You’re probably here at Lovefraud because you trusted a narcissist, antisocial or psychopath and got burned. How did this happen? A specific molecule in your brain and body called oxytocin had a lot to do with why you got in trouble. Surprisingly, the same molecule helps you recover from the devastation.
Why am I talking about biology and neuroscience on Lovefraud? To help you understand that biological imperatives have a lot to do with why you got involved, or stayed involved, with the sociopath. And, to inspire you to use the same biology and neuroscience to recover from the trauma.
Oxytocin, bonding and trust
Dr. Liane Leedom first wrote about oxytocin on Lovefraud in 2008. She explained that the chemical induces bonding in all mammals, like sheep, and is responsible for humans feeling trust. Psychopaths and other abusers create intimacy, which stimulates our brains and nervous system to release oxytocin, which causes us to trust them, which leads to bonding. This is why it’s so hard to leave abusers.
Read: Sheep can teach us about love and it’s pretty scary!
Dr. Leedom mentioned Paul J. Zak, an economist who spent 10 years researching oxytocin. In 2013, I reviewed his book called The Moral Molecule — the source of love and prosperity.
Why would an economist study brain chemicals? Zak said oxytocin inspires trust, trust is connected to morality, and morality is connected to the survival of the human race.
But oxytocin doesn’t work in everybody — Zak explained that testosterone blocks the effects of oxytocin. Well, all psychopaths, both male and female, have very high levels of testosterone. What does this mean?
As I wrote in my review:
Psychopaths have excess testosterone. Testosterone blocks caring and feeling, increases aggression, inhibits the ability to pick up on social cues and correlates with the type of behavior we’ve all seen in psychopaths.
The bottom line is that psychopaths and other abusers hijack the normal human bonding system. They love bomb us; we don’t know they are lying; we respond as human are intended to respond to displays of trust and affection, which releases oxytocin in our brains and bodies. Soon we are hooked.
Read: Oxytocin, trust and why we fall for psychopaths
Recent research on oxytocin
In the years since my review of Paul Zak’s book, scientists have continued to research oxytocin. Now, they refer to it as a neuropeptide.
Neuropeptides are signaling molecules found throughout the nervous system and body, according to BiologyInsights.com. They regulate physiological processes and behaviors. Oxytocin in particular influences emotional responses, particularly for social bonding and reducing reactions to social stress.
A new paper by two Swedish researchers, Kerstin Uvnas-Moberg and Maria Petersson, explains the effects of oxytocin:
- Increased social motivation and competence for social interaction
- Growth and tissue repair, including cell regeneration and restoration of atrophied tissues
- Activation of the parasympathetic system — the “rest and digest” system
- Reduction of fear, stress, pain, and inflammation
What initiates oxytocin’s cascade of benefits? According to Uvnas-Moberg and Petersson, often it’s physical touch. They write:
Clinical evidence indicates that tactile stimulation of the skin, such as stroking or gentle touch, elicits a range of beneficial physiological and psychological responses, such as increased social interaction, wellbeing, calm, restorative and growth promoting effects, as well as reduced fear, pain, and stress levels.
They point out that oxytocin affects specific areas of the brain, including the frontal cortex, amygdala, hippocampus and others. Therefore, oxytocin influences decision-making, fear, memory and more.
Read Oxytocin release patterns and effects, with a focus on touch, social interaction and closeness
How to use touch for recovery
So far in this article I’ve been laying the groundwork for the take-home message: You can use touch and oxytocin to get out of the trouble that you got into with your abuser.
How? With EFT “Tapping” (Emotional Freedom Techniques).
Earlier this year, I became certified in Clinical EFT Tapping. This is an energy healing approach that’s been around for about 30 years. For a long time, practitioners knew that it worked, but didn’t know how it worked.
With Clinical EFT Tapping, you gently bring to mind painful memories while you tap lightly on acupressure points on your hands, face and chest. The technique combines three proven psychological therapies: exposure therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy and acupressure.
Research shows that the physical tapping on the skin is critical to the success of EFT.
Dawson Church, writing in the Clinical EFT Handbook, cites three studies in which electroencephalograms (EEGs) were used to examine the brain waves of participants both before and after tapping. The studies found that tapping reduced brain frequencies associated with PTSD, claustrophobia and seizures.
Another study of 83 subjects examined levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. Participants’ cortisol levels were measured before and after one hour of EFT. A control group received talk therapy while another control group simply rested. In the EFT group, the severity of psychological symptoms dropped by 50.5%— significantly better than in the control groups.
A further study by Fox and Malinowskii (2013) sought to determine whether the physical act of tapping was an active ingredient of EFT or a placebo. In their study, one group simply talked about something that was bothering them, which meant they received exposure and cognitive therapy, along with diaphragmatic breathing. The other group talked and tapped — they experienced the complete EFT protocol, including acupressure. The group that did the complete EFT showed more improvement.
Tapping and oxytocin
These studies prove that acupoint stimulation is an active ingredient of EFT. But how, exactly, does this work?
Tapping stimulates the skin. As the research by Uvnas-Moberg and Petersson stated, touch on the skin causes your body to produce and release oxytocin. The neuropeptide induces wellbeing and calm, promotes growth and restorative processes and stimulates social interaction. Oxytocin also reduces cortisol and inhibits stress reactions.
Touch is a key ingredient of EFT Tapping. It sure looks funny, but it works to help you release traumatic memories, even from long ago. You soothe your nervous system by reducing cortisol, so you feel calmer and less stressed.
In and out of trouble
The bottom line is that if you’ve tangled with psychopaths and other abusers, you should cut yourself some slack.
You believed and trusted the predator due to natural and normal human impulses, moderated by oxytocin. You are biologically programmed to believe and accept other humans, and you did.
Now you know that the abuser deceived you, and your trust was misplaced.
But you can recover by flooding your traumatic memories with that same oxytocin through touch. Scientific research has proven that Clinical EFT Tapping is effective for anxiety, depression and PTSD. Even better, when symptoms are relieved through tapping, they don’t return.
Oxytocin got you into trouble, and it can get you out of trouble.
Trauma capsules — your protection from childhood fear and pain