Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
Lostnconfused – you may still be ‘Lostnconfused’, but i think you are on the verge of becoming ‘Seenthelight.’ You are really close to that first big breakthough:
the belief that she is someone who is good for you will fall away. although, it usually still hurts for a long time afterward as we grieve the loss of the belief and the experience (the good part and the obsessive part).
you have a good list to work with, keep working with it and adding to it as other ideas come up that should be added to it; it is your personal bill of rights
The book, The Betrayal Bond can help you to understand more about your rights and why people get snared by spaths and other disordered folk. You can find it in online bookstores and on this blog.
I also think it would be a good time to take an honest look at your sense of self in relation to sexual orientation; even just let some questions simmer on the back burner. A lot of the things you described about your obsession with her are not unusual in first time lesbian experiences, and separating that out from the experience of a predator/ prey relationship is part of the work that will help you to understand yourself.
your first post here, and in subsequent posts you have stated that you are ‘not gay’, and that you had a boyfriend. (who, btw, you dumped for professor wolf) Well, i had a boyfriends once, and wasn’t ‘gay’ either. check it out a bit further – maybe you are also ‘not straight’. It’s an important piece in the equation of self knowledge. the more we have of that, the less at risk we are of being prey.
Dear One-steppers,
Are you out there? I’m in a pinch. I sent a letter to my mother in law because I wanted her to know that I still cared about her, spath has been telling his family lies therefore he cut me out of her life. Spath apparently learned about the letter and flipped out. Sister-in-law said he called her and wanted to know what was said between us. She is playing it cool but I don’t think I should talk to her anymore.
I want him to leave so badly because then he acts like nothing ever happened when I got home from shopping. It’s so bizzare and I’m scared. My stomach is churning. He’s flipping out with the relatives and acts like nothing is happening around me.
I’m really tired of living on the edge. I’ve been pretty zen lately and just trying to get through this period without freaking out, now I’m freaking out. It will pass but I need to vent, tomorrow will be different and maybe I won’t feel so sick. How do I get him out? Can I get a court order? It’s time he goes.
Dear Hope, I have been through this exact scenario myself. I was close friends with the ex-spath hole’s Mom. He was telling her awful things about me before I kicked him out. Hope…I did not realize he had been doing this for months….he had a plan.
She is his Mom. She will believe him. Make your escape plans and watch your back!
hopeforjoy,
I am here sweetie. will read the rest of your post and reply – just wanted you to know i am here.
Jazzy,
I know, it just hurts to know that this woman who I’ve known and loved for 20 years has been poisoned against me. She will believe him. I will watch my back, have a phone conference with attorney next week, he needs to leave so I can have piece of mind.
He said he would be out by Jan 3rd, there are NO boxes in the house or signs of packing.
(((((((((hopeforjoy))))))))) – look how far you have come – you are certain now. i am so proud of you and happy for you. really, it brings tears to my eyes.
how do you get him out? What has the lawyer said? i don’t actually know, but maybe oxy or EB can lend a hand, or Matt if he is around. I don’t know the laws where you are.
He is upping the anti., and it is to be expected, and so is your strong reaction to it. you are severing the the tie and it IS a big deal.
But you need to be stealy – find out how you can get him out, document everything, don’t engage with him. And for now, unfortunately, you can’t safely engage with his family, unless they have expressed that they know what he is and want to help you. I completely understand why you would contact his mom. But, you are right: for now, it’s best that you don’t talk to them.
One-steppers,
I am happy to be sure, no more doubts about what he is or isn’t. The lovebombing is completely over, although last week he said he would tear up the papers and stay together anytime I say the word. Flipping puke!
Thanks for being here for me through my journey, I’m blessed that your here and I’m not alone.
It is so nerve-racking to be in this house with him here.
I was checking if he is using his condom supply, yep, and I found e-mails on his yahoo account giving him some info. about buying viagra. GROSS! I should be spraying the toliets with bleach every time he’s in there.
I need to stop worrying about what he is doing with his time too. It was like validation counting the depleting condom supply, also slightly compulsive on my part.
Okay, I’m getting a grip. I’ll find out next week what my options are. He has a lot to lose therefore he needs to save face with his family. It’s not fair and I’ll find a place of peace in time.
My oldest daughter says it bluntly, “He’s talking smack about you, this needs to end.”
Hope -perhaps you should spray HIM with bleach. 🙂
and yah, you do need to stop checking on him…and now i am going to say something that is contradictory – do document
evidence of his infidelity, you may need it to help get him out of the house. (do you know how to take screen shots?).
i can’t imagine how hard it is to be in the house with him, but you just imagine how good it will be when you are in the house without him! try to vision the future to help pull you through this. and you also have that golden child talking truth. but, let him talk smack all he wants for now, play it cool and get him out.
whenever i can help, i will. i want you to have the best life possible, regain your life, and feel ‘joy’. there is a buddhist benediction that is said at the end of some meditations: may you have happiness and the causes of happiness, may you be free from suffereing and the causes of suffering, may you know joy beyond happiness and suffering.
Dear Hope4,
Call the lawyer ASAP and I know with the holiday schedule it may be a few days. In the meantime, give him the POTTED PLANT TREATMENT. You can get him out of the house by court order and like I said a while back that is the ONLY way he will leave. (Not that I would ever tell you “I told you so” LOL) (((hugs))))
Don’t even talk to him, take the kids OUT for Christmas dinner—go to a nice hotel to eat, take the gifts with you and open them at the hotel or in the car, do NOT INCLUDE DIP-CHIT in your plans…if Junior doesn’t want to go with you, let him eat grilled cheese at home with DIP-CHIT-DAD.
Of course his family will believe whatever he says, get used to it. It isn’t right, but they are going to “side” with him, and HE IS GOING TO SAY TERRIBLE STUFF ABOUT YOU, get used to that too.
You can’t defend yourself from his lies, get used to that as well. The more you try to tell people the truth, the less believable you will sound. Ge3t used to it. He will tell the most horrible lies about you to your friends, family, and anyone who will stand still and listen. Expect it, get used to it, and hold your head up high and know in your own heart what I FINALLY learned, that it doesn’t make a big rat’s behind what others think about you or believe about you, YOU KNOW THE TRUTH.
You can and you will validate yourself, validate the truth, the facts and what is REAL. He will never accept what is real because he only sees and thinks what HE WANTS and when he wants it and how he wants it and REASON and LOGIC have no part in his thinking. He is like One’s definition of a 2-year old’s developmental stages, totally SELF CENTERED.
You can handle this—POTTED PLANT—look through him like he is not in the room, keep your body language and your eyes so that you don’t even acknowledge he is alive much less in the room, become DEAF, totally deaf to anything he says. Walk away, casually, like you don’t give a rat’s arse what he says.
THINK POTTED PLANT. You can do it, Hope4, I know you can. ((((hugs))))) you are getting stronger by the day!
Hope,
I don’t know how you do it.
When I was preparing to leave my spath, I was practically trembling 24/7. Lost 20 lb in about 20 days, not because I wasn’t eating but because my heart was racing at over 100 beats a minute.
I was sick with fright.
It was different, though for me because my spath was in the middle of pulling a predatory con on me. And I could see it clearly.
Please be safe.
Have you considered hidden cameras in your house?