Once upon a time I fell in love with a dream. Well, actually, I thought I fell in love with a man, but he turned out to be a sociopath, and my life became a nightmare. But that's a whole other story about a whole other lifetime ago! (You can read about it in The Dandelion Spirit. A true life fairy tale of love, lies and letting go.) Today, my life is far different and even better than before I met the sociopath, and it's not because a man made my dreams come true! (Which is sort of what I was hoping and looking for when I met the sociopath.) My life is amazing because I am living my life to the fullest, working on making my own dreams come true and stepping with grace and dignity through …
Employee from hell sounds like a psychopath
The cover photo of Fortune Small Business magazine's March issue is a guy sitting on top of a water cooler. He's wearing a red striped shirt and a blue and red tie. He has red horns popping out of his bald head. The topic: “Employees from hell.” One of the cover stories is about The turncoat No. 2 who tries to take over the business. A woman who started a company hired a guy, called Benedict Arnold in the story, as her second-in-command. After about a year, she noticed that Arnold was inflating his expenses, taking two- and three-hour lunches, and showing up late for important meetings. She was about to discipline him when Arnold dropped his own bomb. He told her she had to resign from he …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: I don’t understand why I still care
One of our readers wrote the following, nearly everyone of us has expressed the same sentiments: One phone conversation with him could go from loving words in the very begining to total ugliness toward the end and he would often get really mean and hang up on me. It was like he was Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde all rolled into one. You never knew what he was going to be like... In spite of all this, I still love him and can't stop thinking about him. I guess it's just that I remember the good times and what a loving and caring man he could be when he wanted to. I know I am still grieving over this, because he still haunts me and I can't seem to get him out of my system. And I know now that …
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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Why are addicts and sociopaths similar?
Tough Cookie wrote: I have found that sociopaths often tend to be abusers of drugs. In my case, my sociopathic boy friend was addicted heavily to drugs. It seem to me that sociopaths and drug addicts tend to hold very similar characteristics (i.e. manipulative, selfish, impulsivity). How is one able to tell the difference between the characteristics of sociopath and the characteristics of a drug addict? You made a very good observation, that is, many sociopaths are addicts/alcoholics and many addicts/alcoholics have sociopathic tendencies. Remember, sociopathy is a spectrum, with mild, moderate and severe cases. Severely sociopathic people are called psychopaths. Why the link between …
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Lying, cheating and online dating
Online dating was the topic of a research report released last year by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. Here are some of the findings: 10 million Internet-using adults are seeking romantic partners 37 percent of them—3.7 million people—have gone to a dating website 43 percent of online daters think the activity involves risk 52 percent of online daters agree that a lot of people on the sites lie about their marital status Online dating is big business. U.S. residents spent $469.5 million on online dating and personals in 2004, according to Wikipedia. So online dating sites don't want their product to get a bad reputation—like they are full of cheaters. Most people …
“Will I ever be the same” (Part 2)
A syndrome called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can affect victims of sociopaths. The trauma of losing love, friends, family, possessions and of enduring psychological/physical abuse is the cause of this disorder. To fight the symptoms of PTSD, it is helpful to understand the symptoms and how they relate to loss and trauma. As I read through the current literature on PTSD, I quickly discovered that there is a fair amount of controversy regarding this disorder. We can actually learn about the disorder by listening to the arguments. The first question on which there is much disagreement is, “What trauma is severe enough to cause PTSD?” There were several editorials by experts dis …
Victor or victim after the sociopath is gone
In the aftermath of an encounter with a sociopath, it is easy to get stuck in the "why." Why did he/she do it? Why didn't he love me? Why did she treat me so badly? Why me? Why him? Why her? Why? Why? Why? In healing, it's imperative to let go of why to focus on "what." What can I do for myself today that will ease my aching heart? What can I do to heal? What do I need to do to reclaim my soul, my spirit, my essence? What steps can I take to lead me away from the horror and pain of yesterday to embracing myself in love today? What is important to me today? What will create more of what I want in my life rather than less? What next? I will never know why he did what he did. I will never …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is this child beginning to act like a sociopath?
Recently we received this question: A friend of mine has a 4 year old little boy that I am very worried about. This child shows many signs of anti-social behavior. He is manipulative. He is conniving. He is a liar. He is vindictive. He is sneaky. He will do things, look to see if you are noticing, and have an evil little smile on his face seeming to dare you to do or say anything. Is this the beginning behavior of a sociopath? His mother seems to be oblivious to his behaviors. However she told me that she plans to home-school him”¦so I have to wonder if perhaps she has “seen” something in him. The idea worries me, because at least if he was going to school”¦maybe someone else would truly s …
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ASK DR. LEEDOM: answers to your questions about sociopaths
Lovefraud is pleased to announce a new service for our readers—ASK DR. LEEDOM. Liane J. Leedom, M.D., is a psychiatrist who knows exactly what it is like to be deceived by a sociopath. Even with the best training in psychiatry—USC, UCLA and Yale—she, herself, failed to recognize the symptoms. She married a sociopath, who is the father of her son. Does she understand what you're going through? You bet. If you have a question for Dr. Leedom, send your question directly to her at drleedom@lovefraud.com. Your question will be posted on the Lovefraud Blog, along with her answer. Not only will it help you, it will help others who are recovering from a run-in with a sociopath. Please note: all qu …
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“Will I ever be the same?” (Part 1)
Nearly every person who has been in a relationship with a sociopath and survived, has asked, “Will I ever be the same?” When we ask this question, what we are really asking is if we are permanently damaged. We all know that every day we age, grow and change, therefore on a minute to minute basis we are technically not the same even when good things happen. But the trauma we have experienced is different from our everyday experiences that change us little by little. This trauma resulted from an enormous psychological, emotional and financial catastrophe. The trauma is all the more severe because the catastrophe was caused intentionally as an act of aggression by someone we loved-a sociopath. O …