Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
lesson learned, I’m sure you’ve heard of this professor who passed away”
He left the same exact advice to his daughter that you just stated above”
We all need to remember this and apply it to any relationship with a man or woman, friend or lover…
In dying, Randy Pausch became an internet phenomenon. His bite-sized, upbeat wisdom about living with terminal cancer struck a chord with America, drawing millions of people to watch online the lecture about his life he gave at his university last September.
Since then the computer scientist had appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and written a book, The Last Lecture, which became a huge bestseller by celebrating his joy in life and hopes for his young children.
Pausch’s advice was so popular because it refused to be melancholy, dwelling little on the cancer itself and instead determining to make the most of what life remained.
His lecture was entitled “Really achieving your childhood dreams”, and reflected on which of his early ambitions he had realized.
In the introduction Pausch admitted to another motivation for his lecture: “Under the ruse of giving an academic lecture, I was trying to put myself in a bottle that would one day wash up on the beach for my children.”
Pausch’s book offers direct advice to them, SUCH AS THIS FOR HIS DAUGHTER:
“When men are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/obituaries/article4411668.ece
We can find many of his quotes online… such as…
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”
I’ve got to read these again!!!
actions speak louder than words
hens
Been thinkin about that a lot too.
Actions aren’t limited to what they DO….like physically what they do…it’s also how one is TREATED….lying is words….but it’s also actions, isn’t it? The list is long….that’s the part I missed…
I have heard of that Professor! And his story. He was an amazing individual and I LOVE the quote…love quotes anyway, will check them out….
Thanks for your post!
One step,
Thank you for responding. I just always felt so strange about my spath and shelly. Like i just knew something was wrong but i couldnt put my finger on it. And that feeling sucks. Ofcourse everyone feels jealous during relationships and so did i (very rarely with my ex bf)… with her, it was different. I was always worried she would be upto no good, even if she wasnt doing anything wrong. It was my instincts telling me something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong with her.
Hi
Lots to think about with this post. Things repeatedly come to me in my mind and I wonder “what???”
For instance: during our 5 month NC time (which I had NO drama in, mind you, except MY OWN!), he began ‘dating’ someone who he claims to have been ‘my polar opposite.” I clearly dont see the differneces as pronounced as the STRIKING SIMILARITES…none the less…
Maybe the differences in HIS opinion were the facts that she was CLEARLY fake (boobs, tan, nails, you know the ‘type”) and I was not…ever. In any case, she was in HIS mind “the kind of girl who doesn’t get told ‘no’.” Okkkkkk? So, he seemed to thrive off of telling me HE told her he didn’t think it would work because “she wasn’t the person she portrayed herself to be…I thought she was not the party girl and was into her family, but she wasnt.”
Well SHIT THE BED! Two things struck me as odd…number one, his glee in ‘telling’ this ‘goddess’ (oh, did I mention she was a “movie star” too? YEAH! In TWO ‘b’ rated movies!)HE didnt want to be with HER (because, well, HE has SUCH better options…you know, living at home at 37 and all). What I found coincidental with this article is the qualities she seemed to possess (see “extroverts”) and his JOY in telling such a STRONG person to go blow! I too fit ALL those qualifications stated above…in fact, he said to me “you’re not easy…I have been with MUCH easier women…trust me, youre not them.” We also ‘dated’ for over 4 years…THE LONG CON!
Second, what I find interesting is how he DID try to make a ‘weak man strong by makign a strong man weak” by stating absolutely STUPID things about me…such as “you’re getting too skinny” (I am a fitness competiter/5’10 140lbs) and “Im not attracted to, interested in or feeling you” (but he WAS for 4 years before? Nothing changed with me A-HOLE!!!).
There really is nothing ‘weak’ about me…physically or emotionally. Here’s the story…I BECAME vulnerable the MINUTE he moved in as I was now HIS prey and he tried steamrolling over what was MINE. The more he ‘claimed’ the space at my house, and the more I became ‘agitated’ teh LESS he backed down (which would be a ‘normal’ persons response if they KNEW they were stepping on toes, right?). I didn’t understand this…why? Because I was OPENING MYSELF UP, WILLINGLY, TO HIS MANIPULATIONS in asking him to move in.
MY ‘turf’ was no longer MINE because in some twisted way, he took me WANTING HIM to move in as the green light to MOVE IN AND TAKE OVER. The more I ‘fought’ to keep control (over MY house), the LESS he gave me of what I REALLY wanted from him…AFFECTION AND ATTENTION.
Was this retalliation? Sure could be. So, as he figured out this vulnerability of mine, he PLAYED ON IT (‘youll get thereaction you want from me when you start acting better”). I dont equate LOVE with IF/THANS so I was very confused.
He wasnt…this was a game HE started and just upped the ante by saying he ‘wasnt in love’ with me anymore but not REALLY wanting to or planning on moving out completely (hence the ‘leaving’ of his coffee pot, electric razor, clothes, kids toys…all of which I packed up for him AFTER he decided he was ‘done’ packing). And then…I really screwed up! 🙂
I…required…he…give…me…MY…keys…back…since…HE…decided…he…wasnt…’in love with’…’attracted to, interested in, or feeling’…me…anymore—-DAMN ME!!!
How dare I do such a thing to HIM…when HE was ‘gonna’ do that to ME! (crossing arms in a 5 year old stance with pouty face and glare)…
Oh, I MUST be the one with a problem…
But…
My Comcast is STILL on…three weeks later 🙂
He probably wasn’t really leaving. He was probably punishing you for something, like not being nicey, nicey to him and letting him get away with his shit. It was more a threat to leave, then a real leaving. He wanted to see you sweat, and when you asked for his key, he knew he was trumped. You weren’t gonna play.
I think the I’m not feeling ya stuff was designed for that purpose, also. To hurt you and make you feel insecure and afraid of losing him. If he could make you feel that way, he could continue to play his game, any way he wanted.
I think he wanted to go play, and so he invented this leaving game, but would have been back, if you let him.
That’s my take on it.
oh yeah…one more thing
During our last ‘couples counseling’ session, I was SO mad at him by this point that I satred out saying “Im so mad at him right now I dont even want to be around him!”
My ex’s face went blank…I said “what? You didnt like that?”
And he responded “I didnt know you felt like that.”
WHAT INT THE HELL!!! He didnt know I felt like that? What a jackass.
Dear R-babe, I agree with Kim, I don’t think he really intended to really LEAVE it was like someone with a “suicide gesture” they don’t really intend to do it but they want you to come running in and say “Oh, nooooooo, pleaaaaaaasse don’t do that, I luvvvvvv you” LOL
So I think when you asked for the keys, he thought uh oh, she must be taking me too seriously. LOL TRAPPED in his own trap! Fell in the hole he dug himself! Well, the thing is, you are much better off now, R-babe!
Guess what? YOU ARE IN CONTROL, NOT HIM. Over your own house and your own life! Ain’t that odd! He has NO more control, poor baby! But he has a BIKE RACK you didn’t want anyway. LOL ROTFLMAO Snark snarf choke LOL Yea, he got a BIKE RACK! LOL
Ox:
You’re silly…snark, snarf, choke…It seems as though YOURE getting quite the chuckle out of the bike rack thing… 🙂 YES!!! 🙂 <3
Thanks to you, Kim, silver, candy, and EVERYONE ELSE whose helped me ENDLESSLY to believe what I KNOW!!!
(hugs)