All conscientious people, when there's a problem in a relationship, take a look inside eventually to see where their fault or responsibility lies. In a good couple relationship, you might have a fight over something, but then at some point, you talk about it and get a different understanding of where your partner was coming from, which can change your perspective. You might realize you reacted because it pushed some sort of button in you, perhaps some experience from your past, or you misinterpreted something. In this interchange, both people in a mutually caring relationship should eventually take responsibility for their part of the conflict. Through resolving the conflict you should end …
Relationships after the sociopath
I received the following email from the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Zimzoomit:" I saw the Lifetime Network show about you and lovefraud.com. What I would like to know is how the man who came next (your true lover, after the fraud) helped you to overcome the emotional havoc your ex who frauded you caused? Is there a specific blog or link on lovefraud.com to tell us how he helped you? Were you able to talk about things that bothered you about your ex, even ever so occasionally, when/if the haunted thoughts encroached on you ”¦ even if only occasionally but for years after the fact, and if so, what things did your new love say, to help you overcome those thoughts? Was he willing to li …
Study shows how experience affects genetics
The Los Angeles Times reported on Friday an interesting study about the effects of sleep deprivation on genetics. Essentially, lack of sleep caused some genes, such as those involved in stress reactions, to be amplified. Others, such as those involved in healing, were turned down. Read: Sleep deprivation has genetic consequences, study finds, on LATimes.com. I found this study interesting for two reasons. First of all, some sociopaths actively try to prevent their partners from getting enough sleep, and the study points to the real health consequences of this subtle form of abuse. Secondly, the study highlights the fact that genes can change. Here's a key concept: We are all born …
Wisdom: The Serenity Prayer applied to sociopaths
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr The definition of wisdom Almost everyone is familiar with the above “serenity prayer,” which is used as part of its program by Alcoholics Anonymous. Until I looked it up, I didn't know who actually wrote it. What is wisdom, though? Albert Einstein says, “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” Still, that doesn't tell us exactly what wisdom is. Wisdom is defined by Webster as: 1a: accumulated philosophic or scientific learning: knowledge 1b: abili …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe change
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “LadyinRed.” I call myself Lady in Red. Surreal, this journey has been, ongoing it is. I live in hiding. A facade, a delusion much of my life has been. I finally awoke. I became aware. This last year has shown me. A sense of entitlement I see in so many. They take from others, wanting more. A mask they wear. Welcome to my theatre, a comic tragedy. I was half past my fourth decade, separated for years, two daughters I raised. One day my eldest said, I did something for you, come see! She showed me an account on a date site in my name. Time to get out there she said, play the dating game. A computer I had never use …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe changeRead More
Towards a graduate degree in Workplace S&P&N-ology
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader PressEject. He previously wrote "Male and female sociopaths have remarkable similarities." Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. It has been about 4 1/2 years since my absurd abuse at the hands of the sociopath, which your great site helped me to make sense of, and, to eventually overcome. I am writing today in gratitude, but also with a bit of an update and reminder (at least to myself) to remain vigilant. With your help, and with the help and support of your readers, I finally had a set of tools to work with to navigate the world should S's and P's and N's eventually fall right back in my pathway. …
Doing business with a sociopath is bad business
Here's a scary fact about the prevalence of sociopaths, also called psychopaths: Dr. Robert Hare, the psychologist who developed the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R), says that approximately 1% of the general population meets his definition of a psychopath. But in a study of 200 high-potential executives, he found that 3.5% of them fit the profile of a psychopath. That means there are 3.5 times a many psychopaths in corporate offices as there are on the streets. One of them, in my opinion, is Carl R. Greene, former executive director of the Philadelphia Housing Authority (PHA). I've posted several articles about him since he was fired from the agency that he ran for 12 years in …
Man who abused a boy scout also abused his own children
The Boy Scouts of America "perversion files" from 1959 to the late 1980s were made public last year. One of the violators was Brandon Gray, who lived in Morristown, New Jersey, in 1963. The documentation of Gray's action was validation for two of his children, who were also abused, and struggled to live normal lives afterwards. Brandon Gray scout abuse: Siblings discover dad's molestation, remember own torment, on HuffingtonPost.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Man who abused a boy scout also abused his own childrenRead More
Fear-based thinking no longer runs my life
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” According to my counseling therapist, I became involved with sociopaths as a result of their motivations and their abilities to note my strengths and vulnerabilities. My vulnerabilities were formed during my childhood and manifested as a crippling condition termed, “shame core.” This core was based upon my experiences in a dysfunctional family environment of alcoholism. For whatever reasons, I believed that I was responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone, and I mean everyone. This false sense of responsibility prepared me for a lifetime of fear-based decisions and choices that included marryi …
Christian Mingle hook-up allegedly leads to rape
Navy veteran Sean Patrick Banks, 37, of Del Mar, California, was charged with raping a woman he met on the Christian Mingle dating site. Police are looking for other victims. Calif. man accused of raping woman met on Christian site, on USAToday.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …