Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
ouuuu, very good sky: ‘When you believe things that aren’t true, it’s like being mentally insane. When we are lied to over and over, we become like the insane: delusional. We make our choices based on delusions.’
lesson learned – you may be nuts, but i think it is temporary, because we all seem to heal from the same damn problem – having been involved with a spath.
i wonder about myself daily – how bonkers am i? and truthfully, I don’t know! I get really scared and wonder if it’s ‘me or them’ in a lot of situations; it’s as if my ability to separate internal and external influence is extremely messed up.
but i also see progress. i see that i am a bit better in how i deal with people – i am less flipped out, less aggressive, and a bit more in control of myself when i tip over the deep end. it’s a hard hand we have to play; nothing easy about it, but it does get better. i suspect almsot everyone here has questioned their sanity, and wondered is they are disordered.
i can’t say one wya of the other FOR SURE, if i am disordered or not. i HAVE found my inner spath and that scares the bejezus out of me – but really it should be cultivated and used as a tool – one of many for dealing with people, and it SHOULD be hauled out when dealing with spaths and my n sire. i have a lot to learn, and a lot to understand about modulating this perception of everyone as out to get me, and my response to that perception. one tiny little step at a time.
want you to know – you are not alone. and it will get better. xo one step
Sky,
WOW! thank you for sharing your story!! What a powerful message in that!!! You’re amazing for the ability to see so clearly and to be so honest with yourself about what happened to you…but I think you’re right the bottom line is the same……….
I loved this man. Deeply. I wanted to BELIEVE the endless years of lies,even when somewhere in my mind, I knew it was insanity…I had great compassion for him. I believed the pity ploy. I’m angry at myself for having believed it all……….it is VERY painful to see what I did to accommodate him…and what Ilost of myself in doing so. I hope the future brings something more enlightenments to my life, little gifts like all of you who help me sort through so much muck and garbage. I’m new to NC, so all of this is VERY VERY painful to me. All these realities…I’m not sure how to cope with it all. IT’s so weird…he’s not very attractive, a short, sad little man…but to me he was a GOD,unreachable..he presented to me as if I would someday have him…..it was all a lie,for what he did to his ex wife, in attempting to love bomb someone else, he did it to me too…it’s so odd,because I have moments of absolute PEACE without him inmy life and relief!!!! RELIEF!! But those moments are less still, than thinking he’s with another woman, changing for her..I know that’s all garbage too,…it’s not going to change..I’m so angry at me for being involved. Is there guilt from being OW? I think so….I know I caused pain to his wife. But I STILL believed his bullshit stories. I wish I hadn’t. I WISH I hadn’t succumbed to any of it. The pain that has been caused, with reality of who he REALLY is now, is almost unbearable to me, Sky…..
It’s just somethingI have to work through. I do hear what you’re saying about their ability to dupe….but he’s such a NOTHING in the grand scheme of things…my kids hated him, my friends couldn’t STAND him and he couldn’t keep up the facade at all, he was just that hateful. The woman he was just love bombing saw his control after just THREE WEEKS of incessant love bombing and she said she felt incredibly uncomfortable about it…doesn’t take him long to exert control……..I didn’t see that ten years ago. Damn me for that!
I know I’ll get through this. Right now,it’s just hard. Absorbing it all.
One, **HUGS** thank you….it means SO MUCH to me to know I’m not alone in this struggle. I understand about finding your inner spath. It scares the crap out of me too!!!! Makes so much sense for haulingit out when necessary!!! I think there is something to be said for being really raw, hypervigilant, confused and completely disarmed and a feeling of a neon sign on my ass that says “LOSER!”…UGH!
I just keep praying that God will continue to open my eyes. In this case, I’m desperate to see myself for who I am, what I am..figuring that out….figuring out what happened and why and NEVER allowing it to happen again!!!
Thank you both SO MUCH! It really means SO much to me!!
Hi Onestep,
yeah, we are all bonkers, because we’ve been lied to for so long, starting with our parents. Now we are delusional and our mission “should we choose to accept it” is to know the truth and then make it part of who we are. It’s like the matrix blue pill, red pill. Once we are willing to accept that THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION LIES AND LIES AND LIES, we will be able to see the truth.
During the last year during part of my spaths attempt to get me to kill myself, I was told by 3 different people:
1. the crazy husband stealing neighbor said, “Skylar, everybody lies…”
2. My gay frienemy, Kevin, said, “Skylar, everybody uses everybody. spath uses you and you use him, I use you and you use me. everybody uses everybody”
3. My spath sister said, “Skylar, everybody is evil, you’re evil, I’m evil, trojan spath-BIL is evil, everyone – except mom – is evil.”
All three times I just stared. Huh? WTF?
My relationships have always been about how attracted and bonded I felt with people. I know that I can benefit from being with people who can do things for me, but if I don’t feel love for them, I wouldn’t bother to be with them, no matter what they can do for me. That would make me feel slimey.
But Onestep, I’m trying to come to terms with the idea that they are right. just about everyone is doing it. How do we respond to that?
Do we compromise our principals? I think we should be prepared to be phony when we encounter phony people. After all, it’s what they expect anyway. Sometimes though, I like to control them with the truth. depends on the situation. The truth can be more powerful than a lie. Just got to frame it correctly. correction: the truth is like an arrow, you have to AIM it correctly.
Lesson,
that is wonderful that you are praying that God will let you see yourself clearly. Humility is the key to that. (as well as the key to so many other things). Accept that you are fallible, a sinner and worthless without God. Even if you didn’t believe in God, (but I know that you do) you could be humbled by seeing that we are like ants in an anthill, unable to see the big picture because we are so small, so tiny and so programmed by genetics and environment. We can only trust that the universe has existed long before we did, so there is a higher intelligence involved that keeps it going. Believing anything else is narcissism and we know what narcissism does, don’t we? Narcissists are examples of how NOT TO BE. THAT IS THEIR PURPOSE.
I do thank God that he cared enough for me to teach me the lessons that I needed to learn. He is providing the people and the opportunities. He provided LF so I could share these lessons. Still, I’m narcissistic enough to want more, I want peace and love and abundance, but I accept that God knows better than I do. Dang it! Still makes me mad. Oh well, one day…I’ll achieve adulthood. I’m only 45, you know.
I’ve often thought about my inner spath….
and how ‘dangerous’ (to others) it would/could be if I chose to live by those decisions.
I’ve practiced my inner spath so much over the past few years……with all the backspathing to the evil ones…..
and I have to say….IT FELT GOOD!
I’ve thought a lot about if I chose to use it merely for my ‘gain’….towards everyone/anyone in particular…..(yes, that would make me no better than spath)….choice or not.
I’ve thought is this what it takes to get out of the hole?
He did it? People love him.
I do good….give my all…..get shit on.
He does evil…..takes, takes, takes…..he’s adored. (as temporary as his adornment is…..he also controls that).
Why can’t I make it work for me too?
Can I live with this?
Can I live with the constant disapointment and let down from doing my best, offering people ALL of me……for what?
Do I look for evil people to take the upper hand on? Spath them…..take what they are offering?
can I live with this?
I think…..gee….what if I moved to YY town USA and just blow in like the spath would….shmooze away…..take what I can to get ahead……and blow out again……
Can I do this?
The answer is NO.
Why……
Because I like connection in my dealings with people.
If I lived by my inner spath…..I wouldn’t be able to connect…..on a level I need.
I don’t think EVERYONE is ‘doing’ it skylar…..but more people than we believe are…..and THAT pisses me off……because that also takes away from my ability to connect of the level I wish for.
So…….do we join em……or remain scratching to make the connections…..
It sure would seem easier to Join em……
But what about the fulfillment!
For now….like that client the other day……who hurt my feelings beyond belief….after I gave so much of myself to her……and she played me……
I will continue to backspath these folks…..dig my heals in and strike like them……
But I certainly can’t set out daily looking for a new ‘victim’ like a spath does………
It IS food for thought.
LOL, sky!
Well, you’re going to be just FINE then, cuz I’m 47 now so there’s hope for you lol!! That was funny, Chica. Laughin is good for the soul too sometimes. 🙂
I do pray a lot. A LOT. I don’t subscribe to any particular religious dogmas, nor to any particular denomination. Ex Spath was a huge bible thumping Christian. He was on the board at the Nazarene Church during our nine year affair. I believed he was God and was just being tortured with his circumstances, UGH!!!!!!!!! I have really struggled with my faith because I believed those lies and wanted too. He, literally, was God to me,in everything. I gave him absolute trust…..when I should have given it to my GOD, the one TRUE God in the first place.
I know God can heal. But I also understand the concept of free will too. It just never occurred to me in my huge amounts naivete and massive denial, that there wasn’t good in everyone. I think that’s one of the biggest disappointments. I disappointed myself with the delusions I believed. UGH!! Somewhere in my heart, I do know God loves me. I DO know that. Through all the layers of pain and darkness, but with that knowledge, I’m also keenly astute now to the reality that I know LITTLE of what He’s doing at the moment in my life and to assume anything other than the generics with healing and grace, would be a mistake. Not sure how to follow God right now, except just be in the moment….and try to live each day….
I believe God provided LF too. I’ve had more eye openers here than anywhere else yet. I know that’s true also because there are people of faith here. I think these relationships, doesn’t matter who the spath is, challenges us on every level. I’m most blown away by Ox’s experiences and her faith and stability.
Part of prayer in seeing clearly, is in earnest to stay in reality and not allow the delusions of him permeate on a continuum, the rest of my life, every aspect of my life. I’ve been afraid to see the truth. I’ve been praying for truth and for the ability to deal with that true for awhile now. Well, I have it, at least some of it, but I know there’s more. I know I’m covered in God’s grace, underserving.
Sky, have you ever just stepped outside (don’t know where you live, but just an example) and looked around you? The magnificence of mountains, the beautiful rivers and trees…I see all of that outside my window and my front door and wonder….if taking faith to the most simplistic of levels…when you see all of that…how can you say it’s not real? that GOD isn’t real?
My faith is very limited right now to just the simplest of things. I pray for God’s protection over my children while the healing process commences too. I’veput them through a lot of pain.
Anyway……Isn’t wanting peace and love what God wants for us too?
I remember spath telling me that God didn’t put us here to be “happy”. REALLY? I don’t buy that………..not anymore…..
Sky, thinking about your response to OneStep….what you’ve dealt with is some amazing stuff and what you gleened out of what happened even more so…..there is apart of me that still wants to believe there is good in the world, that even when people fail, they still have a HEART…..I’m seeing that not everyone does, and that’s the hard part…..but I think your WTF response is knee jerk for someone who has healthy underneath it all. Wouldn’t that logic when heard be reserved for those who are NOT healthy in truly understanding what it is they’re SAYING? My spath had MANY times said similar things…WTF??? Was my thought………..
I rarely said it….
Erin,
It IS food for thought…and I’d not thought of it that way….
I think you’ve keyed in on something that is important to me, and can safely say for all of us here? A CONNECTION……….
I really wonder though, Erin, how MANY of these people truly exist? That’s really scary. REALLY scary. In your dealings with people, business or personally, are they MORE than often NOT, Spaths?
It’s something I’m really thinking about. Naivete is over. I don’t want to go polar on it though in the opposite direction. I don’tbelieve there is a spath under every rock, so to speak, but perhaps more than I wish there was….
LL:
I can’t let my mind go ‘there’…….there is no way to judge how many….I do believe 1-4% is very low though….
By ‘design’ spaths are not diagnosed……it’s YOU not ME. IF you hadn’t……I woulnd’t have had to……
If YOU weren’t xx…..you MADE me…..blah, blah……
I was so on the edge, living on the ‘cliff’…..during the hell times…I couldn’t trust ANYONE! NO ONE!
I slowly allowed people in…..and I slowly continue to.
I don’t allow people in my life willy nilly any more….only because I know I wouldn’t be able to handle the ‘let down’ or ‘destruction’ it could cause if I made a poor choice.
I did it the DAY my divorce was final….with the business spath…..BOOM…i’m done trusting strangers, and I won’t put myself in vulnerable positions with my friends either. I have no leeway for trouble.
Maybe when I feel more ‘rooted’ back inmy life, will I take more chances……
I do think there are good people out there…..I have always believed that…..but I aproach the world differently now.
I also think that as the economy gets worse and people experience more hardships…..we will see more and more exploitations and thefts and spathy behaviors…..
It also seems that more people are happy collecting people rather than connecting WITH people…
Look at the Fb ‘lifestyle’…….it’s all about feeding ego….people have their ‘friends’ visable……gee look, I have 897 friends…..and see who they are and what they say to me…..look how many people wished me happy birthday……
we will settle for SHALLOW these days…….THIS SCARES ME!
Erin,
I completely understand with regards to trusting anyone again, or at least for you now, slowly….I’m redefining my boundaries now andthey are going to be VERY tight for awhile. I think this is safest for me, if not boldly selfish given that I was a people pleasing freak. I couldn’t take another Spath in my life again.
The FB lifestyle…I have an FB page, however I have only 140 friends lol! ALL have been chosen VERY carefully, either people that I knew very well and are close friends or wonderful people I”ve met at school (only VERY few), and a few “friends of friends” who have turned out to be wonderful friends and people too. ONE sign of any deviation from what is consistent, is off the list now. My daughter has about three hundred something now on her list. I expressed GREAT concern because she doesn’t know alot of them!!! She was not pleased with my reaction, but IT IS SCARY!!!! We have had a major discussion about it since. But it’s up to her to choose.
I think you’re correct about the economy and others hardships. People in survival mode, spath or not, can bring out some unhealthy behaviors. I just think if they’re spathy, it will be just a tad more obvious!
Yea……approaching the world differently now……..I’m going to be careful, Erin. VERY careful for awhile. For survival. Were you uncertain of how to respond to the world after your Spath experience? How to talk with people? Did you lose that aspect of yoruself? I’m tired and may not be asking this correctly….
I’m concerned about going back to school. That my reactions to slights or even kindnesses may be perceived by me to be spathy. Hypervigilance…I don’;t want to be that way, but I’m uncertain how to communicate, and protect myself right now and how to trust a connection should there be one, other than my red flag radar is TOTALLY up and running now…
Anyway, off to bed….thanks Erin, One and sky. You’ve given me a lot to think about…