Why would a man who had no children and proclaimed himself an atheist buy a collection of decorative Easter eggs? This is exactly what my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who I believe is a sociopath, did while we were together. Now, these were not ordinary chocolate Easter eggs. One was a real egg, so big that it must have been laid by an ostrich, with a delicate feather attached and perched on a rustic wooden platform. Another real egg rested in a cozy, handcrafted nest of dried flowers, tied with a ribbon. Then there were two small wooden eggs from somewhere in Eastern Europe, delicately hand-painted. The eggs all came from expensive gift shops. So why did my ex buy them? Because …
How sociopaths are diagnosed
Sociopaths are difficult to identify—in part because they all behave differently, and some are worse than others. There are sociopaths who hold a job, get married, attend church—yet emotionally abuse their families, cheat on their spouses, manipulate their coworkers, steal from their employers, and never get caught. There are sociopaths who never work, torture animals, con their relatives and commit cold-blooded murder—and end up in jail. And there are plenty of sociopaths in between. The point is that sociopaths exhibit a wide range of behaviors. So it is not just the behavior that defines the sociopath—it is the personality traits as well. Dr. Robert Hare has identified the key sym …
Looks like a sociopath on the Dr. Phil Show
I happened to see the Dr. Phil Show on March 23, 2006. The topic for the day was Nasty Custody Battles. (The show originally aired on January 9, 2006.) One segment was called An Out-of-Control Father? It featured Angela and Chris, the parents of a seven-year-old girl. Chris wanted visitation rights. Angela didn't want Chris to see their daughter. She feared for the girl's safety. Why? Here's how Chris matter-of-factly described his past on the show: "As a juvenile, I was incarcerated for burning down a house. I stabbed one guy three times and it paralyzed him from the neck down. They ended up convicting me of assault causing bodily injury," he said. "I was arrested in 2001 for …
Risking death to stand up to threats
Lovefraud.com recently heard from a woman in Illinois, who we'll call Mary. Mary is trying to protect herself and her eight-year-old daughter from her ex-boyfriend, the daughter's father, who has guns and has threatened to use them. Not only is Mary fighting the ex, but she's fighting lawyers—both hers and his—and an unresponsive family court. Mary left the ex for good in 2001, when their daughter was three. The guy has an alcohol problem and a 20-year arrest record. He has five arrests for DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) and 14 DWLR arrests (driving while license revoked). He has two arrests for domestic battery. Two different women have sought protection orders against him, …
Sociopathy–People Magazine doesn’t get it
Last year People Magazine put out a special publication called True Crime Stories—Cases that shocked America. It is a 144-page collection of headline-grabbing murders, rapes and thefts. It also suggests that when it comes to sociopaths, People Magazine just doesn't get it. The book includes 96 cases, plus celebrity mug shots. The word "sociopaths" was used once, in the introduction to the chapter called Murder for Murder's Sake. Here is what it says: "There's one group most of us don't understand: those whose motive for killing is killing itself. They don't hate their victims; often they don't even know their victims. When caught, they rarely plead, whine or cry. Frequently they're c …
Tolerance is not for sociopaths
Not long ago my husband and I saw Rob Becker's Defending the Caveman, a one-man comedy about men, women, and how we're different. It gives funny-but-true explanations of why men watch television so intently, why women shop so intently, why women talk more than men and many other characteristics of the sexes that often lead to conflict. The show starts from the premise that women tend to believe all men are jerks (the actual terminology is a bit more colorful). The actor, our modern-day caveman, uses humor and compassion to defend his sex. The message he wants to convey is that men aren't jerks, and neither are women. We're just different, and we should learn to understand and appreciate …
Call Ed Hicks a bigamist, but not a sociopath
Ed Hicks pleaded guilty to bigamy in a Chesapeake, Virginia courtroom on March 2. He will sit in jail until his sentencing on May 8. Ed Hicks was married seven times, and court records indicate that four of the unions were bigamous. As you might expect, the story is complicated—for details read the Ed Hicks case history on Lovefraud.com. Here's the quick version: Sandra Hicks, the seventh wife, filed bigamy charges against Ed Hicks last year. Worried that her "husband" would get away with a slap on the hand—bigamy is rarely prosecuted—Sandra went to the media. The Washington Post published a story about Hicks and his marrying ways on July 1, 2005, the date of his initial hearing on the …
Sociopaths troll for victims with online ads
Millions of people use online dating sites to search for the person of their dreams. And millions of people have learned the great lesson of online dating: It's easy to lie on the Internet. So now, not only are there dating sites, but there are sites to expose the lying daters. The New York Times featured some of these sites in an article on February 16, 2006, headlined (Name Here) Is a Liar and a Cheat. (Registration required to read the story.) The article featured sites like DontDateHimGirl.com and Manhaters.com, which, as the Times wrote, "are dedicated to outing bad apples or just identifying people who may not be rotten but whose dating profiles are rife with fiction." Another …
Oprah and the con man
This past Monday, February 13, The Oprah Winfrey Show aired a story called Casanova Conman. It profiled Eric Cooper of the Houston, Texas area, who allegedly married or became engaged to nine women in 10 years. Five of the women appeared on the show. Between 1994 and 2004, Cooper married Melissa, Kimberly, April, Paula, another April, Jennifer and Krystal. All the marriages happened quickly, and at least two were allegedly bigamous. He also became engaged to Brandy and Tonya. He has three daughters, and a child on the way, all with different women. So how did Cooper convince so many women to say "yes"? He told them he was in the Navy, or a Navy pilot, or a Navy SEAL, and showed up for …
He or she is a sociopath–now what?
Before you figure out that you're involved with a sociopath, your dominant state of mind in the relationship is confusion. There are times when he (or she) is the most charming person on Earth. But he has been lying to you for so long that you don't know what is true and what is false. One day he says the two of you are soul mates, the next day he beats you. You're walking around on eggshells, never sure when a minor issue will send him into a rage. Nothing makes any sense—until you realize that you're dealing with a sociopath. Then suddenly, like a bright light coming on in a dark room, it all makes sense. But now, if you're still involved with the predator, you have to decide what …