Victims have a certain way of walking, and psychopaths can spot it. That’s the conclusion two bloggers for Psychology Today reached, based on a scientific study released last year.
The study, Psychopathic traits and perceptions of victim vulnerability, was authored by Sarah Wheeler, Angela Book and Kimberly Costello of Brock University. The abstract states:
The purpose of this study was to determine whether individuals scoring higher on psychopathic traits would be better able to judge vulnerability to victimization after viewing short clips of targets walking. Participants provided a vulnerability estimate for each target and completed the Self-Report Psychopathy Scale: Version III (SRP-III). Higher SRP-III scores were associated with greater accuracy in assessing targets’ vulnerability to victimization.
Psychology Today blogger Marisa Mauro, Psy.D., explained the study further. A group of male university students were asked to watch video clips of 12 people walking. The videos were shot from behind, and the students were asked to rate the ease at which each could be mugged. Several of the individuals had, in fact, been victimized. The students who scored high in psychopathic traits were better at picking out the people who had already been mugged.
Mauro works as a prison psychologist. Based on her experience and this study, she wrote:
Certain personal characteristics are associated with tendency to be on the receiving end of bullying such as harassment and manipulation. I have found that the demonstration of confidence through body language, speech and affective expression, for example, provides some protection.
Wallflowers
Another Psychology Today blogger, Jeff Wise, also commented on the study and what it says about victims. Wise wrote that he recently came across a guy who seemed to have the traits of a psychopath. The man was charming, good-looking, athletic, financially successful—and he left a trail of destruction in his wake. His victims sounded like wallflowers. Wise wrote:
The women who wound up on the receiving end of his attentions were individuals who, in their own description, were not very worldly, experienced, or outgoing. They were psychologically vulnerable and hence ill-equipped to either resist this fellow’s predations or to deal with them emotionally after they had occurred.
Wise concluded that, “people who are on the receiving end of crime often do mark themselves out, if only subliminally.” Mauro suggested that people can decrease perceived vulnerability by projecting dominance—more eye contact, less movement of the hands and feet.
If only it were that easy.
Traits of targeted women
The research both bloggers quoted described a particular situation—people walking down the street, and how vulnerable they might be to being mugged. It should not be generalized to describe all victims of psychopaths. After all, how many of us were involved with muggers?
Consider the research by Dr. Liane Leedom on women who were targeted by psychopaths. She found that they have three traits in common:
- Extraverts. The women are outgoing, competitive, strong-willed and liked excitement. Sometimes they are free-spirited.
- Cooperative. They are high in empathy, tolerance and compassion. They value getting along with others, and are willing to compromise their own interests for the larger picture.
- Invested in relationships. They like being around people. They are sentimental and focus on special moments.
Dr. Leedom’s research relates to women. But I’ve heard from many Lovefraud readers, both men and women, who were successful, take-charge individuals—until they met the psychopath.
Personally, I don’t think anyone who watched me walk down the street would tag me as timid or vulnerable. I’m an athlete, and my stride is confident. But I was victimized by a psychopath, who took $227,000 from me, and cheated on me incessantly. And the guy started setting his hooks via e-mail, before he ever saw me walk.
Maybe projecting dominance would work to avoid muggers. But it’s not going to stop victimization by a card-carrying psychopath intent on finding a resourceful new supply.
Ooh, skylar . . . great idea. I’m cooking up some “tests” on my upstairs neighbor. What would it take to make HIM go nuts because of what I do?
Sister,
I’m sorry, but I don’t remember your story. Is your upstairs neighbor the P in your life? What does he do to you?
Thanks Ox, If I even bring the thing into the building they have threatened to fire me. They say it’s illegal, but I’ve checked time and time again. In Oregon, as in most states, all it takes is the consent of ONE person, and if you are in a public place, and other people can reasonably expect others can hear their conversation, then simply by being there, YOU are the one person giving the consent to record it.
That is, unless you don’t want to get fired, don’t want to go to court, or every one in a position of authority considers YOU disposable, and the person who wronged you, impossible to replace.
The thing that gets me, is how they tell me time and time again, that THEY are held to a HIGHER STANDARD, and they have to be fair to him. And they can’t use anything in his PAST or from his PERSONAL LIFE against him… but OH by the way, if you even put anything on FACEBOOK, we’ll CAN YOUR BUTT because THAT will still effect the work place! Like him causing my divorce, and a nervous break down DIDN’T effect the work place?
Some times I hope he’ll pull a Ted Bundy, and go on a killing spree, just so every one can eat their words, but that isn’t his gig. He’d rather PRETEND to be a friend, and then accidentally have the friendship slip over to the intimate “with you know, years of effort on his part to set you up for it,” and then claim it wasn’t his fault that you misunderstood, ” even though he begs you to give him more time.” BTW, I’ve never figured out why someone who swears he was ONLY a friend from the start would be asking you to give them more time when you tried to break up.
At this point, it has nothing to do with HIM, or the loss of the love or friendship I thought we had… I know it was just a pretend person I cared for. The thing that continues to hurt me now, is the fact that I am continually put on the hot seat when I even make a comment about, “when jeff and I were dating.” Excuse me, threatened to be fired because I mentioned an actual thing that happened in my life, without so much as a derogatory slur???
What am I supposed to say when I am referring to things in my life during that time span? The people I thought were friends who have turned their backs on me, because they think that I am the problem. They say things like, “that’s between you and him.” To which I would reply, “and between Cori and Him, and between Joni and him, and between Candy and him.” Some times I would add. “How many women will you have to have quit our group or die from STD before you will realize it’s HIM, and not us.”
Of course they will say, no it’s just me. Because the others are either dead, in a different state, or have gotten tired of trying to warn people, and figure that they can learn the hard way too. Me, I just go out of my way to stay away from those who believe he’s GOOD. Nice, maybe when it suits him, but GOOD never.
Oh well. I just want a world where he doesn’t exist any more, and even then I’ll probably be told I have been a victim by someone who knows the signs, until the day I die. I’m not the same person I was before him. They backed me off my anti depressants and I’m not as hostile or reactive as I was, but I still don’t trust people, and I have no plan of ever putting any one else before my own needs.
I’d donate the rest of my life to marking these people as TROUBLE to protect others from what I went through, but instead I get to feel helpless to even help myself.
Dear Sherry,
I hear the feeling of helplessness in your post, and I can relate to it, but FACT–you are NOT helpless. You FEEL that way and you can’t change how others FEEL or THINK but you can change how you REACT or RESPOND.
I used to give a rat’s behind what my egg donor thought of me. Now I don’t. Nothing has changed except how I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF.
I can’t change her, but I can change the way I look at myself and how I feel about myself and what I think about myself.
Yes, you have some constraints about what you can say, and others are NOT VALIDATING you, and I think you find that frustrating and infuriating. I did too. Oh, did I EVER find that frustrating and infuriatiing, but I finally got to where I focused on what I COULD do and that was to work on myself.
I can’t change the environment I’m in but I can change how I respond to it and that is what I am focusing on.
If at all possible, is there a way for you to change jobs entirely? It might not be an EASY option, but it might be one that would let you live a much more quiet and peaceful life. Sometimes the things we have to do for ourselves are NOT EASY but they beat the alternative of living in continual devaluation and pain.
That is why NC works because they don’t get a change to continually DEVALUE and RE-INJURE us, and that is what it sounds like is going on with you. He continures to devalue and insult you and your co-wprkers are saying “No, he’s not doing anything wrong, it is YOU doing things wrong” YOU KNOW THAT IS A LIE, but YOU CAN’T GET THEM TO SEE IT. So it is gaslighting at its best, it is driving you nutso and you can’t change what is going on, he will continue to devalue you and they will continue to invalidate what is going on. Is it worth staying in that job for HELL ON ICE SKATES?
It is your choice, but I think I would rather work in a McDonald’s and live in a card board box than to go to a job like that 40 hours a week even for a million dollars a month. To me the price would be too high in terms of PAIN AND SUFFERING>
Think about it. If you stay there it is a CHOICE and it may not be an easy choice to make to leave, but it may save your life from the stress that job is doing on you. (((hugs))))
Skylar, omg, you have him RIGHT on the BUTTON! The first week I was back here after 18 months of being away, he trapped me in my cube, laughed, said I couldn’t hold my water, told me to GET OUT OF HERE, and various intimidation’s to make me quit.
When I turned him in, funny but people heard him say to someone carrying water to water their plants that she couldn’t hold HER water, and it was a joke. And that he’d told some guy 30 feet away from him to GET OUT OF HERE, as a joke. Get real people, he was standing 1 foot away from me when he said these things, and I was hyperventilating and crying. Still, HR decided I wasn’t reasonable, and so it didn’t happen that way.
I often say, he cold walk out of my cubical with a blood stained knife, and every one would believe he’d pulled it out of me in an effort to save my life from suicide… or something like that.
As for a lawsuit. I have considered it, but the work atmosphere is really bad in Oregon right now. The union just lost their VERY FIRST CASE of mistreatment of someone in our unit for saying derogatory comments on the union’s web site during his break times. All they had to do to make me disappear and shut up, was to give me the promotion they suggested I was going to get 3 yrs ago, before he started the head games that brought us here. They’ve given promotions OUT of our unit to three other women in the last 12 months, but they keep me under their thumb, bored, and used at a fraction of my capability. They are either going to scare me off with their threats, or bore me to death by refusing to let me do any work of any importance.
They have paid thousands to train the women that they promoted, while I have spent THOUSANDS of my own money to learn they skills that they STILL don’t have!
I’m hoping to get a job some where else. I’ve read up on lawsuits…. it’s a real hard sell to prove emotional abuse, and truthfully it’s NOT illegal here. Immoral, yes, illegal, no. They can hire people with 20 yrs more experience with no problem what so ever in this job market, so what if they get a bad reputation while doing it.
I’d have to get enough $$$ out of a lawsuit to replace my income for the next 15 yrs if I sued. That is how long I was planning on working, so depending on if I get promotions over that time or not, it could be between $50,000 a year to $100,000 a year I’d have to replace, because you know darn well, I’d never get another job at a state agency once I sued them.
So I wake up, take a shower, go to work, and wish I’d never seen this place. And at night, I take more and more classes so I can find a job some where else.
Ox,
I had an interview yesterday. I’m hoping to have another in a couple of weeks. I can’t work at McDonalds, or any place that doesn’t provide insurance.
#1, I got remarried. Nice guy, he understands about my emotional limitations right now, and we supply each other with companionship. He provides his retirement to me as I will most likely outlive him by 20 yrs, I provide him with health insurance from my job. Two friends, just living together pretty much. I made a promise to him of the health insurances. It may not be much, but that was my side of the deal and I like to keep my word.
#2, One of the VERY FEW things I have left in my life from before the spath screwed me and my mind over is my farm. $315,000 of mortgage, and $2100 a month mortgage. I’m not even living there right now, my daughter and granddaughter are. However, I’ve held onto that place through two divorces, which and a total $60,000 paid off to the EX’s for THEIR PORTION of the home I kept. It was worth $150,000 over my mortgage BEFORE the market feel out…. now I’d be lucky to get out of the farm for $10,000 over the Realtor fees. I gave up retirement plans, and gave every thing else to keep that farm. I sold all the livestock and equipment to remodel it before putting it on the market. It is the only shadow of the life I lost when I trusted the spath. If I give up the career that I have to get away from him, and then give up the farm I own because of losing that career, he really will have won.
I’d rather go down, kicking and screaming, then to loose every thing, roll over and die so I can disappear to get away from him. I may wine and cry, scream and yell, complain and beg for pitty at times… but I wont roll over.
Things are much better since they reduced my zoloft. It was making me way to reactive! Yesterday for the first time in the last 9 months when the elevator opened and HE was in it, I actually got in. Of course he got out on floor 3, when every one else disappeared, I wanted to make chicken sounds so bad as he walked off. I’m thinking HE was intimidated by ME, and didn’t want to give me another chance to say bad things about him, if they were true or not. I loved it.
Dear Sherry,
Sounds like you are looking after yourself and I’m glad. Sometimes a companion relationship isn’t all that bad…actually, sounds rather nice. My husband and I were FRIENDS as well as lovers and I miss my FRIEND as much or more than I do my lover.
I understand about your farm/home, but I have come to the conclusion that my home and farm here (though it is family lands and at one time was very precious to me) is not emotionally important to me any more. It is no longer “special” and I can live where ever I land, in the RV or in this house here on the farm…doesn’t matter any more. I am at a point now that STUFF, even a house, or anything over my very basic needs is not necessary or important. I WANT PEACE ABOVE ALL.
PEACE. Quiet, and Joy in the simple things of this life. Kindness and friendship, compassion and love.
Not willing to sell that peace, quiet and joy for any amount of money or sticks and bricks. A crust of bread eaten on a house top is better than a feast eaten in discord. (paraphrased scripture)
I hear you talking yourself out of the lawsuit. Sure, some of those limitations may be true. But all of them? I hear a person painted into a corner. I hear a victim.
There are other lives to live. Other possibilities.
You’re documenting things well, and that’s great for a lawsuit.
But you’re internalizing all this horribleness. Just living in it, re-telling the whole plot.
What’s the cost?
It would be a lawsuit of he said, she said, with every one else against me. The whole state’s income to pay for their court bills. I have had two different agencies check into my claims at different times, and their documentation comes back the same. No proof, so sorry, if we can’t prove it happened, then you can’t say it did.
All of the real black and white proof I had was shredded 4 yrs ago, when my ex-husband uncovered the emails he’d sent me, both at work and at home. Even if I could reproduce them, just like other crimes, apparently the complaint process for misconduct at work appears to have an expiration date of 2 yrs.
I have researched on the web, even went so far as to get the name of a lawyer who specialized in work place lawsuits. Emotional abuse is not illegal. He is not in management, just a lead worker, and every time I talk to the union, they remind me that they would have to protect HIM from ME, since I have no PROOF, and my actions are disruptive to my employers.
My plan is, 1. “get a new job,” 2. “make them sorry that they pushed the superstar of some other agency away from them,” and 3. “watch and wait until some poor soul falls for his game, but blows the whistle on him BEFORE enough time has passed for management to protect him.”
HR/management sent me off to another agency for a year and a half. I didn’t want to go, they made me go. They said it was for my own good. I didn’t believe them then, and I don’t now. All it did was to put enough time between when it happened and now, for every one to think I am the one with an issue, and to make HR tell me to shut up, too late for me to complain.
I know someone who took them to court. He is currently on unemployment. It’s not the same environment in the workplace that is used to be.
sherry winter –
I would love for you to be able to live in PEACE, being permanently free of the spath. You deserve it. The world can be such an unfriendly place, full of people who “look the other way,” (being useless and worthless) not really giving a hoot about what befalls you. Hopefully, another job arises, being a good fit for you. That’s my hope for you.