An Illinois appeals court recently dismissed a lawsuit filed by the two adult children of Steven A. Milner and Kimberly Garrity, who divorced in 1995. Both children, Steven II and Kathryn, lived with their father, an attorney, in a $1.5 million house. They alleged that their mother caused emotional distress by sending dumb birthday cards or failing to send care packages when they were in college.
In reporting the story the Chicago Tribune portrayed Steven II and Kathryn—represented by their father and two other attorneys—as spoiled brats. Read:
‘Bad mothering’ lawsuit dismissed on ChicagoTribune.com.
I was all set to think that the case was a frivolous lawsuit driven by Steven Miner, the father, to harass the mother. But then I looked at the actual court decision. If the allegations in their claim are true, the picture is far muddier. The mother, Kimberly Garrity, may be disordered. Maybe both parents are disordered. Read:
Steven A. Miner II and Kathryn R. Miner v. Kimberly A. Garrity, on State.Il.Us
The moral of the story: It’s very difficult to know the truth about family life based on media accounts, or even court documents.
I have called my egg donor a “psychopath by proxy” for years and that is what she does…she HELPS THE PSYCHOPATHS to abuse me while keeping her hands “clean.”
I can’t remember the exact quote but it is to the point about “all that it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.”
People who ENABLE the psychopaths by helping them or by doing nothing to defend those they see and know are being abused are in my estimation just as bad.
For example that “church” of people who sat by while that girl was forced to confess and apologize for being raped and nothing was done to the man…well, finally he went to prison, years, decades, later.
Joanie, no, we do not become psychopaths…even though we learn how they function. We have a conscience and it wouldn’t let us abuse others for our own entertainment.
@skylar
Thank you. And the road may have been harsh, but it was full of wonderful sights and attractions. 🙂
— Ah, but wait. Remember the part where he said that he advised his kids against the lawsuit? So even here, he is covering his spathy butt. If anyone asks WHY would he go along with it, he would just say, “I told them not to— —
Yes. But it didn’t work in this case. Every amusingly sarcastic article I’ve read on the subject depicts him as an incompetent fool who conned his kids to get back at his wife. And I use “con” lightly. Steve Jr. and Kathryn were adults at the time of the lawsuit, perfectly capable of forming their very own thoughts. One would think, if he wanted his ex-wife to be known as a terrible mother, he would encourage his “clients” to provide evidence that actually supported the notion that she was emotionally abusive and omit those frivolous claims. Because, well, as we’ve seen in the news, all those frivolous claims made the mother seem like a saint who was being harassed by her ex-husband and his spoiled brats.
I had wrongly surmised that a wealthy lawyer wouldn’t be so… uh, stupid to clog the courtroom with such frivolous lawsuits. According to his Avvo profile, he has a stayed license suspension on his record from 1988. So, it seems that wealthy lawyer does not equal good lawyer. Which begs the question, from where did he get all that cash?
Yeah, but I maintain that even though the spathy lawyer and his two entitled brats lost their law suit, he still probably won, in the sence that he knows how much emotional turmoil he brought to his x wife. Especially because it was frivolous. How much money do you think she had to spend to defend herself? Over this petty crap? It was nothingmore than an attempt to degrade her, IMO, and show her who had the power.
She didn’t have to spend much. The case was thrown out before it even got to trial.
And, I don’t know… If I were in the wife’s position and my insignificant other just made a ####ed fool of himself, I’d be fairly pleased. Have a few laughs at his expense and all that. She deserves it.
Myers, thanks for filling us in on the details. I’m VERY happy to hear that he is being made a fool of. That’s very important because the spaths don’t like being laughed at.
Still, he put his ex thru an emotional turmoil, knowing how it hurts to have her kids hate her. And though the kids are adults, she now has no doubt that he still controls them.
I feel for her. I hope she writes them all off and goes NC forever. She needs to stop feeding the spaths.
@....... Donna re: court papers have to be accurate. Not wanting a big mess when my husband (the spath) filed for divorce I left many things unchallenged, like perjury to get a restraining order against me while I was at a Al Anon meeting so he could have instant and absolute control of our home and anything in it while my son (and I) were out on the street without transportation or a cell phone to let each other know what happened and where we were. The spath’s lawyer wanted to up the spath by fabricating stories about me and presenting them in writing to the court as fact. My low cost attorney kept saying it’s just a divorce, that what happens in a divorce… I finally put documents on her desk and demanded a rebuttal on all the outlandish accusations that made me look to the public like I am the one that should be locked up. (mirroring on his part) Less than a week after he put us out of the house, he called me (restraining order in tact) to have a date with me to avoid running up lawyers fees. Being ever so nice and hurt by the split-up he was wanting to “be fair”. I am glad I insisted for my sake on a rebuttal for the record.
I recommend, that anything that can substantiate your case should be scanned to your email account if it is not already in a safe deposit box. I asked my neighbor to take pictures of my body, all black and blue from slamming me into walls and doors. Black and blue does not show up immediately so police could not make an arrest, however, my neighbor had it on her camera and was aware that something had occurred. Also, the year he divorced me, his salary went to 1/3 of what it was the previous year and shot up 300% for taxes at the end of the year. The judge did not care, because they believed what he reported and I had no pay stubs, just bank statements for deposits.
Right after the divorce he wanted to reconcile…. He already had a new married girl friend and he wanted to flatter me by saying, she is just a 20 year younger version of you.
Dear Somebodysdream,
It sounds like he put you through the wringer. I’m sorry you had to be subjected to such drama and trauma.
Good advice on documentation. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!!!
I think that much of the drama was for his own entertainment. Once I “got it” I realized he was not human. I may have lost my job, money, friends and family, but I still have enough resilience to get up and move on. Wish I would have known about the blog here at LF years ago.
Thank you Ox you know what’s up and you are casting your bread on the water.
I don’t want to excuse possible bad behavior from the mother, but this sounds like classic parental alienation to me. The complaints about the mother are ridiculous. The fact that they would complain about an “inadequate” birthday card is absurd. This shows how much of a stretch it is for them to find things to gripe about. It shows how willing they are to pile on.
Yes, certainly, a giant pile of small incidents can add up to a large trauma. But really, these do not even rise to that level. It is possible that I am reading too much between the lines, but what I see is that every action the mother made was twisted in order to put the worst possible interpretation on it. IMO, this was not a case where the mother intended to hurt her kids or even annoy them. She did her best and every action was scrutinized and found wanting.
Consider how hard it is for an alienated parent to make any effort at all. EVERY attempt to stay in contact or to be nice to the kids is met with ridicule and scorn . No birthday card = My mom doesn’t love me. Funny birthday card = My mom sends me a stupid card. Serious card = My mom didn’t put any money in. Card with money = My mom didn’t put enough money in.
The scorn is at first suggested by the alienating parent (in this case the father). Then when it becomes a learned habit, it is encouraged. Ultimately, it becomes so ingrained that the father can step back and allow it to continue while pretending to be completely innocent. (“Really, I advised them not to file this suit.” Wink.)
Parents who are alienated like this should get a medal for even TRYING to maintain contact or behave like normal parents. The agony of the alienated parent is unimaginable to anyone who has not been there herself/himself.
An additional problem with cases like this is that the targeted parent is held to an IMPOSSIBLY high standard. The alienated parent is not permitted normal human emotions. Do you think there are many people who could be subjected to this treatment and not once raise a voice in anger? Do you think the constant rejection could cause the alienated parent to withdraw or give up trying or to miss a birthday or other occasion, knowing that no matter what she did it would be rejected and criticized?
Do you see any criticism whatsoever of the father here? Do you suppose that his behavior over all these years was totally perfect? Were all of his birthday gifts perfect? What were they? Did he even send a card? The best defense is a good offense. He never raised his voice or made any parenting mistake? It is easy for the alienating parent to sit and throw rocks from his glass house so long as no equal examination is ever made of his behavior.
This is a classic case of alienation. One of the classic signs is that the alienating parent is perfect and can do no wrong, while the targeted parent can do nothing right.
Regarding the kids ”“ IMO, they have been completely brainwashed by the father. They are just as much victims as the mother. It is like the “Stockholm Syndrome.”
If they have been immersed in the father’s constant criticism of the mother, they will have grown to believe it.
(I would not have thought that a formerly nice and decent kid could be made to behave that way if I had not witnessed it myself. I have seen this happen.)
It is a very hard thing for an adult to resist this sort of brainwashing from a hostile stranger (kidnapper). Think how much harder it must be for a child to resist this when it comes from a parent. The kids need professional help so they can see the truth, both good and bad, about both parents, and so their relationship with their mother can be healed.
It needs to be pointed out to these kids that their mother is allowed to have normal human faults and that normal faults don’t make her a bad parent or a bad person. (Yes, abuse makes someone a bad parent. But failure to send the perfect birthday card is not abuse.)
Again, I think the kids are victims here, too.