How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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I am Blessed. A Victor’s Story — Four years after the sociopath

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On Monday, May 21, 2003 at 9:14 am, a miracle drove up in a blue and white police cruiser and set me free. I was in hiding with the sociopath who was trying to escape Canada into the States where he said he had money hidden. I didn't really believe him but I didn't care what happened to me. By that point in our 4 year 9 months relationship, I had completely given up on me and given into him. It was only a matter of time before he killed me as I had become an albatross holding him back from getting out of the country - at least that's what he kept telling me. I know he wanted me to take my own life, but why bother? I was already the walking, breathing dead. What difference would it make if I …

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Optical illusions: autostereograms and sociopaths

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Editor's note: The following essay was contributed to Lovefraud by Kenneth Royce at www.javelinpress.com. Ken discovered that a "friend" was a pathological liar, serial thief and con artist. "Though he made off with over $10,000 of my property in a very complicated scam," Ken says, "it's had the ironic benefit of outing him for the sociopath he is, and thus warning many other unsuspecting people." Autostereograms produce an illusion of depth using only a single image. The image is usually generated by computer, by repeating a narrow pattern from left to right. By decoupling eye convergence from focusing operations, a viewer is able to trick the brain into seeing a 3D scene. How to see …

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New hope for the children of sociopaths

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Those who have read Just Like His Father? know that sociopathy is a disorder with a strong genetic basis. Science has further established a genetic link between sociopathy, addiction and ADHD. The children of sociopaths, therefore, carry genetic risk for sociopathy, addiction and ADHD. If a genetically at-risk child receives special nurturing during the developmental years, prior to puberty, he/she has the greatest chance to grow up free of these disorders. To attach real numbers to the problem of sociopathic parents and their children, consider that 25% of U.S. women are victims of domestic violence. Studies of male perpetrators of domestic violence reveal that 50% are sociopaths and …

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The psychopath and our own self-image

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"His online personal ad shows him as a clean-cut, athletic man with a friendly face, a sense of humor and a love for the outdoors. Many women would consider him a serious prospect, based on his ad. The problem is, Mike Andes is a convicted murderer ”¦" A reader recently sent Lovefraud this news story about Prison Personals, produced by KATU in Portland, Oregon. It turns out that thousands of convicts are looking for love online. Prisoners generally do not have access to the Internet. But apparently friends and family members can provide information to websites such as WriteAPrisoner.com, which then posts ads. Anyone who wants to respond to an ad—offering a gesture of friendship to some …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: What is the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath?

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The first question victims of love fraud ask concerns themselves and is generally something like, “Why is this so hard for me mentally?” The second question concerns the perpetrator, “What is wrong with him/her?” Many seek answers to these questions on the internet and in the popular psychology literature. A person looking for answers in these sources is just as likely to read about narcissism as he/she is to read about sociopathy. Thus the confusion between narcissism and sociopathy begins. When trying to understand the difference (if any) between narcissists and sociopaths, it is important to understand why we have psychiatric diagnoses in the first place. We have diagnostic categories bec …

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Finding grace in the healing journey

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On Monday I had lunch with a friend from my past. In our early twenties we worked together. Just the two of us at first in an office that eventually grew to +20 people. For my friend, Leslie* and for me, this was an exciting, and a stressful time. We both grew up in similar circumstances where alcohol played an enormous role in our formative years. We both had older siblings and we both had dreams we were too afraid to speak. My friend Leslie was the first woman I knew who married an abuser. I remember at the time I didn't go to her wedding because I could not in good conscience wish her well -- I knew the things he did to her before they married. Why would she marry him, I …

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Con artist swindles 132 women, taking $320,241

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Lovefraud has just posted a new case study about Patrick M. Giblin of New Jersey. This guy swindled 132 women, whom he met through telephone dating services, out of $320,241—and those are just the crimes that the authorities know about. Giblin blew the money on casino gambling. Giblin's sentencing took place in the federal courthouse in Camden, New Jersey, on April 17, 2006. Giblin told the court his version of "the devil made me do it" story—that he took all that money from all those women because he was addicted to gambling. Giblin's apology Oh, he put on quite a show, reading a letter of apology to his victims. Here it is: I am a greedy idiot who was concerned about one thing only, HIM …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: FAQ #1 “Why is this so hard for us mentally?”

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The question victims of sociopaths most frequently ask is, “Why am I having such a hard time getting beyond this?” I am going to give an answer, but I'm afraid that since the answer is intellectual and not emotional, it may not feel complete or satisfactory. This is how a reader phrased this question: It's interesting because it seems like a lot of members on the board (myself included) have mentioned how difficult it is to get rid of thoughts of their sociopath. They seem to haunt us even after they have left our lives. As if the damage and destruction was not enough, they continue to be a part of our lives through our minds. We have to acknowledge that this question is not only asked by v …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Why does it seem I know more than the experts?

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Lately, many readers have added insightful comments to this blog. I would like to share this one and add that you may indeed know more about sociopathy than the so-called experts. As far as charisma in sociopaths goes, my theory is this: if a sociopath has no conscience (and no guilt), he or she might often be in a better mood - or at least appear to be in a better mood - i.e; generally more upbeat and seemingly happy with whatever is going on - than the average decent non-sociopathic person dealing with the typical ups and downs of daily life. I have heard that when someone is feeling happy, his or her facial expressions. tone of voice, and even their pheramones and neuro-chemicals are …

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Gaslight: a glimpse of psychopathic manipulations

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The word "gaslight," when used as a verb, means "to manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity; to subtly drive someone crazy." It's a term that's been used on this website to describe the psychological damage inflicted by a psychopath. I was aware that the word, when used in this way, was a reference to the 1944 movie Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, Angela Lansbury and Joseph Cotton. But I had never seen the film. A few days ago, I watched Gaslight for the first time. The story is set in Edwardian London, where an accomplished singer is mysteriously strangled in her home. The crime is discovered by the singer's young niece, Paula Alquist (Ingrid Bergman). …

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