How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Critiquing expert views, part 2: Psychology Today blogger on psychopaths who care

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Editor's note: This is the second in a series of articles critiquing what mental health bloggers are saying about sociopaths/psychopaths. Here is the first article: "CNN blogger on Ariel Castro." The headline in a recent blog article on the Psychology Today website stopped me in my tracks: Despite popular opinion, psychopaths can show they care This article was written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., who is a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Here is the first paragraph, with my comments in parentheses: The quintessential psychopath shows callous disregard for others, a complete lack of empathy (although they are great at pretending to show empathy when …

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Psychopaths everywhere?

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I have heard it suggested that there may be those who "attract" psychopaths.  It does not matter what the relationship.  Some feel that there are people who are simply prone to involvement with individuals with psychopathic features.  Is this true?  Maybe.  Maybe not. Why do they feel this way? Talk to victims.  There are many who have been involved with psychopaths who feel that they are "everywhere."  The same story keeps happening over and over.  It's like Ground Hog Day or Fifty First Dates.  Perhaps these victims have had several romantic experiences with psychopaths.  Perhaps they feel many of their family members are psychopaths.  Others report experiencing a variety of different encou …

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Critiquing expert views on sociopaths, part 1: CNN blogger on Ariel Castro

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People who have committed horrific acts have been in the news a lot recently. Prime examples are Ariel Castro, accused of holding three women captive for 10 years in Cleveland, Ohio, and Jodi Arias, convicted of viciously murdering her ex-boyfriend in Mesa, Arizona. Who is so heartless and cruel that they can engage in these terrible behaviors? The answer is probably that the perpetrators are personality disordered. So various mental health experts have been writing blog articles on the cases and personality disorders, which Lovefraud readers have been forwarding to me. Some of the statements made in the articles I agree with, and some I don't. So I'm going to write a series of critiques of …

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Sociopaths, crying, sex and cooking

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Judith." She asked questions that many readers may wonder about, so I'll answer them in this post. Sociopaths do not feel emotions, empathy or cry - Yes, he did play the 'cry game' when I would tell him the relationship was 'over' (which I did a few times) or want to walk out of his door. Q1. He used to cry incessantly for his parents/grandparents who love him a lot, and feeling homesick (staying alone). Or cry that I was not with him in the same place and how much he misses me (online chat). He would mostly be drinking when he cries like a river. He longed for having a wife in his life?? He proposed to almost …

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Conflict of interest in Connecticut family court

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Last week Anne Stevenson, a Lovefraud reader, contributed and article to the Washington Times outlining a web of  improper relationships among judges and family court service providers in Connecticut. CT court employees face tough questions over conflicts of interest in WashingtonTimes.com.   …

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What we should do when sociopaths experience no consequences

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader who posts as "Salvation2012." Thank you for helping me decide when I needed to cut my losses during my divorce. I did cut my "losses," yet the total I received tallied up to a number similar, just not in all cash. Because I settled in his eyes, he told everyone I was just proving how I was the guilty one and didn't want to risk being exposed. To the end he will deny permanently injuring me and bleeding me of money, and cheating on me (which I only later found out about the extent). My recent concern is watching him seemingly have no consequences. I'm not a vengeful person, so this is a distressing area for me, but I just …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of

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Editor's note: The following letter was written by a woman who posts as "Sam." And to answer her question at the end, it sounds like she's been involved with a series of sociopaths. It all started for me around 11 years ago when I first met what I thought was "the love of my life" and the only man I would ever consider settling down with—up until only months ago. I was only a young 16-year-old girl and he was 21 when we first started seeing each other. I had a rather unstable childhood where I witnessed domestic violence from a very young age, and I left home before my 15th birthday. I did not have the best parental guidance. After leaving home I was living from house to house. I had n …

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Oxytocin, trust and why we fall for psychopaths

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  Invariably, once we realize we've been conned by a psychopath, this person has lied to us from the very beginning, and we fell for all of it, we ask why? Why did we believe? Why did we trust? The short answer is that we did what we, as social animals, are biologically designed to do. Human beings have evolved over millennia to live in community, and trust is the glue that holds us together. I just finished reading The Moral Molecule the source of love and prosperity, by Paul J. Zak. Zak spent 10 years researching a brain chemical called oxytocin and its role in human behavior. He says oxytocin inspires trust; trust is connected to morality; and morality is connected to the …

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CDC says 1 in 5 U.S. kids have a mental health disorder

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The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) releases a report stating that about 20 percent of children between the ages of 3 and 17 are living with mental health disorders. CDC finds mental health woes in one in five U.S. kids, on CBSNews.com. Mental health surveillance among children United States, 2005 - 2011, on CDC.gov.   …

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NIMH v DSM-5: Mental health professionals continue to disagree

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The bigwigs of mental health research have slammed the bigwigs of psychiatry, which will probably mean more confusion for the rest of us. In 10 days, on May 27, 2013, the American Psychiatric Association's new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental  Disorders 5th Edition, or DSM-5, will be published. This is the massive reference book that psychiatrists and therapists use in order to diagnose mental illness. But a few weeks ago, the head of the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), which is the world's largest funding agency for research into mental health, trashed the DSM-5. More precisely, Thomas R. Insel, M.D., director of NIMH, said the government agency would no longer fund …

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