Editor's note: The following proposal was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Francine." I wrote a letter to my congressperson about proposing a national database, where someone can find out if a person has scammed others. As you know and other scams victims to do also, or will find out, there is little you can do criminally. I hope by posting by posting this on your forum, other members/victims will write to THEIR legislator and perhaps ONE of them will propose legislation. I know my local congressperson will NOT. I was scammed out of thousands of dollars, and while it may be more emotionally satisfying to beat the crap out of him, not only is it illegal and unbecoming, …
A Sociopath’s Pity Play and Your Empathy Cement a Toxic Relationship
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 27 is so long, half of it appeared last week and the second half appears below. Chapter 27: Nightmare On Elm Street (part B) We moved into the house in late November. I had almost no help from Paul emptying boxes and setting up the house. I had no close friends yet who could lend a hand. My ability to service my previous clients waned. Most of my work was concentrated on three m …
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Video: Dr. Karin Huffer on dealing with a coercive controller in court
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/WaSFfosRoKo" title="Surviving%20Court%20When%20You%27re%20Traumatized"] You've been traumatized, and now you must face the person who traumatized you in court. Whether the case is divorce, child custody or some other litigation, you know that your opponent's objective isn't just to win the case. Your opponent will attempt to use legal procedures and the courts to crush you. How can you protect yourself? Surviving Court When You're Traumatized Part 1: How to protect yourself when you're facing a coercive controller Monday, October 17, 2016 • 8-9 pm EDT • $25 Part 2: How the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) can support you Tuesday, October 25, 2016 • 8-9 p …
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Invisible Intimate Partner Abuse and How to Manage Coercive Control in Court
By Dr. Karin Huffer — editor Wilene Gremain In recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, here's a composite story drawn from my cases: I was a successful college educated thirty-something when I finally met my soul mate on a cruise ship to Alaska. Independent thinker, educated, ecology minded, career oriented, honest, he was almost the mirror image of myself as far as these qualities, two of a kind. We had it all. I was incredibly happy. Anything ”¦ we would do anything to show the love and respect we felt for each other. “Marry Me?” “You Bet!” After almost one year of marriage and closing in on our first Christmas together, I was at full throttle to make the best ever Christma …
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Sociopaths cannot love, they just want to win
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/scpZeDFSJZ8" title="Sociopaths%20cannot%20love,%20they%20just%20want%20to%20win"] In this "Letter to Lovefraud" video, I explain the sad truth about sociopaths in romantic relationships. A Lovefraud reader writes that her ex-boyfriend said that he missed her, he loved her, he changed. But when the reader went to see him, the guy humiliated her. The fact is, the guy is a sociopath, and sociopaths cannot love. He concocted the story to deceive the reader, just so he could hurt her. For him, the entire episode was a big win. The reader, however, can win in the end, by recognizing what her sociopathic ex really is, and eliminating him from her …
Consumer studies professor learns her identity was stolen by her own mother
Axton Betz-Hamilton, an assistant professor of consumer studies at Eastern Illinoiz University, had battled her own identity theft for 16 years. In 2012, she won an award for her work, and her mother stood smiling next to her as she accepted the honor. Then, when her mother died, Axton learned that her mother was the one who stole her identity when she was 11 years old. Axton says her mother was a low-grade psychopath. My mom stole my identity when I was just 11 years old, on NYPost.com. …
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Once You’re Hooked, Sociopaths Ignore and Criticize
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 25/26: Last week, I skipped a chapter. When someone pointed out the oversight, I backtracked and added it to last week's post. Chapter 27 is so long, half of it appears below and the second half will appear next week. Chapter 27: Nightmare On Elm Street (part A) While Paul worked in Connecticut and the kids and I were still in New York, I barely saw him, although we …
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7 Social Science Insights that Will Help You Understand Why It’s Not So Easy to “Just Get the Hell Out”
By Amber Ault, Ph.D. One of the many difficult questions survivors of toxic relationships ask themselves is “why is it so hard to leave someone who treats me so badly?” As rational people, we recognize that a relationship is extremely problematic and believe that the rational course of action would be just to stop the drama. And yet. And yet, this is usually harder than it sounds. While there are practical and logistical barriers to people exiting, the emotional resistance to leaving is usually present even when there aren't kids or property or business deals or divorce laws slowing us down. What accounts for this? Why is it so common? Social science has some insights that hel …
3 sociopathic partners, one after the other
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Gianna." The first sociopath I met was most likely my ex husband. He did not show guilt nor remorse for his constant infidelity and apathy towards me for the 2 years that we were together. Finally when he found someone new, he agreed to an annulment, but it proved favourable to him because now he had a reason to do so because he got the girl pregnant and he could blame me for the annulment because in the years we were apart, I also had a relationship. And the full blame on the annulment was directed at me instead of him. For the relationship I had immediately after my ex husband, he showed all the …
Help for Overcoming the Trauma of Facing the Abuser in Court
After suffering the trauma of domestic violence, many victims are terrified to face their abusers in court. The federal Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) can offer support, so in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Lovefraud Continuing Education presents the online course, "Surviving Court When You're Traumatized" on Oct. 17 and 25, 2016. Domestic violence victims often suffer from anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, explains Dr. Karin Huffer, an adjunct professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice and author of the course. When victims must appear in court with the abuser for divorce, child custody or other legal matters, their symptoms may …
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