How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Sociopathy and psychopathy: The two most difficult questions to answer.

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People frequently ask me questions about human behavior, this is natural because I'm a psychiatrist and people hope I'll have some answers. I've observed a pattern in the questions that people ask me. Often, I will give an answer I am sure is scientifically and clinically correct. At some point later, the person will come back to me and ask the same question again, perhaps phrased a little differently. This process is repeated several times until I am able to figure out why the person does not feel satisfied by my answer. Questions about sociopaths and psychopaths are often very difficult to answer in a way that brings closure to the question. The most frequently- asked questions where …

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Sociopaths as parents (part 3): Hostility spreads!

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Scientists now believe that the set of personality traits that cause sociopathy develops in people with genetic risk. But research also shows that genetics alone cannot account for the presence of sociopathy in our society. Sociopathy is caused by an interaction between genes and environment. In my opinion, many kids are twice cursed by genetics. The same genes that put them at risk also give them at least one unfit parent. This unfit parent creates an environment where the genes that produce sociopathy can become manifest. In part 1 of this series, I listed several parenting behaviors that foster the development of sociopathy. This week we will discuss the trait anger and hostility that …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Once upon a time, I would do anything for love, but not anymore

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Editor's note: This essay was submitted to the Lovefraud Blog by a reader who comments as "AlohaTraveler." I have thought about this for a long time. I have decided I am not going to tell you my story, at least not today. I have read the stories of other contributors and even more of visitors who have just discovered this site and posted their story in the blog comments. Believe me, I understand the need to tell someone what he/she did to you and your life. You just want someone to understand, because you don't. You don't understand why he did what he did. But worse, you don't understand why you let it happen or why you tolerated the intolerable far beyond reason. You don't know why you …

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Telling the truth about being conned, even when I look stupid

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Lovefraud receives a lot of e-mail. Usually the people who write the letters are dealing with the trauma of a sociopath, also called a psychopath. They thank Lovefraud for the information we provide, and ask for advice about their personal situations. Every once in awhile, however, someone writes an e-mail that is less than appreciative, such as this one from a guy named Tim: I had the misfortune to encounter your website today and must say that after laughing heartily at your story, I find your grasp of mathematics, statistics and psychology to be completely dumbfounding. Could you please explain how you arrive at the conclusion there are *exactly* 411 psychopaths in the Beverly …

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Sociopaths as Parents (Part 2): What the child sees matters!

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Recent scientific studies show that genes strongly influence the development of sociopathy (For more on this, see Just Like His Father? — A Guide to Overcoming Your Child's Genetic Connection to Antisocial Behavior, Addiction & ADHD). If we take all the studies together, it looks like genes and childhood environment contribute equally to sociopathy in our society. While we can't yet alter genetics, we can do something about environment. Parents are a large part of a child's early environment, so it makes sense to question whether parenting contributes to antisocial behavior. Parents can transmit antisocial behavior to children any number of ways. The most obvious route of transmission i …

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If someone has most psychopathic traits, it’s reason enough to leave

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Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader: My ex has almost all the characteristics I have read on your site. He lies habitually, is financially irresponsible, and lets the burden fall on friends and family, and he started to burden me from the beginning financially on a small scale. I had hints in the beginning that he was a jerk when he disrespected my father (I wasn't sure at the time if it was on purpose, or inadvertent), but at the same time it was confusing because he seemed so pleasant, helpful and charming. He also cooked for me every night and helped me with my kids, but as far as work goes, he was lazy and lied about working at times. He borrowed small …

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Knowledge keeps me aware. My choices keep me safe

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It is the rare Saturday morning that doesn't find me and my Golden Retriever, Ellie, walking up the trail to crest the ridge of Nose Hill Park, 280 acres of rolling prairie grasses that sprawl along the northern edge of the city. This Saturday morning was no exception. Early morning. Cool air. Gentle breezes. The sky a gun metal grey blanket streaked with hopeful blue screwing up the courage to pierce the clouds and send them scuttling away. Ellie gamboled joyfully along the path, her snout quivering in anticipation of the many smells trapped in the grasses lining our path. We were alone in the gentle morning. Happy. Excited. Alive. As we walked a woman and her dog jogged towards us. …

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Sociopaths and Parenting (part 1)

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This week I have to retract an earlier statement I made. I said there were no studies on sociopaths and their parenting behavior. Well, many of you will be happy to know that I didn't give up and I have found some, finally. Because many out there need specific references and specific guidance, I am going to give you all the references I have found along with my analysis of the studies. I will also write letters to the authors, and try to form a consensus statement with them that can be used in custody proceedings. According to a recent paper (Jan, 2007) published in Child Development, Cognitive and Parenting Pathways in the Transmission of Antisocial Behavior From Parents to Adolescents, …

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With sociopaths, financial precautions don’t matter

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Lovefraud.com has posted a new case study: Pilot romances his co-worker, gets her to buy him a plane. Yes, it's true. Lance Larabee, who lives near Seattle, Washington, convinced Debbie White, who lives near Chicago, Illinois, to go into business with him. He had the idea; she had the money—her recent divorce settlement. All he needed was a plane, a boat, a conversion van and money to clear up some debts. The business never got off the ground. Five and a half years later, White learned that she had essentially bought Larabee toys—big, expensive toys that he apparently used to impress other women. Her money was gone, and she had nothing to show for it. In fact, she was more than $10 …

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Guys: Watch out for women con artists!

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There are a few things we can be absolutely sure of when it comes to con artists who are all sociopaths/ psychopaths. The first is that they will take advantage of loop holes in the legal system. We have received several letters from men in that last few months detailing the lengths psychopathic women will go to in order to extort money from men. You see, in most states, if there is a separation or divorce custody of children is handed to mothers. She who gets the kids, gets money. Professional mother is the perfect occupation for a female psychopath. All she has to do is have sex, get pregnant, and she's got it made! For her, kids aren't a liability; they are an asset she can use in the …

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