Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
Sky,
I found about spath’s lies AFTER the fact. He rarely had facial expressions, but mainly VOCAL expression. It was WEIRD, but I could NEVER tell when he was lying to me. He could look me straight in the face, without ANY expression and lie his ass off.
Towards the end though, something happened in which he was busted in a lie to his son about me in my presence. It was interesting, because now that I think about it, one of the things that I noticed is how he worked HARD at distracting his son from discovering me in the house….long story. He changed the subject by asking questions fast and furiously. It didn’t work.
He did that to me countless times.
I think I need more of an education for sure.
Lesson – lies, lies lies. Spath was an expert at it (not!!) Found him out countless times. He would look me in the eye and say ‘I promise this or that’ just bare faced lies.
his ‘biggest’ lie to me was when I checked on favourites and found very serious porn sites he’d visited. I confronted him and he ‘promised’ me it was not him. Doh! Who else would it be? – there was only me and him using the computer. I got my son to check it out and sure enough he’d been trolling some serious porn sites including incest. I felt disgusted, betrayed…there are not enough words to describe the way I felt.
That was my AHA! moment. Game over!
Lesson and Candy,
the way that spaths lie could be the topic of an entire book!
Sometimes they lie to deceive us, sometimes they lie baldfaced, and overtly, just to piss us off and confuse us. Sometimes they lie to make us mistrust them, because they need the drama. Sometimes they lie to test how we will react to their lies, to check our boundaries. Sometimes the lie is a “tell”, they are dying to tell us how they are screwing us over but they don’t want to end the game, so they give us a 180 degree lie.
So many ways to lie! Who would’ve thought?
When I first met the spath, I noticed that he lied and lied and lied. It was so confusing that I went to the library to research liars. (no internet back then) I found the book, “People of the Lie, The hope for healing human evil” by Scott Peck.
Unfortunately, I was 17 and the book did not seem to apply to my situation because my spath didn’t have horns and a tail, so I dismissed the book as applicable.
He kept lying, and after a while, I just stopped noticing it, for the most part. That may be another reason why they lie, just to get us accustomed to it, until it just becomes “normal” to us. That is really really really evil.
Skylar – You are right it’s a game to them. My spath would lie about the stupidist things (big things too). I would find him out and he would ask me how i knew. I said ‘evidence’ and I could always prove it was a lie.
Why bother, when he knew I would find him out and that there was no real purpose to his lie?
The first whopper was that he told me he drove lorries. So I rang the company and they had never heard of him! So I questioned him (I know big red flag) and he gave me one of those glares like how dare I phone the company, never mind how dare he lie to me!! Turns out he drove a little fish van Tee Heeeee
I never got the obvious woppers. Mine was sooooooooo stealth and sneaky. Unpredictably absent and then present…..extremely dangerous in every way….
One step,
Sorry for not responding sooner, just dealt with a bad case of food posioning.. ekk!
You know, i was thinking a lot about what you said about really looking into my sexuality…
And i have. You know how you just KNOW that you are going to end up (or atleast want to end up) with a woman… thats how i ALWAYS knew… i was going to be married and end up with a man. Not because i am suppose to (the hindu culture) but because i want to.
Growing up, i never had a father, and i want my children to have both of their parents…. a father and mother.
Before my encouner with my spath, i really never thought about being with a woman. When she came along, everything changed.
Its amazing, the NC, lets you think about certain situations that you would NEVER think about if the spath was around (because they dont LET you)…
But today i saw 2 women in the train… one was about 65 and the other was about 30. They didnt know each other… they just sat next to each other… and i saw the differences in their faces so deeply. Like i’ve never seen before.
Then i thought about their maturity levels… about how much more experience the 65 year old woman had over the 30 year old.
All of you here on LF has SO much more experience than me… since you all are older and have experienced and lived so much longer than me, our minds are at completely different places…
I never thought about that when i was with my spath. I thought we would get married, adopt children and live happily ever after… I was so naive.
So naive. AND STUPID. i was stupid… to actually believe that there was a future there..
Even if i didnt think about all this, im SURE my spath did… and she still went on the relationship… Being so selfish. I cant ever imagine being with someone who is 20 years younger (let alone 30, since i am ONLY 20!! haha). I know so much more, and that would be taking advantage of that CHILD.
Also by no means am i looking down on anyone who is in any older, younger relationships… i am just stating my own experience and what i am learning from it.
Im sure none of you would date, manipulate, have sex with someone who is 30 years younger.
I dont know why i posted all that… just wanted it out of my system and was looking to see if i was moving in the right direction, because after a long time… i feel like i am!
Lost,
being with a spath is like being in a cult – a cult of one.
I didn’t make that up, it’s been said many times before.
If you need a different perspective to view what happened to you, the cult follower perspective may be helpful to you.
When you read about destructive cults and the people who join them, you often wonder WTF? how do sane, reasonable people get sucked in? Well now you know – you’ve been there done that.
You are doing better I can tell. (hugs) You are very lucky to have experienced this early in life and now have the opportunity to use this experience as a measuring stick for assessing what a good healthy relationship is compared to a sick manipulitive one. You are armed with a defensive knowledge that I wish I had had at your age. Then I wouldn’t have wasted 25 years of my youth on an evil spath that only wanted to see my demise because he envied my youth, beauty, innocence, good will, good nature, love of God and optimism. Well the youth and innocence are gone and some of my beauty, but I still have the rest.
Skylar,
I totally agree with the cult comparison.
I always felt like an UNSTOPPABLE force that pulled me towards the spath so badly.
I told her many times…. “Something pulls you to me so much… but i dont know what it is”.
But i guess she knew what it was.
I was doing better earlier Skylar,
now i am back to feeling guilty, like my spath needs me… like i was the only one there for her…
i really have to take it one day at a time… I have to constantly remind myself that she was wrong. That it was manipulation.
Coming back to LF and re reading all the comments you all have posted after hearing me out, reminds me why i need to stay away, far far away.
I will just take it one day at a time, and maybe one day, i will completely forget her.
Just so you know, Skylar, and everyone else…
I would really appreciate it if you all are brutally honest with me about her intentions. I print out all your replies and re read them to basically MANIPULATE my own brain, for good.
So please keep reminding me, that what happened with me was not NORMAL, and it can be very closely related to pedophiles… which i dont believe but i must make myself believe.
THank you all, hopefully one day, i willl help someone else like you all helped/helping me.
God bless.
Lost, I don’t think brutally honest goes over my head here like a G6 chica. I appreciate the honesty, brutal or not. I’ve not met brutal here yet, but that doesn’t mean I won’t. I think the beauty of this site is that everyone has an opinion and no one is booted for it. At least as far as I know, unless they were spath or something.
I have to come here often right now. It helps so much, but it doesn’t completely take the pain away. It’s pretty raw right now.
I think your approach to one day at a time is a good one. Even one minute or second at at time. This is a painful experience. It will take awhile for it to go away, to heal.
Lost, each time you post, you’re helping someone merely by sharing your experiences. 🙂
One of the happiest marriages I know of, and it has lasted over 25 years is a woman of 45 married a man age 23….and they are still together and still wonderfully happy. I know it is unusual, but some how they were RIGHT for each other. Most of the time, that May-December marriage isn’t all that healthy in my opinion. And most of the big age differences are like Hugh Hefner 84, and his new GF of 23 or whatever she is….and I sincerely doubt that is a “healthy” relationship, or that he is capable of a healthy relationship with anyone, but since I don’t know him personally, I’m just using what I have read in the paper to form an opinion.
The maturity level of the partners in any relationship is a big portion of it, and if children are wanted from that relationship or not. There should be a whole lot more to any relationship than just a sexual attraction. You can have a sexual attraction to someone who is in all other ways totally NOT a candidate for a long-term relationship. Or you can know someone who is not sexually attractive to you at all, but would make in other ways, a great spouse or partner. To make a good and healthy relationship though, I think it takes BOTH mutual sexual attraction and the qualities of personality and desires for a life together to make a relationship.