How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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This molecule gets you in and out of trouble with abusers

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You’re probably here at Lovefraud because you trusted a narcissist, antisocial or psychopath and got burned. How did this happen? A specific molecule in your brain and body called oxytocin had a lot to do with why you got in trouble. Surprisingly, the same molecule helps you recover from the devastation. Why am I talking about biology and neuroscience on Lovefraud? To help you understand that biological imperatives have a lot to do with why you got involved, or stayed involved, with the sociopath. And, to inspire you to use the same biology and neuroscience to recover from the trauma. Oxytocin, bonding and trust Dr. Liane Leedom first wrote about oxytocin on Lovefraud in 2008. She e …

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Trauma capsules — your protection from childhood fear and pain

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If you’re a kid growing up in a frightening or abusive environment, how do you survive? You dissociate. When your parents or other family members mistreat you, and running away is not an option, you escape mentally and emotionally. You stuff your painful experiences into “trauma capsules” and bury them somewhere in your subconscious, where they’re out of mind but still affecting your life. As part of my training in Clinical EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques), I learned about trauma capsules. They explain so much of what I’ve heard from people who were manipulated and exploited by sociopaths. Trauma capsules form when children experience events so disturbing that kids can’t assim …

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To Mom and Dad: 9 reasons why your son or daughter fell for a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2026 To the Mom and Dad of a Lovefraud Target, Your son or daughter has now come to the brutal realization that the entire relationship was a scam. Perhaps you've had your suspicions for a while. Perhaps you've even tried to tell your kid that the partner was no good, but he or she wouldn't listen to you. Now everything has collapsed, and you can't understand why your son or daughter didn't see it coming. Please understand that sociopaths are professional con artists, and they are really, really good at what they do. In fact, they spend their entire lives perfecting their craft. Following are nine reasons why your son or daughter fell for it. 1. Your son or …

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Letter to Lovefraud: Signs of marriage trouble

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Editor’s note: In this Letter to Lovefraud a reader whom we’ll call “Cassie” tells her story of a long-distance relationship that became a marriage, and now she’s not sure about the marriage. Her husband was originally sweet and caring, but now he’s angry. Her story includes multiple signs of marriage trouble. My long-distance relationship  I am so confused and in a dark place. I met my husband online about six years ago and we fell in love.  I met him during Covid. I was working at a defense contractor and living with a roommate in a condo. My life was going pretty well.  After talking online and on the phone for a few months he flew out to visit me and s …

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Survey for survivors of victimization

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A university researcher is studying the experiences of people who have tangled with individuals who have high psychopathic traits. If this has happened to you, and if you’re reading Lovefraud it probably did, please consider participating in her study. Here’s the official announcement: The Mental Health, Wellbeing and Lived Experiences Study Theresia Bedard, a PhD candidate at Lakehead University who is working with Dr. Beth Visser, is seeking participants for her dissertation project.  In this study we are examining the lived experiences of people who have experience or victimization from an individual with high psychopathic traits. We are seeking anyone that has this lived exp …

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10 Subtypes of psychopathy

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UPDATED FOR 2026. A classic sign of psychopathy is cruelty towards animals. I’ve heard horror stories of psychopaths callously killing kittens, dogs and other animals. My psychopathic ex-husband, however, liked animals. He walked my dog every morning and brought home exotic pets. So he did not fit that stereotype. This observation is a small indication that psychopaths, antisocials and narcissists are not all the same. In fact, Dr. Theodore Millon, who was one of the great theorists of personality and personality disorders, identified 10 subtypes of psychopathy. His work does much to explain why some psychopaths plot deliberate, complex schemes and others act on impulse with no regard for c …

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My husband and I are in a throuple with his mother

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I am recently divorced. I reconnected with my high school sweetheart after many years. We both had married other people and had children. I have three children and he has one daughter. We began talking and he told me he was divorced. That was Xmas Eve.  We decided a week later that we would go out on a date for New Year’s Eve. I later found out he was not divorced and actually did not even file for divorce until two days before our actual date, on December 29.  We had a long distance relationship and we seem to be doing pretty well for the most part. There were a few things I wondered about whenever I saw some comments on social media post, but he always had a reason that he s …

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The first step of healing: Accepting what is

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I want you to have a wonderful life. I want you to overcome whatever you’ve been through and dismantle any roadblocks to your heart’s desire. How, exactly do you do this? The surprising first step of healing is accepting exactly what is. Now, this DOES NOT mean that whatever you’ve been through is acceptable — especially if you’ve been deceived and betrayed by a sociopath (narcissist, psychopath). Evil is never acceptable. It DOES MEAN accepting that what happened did indeed happen: The normal human response to the disappointments and tragedies of life is resistance.  But, as the saying goes, “What resists, persists.” The longer we dwell on resistance to the reality …

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A sociopath claims, ‘We are evolution’s next step’

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UPDATED FOR 2026. Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don't. The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality: I would like to thank you for making your videos they have given me an insight into how you people recognize us. WE are not to blame for your short comings because you are weak minded and foolish enough to be taken advantage of. We are evolutions next step we don't allow silly emotions to cloud our judgments. In fact we use our advantage for survival because we are natures next course. I know I sound very narcissistic and apologize …

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The pain of family estrangement

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Editor’s note: The Lovefraud author Eleanor Cowan wants to educate survivors of narcissistic abuse into recognizing how their own actions may contribute to their misery. This is the fourth article in her collection of true stories called, “Impactful Stories for Stubborn Codependents,” and highlights the pain of family estrangement. Eleanor’s biographical book is called, “A History of a Pedophile’s Wife.” Ending the Long Game By Eleanor Cowan Sori answered the call on a sunny summer day, steps away from reaching the summit of Mount Royal. “Hey, Mom. How would you like to fly in and look after your fabulous grandkids while Heidi and I do a business trip for ten days?” “I’d adore …

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