How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Men should be concerned about violence against women

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Jackson Katz is author of The Macho Paradox—why some men hurt women and how all men can help. Last year he spoke at a TED conference. His basic message is that violence against women is not just a women's issue—it is a men's issue. After all, men are committing most of the violence. I am glad to see a man speaking out on this issue towards men. Most of his presentation was terrific. However, about three-quarters of the way through, Katz makes the statement, "The typical perpetrator is not sick and twisted, he's a normal guy in every other way." Is this true? Abraham Maslow once said, "If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." So I wonder if, to paraphrase Mas …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath

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Editor's note: The following letter was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "NomorePTSD." It refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. This letter comes after 3 years of realizing who my mother really is: a sociopath. The first few decades of my life I struggled with what felt like a 5,000 piece puzzle without the picture of how it was suppose to go together. I had every piece memorized— as a way to maintain sanity. I lived in a state of being numb and invalidated. My parents divorced when I was young. A first memory was my mother attempting to kill my siblings and I. It seemed like I was the only one capable of accepting the truth, until …

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Critiquing expert views, part 3: Psychology Today blogger on understanding the sociopath

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Editor's note: This is the third in a series of articles critiquing what mental health bloggers are saying about sociopaths/psychopaths. Prior articles are: “CNN blogger on Ariel Castro," and "Psychology Today blogger on psychopaths who care." Seth Meyers, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist with the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health, wrote in a recent Psychology Today blog that he's been commenting on TV about the Jodi Arias case. Apparently Meyers is on TV quite a bit— his credits include Good Morning America, Fox News, Jane Velez-Mitchell, The Early Show, Good Day L.A., 20/20, and more. The Jodi Arias case inspired him to discuss sociopaths in his post. Here's the art …

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Critiquing expert views, part 2: Psychology Today blogger on psychopaths who care

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Editor's note: This is the second in a series of articles critiquing what mental health bloggers are saying about sociopaths/psychopaths. Here is the first article: "CNN blogger on Ariel Castro." The headline in a recent blog article on the Psychology Today website stopped me in my tracks: Despite popular opinion, psychopaths can show they care This article was written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., who is a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Here is the first paragraph, with my comments in parentheses: The quintessential psychopath shows callous disregard for others, a complete lack of empathy (although they are great at pretending to show empathy when …

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Psychopaths everywhere?

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I have heard it suggested that there may be those who "attract" psychopaths.  It does not matter what the relationship.  Some feel that there are people who are simply prone to involvement with individuals with psychopathic features.  Is this true?  Maybe.  Maybe not. Why do they feel this way? Talk to victims.  There are many who have been involved with psychopaths who feel that they are "everywhere."  The same story keeps happening over and over.  It's like Ground Hog Day or Fifty First Dates.  Perhaps these victims have had several romantic experiences with psychopaths.  Perhaps they feel many of their family members are psychopaths.  Others report experiencing a variety of different encou …

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Critiquing expert views on sociopaths, part 1: CNN blogger on Ariel Castro

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People who have committed horrific acts have been in the news a lot recently. Prime examples are Ariel Castro, accused of holding three women captive for 10 years in Cleveland, Ohio, and Jodi Arias, convicted of viciously murdering her ex-boyfriend in Mesa, Arizona. Who is so heartless and cruel that they can engage in these terrible behaviors? The answer is probably that the perpetrators are personality disordered. So various mental health experts have been writing blog articles on the cases and personality disorders, which Lovefraud readers have been forwarding to me. Some of the statements made in the articles I agree with, and some I don't. So I'm going to write a series of critiques of …

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Sociopaths, crying, sex and cooking

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Judith." She asked questions that many readers may wonder about, so I'll answer them in this post. Sociopaths do not feel emotions, empathy or cry - Yes, he did play the 'cry game' when I would tell him the relationship was 'over' (which I did a few times) or want to walk out of his door. Q1. He used to cry incessantly for his parents/grandparents who love him a lot, and feeling homesick (staying alone). Or cry that I was not with him in the same place and how much he misses me (online chat). He would mostly be drinking when he cries like a river. He longed for having a wife in his life?? He proposed to almost …

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Conflict of interest in Connecticut family court

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Last week Anne Stevenson, a Lovefraud reader, contributed and article to the Washington Times outlining a web of  improper relationships among judges and family court service providers in Connecticut. CT court employees face tough questions over conflicts of interest in WashingtonTimes.com.   …

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What we should do when sociopaths experience no consequences

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader who posts as "Salvation2012." Thank you for helping me decide when I needed to cut my losses during my divorce. I did cut my "losses," yet the total I received tallied up to a number similar, just not in all cash. Because I settled in his eyes, he told everyone I was just proving how I was the guilty one and didn't want to risk being exposed. To the end he will deny permanently injuring me and bleeding me of money, and cheating on me (which I only later found out about the extent). My recent concern is watching him seemingly have no consequences. I'm not a vengeful person, so this is a distressing area for me, but I just …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of

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Editor's note: The following letter was written by a woman who posts as "Sam." And to answer her question at the end, it sounds like she's been involved with a series of sociopaths. It all started for me around 11 years ago when I first met what I thought was "the love of my life" and the only man I would ever consider settling down with—up until only months ago. I was only a young 16-year-old girl and he was 21 when we first started seeing each other. I had a rather unstable childhood where I witnessed domestic violence from a very young age, and I left home before my 15th birthday. I did not have the best parental guidance. After leaving home I was living from house to house. I had n …

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