I just spent a whole lifetime of taking care of and supporting others.

I don’t care WHAT their symptoms or medical terminology actually “IS” ”“ all “I” know is that “IT” is NOT going to take my breath from me. Period. I am not a person to create nor make waves for “IT” but I DO mean every single word I said to “IT” and “IT” knows it. That’s all there is to it.

Unlike “IT”, I don’t speak shallow words nor make idle promises.
I just don’t need to deal with this anymore. It was a nightmare I just wish to put away in the ANALS of history and only regard it with the education, awareness and insight that it has afforded me. I don’t wish to smash and destroy him but I DO intend to make sure that he will ALWAYS remember me and the injustice he has wreaked. That is not an empty threat, that is an absolute PROMISE. And “IT” knows it.

I KNOW I can trust myself! I KNOW I can rely upon MYSELF.
I have for many years and there has been many men who thought they could ’push’ their way into my life by either the ’bums rush’ or ’purchasing’ me with their wealth. I am not about any of that. What a person has or does not have, materialistically, means absolutely nothing to me. It is the PERSON that matters to me most.

I have tried dating during this little escapade and it isn’t fair to your ’date’ nor yourself, in the long run, until you settle this battle raging within yourself. I know from experience.

Although my experience has been a tremendous nightmare, I have been forcing myself to glean whatever I can and try making something good out of it. I don’t want to be stuck in the ’victim’ slot for very long because I have always said:

“I stop being the victim the minute I realize I AM BEING MADE A VICTIM.” 🙂

I have never been one to lower my moral standards nor virtues for anyone else and yet, here I did it for “IT” and all “IT” did was consume it and spit it back out, laughing”.

I will NOT change my morals nor value system for something that is so grotesquely ABNORMAL just to have “IT” there because I have loved it. I have chose to care ’from afar’ and THAT didn’t last for long, let me tell ya.

I just want it completely gone from my collection of memories.
If I could go through one of those ’mind zapping machines’ out of a sci-fi movie, just to eradicate any thoughts or memories of “IT”, I would definitely pay the cash to do it. Definitely.

Which reminds me, I am going to be attending a hypnotherapy session sometime during this month. I don’t know ’how’ it works but I have to admit that THAT along with EMDR therapy has helped me tremendously but the one thing that has helped the absolute most is LEARNING THE TRUTH about “WHAT” “IT” was! AND ACCEPTING IT COMPLETELY WITH NO DENIAL.

As educated as I am, I can’t believe I allowed myself to be DUPED the way I was but it started out by trying to save his life, , which I will always believe I have done. Even HE knows I have”.that is undeniable.

Anyways, cheaters, beaters, liars, it’s all the same”
they make us hurt and feel miserable and we don’t have to tolerate that. We know “WHO” we are and now we know who “THEY” are”I try to educate people as much as I possibly can about all this. It’s one thing that makes me ’feel better’ and helps me by sharing my journey with others who are walking the same paths. Never stop learning and educating yourself”

Love and blessings to all”.
Oh, by the way, Ox, I will NEVER believe that “not all men cheat..” It is inherent in the reproductive gene cycle”mating and multiplying”I think when they were created, they got an extra gene called: “OVERDRIVE SEXUAL LIBIDO—

Have a great day everyone”


Dear Duped,

I’ll stand by my statement, NOT ALL men cheat…there are some who do not, and you are right that the VAST majority of men do cheat at least once on a spouse….but NOT ALL. There is a high percentage of women who cheat as well, but NOT ALL women cheat.

So, there are some folks out there who are worth having a relationship with. Worth loving. Who love you back.

Oh yes, Ox: I completely agree with you: women can be even worse than the men, at times. I have seen it.

Are there folks out there who are worth having a relationship with? Worth loving? Who love you back? The only relationship I have found like that is the relationship I have with my children. My children and I have always been loving and respectful and polite to one another, having come through A LOT together. They are all grown now; I raised them primarily, as a single mother who was mom and dad BOTH, at times. Working a full time job and juggling 2-3 different part times. I have never taken ANYTHING from ANYONE as long as I could get it for myself.

I just have never found a person UNSELFISH enough to be in a relationship with. And the more I see society bloom and flourish, the less compassionate and respectful it becomes. I find dating and putting myself out there, at age 60, an insult to myself, actually. I am not about being MAULED. And, that’s pretty much what it comes down to.

Nope; not for me. I am not gay but I sure can completely understand it. Trust me. I am about sworn off to MEN!



It is just a fact of life that most of the men that ARE worth having in our age range (I’m 64) are married. In addition to that a nice looking guy of 62-5 can find a hot “chick” of 45 or 50 that probably looks a lot sexier than I do, so there is the competition aspect, and there are like many many more single women over 35 than there are single men over 35 so the guys have the choice unless you want to move somewhere where there is a higher number of single guys than women.

But in the meantime, I am CONTENT and satisfied just by myself.


I found taking a hammer to the ‘matrimonial’ bed was extremely therapeutic :-). Got out a lot of the anger lol


Duped – loved the way you call him IT, I used to call mine The Slug or IT as well at one point lol

I survived The Bastard: thanks…”IT” was the finishing term I had for “IT” but have had several along the way that I became quite comfortable using to speak of him. “Idiot Box” was one of my all time favorites until I came to the decision that this being isn’t a person at all but an “IT”. Without emotion; without conscious and/or care nor concern…

I have several others but Donna probably wouldn’t appreciate me leaving them on her site. hahahaha

Blessings of peace and joy to you I survived…



I called mine The Slug because he had let himself go to such a point that he looked disgusting, never showered and was really sweaty, didn’t brush his teeth (what teeth were left that he hadn’t broken through opening beer bottles with them), had put on so much weight & had let his hair go rank and unwashed. He also picked up headlice at one point and was riddled with them :-(. Disgusting :-(. Anything he didn’t take with him when he left I binned straight away!

And then he wondered why I wouldn’t kiss him!!!! Yuk! lol

I_survived, “yuk!” is RIGHT! I have a LOT of issues to manage before I ever even fantasize about even casual dating, again. And…..I can swear to this: if there ever WERE an interest in someone, I would conduct a criminal, civil, and credit check on them.

Funny thing about spaths and their operations – they go on and on about what a horrible ex they had and they go above/beyond to make certain that the New Target never meets the discarded one, under any circumstances. In fact, they don’t get all of their “friends” together just in case anyone starts comparing notes….

Background checks, in this day and age, are an imperative.


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