In Gold Bar, a tiny town in the state of Washington (population 2,075), the local news website posted an article entitled The Mind of the Stalker. It's unclear who wrote the article, because there is no byline. The author describes the behavior of stalkers, writing that many of them are textbook sociopaths. Most of the article is accurate, and is drawn from the work of experts, such as Dr. Robert D. Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley. I disagree with a few statements, such as "they cannot control their behavior." But I'm glad to see that someone in this tiny town outside of Seattle is trying to alert the community to the social predators who live among us. I imagine that this person had a …
Healing your addiction to sociopaths
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a woman whom we'll call "Peggy Sue." I feel hopeless. I'm a target for sociopaths, or I'm addicted to them. My ex-fiancé was one. I was with him 7 years and was abused everyway possible. I was so confused with the lies and double life. He said I was crazy and I went on tons of medication and was completely isolated. I finally was able to leave after 7 years with the help of police, only to move back to my dads with nothing and to start all over. A month later fell in love with another sociopath. My friends and family think I'm gonna end up dead by him or killing myself. I have been to therapy they all just say move out and leave. I …
Keeping sociopaths out of the workplace
At Lovefraud, most of the discussion is about sociopaths in romantic relationships. But here is a key concept to understand: Sociopaths don't just exploit romantic partners. They exploit everyone who crosses their paths, in all aspects of their lives. That includes everyone they work with or do business with. Forbes.com just posted the following article: How to screen out the sociopath job candidate The author, Rob Asghar, asked Dr. Matha Stout the warning signs of a sociopath in a job interview. Number One on her list was overwhelming charm. Wow, that sounds familiar. …
Everyone is a sociopath
Editor's note: Steve Becker has a very dry sense of humor, and the following post is written tongue-in-cheek. If you have a humorous story about a sociopath, feel free to add it as a comment. Well, thanks to the Investigation Discovery Channel, the latest estimates are that 85% of the general population is sociopathic, and likely to commit a horrific, calculated exploitation of another human being within the next three weeks. Even leading researchers on psychopathy laud this cable channel (which, admittedly, is absolutely riveting) for getting their own estimates properly realigned. Only in the last two months, just on my street alone, two of my neighbors killed a spouse (one for …
Report on domestic violence and family courts
The Wellesley Centers for Women has just released a new report, Family Court Approaches to Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse: Stakeholder Perceptions and Implications for Systemic Change. Researchers have been gathering data about how family courts see domestic violence cases, how the courts handle the cases, how often children are involved, and whether biases exist. It is the first field study of family courts in which judges, probation officers and litigants were surveyed simultaneously. Improving the court approach to domestic violence cases in the Massachusetts family courts, on WCWOnline.org. …
Sociopaths and their changing demands
When you're dealing with sociopaths, figuring out what they really want is nearly impossible. Why? Because they keep changing what they want. When my ex-husband, James Montgomery, moved into my house, I agreed to convert my basement, which I used as a small gym, into an office for him. I put away my gym equipment. I hired builders to install more electric outlets to run his array of computers, televisions and business equipment, which required enclosing the lower part of the walls. Making the improvements, and installing a small bathroom downstairs, cost me $6,000. (He promised to pay me back, but of course he never did. When Montgomery first moved into the office, he was delighted. When …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Trying to solve the mystery kept me hooked for months, part 2
Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Edna" sent along the following letter. She received it from her then husband's mistress last summer. Edna reached out to the young woman once she located her number on his phone records. They shared their stories to help piece together the mystery of the man they were both dangerously entangled with. Names and some details have been changed for their protection. Read Part 1. The final evening It is so scary to even think back to the evening that led to my leaving Brandon and never looking back. The very last time I saw him I found tons of drugs in his apartment. It was a Friday evening in the middle of the summer. I went to my parents that We …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Trying to solve the mystery kept me hooked for months, part 2Read More
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Trying to solve the mystery kept me hooked for months, part 1
Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Edna" sent along the following letter. She received it from her then husband's mistress last summer. Edna reached out to the young woman once she located her number on his phone records. They shared their stories to help piece together the mystery of the man they were both dangerously entangled with. Names and some details have been changed for their protection. Part 2 will post tomorrow. Letter from the mistress I met Brandon during the summer, immediately following my college graduation. Brandon approached me at a nightclub at a beach resort area near where I live over Memorial Day weekend. I was at a low point in my life; I was de …
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Intermittent reinforcement: conditioning helps explain why we stay with abusive individuals
An overview of conditioning from a behavior specialist's perspective I will not get too specific regarding behavior reinforcement schedules, but I will ask you to follow me through a brief overview of some of the basics. While I cannot do the explanation justice in a few paragraphs, I can present enough background to facilitate an understanding of why this matters to us. When studying behavior analysis, most programs, at least at some point, look to the work of B.F. Skinner, the 20th century developer of operant conditioning. Very simply, operant conditioning subscribes to the belief that learning is modified by consequences.  The learner is motivated by reinforcement and punishment al …
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Love addiction with a sociopath
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/OYfoGTIG7pY"] According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, romantic love is an addiction. The drive to find a romantic partner is buried deep in the brain, and biologically intertwined with the brain's reward system, which is linked to wanting, motivation, focus and craving. To hear Dr. Fisher explain this, watch the video. Dr. Fisher points out that when you love someone and are rejected, the addiction is worse. Not only do you continue to feel the intense romantic love, but you love your beau even more. Your love becomes an obsession. It turns out that the brain system associated with rewards becomes even more active when you can't get …