Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
I gotta say thank you everyone who posted me. This was a terrible day for me. I opened a can of worms by calling the police. Now I gotta stick to my guns and finish this stupid business.
I should break off this and look up local domestic violence sites to get a support thingy going for my court date.
Jeannie:
Typically DV places have advocates, who can attend court and support you through the process.
What he is doing is pushing you off balance.
Now….don’t get me wrong….I understand the emotional frey….but you have to try really hard to remove that…..
Think outside the box.
Everything he is accusing YOU of…..HE is doing……Listen up, carefully.
When I stopped defending myself of every accusation, I could see clearly what HE was doing. I spent 28 years on defense.
I realized I couldn’t stop him from saying or doing anything…..I could only present my offense and do it strongly.
Study his ‘timing’ and it’ll show you ‘why’ hes’ doing this.
A restraing order will NOT drive you out of town…..stop that thinking immediatly. It’s NOT the end of the world. It’s more insulting than anything…..don’t confuse insult with end.
If spaths can beat murder charges, you won’t die off due to a unjust TPO.
I’ve learned to hold my head up……walk tall, not hold ‘his’ secrets and continue on……as if nothing was ever said about me. People forget eventually when they keep seeing you standing tall…..OR they see you as a strong woman who can endure this.
The respect for you builds.
It’s really all a game. Learn what rules HE plays by…..and then set your own rules…..and remain consistant.
Find your adamant!
Btw…..surveilance cameras are NOT expensive. $25.00…..not hundreds…..if you can afford that…..DO IT!
I want you to pay attention to how foggy things are when your wrapped up in it all emotionally. If you can find the self discipline to control your emotions, you will be miles ahead.
You will never ‘win’ a judge over by telling him anything about the elections…..those are things you aproach at that time….but not in court.
Remain calm, respectful, UNEMOTIONAL, and expect the spath to accuse of all sorts of stuff.
If you don’t defend each accusation, you will appear rational and in control…..there isn’t time for addressing each accusation.
Simply decide what you want to present……and present it on the offense.
You are affraid for your safety, due to his current and prior actions……and your child feels unsafe with this person harassing you.
It’s important to document EVERYTHING! And present this.
If you have notes, emails, police reports, witnesses…..use them. Let those speak for themselves.
If he’s accusing YOU of looking at his computer, he’s likely looking at yours. He knows due to the porn, he’s exposed…..this is why he’s going on attack.
Express to the jduge that you have no interest in this person and wish nothing to do with him. You would like peace in your home and property from him peeping in through the windows and whatever else he does.
You feel threatened by him parking across the street watching you and don’t understand this behavior.
You are ‘friends’ with the neighbor, yet you would be happy to not visit if he’s going to show up, but you feel he’s showing up to stalk you and cause trouble.
If your aggressive to the judge…..it’s NOT what you want to present.
Tomorrow will be a new day……MAKE it a good one!
Just know what to expect and it won’t take you so off balance the next time.
XXOO
EB
jeannie,
everything EB says is right. They have no imagination so they just project what THEY are doing and accuse you of it.
It’s called a “TELL”
All sociopaths do the “tell”. They are so eager and excited about their latest con that they actually want to tell you about it. But they know they can’t do it without getting caught and ending the game, so they “hint” at it.
Remember how the Green River Killer would write letters to the cops and sign it GR (Green River) but it actually meant Gary Ridgeway? They do other tells like signature murders or poses.
My exP was poisoning me. He was very pleased with himself and thought himself superior. So he would say, “you would be so EASY to poison because you take so many vitamins”. In fact he was poisoning my food, not my vitamins.
EVERYTHING they say has a hidden meaning. I was telling my good-sister today, it’s like talking to YODA. Yoda inverts the grammar, but the spath inverts the MEANING. What they say has a grain of truth but it is really a lie with a hint to the real truth. Case in point was that spath who visited us today. LIES, LIES AND MORE LIES.
I know, it’s enough to make your head spin. just calm down. have fun with it. imagine him as YODA. LOL.
There’s lots of christmas sales going on. check fatwallet.com and slickdeals.net for great deals on cameras. Keep checking in if at first you don’t succeed.
The fact that you called the cops first will be to your advantage, but DON’T COUNT ON THAT. He knows that, so he will have a story ready. Can any neighbors testify for you?
and more importantly: can you trust them. Are you sure they haven’t been contaminated by the spath?
Good luck, keep us posted.
No you didn’t open up a can of worms by calling the cops, you did it by reacting emotionally and threatening him. Let him make the threats, you are GRAY ROCK.
Jeannie – your telephone records should show the time you called, as should police records of your call to them. Ask for copies. The police also should have logged the callout when they attended after your phone call. Write a letter to whoever is in charge, requesting they confirm the times in writing for you.
If it looks like you will be stuck with an order against you as well, then calmly tell the judge that you although you object in principle, in actuality it makes no difference to your life as you have no intention of going anywhere near that person, but would like them right out of your life. My spath once stuck me with a Police Order (a kind of a 24-hour “good behaviour” promise). I had called the cops because he was getting violent but when they came to the house he twisted it to sound the other way around. I told the cops that if the only way to issue HIM with one was that I would also have to wear one, then so be it – I NEEDED one on him for my own safety. I told them that he was a liar but that for the sake of peace, I would not argue with them or make their jobs any harder than they already were. They issued us both orders – he ranted and raved and argued, I took mine quietly.
The police told me afterward that they knew who was lying and who was telling the truth by our reactions.
So – fight it as far as you can, but if it all goes to hell in a handbasket, accept it with dignity and grace and do as EB says – walk tall.
Jeannie, You got some good advice here, and the main thing I think is to APPEAR calm, I know that is difficult for sure! (been there and FAILED! miserably) LOL It is really important though so do the best you can.
I like the idea of calling the shelter and seeing if they have someone who will advise you, go with you to court, etc.
I’ll tell you a funny one though…my DIL was arrested and spent 9 months in jail for trying to help her BF kill her husband my son C. When she got out of jail she had no place to go so the county sent her to a DV shelter and shortly thereafter was their divorce hearing. I’m not even sure why she came but she did and the DV worker was with her for support. One of the court clerks told me who the woman with her was or I would not have known anything except she was glaring at my family.
I was my son’s one witness (in my state there is no such thing as a no-fault divorce, and I testified that his wife went to jail for trying to kill him. She sat there in the court room like I was talking about the weather. LOL Then she got the DV worker to drive her over to my egg donor’s lawyer’s office to see if she could take the POA that her Boy friend who was in prison had given her and get possession of the vehicle she had torn up the loan agreement for when she had egg donor’s papers in her possession, and told the attorney “well, there’s no lien on it.” LOL! (how is that for P-logic!? LOL)
Actually, she had a legal right to it, but we had possession so stonewalled her…she had no where to stay and nothing but the clothes on her back and she had called a friend of hers who had a house in a near by city who would give her a place to stay in a downstairs rental unit if she would CLEAN it. Apparently the renters had had a zillion cats and NO CAT BOX, so you can imagine how bad it was. Actually I had son D driver her down there…he said as she walked it (and he said it was BAD) she muttered under her breath while TRYING TO HOLD HER BREATH AGAINST THE STINK “I was better off in jail.” LOL
She stayed there until she found her a hook up on the Internet with some guy she met on an S&M site a few months later.
We didn’t have to do anything to her, she did it to herself.
I am FLOORED by the amount of support I’m getting. Thank you everyone!
I got a copy of my police report today. I think Jim got a disorderly conduct ticket! This police report was brief. It stated that I’m the one who called. It stated that I wanted his screaming across the way to stop. It states that deputy advised both of us to get restraining orders cause Jim claimed I’m harrassing him.
I got what I needed for court.
It may not be the complete report including statements, but do I really want to read what Jim said about me? I will request the complete police report tomorrow but I probably won’t read it.
It’s a bunch of smack
The jist I’m getting from your posts says….defending yourself is taking two steps backwards…whereas being proactive is two steps forward.
I called the domestic violence office today and hooked up with the Hope House. I signed up for domestic violence counceling. I spoke with my councelor who gave me suggestions for a safety plan.
I also got other phone numbers for Legal Aid, etc. All said they can only help you get a restraining order. They can’t help you if someone files a bunch of smack in restraining order against you.
My oldest sister said she will help me with writing my statement to the court. My sister writes well. But, I am concerned that she may be getting off track with the content. The court doesn’t care that Jim owes me money in a restraining order situation.
I have until the 14th of this month to figure this out. I have a splitting headache.
Jeannie,
don’t mention the money he owes you.
You never want to come across vindictive.
Aussiegirls experience was an eye opener. She acted brave and got no protection.
So, though you don’t want to act scared in front of the spath, you do want to convey that he has given you pause and you might mention that lots of men kill their ex-wives and screaming and stalking is usually part of that. Do this calmly.
Many victims of the most horrific domestic abuse, speak of it in FLAT TONES. There are no ways to express the horror of what they have done, so the victim expresses in flat tones.
I just read that the other day.
Maybe I’ll find the article and you can read it, though it may trigger you… it’s not pretty.
Good luck, I have a feeling it’s going to work out for you.
Jeannie:
Bingo….just as I thought!
These situations are NOT unique to him…..judges see them daily.
Great you have the police report, excellent you called them!
Talk about the escalation of his behaviors and your fear for yours and Jr’s safety.
Be specific but brief.
Come across with compassion, and wanting this to end so you can all have peace.
NOT crying, combative, freakoutish……
Not quite pleaing for help…..almost there.
The judge doesn’t need your whole story…..just enough to know your living in fear due to his actions.
If judge asks questions, answer clear and consise.
Simply and clearly and rationally.
Sprinkle your testimony with words like:
Punishment
Harassment
Fear
Peace
Stalking
Dangerous
Just know….you DON”T need a DV advocate to file, you CAN do this on your own…..make copies of EVERY statement or document you file with anyone….don’t rely on them to provide for you.
And don’t rely on any assumption that things have been filed/served…..follow up EVERY TIME.
Make sure he has been served, get copies of service docs, make sure POLICE have been notified and provided a copy of order once ordered. And make sure they have entered it into their system!!!!
Keep a copy on you at all times, one in glovebox, one at home, one at work.
If he violates it …….call police……each and everytime!!!!
And realize….you also can’t have any contact with him either…..whether he baits you or NOT!
Only through the courts.
Goodluck!!
Dear jeannie,
Good for you! You are doing well! Keep in mind, and I am not trying to “scare,” you but keep in mind that they are capable of anything and “you never know” what they are capable of until they do it. PUT YOUR SAFETY FIRST.
Whatever you have to do to have self protection, whether it is a gun, a can of wasp spray or a can of oven cleaner, keep it close and don’t take any chances. Keep someone with you as much as possible, or stay with a friend or family member or at a shelter.
Make copies of all your important papers and documents and keep extra copies where they are safe. Psychopaths are big on destroying property as well as trying to scare you. Keep some cash on you as well. Alert your place of work and your co-workers that you have (when you get it) a restraining order against him. Buy a small tape recorder (they are cheap) and keep it WITH you IN A POCKET, maybe as well as a small camera. (documenting evidence).
Hang tough! God bless ())hugs)))
and this is the way we bump the posts, bump the posts, bump the posts,
this is the way we bump the posts er-lie in the morning!