By Amber Ault, Ph.D. One of the many difficult questions survivors of toxic relationships ask themselves is “why is it so hard to leave someone who treats me so badly?” As rational people, we recognize that a relationship is extremely problematic and believe that the rational course of action would be just to stop the drama. And yet. And yet, this is usually harder than it sounds. While there are practical and logistical barriers to people exiting, the emotional resistance to leaving is usually present even when there aren't kids or property or business deals or divorce laws slowing us down. What accounts for this? Why is it so common? Social science has some insights that hel …
3 sociopathic partners, one after the other
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Gianna." The first sociopath I met was most likely my ex husband. He did not show guilt nor remorse for his constant infidelity and apathy towards me for the 2 years that we were together. Finally when he found someone new, he agreed to an annulment, but it proved favourable to him because now he had a reason to do so because he got the girl pregnant and he could blame me for the annulment because in the years we were apart, I also had a relationship. And the full blame on the annulment was directed at me instead of him. For the relationship I had immediately after my ex husband, he showed all the …
Help for Overcoming the Trauma of Facing the Abuser in Court
After suffering the trauma of domestic violence, many victims are terrified to face their abusers in court. The federal Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) can offer support, so in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Lovefraud Continuing Education presents the online course, "Surviving Court When You're Traumatized" on Oct. 17 and 25, 2016. Domestic violence victims often suffer from anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, explains Dr. Karin Huffer, an adjunct professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice and author of the course. When victims must appear in court with the abuser for divorce, child custody or other legal matters, their symptoms may …
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When Charm Fails, Sociopaths Threaten, Bully and Attack
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 25: Paul's House Paul's ideas about our next house and my ideas could have not diverged more. He wanted to build a $1 million dream house from the ground up. To me, it was absurd. Houses take money, time, and energy to build. We had none of those to spare. It was already March. I wanted to be settled into a new house by July to allow Jessica to make a few friends before starting k …
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Maine man accused of killing his wife while he pursued other women
Luc Tieman, of Fairfield, Maine, was charged with murder after police found the body of his wife, Valerie Tieman, in the woods near their home. Multiple women, including the victim's friend, reported that Luc Tieman was wooing them at the same time that Valerie went missing. One woman said, "Things were too perfect." Husband of missing Fairfiled woman charged with murder, on CentralMaine.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
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12 songs to help you heal from a sociopath
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/o40fwZgSFPI" title="My%20Give%20a%20Damn%27s%20Busted"] By "JustAboutHealed" The songs that resonate with you can help pinpoint where you are in the healing journey. Written from the heterosexual female viewpoint, ”˜cause that is the path I know. Try using music to chart your past and where you want to get to! 1.Yeah, maybe a bad boy, but still”¦ You think it is mostly an act. If you aim for his heart, you're sure he'll behave, he's got the key. Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5, featuring Christina Aguilera 2. You're In Deep, and Quickly “Crazy for you” is truer than you realize”¦ Crazy for You By Madonna 3. Maybe Something is Wrong”¦ Maybe I'm just im …
What to do when your exploiter has cops for friends
by Lesson Learned During your interaction with law enforcement it is normal to feel, anxious and somewhat intimidated. Even when you're in the right, something about that badge, gun and the general demeanor of cops can make you feel stressed. What you should not feel is fear”¦at least from the officers. If you feel fear — if they are standing too close, or are intentionally appearing intimidating, ask them calmly if they would take a step back as you're feeling a little overwhelmed. This is where a witness is crucial. If the officer will not step back you have a witness to attest to that and he knows it. Throughout this I will refer to law enforcement as ”˜he' for expedience and because duri …
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A Genuine Leader and A Sociopath May Look Identical–At First
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 24: Paul's Dream Sociopaths generally have a high need for stimulation, which experts believe stems from the shallowness of their emotional life. They cannot and do not experience the love, affection, attachment, and happiness that create the rich tapestry of a normal individual's interpersonal and emotional life. Sociopaths fill the resulting void with action and distraction. T …
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Joe Morrissey, jailed for sex with a 17-year-old employee, leads Richmond’s race for mayor
Eight people are running for mayor of Richmond, Virginia. In a poll released a few weeks ago, Joe Morrissey held a comfortable lead, with 28% of the vote. The second-place candidate had 16%. Morrissey, a former prosecutor and state delegate, has a lot of name recognition probably because he's in the news a lot for bad behavior. Morrissey was busted for having sex with a 17-year-old assistant in his law firm. First he denied everything, then, when the girl turned out to be pregnant, married her. Morrissey went to jail for fighting a defense attorney, and for beating a contractor. Morrissey was cited for contempt of court 10 times, and went to jail for it. Mark Holmberg of WTVR in …
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3 Mixed Messages Toxic People Use to Manipulate Your Affection
By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW Cognitive dissonance the mixed perceptions and feelings that result from inconsistent experiences helps to explain why people find it difficult to leave toxic relationships. On the one hand, the toxic partner tells us they love us; on the other, they engage in behavior that is cruel, disrespectful, or exploitive. Our brains work overtime trying to make sense of these mixed messages —and in the process, we often stay longer than makes sense; in the meanwhile, the toxic partner continues to benefit from our attention, support, and resources. Here are three mixed messages that toxic partners often create through their words and actions: They are brilliant, e …
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