Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
Sky,
Interpretation is an interesting word for the projections that are emitted. I still struggle with this on some level. Truly understanding projection, splitting, etc.
Thanks for a little bit of clarity on that.
Sky and Lesson,
I am still a bit confused. But have been reading through all of the posts and am SOOO glad you are here. I know I should not have reacted, but I did a really STUPID thing.
I found out her the OW was and sent her copies of IM conversations and emails he sent to me. He was saying how much he missed me, blah, blah and that the OW is nothing serious, etc. I think now, he will probably try to exact revenge. Has anyone exposed their spath to the other person? How did it turn out?
I exposed Spath twice. To his wife, and to his new love bomb interest.
Both dumped his ass.
It was worth the effort.
LL,
Were there any repercussions to you? And I guess they obviously believed you. I sent copies of conversations rather than long drawn out explanation from me. I figured she probably wouldn’t believe me, but the IM conversations and emails would show the picture.
I now understand that he needed to “punish me” for not wanting to be anything more than friends or perhaps because I was detached in conversations by telling me about how he is able to be faithful and a good guy with the new woman.
Also in other posts, some people talk about forgiveness. I tried that route, I softened and then I allowed him to sneak back in contact (I am talking over a year) BIG MISTAKE. No contact is the only answer.
Lesson,
it’s always easier IN HINDSIGHT, to interpret what the spath was thinking. That’s why I practice understanding their convuluted 180 degree spathspeak, so I can understand it AS it occurs. You have to watch facial expressions too.
My exP would always use the word DAMN as an adjective when he was lying. If he said “that damn tree, fell on your car.” that meant there was no tree.
That’s why often, when people lie to me and I know they are lying, I simply egg them on so that I can study their “lying mode”: their facial expressions, usage of words etc…
It comes in useful later when I don’t know whether they are lying. Takes lots of practice though. it’s no fun.
Missy,
Forgiveness WITH NOCONTACT.
Don’t worry about what you have done in the past, you know better now. It really doesn’t matter that you contacted the OW, it was probably a good thing for her, but for you it was only good if you did it with humility. By that I mean, you had no thoughts of revenge or justice in mind, and you had no illusions of saving her. If you did it out of compassion, (because you would have wanted others to do it for you), then he was not taking up space in your emotional center and you did right. Otherwise, forgive yourself and move on.
Each day i am realizing the importance of NO contact!
When you hear someone say “NO CONTACT” you dont really think much of it, because you “think” the other person will have answers for you…. to make all the pain go away and “work things out”. But in reality, its just manipulation.
For my new years resolution, i am telling my self to give ME the biggest gift… Happiness.
And to stay away from ANYONE who tries to hurt or take away MY HAPPINESS.
I was speaking to my ex boyfriend, and he told me to walk away and look at my relationship with my spath from a distant and imagine how life would have been in 15 years… How she wouldve been 65 and me 35…. how our interests will change so drastically overtime….
Truthfully, i NEVER thought about that…. i never ever did. I knew the age gap was big, but i never thought it really mattered… At the time i was so blinded by the relationship, that none of that mattered.
What is kinda crazy to me is that, my spath MUST have thought about it.. she MUST’ve thought, when im 60, this girl will be 30… will she still be intersted in me?..
I always asked her if she saw us together 10 years from now and she said ofcourse, why not.
She said “You would be holding a cane way beffore me, you better count on that..”
But now that the relationship is over, i can see a bit more of my spaths character…
One_Step,
My spath always told me, “I dont know why i am attracted to women that are either BI or unsure about their sexuality”… (she is VERY open about being gay and has been gay since forever… and i am very girly and super straight..
Do you think she sensed that i was straight, even though i told her otherwise?
lostnconfused – okay, i reread your question a couple of times, and here’s my answer:
she says attracted to people who are bi or unsure.
I’d say she said that to make you comfortable – as part of her sales pitch;
and i’d say she picked up on that in you.
i have said this before, i think you need to really think about the idea that you might not be str8t. also, please define ‘super str8t.’
i know it is possible to be str8t for all intents and purposes and still have an attractions to someone of the same gender. I know this personally from the other perspective – i had an attraction to someone (the spath) who supposedly was a boy (but actually the person was really a woman and all the pictures she used to be him, were of a young gay man.) So, maybe this doesn’t count, ’cause she really was a woman – but i was open to ‘him’ even though he was a boy. (BTW – i use boy and girl without respect to age, just gender. I call myself a girl, also.)
What she did know was: you wanted to sleep with her, you wanted a relationship with her, you went off to live with her. as a predatory dyke, she would see stealing you away from your bf as quite exciting i think. a ‘win’ for her. I knew someone years ago, who almost always slept with str8t women – these were usually flings that were over quickly. I know that part of the reason she did is was because she was commitment phobic, and none of those women would want a long term relationship with her; and the other part was she liked the challenge, AND the fact that she could ‘get’ str8t women to sleep with her gave her a sense of power in a world where lesbians rarely ‘get the girl’. Lesbians have a difficult time – lots of women everywhere , but very few of them are lesbian, so we are always crushing on and falling in love with people we can never have relationships with. We have all had women interested in us, put us through serious emotional calisthenics, and then throw us over for men.
One step,
The question about sexuality (my sexuality) is more complex than i thought…
Becasuse of all the dealings with my spath, i really have had the chance to think about it much..
But i do recall ALWAYS telling my spath “I’m not gay, i am just a woman in a realationship with another woman”.
I never went around calling myself a lesbian, or gay because i did NOT connect myself with those words nor do i, today.
I know, your probably think im the worlds bigggest idiot for being so sure about my sexuality yet i am fighting so much (with myself) for a woman (romantically).
Its hella confusing for me as well.
I see what you are saying about lesbians and straight/bi women.
What my question was… and now is more of an answer to me is that my spath DID know that i was straight but went along with my CRUSH on her because she wanted some young a**. Makes me sick, but ill believe that. atleast for today.
Btw, is there any where, where you posted your story… i would really love to read it and hopefully relate in even one way.
lostnconfused –
i think you came to a good conclusion – and one day at a time is all any of us have.
Define what lesbian, bi and str8t mean to you. write out all your ideas of what each one is, and isn’t. You can some reading about sexual orientation, and how it can change over time.
I grew up in a heterocentric culture, as I am sure you have too. I didn’t have a problem with having boyfriends. I had intense bonds to my girlfriends. I became sporadically sexaully active with girls as a teen, and came out at 23. finally, my intense bonds had a context. I like people, I like men and women – I have felt close to and even sexually (at least theoretically) interested in some men – but I know in the centre of my being that i want to be with women/ a woman. If there were no prejudice, no homophobia, no violence toward gay folk, no discrimination at work, if it was possible to hold your lovers hand on the street without getting stared at for doing the most ordinary of human things, no difficulty finding women to be with (and i would someone transgendered also) – I would be SO HAPPY!
There are many many ways to be gay, str8t or bi – no one persons reality is another’s. Sexuality is a HUGE driver for us humans – it’s worth investigating.
I haven’t posted my story anywhere. I will fill you in some other time; it’s pretty complex.