How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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An open letter to lawyers who have clients involved with sociopaths

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Dear Mr. or Ms. Esquire, When a client tells you his or her opponent is a sociopath, please be aware of the ramifications for your legal case. First of all, do not disregard the statement just because the opponent hasn't killed anyone. A common perception is that sociopaths (people who have antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders) are all deranged serial killers. This is not true—only a small percentage of sociopaths commit murder. But all sociopaths are social predators, and live by exploiting others. Frequently this is financial exploitation—many sociopaths are skilled con artists—but not always. Sociopaths also target people who can p …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The sociopath has zero power over how I think

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as "Angela." I am in the beginning stages of divorcing my sociopath husband. Today, I went to the house to move out, since my children and I left with nothing 6 weeks ago. He was allowed to be there, though I don't understand why as I have a restraining order against him. That was a ”¦ well, it was a sociopathic experience. He laughed and joked with the police officers who were mediating the whole circus and as soon as I left, he took to social media to talk about his "feelings." He rambled on about how cold and heartless I am, and how I will realize what I've lost when it's too late. Are you joking?????? One of th …

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When their own behaviors alienate them from others

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"What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say."  Ralph Waldo Emerson was quite accurate with this quote.  Anyone who has experienced life with an individual with psychopathic features will likely confirm this as fact, largely because they have so much experience with the imbalance between the two. However, individuals with these features will never admit that this dichotomy exists.  Conversely, they will swiftly look elsewhere in an effort to assign blame, pointing the fingers at those around them for other's reactions to their own acts.  These individuals will never legitimately take responsibility for what they do or the problems they create, in spite of the words they may ech …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m setting boundaries and he HATES it

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call Wendy. I have read your blog so much over the last 3 years that it has become a very valuable tool in the fight against my sociopath ex. Forgive me for how I say this, but it is my weapon of mass destruction against him in my fight for my son's mental and emotional well-being. (Baby is 2& 1/2.) My story started early 2009 when I met my sociopath. It was a whirlwind courtship and of course he said all the right things to a single Mom whose husband had died 6 years before. I became pregnant later that year and that's when my oldest child's and my world flipped upside down. He began by accusing me of …

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And We Call This Humanity?

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Crikey, I've been having a funny old time of it recently, I can assure you! Mum would always ask me to qualify that kind of statement with the question "Funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?" and the truth is that this time it's been a pretty equal mix of both. So I'll stick with what I just said, yep it sure has been a funny old time... Those of you who follow my blog will know that my roller-coaster life has once again kicked up a gear - and with that of course has come a few surprises. After my story appeared in the Daily Mail, I have been inundated with messages; from people thanking me for sharing my story as well as from media people keen to interview me. All good stuff, all confirmation t …

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Sociopathic deceit: Plan or second nature?

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Lovefraud recently received the following question from a reader: When a sociopath targets his victim, does he think and create a plan as to HOW he is going to manipulate his prey to glean what he wants, or is this just second nature to him?  How can he spend MONTHS being such a kind, considerate person, going out of his way to do the "little" things that matter in life, before turning into the evil monster? When you have been deceived and manipulated by a sociopath, the most difficult idea to grasp is how totally different people with this personality disorder are from the rest of us. Their behavior is different from everything we thought we knew about human i …

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BOOK REVIEW: I’m still standing, by Lovefraud’s Mel Carnegie

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If you've been reading Lovefraud for awhile, you've probably been inspired by the many encouraging articles contributed by Mel Carnegie, a British woman now living in France who experienced her own devastating marriage to a sociopath. Now, you can read her complete story in her new book, I'm Still Standing, and be even more inspired. Mel has told us snippets of her story: how she lost her father, and then her mother, while she was young. How she was abandoned by her guardians. How she had a son, although the relationship didn't last. And then how she met the man who she thought was the love of her life, only to be totally betrayed. In I'm Still Standing, Mel takes us along on her journey, …

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PTSD from the military perspective

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Master Sgt. James Haskell, an Air Force gunner, was one of the first responders of 9/11, flying over Ground Zero as it smoldered below. A year later, he sought help for PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. He describes what he experienced and why he went for counseling. Many Lovefraud readers who were in relationships with sociopaths have exactly the same symptoms. PTSD: Many struggle, few tell, on Holoman.af.mil. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Seriously lacking: ‘Savvy Senior’ advice about online dating

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  Savvy Senior, a syndicated column that appears in more than 400 newspapers and magazines across the United States, calls itself an information service for baby boomers and senior citizens. The author, Jim Miller, recently published an article called Looking for love and companionship online. It started with a question from a reader: Dear Savvy Senior: What can you tell me about online dating for older people? My daughter has been urging me to give it a try, but at age 62, I'm a little hesitant. Lonely Senior Miller responded by describing the mechanics of online dating—how to choose a dating site and how to create a profile. He encouraged seniors to "make an effort" and n …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The Other Prey – loving someone previously married to a sociopath

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Editor's note: The following was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Winifred." This is titled "The Other Prey," and is for all of us who have chosen to love our current partners who were married to, or close to, sociopaths in the past. When I met my husband over 15 years ago, he had filed for divorce. Even though he was an extremely quiet and private man, after years of friendship, he shared with me that his soon-to-be ex wife was a "sociopath"! I was in my late 30s and had heard of this term before, but one never really can begin to absorb what it means until you experience a sociopath first hand as I am. Growing up as a child of an alcoholic mother, I had been in two failed …

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