How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Survival tips when the ex is a sociopath

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Winifred" contributed the following article. She also wrote The Other Prey — loving someone previously married to a sociopath. My husband's ex wife is a sociopath with borderline personality disorder. Here are tips on how, over the past 9 years, I have learned to stay one step ahead of her and survive with my sanity and our marriage! 1. Do your homework Remember even though you are nothing like them, you must learn to think like them so that you can anticipate their mindset and next deviant move. What they are going thru in their life at the present time will greatly affect how much hell they plan to rain on you, your children involved, or anyone close to …

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The sociopathic perspective

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Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don't. The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality: I would like to thank you for making your videos they have given me an insight into how you people recognize us. WE are not to blame for your short comings because you are weak minded and foolish enough to be taken advantage of. We are evolutions next step we don't allow silly emotions to cloud our judgments. In fact we use our advantage for survival because we are natures next course. I know I sound very narcissistic and apologize for that but if you …

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Woman loses teaching job because of ex-husband’s stalking

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Carie Charlesworth, a second-grade teacher at Holy Trinity School in San Diego, California, was fired by school officials because of her ex-husband's "threatening and menacing behavior." The school's legal counsel investigated the man, Martin Charlesworth. Here's what was found, according to the termination letter received by Carie Charlesworth: Whether or not you are aware of this, Martin Charlesworth has a twenty-plus year history of violence, abuse and harassment of people mostly women and he has continued the pattern to the present. We learned the behavior you endured had been exhibited as far back as 1991 in Alaska with other women, including his then wife. He has an equally long …

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“You should leave now. If you don’t, I will ruin your life.”

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The following unfolded after she witnessed the first "slip of the mask."  She questioned what had just happened, since at the time, she did not understand.  However, she quickly learned that she was not allowed to have thoughts or ask questions.  Doing so constituted "interrogation" or the "the third degree."  He became angrier and angrier, blaming her for the mood shifts she observed. Confused, she noted that they had not seen or spoken to each other in days and asked what she did to cause such upset.  The exchange was out of control, and like nothing she had ever seen before.  Things were wrong and she wanted out.  She pulled her luggage from the apartment's outside storage closet, with the …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Ever since this experience, I’ve been afraid to love again

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Shania." Names have been changed. My comments are at the end of the letter. I'm a 20-year-old girl and I had an experience with a sociopath, or so I think he was one. This traumatic experience actually gave me post-traumatic stress disorder. A few years ago, in my senior year of high school, I started to talk to this boy in my class named Mark. Everyone loved him; he was the most popular guy in my school. He was really good at talking to people, had the charm, very funny, always knew what to say. I first noticed a red flag before we started dating. Out of nowhere, Mark came over to me and cut off a piece …

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What’s new in psychopathy research

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Last week, many of the world's top psychopathy researchers gathered in Washington, D.C., for the biennial conference of the Society for the Scientific Study of Psychopathy. I'm an associate member of the organization, so I attended as well. The scientists presented the newest, most cutting-edge research in the field with 60 oral presentations and 100 posters. I contributed two posters based on the data collected from you, the Lovefraud readers. Impressions of research At the conference, it was obvious that there are many very bright people trying to unravel the mysteries of the psychopathic personality disorder. Some of the topics discussed included: Origin of the disorder: The experts are …

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Study highlights men coercing women into pregnancy

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In a survey of 641 women, 16% said they had experienced "reproductive coercion" men intentionally trying to get them pregnant by poking holes in condoms, taking birth control pills and even removing IUDs. Several Lovefraud readers have said that this happened to them. More men are sabotaging women's birth control to get them pregnant: ACOG, on NYDailyNews.com Reproductive Coercion Prevalent Regardless of Socioeconomic and Educational Background, on ACOG.org.   …

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Men should be concerned about violence against women

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Jackson Katz is author of The Macho Paradox—why some men hurt women and how all men can help. Last year he spoke at a TED conference. His basic message is that violence against women is not just a women's issue—it is a men's issue. After all, men are committing most of the violence. I am glad to see a man speaking out on this issue towards men. Most of his presentation was terrific. However, about three-quarters of the way through, Katz makes the statement, "The typical perpetrator is not sick and twisted, he's a normal guy in every other way." Is this true? Abraham Maslow once said, "If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." So I wonder if, to paraphrase Mas …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath

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Editor's note: The following letter was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "NomorePTSD." It refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. This letter comes after 3 years of realizing who my mother really is: a sociopath. The first few decades of my life I struggled with what felt like a 5,000 piece puzzle without the picture of how it was suppose to go together. I had every piece memorized— as a way to maintain sanity. I lived in a state of being numb and invalidated. My parents divorced when I was young. A first memory was my mother attempting to kill my siblings and I. It seemed like I was the only one capable of accepting the truth, until …

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Critiquing expert views, part 3: Psychology Today blogger on understanding the sociopath

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Editor's note: This is the third in a series of articles critiquing what mental health bloggers are saying about sociopaths/psychopaths. Prior articles are: “CNN blogger on Ariel Castro," and "Psychology Today blogger on psychopaths who care." Seth Meyers, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist with the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health, wrote in a recent Psychology Today blog that he's been commenting on TV about the Jodi Arias case. Apparently Meyers is on TV quite a bit— his credits include Good Morning America, Fox News, Jane Velez-Mitchell, The Early Show, Good Day L.A., 20/20, and more. The Jodi Arias case inspired him to discuss sociopaths in his post. Here's the art …

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