Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
lostnconfused – well, your post sounds clear, and that’s good.
BTW – i never knew i would end up dating women. i didn’t know that i even wanted to date a woman until i met one i wanted to date. and after that, it was a process of moving further away from identifying as, well, as nothing actually, and many steps further to identify as lesbian. this took a couple of years. Why didn’t i thinking i’d end up dating a woman? Because of a lack of imagination. I grew up isolated, and during a time where that word wasn’t spoken in my rural reality. this was pre internet and pre gay rights movement in the US. I loved my girl ‘friends’, and they had intense friendships with me…until their bf’s became more important to them. But i didn’t think that my intense friendships with girls made me lesbian (like i said, i didn’t even have the word), but when I started being with lesbians as friends and lovers, all of a sudden I *fit*.
one thing that strikes me about your post is that you talk about husband, children as your base line, but you were also interested in doing wife children with the spath. Gender role expectations are important to look at – if a child has 2 moms, then it DOES have both its parents. Yes, it is different, yes it is harder, but ti’s still valid.
I really suffered from a lack of imagination because i knew no lesbians. Once i met some (and BTW, i was 23 when 2 18 year olds i worked with dragged me off to a women’s dance. they figured i was gay!) I met feminists at that time also, and my cultural life was lesbian-feminist. This was an important aspect of my comfort within my community. I wasn’t interested in the old roles and ideas about lesbians, but the feminist lesbian politic fit.
i am happy to ramble on with you about this.
oxy – how are your old bones today!
did you ever see the tv show, ‘the girls next door’? it’s about hef’s gfs who live with him. i am here to testify that THERE AIN’T NOTHING HEALTHY ABOUT THOSE RELATIONSHIPS AT ALL!
Well, I worked a 19 yr old, a 22 yr old and a 32 year old into the ground and I am still awake, and they are asleep—-got the freezer lid slammed on two beeves (the two younger men got the smaller of the two as payment for their services) and so son D and I are set for quite some time with some of the prettiest meat I have ever raised. My old bones are going to go to bed here pretty soon too. I slept 12 hours last night–and right through the alarm this morning. I heard it but didn’t even get up to hit the “snooze” button just rolled over and went back to sleep. Didn’t get up til 9:30 and we finished up the last of the ground beef and did the clean up work, finished up all the worst of that by supper time, but I was literally too tired to eat, so just grabbed some cereal and called it dinner. I actually have a nice roast cooked with veggies in the refrigerator but too tired to microwave it to warm it. LOL Coyotes are happy tonight! They got the bones that we couldn’t find a place for otherwise. My jack russel ate himself into a stupor catching pieces that fell to the floor as we worked. I offered him some tonight as I was cleaning out a big pan that had a few scraps of ground beef in it and he looked at me like “I’m not evennnnnn interested!” LOL Talk about a SPOILED dog! We saved enough scraps for the dogs to feed a family of 4 in a third world country for a year. NO LIE about that! The temperature went up to 49 today by noon, so it was a good thing we got it all done before it went over 45, which is the cut off temp for outdoor processing.
Nah, I didn’t see the TV show about Hef and his girlfriends, but I’ve read some of the “stories” some of them tell about him, and if even one tenth are true, the man is a narcissistic pervert. It’s funny though, that “lifestyle” he pretends to live is the “ideal one” that so many shallow men seem to desire or think is what they want. Maybe it is what they want, but to me it is pretty empty and you know, there just ain’t nothing says “sexy” like an 84 year old guy, right? LOL ROTFLMAO Wonder how many of these women he would have if he wasn’t “rich” and “famous”? LOL ROTFLMAO
One Step,
If you don’t mind me asking, how old are u? Over 40? That would be the same as my spath (she is 50 exactly)” so in her time” “gay and homosexuality” was not as POPULAR or ACCEPTED as it is today”
I don’t know why I am relating there”. But I am.. perhaps you felt how she felt when she was in her 20’s (which would be in the 1980’s” I wasn’t born yet, haha!!).
So I ask you, how was it” knowing you were different back in the days” knowing that you felt more than just friendship with females.. I’m just curious.
Maybe your experiences will help me understand hers..
I remember her telling me that she has a “gf” that was a friend in High School” They fooled around” and then she started dating men, until she was in college. That’s all I know. I don’t know anything about who she was with (men or women) after that.
I do know that she said she “made out” with a man at the club (I would think it was more recent)” but she said it stopped there.. didn’t go any further. So idk about her sexuality. I just know that she loved women and they loved her (the younger ones).
I also remember one of her friends” Lets call her friend.. Shelly. Shelly was a 29 year old dyke who was either MARRIED to a woman or that woman was her long term gf, I don’t really know. All I do know is that, they were in a commited relationship (I’ve seen their pictures together). Shelly was really pretty” Right up my spath’s alley. Anywayss!!
Anyways, I had a real issue with Shelly. Shelly was an aggressive and made a comment in response to mine on my spath’s facebook”. Basically” I DID NOT LIKE SHELLY.
My spath told me her and shelly had an argument and were no longer friends” I was actually very relieved because I felt insecure about Shelly.. She was young, gorgeous and the perfect woman for my spath, so them not being friends was a good thing in my head. I remember my spath telling me that her and shelly were once “attracted” to each other, but decided not to pursue the relationship any further because of the fact that Shelly was married/in a relationship.
I remember my spath telling me that (a month into our relationship) that Shelly had reached out to her and wanted to go out for drinks” and I remember telling her not to go because I didn’t want her to” From what I was told” they never went out for drinks, but now I believe they did” because WHY WOULDN’T THEY? I was so naïve and believe that they didn’t” but ofcourse they did. I remember about 3 months into our relationship seeing my spath and shelly friends again on facebook (in the beginning of our relationship, they were NOT friends on facebook) and later on they “magically” were. My spath also started reffering to Shelly as her “friend” again.
I don’t know why that made me feel so uneasy, but it did. My spath mentioned that Shelly would always be jealous of my spath and her gf’s” which I thought was super weird, if they were just “friends”. I also want to mention that my spath and Shelly took a trip to my spath’s ranch, where they stayed in the middle of no where (that’s where my spaths ranch was)” as I mentioned before.. in the middle of no where.. It’s a cool place for lovers (scary as hell, but its very private) but I don’t know what I would do there with a friend… OR ALONE (like my spath would stay there alone, for weeks at a time. COMPLETE isolation, no human contact). Maybe i am just thinking too much about Shelly and my spath.. Maybe im not. Who knows?
But ANWAYS, my point of all this infomation to you, one step, or anyone else, is to just ask… do u think it was more than just friendship with my spath and her friend? IDK… i just always felt so uneasy about Shelly… like i did with my spaths ex…
I always wanted to show you all another example of how my spath only related to young women (not that she didnt have older women as her friends, infact her best friends were mostly close to her age, their 40’s) but she always had their weird young friends.
UGHH, all these damn questions.. iam just trying to solve on my own, cause clearly, my spath is out of the picture!
BTW, OX, “the girls next door”, is sick. When asked his Hef’s 3 gf’s if they have sex with him TOGETHER, they refused to answer the question. They wanted him for fame and money, he wanted them as a throphy and sex.
Sick.
But that was me, too.
One step
Bumped this post up for you!!
Really want to hear your imput!
lostnconfused, I ddint’ have time to answer you, but I have copied your post to my desktop and will post on this thread as soon as i can. it may take a couple of days as I am very busy.
best,
one step
take your time!
I was just looking of what you thought of this..
anyone else cna read and help too 🙂
i need all the help in the world atm
Hello and Happy New Year!!!
Thank you for the warm welcome (from Dec. 24/10) and the very good advise.
In respone the only things I have documented are the manipulating text messages when Jimmy texted me on my cell (pay as you go)as well as very angry (but not threating) voicemails he left….but then my cell phone broke where the charge was, so before my cell died I forwarded the text messages to my hotmail but lost all voicemail messages, I also have all the weird letters/postcards he sent me and also 2 letters from a very long time ago which I kept (of course)from previous relationships…these I found under our bed (at the time, there was a lot of stuff under the bed) in 2006 or 2007 about his physical abuse for the 1st letter and the second letter ‘Laura’ wrote about his mental abuse (in the letter she felt like dying/thoughts of suicide, aint no doubt that he got her to that place with severe mental abuse, manipulation/brainwashing) as well I have witnesses (my family and 2 of my friends) that witnessed some of his abuse, control freak ways and anger and other things.
Many times he would say to me that I was very naive and gullible and anyone could take things from me, which is what he was doing (one of many times he would give me hints to his ‘hidden agendas’ by mockery) and he was correct..predators can see the weaknesses and exploit them…he used a lot of gaslighting (I know now what it is all because you have it on LF!)
Hello Ox Drover, on Dec. 24 (on the ‘Blame the victimes blog) you mentioned that I should be BF with his x-wife…strange that u mentioned that, in May 2010 she called me due to manipulation from Jimmy (they have a son together),of course on Mother’s Day- just like Jimmy to do that), unfortunately he is still controlling her, he told her (not asked, not in his vocabulary to do that) for her to call and see if me and him could be friends, lol how warped can one get-really!!!! anyways we ended up talking for about 1 1/2 hrs. and confirmed some of the same things he done to me but with a twist….she said there was no verbal or physical abuse except for the time she hit him over the head with the phone (he apparently aggressively grabbed the phone away from her, she hit him w/phone and he dislocated her jaw–not Abusive–hello please lady–then she said a few times he threatened to kill her and her parents were very fearful for her life and were the happiest parents when she left him…now there is no way that if someone threatens to kill you there would be no abusiveness in other areas…I don’t understand how Sandra could not see it for what it is! and one of many creepiest things about Jimmy is these things happened with his x-wife over a decade and a half! and the most creepiest thing was he showed me a photo album of many, many, many women-maybe over a hundred-not sure but many (i didn’t look at all) had locks of their cut out and placed by their picture, this is a very old album one pic he had was of his sons mother when she was young(not his x-wife), I asked him why did he have their hair cut out and I do not recall what he said, I tried to reason and blocked it out of my mind for a short time (much later I told the cops, they didn’t do anything)
Thinking back at this, it was almost like he wanted someone to stop him back then-just for that time-but he seemed to really enjoy what he was doing which makes it so evil. It wasn’t revealed until later that he is a psychopath, very abusive predator. I now accepted that he preyed upon me purposely, planned, premeditated, willing action, I had and still sometimes have a very hard time knowing this was a purposeful act.
I did tell his x-wife that I went to cops and have 3 file reports, after the fact-I don’t think that was a good idea, but nothing can be done, can’t take it back, so much was said.
On a more positive note -I am a born again Christian, being with Jimmy-I lost my way back then-thinking I know better than the Lord and even after all this trauma the Lord God is healing me, forgave me within a split second…He unconditionally loves me and I have found great healing through God’s Word and without this the worst would of happened 🙂
Hi LostnLostnconfused ”“ Have some time to write today, so am answering now.
You worte:’ If you don’t mind me asking, how old are u? Over 40? That would be the same as my spath (she is 50 exactly)” so in her time” “gay and homosexuality” was not as POPULAR or ACCEPTED as it is today” I don’t know why I am relating there”. But I am.. perhaps you felt how she felt when she was in her 20’s (which would be in the 1980’s” I wasn’t born yet, haha!!). So I ask you, how was it” knowing you were different back in the days” knowing that you felt more than just friendship with females.. I’m just curious.
Maybe your experiences will help me understand hers..’
Yes, I am over 40, but I really doubt that she and I ever felt the same, given her predatory proclivities.
Do I think that she was dishonest with you about Shelly? From what you wrote, I’d say no. But, you know, if she’s a spath, then she is dishonest about everyone and everything; will lie to get what she wants in the moment, and then lie again. They are notorius for keeping a line of ’supply’ ”“ AND playing one person off against the other (she was probably using you to play Shelly also). My spath was particularly good at playing people off against one another. In some cases I didn’t really know what was happening as some of the ‘people’ she tried to play off against me, we actually her. But, with others who were real people – i came to have a very sick heart when she talked of them. I knew something was terribly wrong.
You felt uncomfortable about Shelly ”“ that tells you that you were able to perceive red flags and knew when you were being played. It might also be a good idea to take a look at how you see relationships ”“ have you felt jealous of other people in the past, who PROVED to be of no threat to a relationship that you were in? I know it may be hard to know that yet, but keep an eye out for it. Jealousy can be fostered in us by manipulative people, and its presence can be a sign that we are involved with someone dysfunctional / disordered; but, possessiveness, that doesn’t rise in response to manipulation, needs to be examined, as it is a sign of our own need to grow and mature.
Sky,
On one of your posts here, you said something so crucial that rang so true for me.
If I love someone and they love me, we want the BEST for each other. Spath did NOT want the best for me. He SAID he wanted me to grow, he SAID he was proud of me for pursuing my education, however, when I could NOT be there for him because of my studies all he SAID was LIES, and the ACTIONS showed the truth about how much he “supported” my educational pursuits. I’m so glad to be OUT!