How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Man who abused a boy scout also abused his own children

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The Boy Scouts of America "perversion files" from 1959 to the late 1980s were made public last year. One of the violators was Brandon Gray, who lived in Morristown, New Jersey, in 1963. The documentation of Gray's action was validation for two of his children, who were also abused, and struggled to live normal lives afterwards. Brandon Gray scout abuse: Siblings discover dad's molestation, remember own torment, on HuffingtonPost.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Fear-based thinking no longer runs my life

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” According to my counseling therapist, I became involved with sociopaths as a result of their motivations and their abilities to note my strengths and vulnerabilities. My vulnerabilities were formed during my childhood and manifested as a crippling condition termed, “shame core.” This core was based upon my experiences in a dysfunctional family environment of alcoholism. For whatever reasons, I believed that I was responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone, and I mean everyone. This false sense of responsibility prepared me for a lifetime of fear-based decisions and choices that included marryi …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from a Sociopathic “friend” and business partner

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Brielle.”  Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Three years ago I left someone whom I only recently understood displays all the classic symptoms of being a sociopath. I'm writing this now to help other people who have had a close relationship, but not a romantic relationship, with a sociopath. It is still just as devastating when you have made the person the centre of your world. Young, vulnerable, and naive; the perfect target I was very young when I met her, emotionally vulnerable and naïve. To me she seemed so clever and charismatic. She offered me love, seemingly solutions to my lack of self …

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Predicting recidivism of sex offenders unreliable with current tools

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Psychologists attempt to predict whether sexually violent predators (SVPs) will offend again using evaluation instruments such as the Psychopathy Checklist (PCL-R).  According to several studies, the scores among the evaluators using these tools are subjective and can vary considerably. Often times the scores vary so much the results may be considered unreliable. SVP risk tools show 'disappointing' reliability in real-world use from ForensicPsychologist.blogspot.ca. Article suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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The FBI posts on-line dating warning

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It should go without saying that there are inherent risks that accompany on-line dating.  However, in our electronic age, this practice has become quite acceptable and commonplace.  I know many people who have met their very decent significant others on dating sites.  Regardless, it is always a good idea to be cautious. A few years ago, I decided to try a popular site.  I was busy juggling parenting, fighting court battles, attending graduate school, and working.  Dating was not a priority, but I thought I'd give it a whirl.  It wasn't long before I was matched with the individual I just broke it off with!  Initially, I was confused, because while we were together, it did not seem he neede …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Why, why, why did I say yes to a sociopath?

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “IMarriedIt.” Names are changed. Thirteen years ago, I was an attractive, confident single woman. I owned a small house with 2 cats & a dog. I wasn't looking to date when I met a charsmatic man at work, Simon, or rather, he made a beeline for me. I told him I wasn't interested in dating. He then chose the words he knew would reassure me, that we could spend time together as just friends, but it wouldn't be dating. We did things together & had dinner as pals (so I thought). He amped up the charm and was likeable & witty, though I thought there was something a little strange about him. One night he rang my doo …

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Revisiting Joe Paterno’s involvement in the Jerry Sandusky case

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The Penn State bombshell exploded on November 4, 2011. That's when court documents were posted online indicating that Jerry Sandusky, the former assistant football coach, would be charged with 40 counts related to sex crimes involving minors. Since then, Jerry Sandusky has been convicted and sentenced to spend the rest of his life in prison. Graham Spanier, the Penn State president, Gary Schultz, a vice president, and Tim Curley, the athletic director, were all charged with crimes related to an alleged cover-up of Sandusky's predatory actions. They are awaiting trial. Joe Paterno, the legendary Penn State football coach, was not charged with anything. Paterno died on January 22, 2012.  …

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Fact v. Feeling: “Disorder” in Divorce

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” Names have been changed. One of the most important undertaking in divorcing from a sociopath is to remain, at all times, factual during legal proceedings. When I first entered my attorney's office to tell her why I wanted a divorce, I was hysterical and incomprehensible. This was immediately after I had been arrested for Domestic Violence, and I was in a state of sheer panic and anxiety that I had never believed possible. I didn't unload my “feelings” so much as the ugly facts about my action I had discovered that Kerby had not only been living a double-life since before we ever even met, but that his inter …

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“Did He Ever Love Me?” A Qualitative Study of Life With a Psychopathic Husband

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Just Like His Father? (available through this site) was released in October, 2006. At that time I fantasized that the audience for the book would be single parents or grandparents raising the children of personality disordered individuals. I thought that most of the disordered parents would have abandoned the family and want nothing to do with the kids. While we still do not know what percentage of personality disordered parents abandon their kids, I have come to believe that that those who do not are a much bigger social problem. Within 6 months of the release of the book, people who were trying to co-parent with severely disordered former partners began to write me. At first I did not …

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