It's easy to fall asleep at the wheel on the road of life. To lose consciousness under the seeming weight of sorrows, trials and tribulations pounding you into the dirt. To forget to open your eyes to the wonders passing by. Everyday living has a numbing effect on reality. However, if you're in relationship with someone who resembles the label of a sociopath, psychopath, narcissistic personality disordered or any other disorderly letter of the alphabet, it's even easier to forget who you are and where you're going. Staying awake drifts from your mind as you are drained by the numbing effect of his abuse. The deeper your drift, the further waking up races from possibility. When we're in an …
Fred Brito claims he’s “The Benevolent Con”
Last month Dr. Liane Leedom wrote an article called Fred Brito: A con artist profiled by Dateline. Dr. Leedom's observations about the Dateline story were: Fred fooled many people who should have known better Fred fits the profile of a sociopath Fred projects positive energy that is nearly euphoric Fred has an enormous sense of entitlement Fred sought the company of high-status individuals Fred doesn't appear to have a love life Dr. Leedom's comments about Fred strike me as being fairly mild. They aren't the type of comments that a man who agreed to be interviewed by a national investigative television show, or someone who is running for state senator in New Mexico, …
The cardinal sign of sociopathy: Every sociopath ______!
Lovefraud receives many letters from people who want a sign. Readers ask, "How do I know whether or not someone is a sociopath?" There is one behavior that every sociopath engages in to extreme excess. If I were only allowed one criteria for the diagnosis I would choose this behavior. If someone does not do this thing to extreme excess he/she is certainly not a sociopath. Those of you who have been involved with a sociopath know too well what this one thing is. It is lying. I enjoy reading old religious texts because I believe there is truly nothing new under the sun. It is comforting to get reassurance of that fact. I mentioned some time ago that female sociopaths are described in the …
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Book review: Win Your Child Custody War
Lovefraud receives many e-mails and phone calls from parents who are in child custody disputes with sociopathic ex-partners. If this is you, you are desperate for help and advice. Personally, I think these are the most tragic cases involving sociopaths. Sociopaths are incapable of loving anyone, including their children. Children, therefore, are pawns in their game, and the game is to torture you. In the worst cases, the game is also to turn your child into a Mini Me, a budding sociopath. To make matters worse, sociopaths are capable of putting on such convincing appearances—smoothly blending partial truth with lies and accusations—that judges frequently believe them. Sociopaths also …
Lessons from New Orleans: How to come back after disaster strikes
In 1991, I sat at the Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans, Louisiana with my five month old daughter in a stroller. I had every reason to be happy and optimistic. I was there to present the results of my research at a scientific meeting. I was about to finish residency training and move to Connecticut for a fellowship at Yale. That trip I also visited the zoo and fell in love with the city. I promised myself I would bring my daughter back when she was old enough to really appreciate the culture and history. On our trip to the zoo, I noticed a display that described what would happen to the city in the event of a major hurricane. I don't know if it is still there. I remember thinking that nothing …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is not love, but poison
Editor's note: The following letter was sent by a reader to Lovefraud. It is posted with the permission of the author. After dating Charles for a year (“the four seasons” — a term he used often in our relationship and his simultaneous relationship with Sue, it was the marker of when we would marry), I got the answer I was looking for. I had added “Family Locator Service” to my cell phone, placed my extra phone is his car and waited until 4 a.m. to have the nerve to do the fatal search. There it was in black and white — my worst fears are true. He was living with another woman. Her name is Sue, widow and mother of two children almost the same age as my own. Another family in the making …
Gambling with a sociopath
Over the last 30 years, the United States has seen an explosion of legalized gambling. Slot machines, blackjack tables and lotteries are a growth industry. Casinos are flourishing not far from me; I could be there every day if I wanted to. But I don't go. I'm not a gambler. Still, I know how gamblers feel because I was with a sociopath. It didn't take long for ex-husband, James Montgomery, to start taking money from me. He called his first suggestion that I give him $5,000 an "investment opportunity." Subsequent requests were described as "building our future together." Then I shouldn't worry about putting expenses on my credit cards because he would "pay everything off when the projects …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: Am I also a sociopath?
Recently, a woman sent me a letter with this question/comment. Her former lover accused her of also being a sociopath, he said, "”¦The truth is that you're just like me. You're in this because you want something for yourself, for your own life”¦You're more dangerous than me, because you give the appearance of being a good person, but you're really untrustworthy and selfish." Then the woman wrote, “So my question is that I sometimes wonder if I'm sociopath too and it's the real reason we gravitated toward each other.” The psychological warfare that sociopaths engage in can leave a lover with many self doubts as this woman expresses. After my encounter with a sociopath, I too looked within …
Make your truth your reality after the sociopath is gone
A caterpillar spins its cocoon without conscious thought of why or when or how. Nature propels its spinning ways until, possibly out of sheer exhaustion, it falls asleep to dream about flying free of the cloying nature of its weave. When the time is right, its metamorphosis from one state to another is complete and a butterfly is born. We are not the caterpillar, being transformed by forces of nature beyond our control. We are human beings, doing the things that put us in control, or out of control as the case may be, of our transformation. Often, laden with our self-limiting beliefs, we resist change like a cat resists taking a bath. We claw and spit our way into reverse action, spinning …
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Are they just evil people?
An evil person is one who exploits or harms most everyone he/she encounters; the question of the utmost importance is do evil people share certain personality characteristics? Perhaps personality type has nothing to do with evil. We all know that every person has made bad moral choices at one time or another so perhaps people who repeatedly make bad moral choices are no different than anyone else. There are many reasons to consider whether evil people have a special or different personality type. For Lovefraud readers, the best reason is to define and learn to recognize a group of people to avoid. The assertion that evil people share a common personality type has profound philosophical and …