Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
Ox, when I read your posts, I feel that I can’t WAIT to be where you are.
All of this is definitely creating A LOT of soul searching. I can’t recall now where I saw the thread that you responded to that I was reading a bit ago now (been reading A LOT!), but it had something to do with change being scary!!
BOY IS IT EVER!!!! Idon’t believe in myself or my abilities. When I got with Spath, I had already been in school awhile. I quit school and filed for SSI when I became VERY sick and was found to have Fibromyalgia, as well as other ailments that go with it. About a year and a half ago, I decided I was well enough to attempt school again and not go ahead with the SSI claim. I feel somewhat paralyzed with pain, hypervigilant and very anxiety ridden right now. I’ve not pinpointed it yet, but it is this nagging fear of seeing him somewhere. Or that he’ll try to contact me, although I feel, at the same time, pretty safe because he’s love bombing other women rightnow lol!
I have a great deal of fear of success. N father has a lot to do with those beliefs. One of the sentences he uttered often to me, OFTEN was “You will NEVER complete anything! You will ALWAYS fail!” Over and over, again and again and he sabotaged all my efforts emotionally. This fear is real. Always this nagging I’m not good enough feeling…..yet I do very well in school. I have SOME intelligence! I’m good at what I want to do, although with all I’ve been reading on this site, I may well change my major again. Not sure yet.
A lot of you are way WAY ahead of me in the healing process. Atleast with all I’ve been reading, I know it’s possible.
Ox, I want so much to experience joy and to be happy, healthy.
But right now……….I’m just not….
Dear Lesson learned,
There is a book that I think you need to read called “Games People Play” by Dr. Eric Berne. Your father’s Narcissism and “curse” has morphed into all kinds of self esteem problems for you it sounds like and I thinnk you might be able to grasp the ways to TURN OFF THE TAPES of him saying negative things to you.
These things he said to you are like a virus in your computer, they short circuit everything inside your mind….when we are little our parents are “gods” and everything they say is TRUE…we truly believe that and that is why it is so awful for parents to say things like that to a kid—“you are a loser” “you are no good” “you will never complete anything’ etc. It is like our subconsciious believes this is true and we MAKE IT SO.
Well we can also MAKE IT NOT SO. We can’t change what they said to us, but we can HIT THE MUTE BUTTON. Just because your dad—no I won’t call him a “dad” because dad’s don’t say things like that to their children, they nurture them, YOUR SPERM DONOR—we can’t change what they said, but we can STOP LISTENING TO IT and when we “hear” that voice in our head, we can ANSWER IT with a “that is NOT TRUE” and we do not have to let the “curse” ruin our lives.
I also suggest that you see if you cant get some counseling to help you cope with the magnitude of all you have going on. Stay here as well, but see if you cant get some real world support and counseling as well. I think you are on your way to seeing some of what is going on within yourself and that self awareness is a big step in making our lives better. (((Hugs)))) and my prayers!
Ox,
Thank you. I had a therapist for a long time. But I think I need something a bit deeper, to go a bit deeper….I’m starting to put the pieces together now. It’s scary…Prayers for a great therapist would be awesome too. A lot of this, really seeing it, is very shocking and also very discouraging……….
I’m just beginning now………
I don’t want to feel that I’m beyond hope. I can’t believe that. That’s what my Spath believed. But that is one thing I refuse to believe. I am NOT without hope.
Ox,
I checked out the resources directory here.
NOTHING in my state. I’ve had some VERY good therapists, the last was really great, but my experience with Spath were minimized and clearly not understood. I think it would be toxic for me to enlist the assistance of those who do not understand personality disorders.
I don’t know how to ask the questions that I need to to find out where I can contact a therapist in my state that is familiar with the devastation a sociopath brings to one’s life.
Can you assist?
Dear Lesson Learned,
I would educate myself (which you are doing) Get and read Dr. Bob Hare’s “Without conscience” and Martha Stout’s “The Sociopath Next door” then when you have an appointment with a therapist, you can interview them to see what they know about sociio/psycho-paths. If the person minimizes your trauma from a psychopath then the therapist is not a good match for you, find another one until you find someone you are comfortable with.
I think another book you might profit from is “If you had controlling parents.” It helped me quite a bit and others here as well. The controlling parents “set us up” to be controlled by a psychopath/abuser because that kind of behavior seems “normal” to us. As ADULTS though we have CHOICES and we can LEARN and change our thinking and our behavior—you are NOT HOPELESS because you want to learn, you want to grow. The psychopath is hopeless because they do NOT want to learn and grow.
I won’t tell you that growth and maturation and changing from dysfunctional to functional is a long and a hard uphill road but it is worth it. None of us ever get “perfect” but we learn that we don’t have to be perfect to be OKAY!
Someone a week or so ago had said that they had “learned to function in my dysfunction” and I think that is what i had been doing most of my life, but I’m working toward functioning in a healthy life. Even though I’m a long way from perfect, and still find new things every day to work on I am still so much improved from where I started out (in a ball on the floor emotionally “sucking my thumb” and crying my eyes out) that It is a vast improvement.
Hey, OxDrover:
I logged on tonight and just as I was about to recomment “If You Had Controlling Parents” you recommended it. Agree with your entire comment. Especially about not settling for learning to function in dysfunction. Life can be so much more.
I have read LOTS of books about N’s but NOTHING with regards to psychopaths. I’ve heard about Dr. Hare’s book over and over, as well as Martha Stout’s book, but honestly I thought I was merely dealing with an N (understatement) and now see it may just be a sociopath. I’ll also check out if you had controlling parents, which I did for sure!!
Ox, with all the P’s in your life….I so relate to being a ball on the floor emotionally sucking your thumb…
Truthfully? I’m very frightened. Frightened that something is terribly wrong with me. That I have a personality disorder too…
I’m so so so scared! I wonder if there are others who have felt this way. I feel he is/was more NORMAL than ME!!!!
It’s been so hard to try to talk about my experience without everyone lumping me as nuts. Even when I TRIED to talk about it, I was labeled as NUTS, BI POLAR, NARCISSISTIC, SOCIOPATHIC……..
Everywhere I’ve turned, I feel I’m nuts and he’s normal. That all of those P/S/N’s in my life were NORMAL and I was NOT…….
I know my heart. I know what is intellectually true…but when your life has been filled with these people…………
What hurts most is that I’m losing faith in what I thought to be true….what I knew was truth, and even I denied for so long…
THe FIRST time I ever saw that others shared my experience was here. EVER.
I KNOW I need therapy. I KNOW there is something wrong with me.
Just scared. What if all I learned, all I know, all these relationships…that THEY”RE normal and I”M the sociopath?
I”M SCARED! I’m dealing with this ALONE! And I KNOW it’s not healthy to keep all of this bottled up.
I WANT to be better, to grow from this experience….
But what if I’m sick too?
I’m scared to death.
Lesson Learned:
Don’t get caught up in trying to label the behavior as “N” or “S” or borderline or whatever. The simple fact is that their behavior is unconscionable and caused you paint. Caso cerrado.
I suggest you real “If You Had Controlling Parents” by Dan Neuharth first, and then read “The Betrayal Bond” by Patrick Barnes. A relationship with an S involves trauma bonding/betrayal bonding. However, that is a very difficult concept to wrap your head around because at the center of it is control. And until you understand how an S got control over your life, it is very difficult to understand the trauma bonding that took place. The simple fact of the matter is that many of us had controlling parents. However, there are different kinds of control Neuharth breaks them down in a way that helps you understand how the patterns allowing you to be controlled were established early on in your life in ways that you are not even consciously aware of.
When I took Neuharth’s quiz at the front of the book — which involves 67 questions to figure out what kinds of control my parents exercised over me, I answered yes to 65 of them. Once I what took place at the hands of my parents, I was finally able to understand what my S-ex and others were able to do to me and finally begin to change the behavioral patterns that were established by my parents.
Matt!
Wow!! first, I’d like to thank you for NOT criticizing me!! I will definitely read that book. I really hope to find further enlightenment from it.
I think you hit the nail on the head about not understanding how the S got control over my life….and you’re right,it IS difficult to understand the trauma bonding that took place. It truly is.
I can’t wait to get this book! I want answers to the WHY’s of my involvement so that it NEVER EVER happens again!!
I also saw your post to me on another thread. I’m encouraged that your life has gotten so much better for you and that you’re in a relationship that is healthy for you!!! The reality that you’re a few years older than I, helps too lol!!! It gives me hope.
That’s a great gift, given your own experiences. Hope for others.
Thank you SO MUCH!
Hi Matt,
I liked what you wrote on another thread about, “what I can bring to a relationship vs. what I can do for you as supply”
I did approach my new relationship as a supply, but my BF, bless his heart, knows what I’m going through and has subtly encouraged me to put myself first.
He has his own issues, they are huge, because of an N-mom, but he is the first person in my life to expect me to act in my own interest. It actually confuses me.
Lesson Learned,
I’m going to go out on a limb here and diagnose what may be one of your problems. Guilt? It seems to me that you are still feeling bad for your role as the OW?
Please forgive and forget what you did. Yes, I said, forget it, too. If you can step back and objectively see what happened, you will realize that even if you had been mother teresa, he would have lured you into something. Look at what happened to Lostnconfused. She isn’t even gay and was lured by a woman spath. They are formidable predators and when you’ve been set up by your parents, they can tell. They see you as prey.
Lesson, you did what you did out of pity for him and the false situation that he portrayed to you. You did it out of the goodness of your heart. How can you feel guilty for that?
I told you that my exP convinced me to do things that were illegal and immoral. But I don’t feel guilty because I did those things with compassion for him as a motive. He couldn’t find work (lies), so I allowed him to sell drugs and keep them in our home. The immoral thing was that he convinced me to participate in orgys with men, while pretending to be on a date rape drug. I know it sounds like I’m retarded to do that, but he convinced me that he was insecure because I kept leaving him and going out with other men (I did that because I was trying to break my addiction to him!). He said that he wanted to make sure I was completely satisfied and I could only prove that I loved him by letting him provide me with all the sexual partners any woman could want. blah, blah, blah.
I feel it was immoral to put myself in that kind of danger, I feel stupid, but not guilty because I did what I did out of compassion for his pity ploy.
Being involved with a spath is much like having a mental illness. When you believe things that aren’t true, it’s like being mentally insane. When we are lied to over and over, we become like the insane: delusional. We make our choices based on delusions. Don’t feel guilty, you are sane now.