Editor's note: The following article was sent by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Jov77." It is actually a letter that Jov77 received from a former friend, who he now believes is disordered. Jov77 has stopped contact with this person. He's looking for help in making sense of the letter. (The comments in parentheses are explanations by Jov77.) The letter below was just given to me from this friend I have been closely associated with for some years now. I had numerous challenges in the friendship which left me drained and exhausted so I wrote a letter expressing some thoughts. In the letter I did not ask him for anything in relation to making the friendship better. This person is …
Finding a way out of the darkness through EMDR therapy
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Laura19." My Experience with PTSD Excruciating emotional pain. Numbness. Loss of appetite. Sleepless nights. Obsessive thoughts. Inability to concentrate. Loss of pleasure in cherished activities. Lack of energy. Anxiety and panic attacks. All of the above will probably sound familiar to those of us who have been devalued and discarded by psychopaths. When I discovered that the “relationship” I had with the psychopath was not real, that I had been deceived, betrayed, and used, I felt as if my entire world was turned upside down. I did not want to eat, I developed insomnia, and I was consumed by thoughts of …
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Con artist picks the wrong target for military scam
Government press releases are so dull. Here's one that arrived in the Lovefraud inbox recently: Hardin County, Kentucky man guilty of impersonating a soldier for financial gain You can read it, if you like. But let me rewrite it for you, and tell you what I think really happened. Jonathan Wade Short's short-lived military scam Jonathan Wade Short, 23, of Hardin County, Kentucky, was trolling the Internet, looking for an easy mark, when he came across A.V. Striking up an online conversation, he learned that A.V. was the daughter of a retired military man. Short immediately told A.V. that they were meant to be together, because he, too, was a soldier. Short claimed that during his …
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Showbiz psychos: ‘Seven Psychopaths’ and ‘Twisted’
This weekend I took a look at personality disorders, as portrayed by Hollywood. I watched the movie Seven Psychopaths. Then I watched the first four episodes of the teen TV series, Twisted. The movie continued the grand Hollywood tradition of equating psychopathy with murder and mayhem. The TV show was surprisingly perceptive in portraying an adolescent who might be a budding sociopath. Seven Psychopaths I was shocked to discover that Seven Psychopaths is described as a "British crime comedy." (Read the plot summary on Wikipedia.) The movie is not funny, unless multiple cold-blooded murders makes you laugh. In my opinion, this movie is stupid. The premise is that a struggling …
Mental health consequences of stalking, and how to cope
A new study documents high rates of post traumatic stress, anxiety and depression among stalking victims. Experts offer suggestions on how to deal with a stalker. Number One: Notify the police. Number Two: No contact. Stalking distress goes unnoticed, on BBC.co.uk Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
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Using what you’ve learned to choose a better path
By Olga Rodriguez I've read so many times on Lovefraud stories of individuals who have started dating again only to find they are seeing the same characteristics in their new dating partner as they saw in the sociopath. I found myself in the same place recently. But this is when one's previous experience comes in place; this is when we have a choice. We find ourselves at a crossroad and our decision will determine our outcome. We must chose wisely! Do not invite yourself to a pity party: Oh poor me! Why does this happen to me? Instead ”¦ search deep ”¦ deep inside your soul and you will find the answers! This is it The pivotal moment The moment when you realize that the road is …
Pain as motivation for freeing yourself from sociopaths
On Monday, I posted an article entitled, Healing your addiction to sociopaths. In it, I offered three steps for changing a pattern of falling in love with sociopaths. The steps are: No Contact with the current sociopath Do not date anyone for the time being Heal the vulnerabilities The real work is in the third step healing your vulnerabilities. What I suggest sounds somewhat like the good advice that we get on many topics, like: Eat your vegetables Make time for regular exercise Cut down on sugar, carbs and alcohol Get enough sleep We all know we should do all these things, but do we do them? How often do we skip going to the gym, or pour ourselves another …
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Communicating with disorder
Trying to solve problems or make any type of progress with individuals with personality disorders can be very difficult. Virtually every communication is insulting, repetitive, and circular. They are seemingly unable to stay on topic and have propensities for driving others off topic. Covering the same ground to no avail can be exhausting for the non-disordered participants, as they tend to push relentlessly for our participation in their arguments. It is easy to fall into their communication traps and become engaged in their attempts for power. However, with knowledge and diligence, we can re-train ourselves to successfully stand our ground by controlling our own behaviors. A few simple …
A mostly accurate portrayal of sociopaths/stalkers
In Gold Bar, a tiny town in the state of Washington (population 2,075), the local news website posted an article entitled The Mind of the Stalker. It's unclear who wrote the article, because there is no byline. The author describes the behavior of stalkers, writing that many of them are textbook sociopaths. Most of the article is accurate, and is drawn from the work of experts, such as Dr. Robert D. Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley. I disagree with a few statements, such as "they cannot control their behavior." But I'm glad to see that someone in this tiny town outside of Seattle is trying to alert the community to the social predators who live among us. I imagine that this person had a …
Healing your addiction to sociopaths
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a woman whom we'll call "Peggy Sue." I feel hopeless. I'm a target for sociopaths, or I'm addicted to them. My ex-fiancé was one. I was with him 7 years and was abused everyway possible. I was so confused with the lies and double life. He said I was crazy and I went on tons of medication and was completely isolated. I finally was able to leave after 7 years with the help of police, only to move back to my dads with nothing and to start all over. A month later fell in love with another sociopath. My friends and family think I'm gonna end up dead by him or killing myself. I have been to therapy they all just say move out and leave. I …