Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
nanny cams would do it.
Hope,
Reading your posts and I understand exactly what you are feeling. Follow advice of all here; avoid him WITH A SMILE-but stay away. Stay upbeat and flippant, disarms him totally in front of children. But stay away from him !!
Sleep in another room; have a terrible cold, backache anything but stay away from him. Record all interaction and document all of his activities.
I left town often to visit friends (with children) and had him followed..he was a busy bee. You can only be strong if he has no affect and he cant affect you if you stay away/avoid him. Dont call or answer his calls.
He is a potted plant,,,as Oxy said…and a plastic one– at that so dont water, feed or give attentin ..but do provide sunlight. He wont die but he will begin to fade….and look very outdated in your house.
Mine eventually went nuts because he couldnt lasso me in and spin me around as usual..I wasnt available for it anymore…I ended the crazymakin and it made him crazy..
As for the fam-he didnt hone his craft on just you. They are all part of his drama so stay away from them too– but send nice cards (copy these) and emails.
Stay very superficial with them and very nice. Give them no fodder for the slander mill. He can make all of it up..he doesnt need your help.
hang in there–we all know how it feels
Skylar,
I don’t have any nanny cams and when I tried to audio record him, I messed up. I have that thing on the phone ‘friends and family locator’ from sprint and can find him if his phone is on. That may come in handy if he is hanging with prostitutes or donkeys or whatever. Private detective? Might be an expense I have to consider, if only to show that he has a messed up sex life. It’d help with a custody fight.
Oxy,
I talked to my attorneys secretary and he is out of the office until Wednesday so our phone conference is on Thursday at 1pm. Gray rock, gray rock. He makes me so sick, I can’t believe I thought he might have a conscience and if he could only see the harm he has caused he would step up. Ha ha hardy ha ha. Joke was on me. And again, you did tell me so. Took me awhile.
Flowerpower,
Looking at him isn’t an option anymore, I look around and through him. Potted plant. No conversation. That suits me just fine. It is starting to wear on him, not knowing where I am even if I’m at Starbuck’s having a cup of joe. He tries to keep it cool, like he doesn’t care what I’m doing but he let it slip and is asking about my actions. As long as I let the kids know, he has no need to know what I’m doing.
They get a little weird when they can’t control us anymore and he has some signs of paranoia. I just read “In Sheep’s Clothing”, it discribed spath to a tee.
Hope…..
GIRL…you’ve COME SO FAR! Look at how your thinking now….offensive……
AWESOME!
Your on the documentation ride….and your thinnking ahead….LOVE the friends and family gig! Do you have his password too? Tha’ts always a telling deal.
Be careful to keep the balance…..it’s business…..nothing less.
There will be thinkgs…..like the depleting condom stach, that may upset you……alot or a bit….step back and renegotiate if you really care. (I was also on condom watch early on)…..It’s weird…..but eventualy you get to the point you don’t give a rat’s ass.
REMEMBER….as much as he pretends he doesn’t care……HE DOES car what your doing/who with/how long yadyaday……
It’s a control thing….
Play him…..gather documentation, trackers are cheap too……if you did a nanny cam in the computer room……facing the computer/phone……never know what you’;ll come up with.
You can be your own PI. Start gathering girlfriend!
You sound so strong…..inspite of how sucky it is!
My heart is with you!!!!
Lostnconfused –
You don’t miss HER at all; you miss who you THINK she was; you miss the hologram. It’s not real. No shadow, no echo. Nothing to actually “go back to” anyhow, so let yourself grieve the death of who you thought she was, because it is the same as if she was dead. Nothing you can do to change reality, you just have to get through it, the same as the rest of us have all either gotten through it or are still trying to. There is nowhere to back to because it was never really there. You must grieve the loss and then you must heal – it’s the only way. x
Hopeforjoy –
I am so worried that he will change the locks on you and kick YOU out. The longer you take to make your pre-emptive strike, the more chances there are that he will get in first. PLEASE don’t wait until the 3rd Jan. PLEASE get lots of boxes (grocery stores usually have heaps) and pack him up yourself if he hasn’t done it. Do it while he’s not home, then change the locks and put it all on the front porch. Does your cell phone have a recording device? If so, they are easy to use (they usually tape for an hour) and easy to conceal.
He has lied about everything else – I don’t know why you think he will make good on his “agreement” to be out by the 3rd. In any event, make sure copies of the paperwork are locked away where he can’t find/destroy them.
I wish I could fly there right now. I would pack him up and ship him out for you! xx
Hello, I am new here and I am glad there is a site like this….I am from Alberta, Canada and some of my story, I got into a relationship with ‘a real nice guy’, he seemed to be almost perfect; a very quick relationship and within 5 months we got married in March of 2006-it was the beginning of such destruction beyond comprehension (as many of you can relate), thinking back on this there were some red flags that I chose to ignore, I didn’t want to see them/this was a foolish action on my part.
A very manipulating, controlling, narcissistic person, as well as into teen porn, dating sites, sex dating sites, drugs, alcohol, gambling, unaccounted time and much unaccounted $ gone when he actually did work. He inflicted mental, emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, and spiritual abuse on me and tried to turn my family against me and me against my family, he succeeded to a point through manipulation, the trauma of all the anguish this individual caused for me and my family (mom and kids) has been a nightmare and along with conning/stealing from my credit cards thousands of dollars and unfortunately the credit cards were under my name
Its a long story but I told him to leave in Sept, 2009-this was the last time he was to abuse me in any way…from the behaviors of a psychopath he matched 98%, an very abusive predator who preys on women
In 2008 I called the cops on him for punching me in the stomach, the operator asked if he has any guns in the house and he did, when they arrived they asked questions and wanted to see where the guns were (in the bedroom) Jimmy took them to show them they were locked up, they were in the room for around 15min. and the female cop came out and asked if I was drinking (hmmm I wonder if by chance he said some lie to them), yes of course he did (I don’t drink), the cops didn’t think it was serious enough, that Im not that hurt and left..knowing wow that he can even manipulate the cops! I felt truly alone, much things happened after that but the bottom line is that I asked him to leave and there is absolutely no wanting him in any area-mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically-it’s done! Truly free at last
He continued to harass me after, I blocked his cell #, then he wrote me very manipulating letters and left his ‘private# and I blocked that too, he still sends me weird letters/bookmarks/postcards…..I have 3 police files on him, but the cops cannot do anything—he knows exactly what he is doing.
I am now not receiving that many letters, but I know his behaviors very well, he will be sending some more.
I am keeping the letters for when I will need them and when this is all over (divorce, once I have $ for it) I will burn them.
In regards to the guns, Jimmy has had a record for break and enter and who knows what else when he was younger and can have guns (for hunting) as well cops were called on him from his ex-wife, he ended dislocating her jaw and he can still carry guns, I don’t get it!
As for ‘blaming victims’, many do blame the victims, even cops to a degree, it is such a shame that a lot of society blame the victims (examples-why did you allow it, are you stupid to stay with him when he treats you like that, or you asked for it) How many times did we hear that???
It has been a long battle of emotions and am doing much better and the healing process is coming along!:)
Merry Christmas to all!!
Freeatlastyes;
You sound like you’ve walked miles and miles….you really sound like you’ve got a ‘grip’ on what you have been living.
Kudos to you!
Welcome to LF….glad you found us here……there is so much info to read/learn/abosorb and find support from the posters.
Keep documenting, gathering and don’t get rid of anytihing.
I had documents and bank statemtnets that went back to the80’s that were stached under the stairs……that were VERY helpful during my divorce and spaths drug case (recent)…..ya just never know when your gonna need that yy. Keep it all!
Good for you for decoding the behaviors…..your miles ahead already!
Welcome, welcome….
freeatlastyes, hi there! Glad you found this website, but sorry you had the spath experience. “Truly free at last” sounds wonderful (since I still think about it too much, seems to be slowly going away, bit by bit everyday). Hope you will continue to share your experiences, we all learn from each other!
Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!
Dear Freeatlastyes,
Welcome to LoveFraud! I’m also sorry you need to join our club, but as someone said the other day “worst club, BEST people” Again, welcome!
I would suggest that you contact his X wife and you and she need to become BEST FRIENDS, assuming she is not still in some kind of personal contact with her X but I am going to give it a 90% chance if he broke her jaw she might be glad to be your friend.
Now, DO NOT reveal any of your plans for the future about going to the police at this time. At this time just prime her and GET information out of her about what he did to her, in other words check and make sure she is not in any way going to “warn him” But it is possible that she might have information that would be helpful to you, it is also possible she might testify for you.
Your post indicated to me that you had not had the money to file for divorce in your country. If you are still legally married to the creep, I would suggest that you have a power of attorney document drawn up that gives your power of attorney (in other words someone can legally act in your behalf just as if they were you in the case of your incompetence) that way if you are in a bad car accident and someone needs to make medical and financial choices for you and you are unable to do so, it will be whomever you appoint as your POA —not your husband. I think Canadian law is enough like ours (US) on that that you might even be able to find a “do it yourself, all inclusive” copy on the internet and do it yourself, but check and see. It is a SIMPLE document and an attorney shouldn’t charge you much if your country requires it to be “filed” or “professionally done.”
I would also change all bank accounts to another bank, so he does not even know where you bank. Cancel any credit cards with his name on them if there ever were any.
Get a small fire safe for your home or a bank safety drawer to keep personal papers in. A small fire-proof safe is about 1 cubic foot inside (not really big) and they can be carried off though they are heavy. So are not “steal proof” but are only protection in case the house were to burn, or box stuff up and put them at a friend’s or relative’s house (with COPIES at another friend’s house)
All evidence you have against him and all important papers for you need to be “absolutely safe”
I do think I’d get to know previous wife (or wives) and see what they had with him as far as trouble. You can expect about the same I imagine.
In the meantime as well, the more you learn about psychopaths the better armed you will be. Take care and keep coming here and reading, I suggest going back through the old articles and read just the article, and read the current ones as well and blog with us on them. There’s great support here! again, WELCOME!