Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
Dear Lost,
Thank God for your truthful, courageous and wise friend. She has provided you with a rare gift. A true friend who wants you to grow and learn, who doesnt point fingers, is to be treasured.
She was saying “You are worthy of caring relationships and an abundant life with people who love and value you!” Believe it, expect and by God, dont hang around for less.
Yes, you will learn so much about what “linked” you with her…and the links were chains and bondage. You must become okay with being “single”; now define yourself or you will repeat this.
It is a brand new day and life for you. Rejoice….dont mourn the loss of your prison.
Lost….
I think what flower just posted to you is correct. I feel your pain and desperation. It is INCREDIBLY painful!
I would like to address something you said in your post and I hope you find this helpful. You said unlike the rest of us, your Spath didn’t give you a reason to hate her…….hate is a bit of a strong word….but I think I know what you mean. Anyway, what might be very helpful to you, is to sit and write about HER…make a list of the things that she did that caused you pain and/or the things that occurred that created so many losses in your life. What flower said about soul bonding is pretty accurate and also goes to the notion of these people being “vampires”…they suck your soul dry. The awakening, I think is the hardest part. To share with you, the hardest part for me is RE-PROGRAMMING my thinking….each time I catch myself saying “I love him” I turn that immediately into something he did to me that was purposeful and mean, cruel MEANT to subordinate and lie to me to keep his power and me hooked until another victim trolled along. It’s hard to turn your heart around. I understand that too.
The conversation with your friend is an interesting one and perhaps one you might REEEEALLY pay attention too. People that love and care for you, will encourage you and build your strength based on all your positives to get through the tragedy. The differences between Spaths lies in that they ever cared for you or loved you were manipulative. Your friends tell you things, like your friend at lunch, because they GENUINELY love and care for you and want your BEST, not your WORST.
Another thing I’ve been giving great thought to is that healthy people will want for your success. They will encourage your skills, your abilities, and your growth. Unhealthy people, particularly toxic people like this, never will. The control they have over you, is building THEM up in their toxicity by tearing you down, keeping you paralyzed and enslaved to them.
It will take awhile to undo all the brainwashing, but I think you see what your losses are. It doesn’t mean you can’t build again, and it will be a long, tough road, but you CAN do it and you hang onto those friends for love, support and strength, as well as coming here reading article after article.
I’ve been trying to extricate from my ex Spath now for about a year. It’s been on and off, the longest was FOUR months!! I kept going back because I believed it was something wrong with ME that he didn’t want ME…..well there WAS something wrong for wanting a psycho to define me. To build me up. It was AMUSING and FUN for him, because he just played on that vulnerability and set that up a long time ago for me to be dependent upon him for approval.
That was totally rubbish, no bueno, and UNHEALTHY!!!
I’ve struggled as you have the last several days, particularly over the holidays. But now that I have the total truth and still feel “love” for him, I couldn’t go back. Not again because i know that if I do, I will be used. Iwill be a play thing for him. And it’s ALWAYS worse the next time. ALWAYS. Guaranteed!! THe answers are within you now. Not her.
HUGS!
LOL! Flower!! WONDERFUL! we just posted over one another!
GREAT POST!
Lesson,
I have felt your pain and still do. Not because I am in love with a hurtful person (which is not love but a sickness, as you now know ) but because I have to deal with his continuing misbehavior.
I am reaping the consequences of marrying and having children with a fool. Some of it cannot be ignored ( and many posters here know about that) and I cannot run away from it.
So, I tell you, if you can eventually detox your mind and soul, then take your body and relocate. If that isnt possible, avoid them like the plague.
At that point, avoidance wont be necessary because you are in love with them… but rather you will be well aware of how toxic they have been and can still be if we give them a chance.
I am reminded of the snake in Junglebook who mesmerized Mowgli…LOL
FLower,
I have trouble with your comment about reaping the consequences of marrying and having children with a fool….I prefer NOT to see you as having made a significant error when you were unaware…
I do agree with you about your pain in having to deal with this man because of your continued obligation through children. It’s a nightmare. I know that nightmare well because the man I was married to for over twenty years was a P. I was very blessed because he eventually went completely away. I thank God everyday for that.
I can’t relocate. I have children here who have attended the same schools with the same friends for years. I feel it would be completely detrimental to them to uproot them when they have stability here. I WISH I could and I may in the future,but for right now, no.
I’ve been VERY lucky that I’ve not run into exSpath yet. I’m VERY careful about when I go out into the community. Iknow the times he is off work and when he is at lunch. I’m somewhat ‘isolated’ right now from the outside world, but for the moment, while detoxing, this keeps me emotionally safe. School will be starting for me again in a week and will bring the focus to other things. I’m looking forward to that.
Flower, you’re right. Right now, it’s about my survival.
you cant relocate or run away from demon’s – they know where you are or how too find you if they want to.
Thank you for giving me pardon. But if I had been healthy, I would not have married an immature, selfish man expecting him to grow up.
My fault. His behaviors worsened with time. But there are no guarantees even when we meet Mr. Perfect. So, we live and learn and grow and live one day at a time.
Now, I have three wonderful blessings and will do all possible to give them a better life.
I understand that you cant relocate,same here. You are wise to know his schedule and routine. And protect yourself first. I know my ex’s hangouts too and stay well away from his turf.
You are a survivor; not a victim. Stay strong and hugs to you!
You are right hens. But at least out of sight, out of mind…might distract the demons for a little while..
Good advice for LostNConfused, guys!@EVery word of it.
Lost, sugar, after my husband was killed, I was DEVASTATED and ALOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEEE more than I had ever been in my life.l So ALONEEEEEEE I felt like I was worthless and there would never be anyone love me again….and guess what? A big old psychopathicly disordered serial cheating wife beating guy popped out of the bushes and said “I’ll take care of you, darlin'” Well, boy did I ever fall for that line of bull carp! It was just what I wanted to hear, “boy, here is a good looking, financially well off, Mr. Nice guy that likes all the things I likes and he lovvvvvves me” I was instantly in heaven—until his mask started to slip and I saw that he was ANYTHING EXCEPT MR. NICE GUY, he was Mr. “I’m looking for another respectable wife to cheat on cause my last one caught me cheating and kicked me to the curb and I sure do like to appear as Mr. Respectable.”
Well, it broke my heart (again) when I kicked him to the curb, and he didn’t steal any money from me and he didn’t beat me, but he did verbally bash me down and make me feel MORE worthless than I already felt.
Well, he is gone, I am glad and I don’t have a man in sight on the horizon but you know what, I am WELL LOVED, and I’m HAPPY, and you know why? Cause I love MYSELF and I’m the one responsible for ME being happy! So started out about HIM but ended up about me. In the mean time he has found his “respectable” wife and I have NO doubt he is cheating on her, and I feel sorry for her, because even when he isn’t cheating he is belittling her, putting others first and nothing she does will please him. I need him like I need another hole in my head!
Oxy–love it. I am in a silly mood so…
My marriage was summed up by the memorable and eloquent words of that country song writing singer and sage Toby Keith…
“Its all about me, all about I, all about number one , oh my my my…
I dont mind talking bout you usually…but occasionally.. can we talk about me?”