Life continually delivers up opportunities to grow, to learn, to shift my perceptions, to experience new things, to embrace new ideas, to let go and let change happen. Since the sociopath has been gone from my life, the lessons I've embraced are ones that support me. They're lessons that enrich my life with love and laughter. I've been dating C.C. for four months now. Known him for three years. I know who he is. I know his values. His beliefs. I know he is true. And still, sometimes, I feel the fear of the past haunting me. Recently, I stayed late at the office trying to clear up a project I need to have finished by the end of the month. It was dark by the time I got home, but the house …
Most cheaters are amateurs; sociopaths are professionals
Lovefraud recently received a very nice e-mail from the editor of HowToDoThings.com, complimenting the information provided by Lovefraud. She suggested that an article from her website might be of interest to Lovefraud readers. It is called How To Recognize the Signs of Cheating Men. I checked out the article. Now, I mean absolutely no disrespect to HowToDoThings.com, but the article describes cheating by mere amateurs, not sociopaths. Signs of a cheating man According to the article, all of the following should raise a woman's suspicions that her guy might be cheating: 1. He improves his personal appearance. 2. He finds fault with you. 3. Your sex life changes. 4. He uses a …
Most cheaters are amateurs; sociopaths are professionalsRead More
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I met another sociopath on MillionaireMatch.com
Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader. I went on a date last night with a man I met on MillionaireMatch.com. Looked great on paper. His photograph was so-so and I didn't expect much. We met at a restaurant and when he walked in I thought to myself, "Oh that's not him; he's too good looking." Well it turned out to be him. We introduced, started talking and he teased me, and asked if I was buying dinner. That was my first red flag. Why would a proclaimed millionaire ask me to pay? I thought perhaps he was screening out gold diggers. We never left the bar nor had dinner, although he paid for an appetizer and drink. He talked about his life …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I met another sociopath on MillionaireMatch.comRead More
Veterans Day wake-up call: Sociopaths as military impostors
Every Sunday my local newspaper, the Press of Atlantic City, prints the names of servicemen and women who died the previous week in Iraq and Afghanistan. Every Sunday, I make myself read the names. It's the least I can do to honor their sacrifice. Today, Veterans Day, the newspaper printed a story about a local young man, a private, killed in Baghdad six months ago. I'm afraid I couldn't read the story—it was too upsetting. Veterans Day was always important to my ex-husband, James Montgomery. He wanted to show his patriotism and commemorate the comrades he lost in Vietnam as a member of the Australian military. In fact, when we met, 25 years after Vietnam, Montgomery claimed he was still a …
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Sociopaths and Psychopaths: Have you no shame?
Shame, along with guilt, embarrassment and pride, is a moral emotion. Shame is the emotion we experience when we discover a defect in ourselves. The expression of shame is a submissive response. It is an acknowledgment to others of the defect and the decline in our status that results from the defect. This submissive response shows to others our attempts to conform, improve ourselves, apologize, and make amends. Early experts in psychopathy documented that the absence of shame is part of the disorder. According to Dr. Cleckley, author of The Mask of Sanity, psychopaths are incapable of feeling shame. Because they do not feel shame, they blame everyone else for their problems. “The p …
BOOK REVIEW: How to Spot a Dangerous Man
Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader: I have been involved with a man for the past seven years. We don't live together but he has stayed at my home on and off. Anything rotten in a relationship I have had to deal with--lies, cheating, humiliation, emotional abuse and financial, not that he took money from me but sponged off a single mother. This man makes good money and has never made a commitment to anyone, lots of broken promises and excuses. He has a problem with breaking the connection with me, always trying to get back in and regain his supply. I believe this man is a psychopath/narcissist. I have reverted to just trying to remain friends but I don't think for him …
My sister is a sociopath
This is a true story told to me by one of my University students. Marisol describes life with her sister, a sociopath: My stepfather sexually molested me when I was eight. My sister who was nine, was also molested; I know because I saw him go to her. We never talked about what happened. When she was 20, I asked her and she denied it then admitted it happened to her when I said I saw him. My father was shot and killed when we were very young. He used drugs and had a bad temper, so someone shot him. My sister was always wild when we were growing up. We fought a lot and there wasn't much affection in my family. My sister has been sexually promiscuous since her teen years. I never had any …
“Cybersharks,” on Canadian TV, includes a Lovefraud story
W-FIVE, the top Canadian investigative TV journalism show, will include the story of Liz Cole, a Lovefraud reader, in its Cybersharks episode airing Saturday, November 3 at 7 p.m. The program reveals the real dangers of online dating. In this episode, W-FIVE's Victor Malarek uncovers cases where women who met potential suitors through online dating services were later conned for thousands of dollars, and in some cases, forced to endure extensive physical and mental abuse. W-FIVE cameras are rolling as Malarek tracks down one known criminal and online predator. The show will air on Saturday, November 3 at 7 p.m. (EDT) on CTV network in Canada and will be repeated on Sunday, November 4 at 5 …
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BOOK REVIEW: Silent Partner, by the wife of former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey
"At a point in every person's life, one has to look deeply into the mirror of one's soul and decide one's unique truth in the world, not as we may want to see it or hope to see it, but as it is. And so, my truth is that I am a gay American." That's how the former governor of New Jersey, James McGreevey, came out to the world in a press conference on August 13, 2004, as reported by CNN. McGreevey announced that he was being blackmailed because of an affair with a man and was resigning. During the press conference, the governor's wife, Dina Matos McGreevey, stood at his side, with a weird smile pasted on her face. She was obviously shell-shocked. The McGreeveys had started dating in …
BOOK REVIEW: Silent Partner, by the wife of former New Jersey Governor James McGreeveyRead More
Sociopathy and psychopathy: The two most difficult questions to answer.
People frequently ask me questions about human behavior, this is natural because I'm a psychiatrist and people hope I'll have some answers. I've observed a pattern in the questions that people ask me. Often, I will give an answer I am sure is scientifically and clinically correct. At some point later, the person will come back to me and ask the same question again, perhaps phrased a little differently. This process is repeated several times until I am able to figure out why the person does not feel satisfied by my answer. Questions about sociopaths and psychopaths are often very difficult to answer in a way that brings closure to the question. The most frequently- asked questions where …
Sociopathy and psychopathy: The two most difficult questions to answer.Read More