Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
Hope4, That is what I would ask. Just tell him that “He won’t leave” and I want him out ASAP, what do I have to do to get him OUT of the house? He is NOT going to leave until he is COURT ORDERED to do so. I have no doubt about that either, he will NOT leave until he is made to do so. That carp about all the kids going to grandma’s house together with him like “one big happy family” is such BS! He still thinks he can control things and until he is made to leave he will continue to control things. Hang on! (((Hugs))))
Thank you all for supporting and writing to me.
Today is my spaths birthday.
I am literally dieing to contact her and wish her a happy birthday.
In reality, i just want to contact her and hear her lie to me once again.
Why cant i just stop thinking about her? its been almost 4 months but i cant seem to stop thinking about her for one second.
Sometimes i feel like maybe if i spoke to her once, ill get all my answers…
Please help. I really am under so much confusion today.
Dear LostnConfused,
YOu will never get answers by contacting her, only MORE PAIN and MORE QUESTIONS.
Stay here and READ articles instead of contacting her. Put music on and sing along, say your ABCs or multiplicatioon tables, do ANY&THING, think of ANYTHING but do NOT call her or contact her.
I can’t make many promises, but Ii can PROMISE you that if you do, you will be sorry later. ((((hugs)))))
ox,
i have this sick feeling in my stomach today.
I just hope it passes…!!!
Hi Lostnconfused. Ox is right and her advice is sound. You will get no satisfaction from contacting your spath.
We have all been at this point at one time or another and it will pass. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it WILL pass with time.
I was reading some of the old posts on here from Jan 2010…and comparing them to the same people here today. Give it a try…what a difference a year makes. The people who were ‘victims’ then are now giving advice help.
Next year that could be you helping people who find themselves in the situation you are currently experiencing. Stay strong, no contact.
Candy,
I know you are all right… You all make too much sense to not be right..
The difference between u and me is that your spaths gave you TONS of reasons to hate them. Mine gave me none.
Because i cant seem to hate her… i cant move past this situation and its driving me crazy.
Lostnconfused, I did not hate the spath, I had a few reasons to, but I still wanted him, still thought about him constantly, wanted to crush my head! I never really got to the anger stage. I have accepted what he is, a sick twisted predator. I still think about him A LOT, but not constantly, I look forward to the day when I don’t think about him at all… I know that will happen, we’re slowly healing, maybe not as fast as we would like… but it’s happening!!!! Your thoughts are very important, you CAN move past this situation, try to start controlling all the little thoughts that pop into your head, say to yourself…. “NO! No negative thoughts, I CAN do this”… and you know what? You can and will !!!! 😀
Dear Lost,
I have read your last few posts and want to encourage you. This is probably the biggest trial for you because the soul ties that were made are not broken.
Try to keep very positive mental images of yourself moving away from the past. Remove all things in your environment that take you “back”. When alone, listen to new music, go to new movies, do not allow yourself to go to the past.
Unlike a death, which should be grieved by revisiting happy memories, right now this is mind and soul control that needs to be broken.
Your last sentence about not being given reasons to hate her…I dont know the details but if you are here; there must have been something that hurt you. And chances are, it was inflicted because of your vulnerability.
As my counsellor put it, I had been manipulated and coereced by the same techniques used for hundreds of years with slaves. You must get healthy by having no physical or emotional contact with the source of your pain.
I just had lunch with a friend.
She told me a lot of things that were big eye openers for me..
She told me how i was so dependent and i was just looking for EXCUSES to talk to my spath so i can go back there, knowing it is a dark, dirty place.
She told me i just need SOMEONE… and because i dont have that “someone” i am willing to settle for less (or the worse).
I am being unfair to myself.
She suggested that i started a journal… and i did.. it felt great and i wrote over 5 pages… most of which was more about me than about my spath.
Dependency issues, caring for someone, wanting to be with someone…. its all me.
I didnt quiet understand when you all said… in the journey of learing about our spaths, we learn about ourselves…. but i hope i am starting to.
Because truthfully, if i dont find who I AM… i will go and find another controlling, self centered, spath who WILL manipulate me.
I hope this makes sense to you all… please tell me if you can relate.
Dear flower,
I know you are right. You are 100% right. I had the worse christmas ever… spent the last 4 days sleeping all day… I am creating my own depression… for someone who clearly knows who to take care of themselves… she is alone and has been alone for 50 years… she doesnt need ME or anyone… she just needs someone to CONTROL. A pet.
Thats who i was to her. A f**king pet.
Its hurts so much to know thats all i meant… it makes too much sense to think otherwise.
I was giving up everything for her… my family, my beliefs, my morals, my education, my job, my friends and most importantly, MYSELF…. while she lost nothing but gained a pet.
I remember when i was in the relationSHIT with her… i told my friends… this is the order of her life:
HERSELF, HER JOB, HER FRIENDS, ME.
and this was mine (and im not kidding).
HER, HER, HER, PLEASING HER, then my family, my friends, myself.
How can i care about someone if i have completely forgotten to care about myself?
I ALLOWED myself to be used and manipulated.
I am just… breaking down so much but i know its a journey and i know i will be happy because thats what i deserve. I did nothing wrong but love someone who was clearly the worst person i have ever encountered… if she was a good person.. she wouldve backed off the moment A STUDENT WROTE HER A LETTER THAT CLEARLY STATED THAT I HAD A CRUSH ON HER.
but she didnt.
it was a game.
a sick game.
But i wont let her use me anymore. i just wont.