Last week I asked whether there might be physical consequences to life with a psychopath. Judging from the many and fascinating reader responses it seems that many people suspect that these relationships have indeed affected their health. Boldily pains, chronic anxiety, eating disorders, weight fluctuations, difficulties with sleep, headaches – all these and more either started or worsened at the time of the relationships. Some ailments straight away resolved themselves when the relationship ended, others linger.
Before I give a brief conceptualisation of a linkage between life events and physical health I must clarify terms. I am not talking here about hypochondria, imagining and and worrying about being ill. I am talking about psychosomatics, a term which has become confused for some to mean, ‘it’s all in your mind.’ Psychosomatic ailments are real ailments. A migraine headache, even if it has a psychological element, has real constriction of blood vessels, real pain, real vomiting, real response to medication – it is not imagined. As you’ll see below, to me it makes no sense to speak of something being only in the mind.
A personal example
Since childhood I suffered from migraine headaches. There is probably some genetic disposition at work – my mother and her sister were both migrainous. There were some physical things that seemed to make my migraines more likely – bright light, dehydration. However, there was also something psychological at work. How do I know? First, while I usually got three of four migraines a year, one year I was migrainous during each weekly session of a class I was teaching – too much of a coincidence. Second, although my migraines weren’t an actual topic during my therapy when I trained as a psychotherapist, somehow my migraines stopped then. Therapy is not all I was doing. I was seeing a chiropractor, doing Pilates, improving my diet, writing.
What happened? In short here’s what I’ve come to. For me migraines were in part the consequence of unexpressed anger. (During the course I was teaching I was angry about something but did nothing about it because one doesn’t get angry with one’s students, right?). Somehow the combination of psychotherapy and other activities untied that particular emotional/physical knot for me and since then it has not been necessary for me to have a migraine. Now if I feel a fluttering in my left temple I say to myself, “There’s something (emotional) going on”, and that redirection of attention seems to be enough.
I’m not suggesting anyone’s else’s journey will go the same way as mine did. In fact I know that’s most unlikely. Each person needs to work out their own – preferably multi-pronged – approach. NB Please do not take this a recommendation to eschew regular medical treatment; when I say ‘multipronged’ I mean tackle the matter from several angles including, of course, medical science.
Psychesoma, MindBody
Body-mind medicine is not everyone’s cup of tea. If you are interested see this review of a recent book on the field’s history.
Here are some notions on psychosomatics from Dr. Brian Broom (see also here and here):
What are some of the assumptions then, of MindBody healing?
- Body and mind are inextricably involved with each other, indeed they cannot be separated.
- Mind elements are important in developing, triggering and perpetuating disease.
- Mind elements also play a role in wellness and protection from disease.
- Sometimes there needs to be a pure focus on the body as the best approach to illness, while at other times a pure focus on the mind is more important.
- In many situations, however, a combined approach is likely to give the best outcome for the patient.
- It is important to attend to ”˜mind’ in all patients, even in what is normally regarded as ”˜physical’ illness. Attending to mind implies many elements including: respect for the patient’s ”˜illness experience’; listening for the meaning of illness; understanding the individual’s model of illness; regard for the role of trauma; attention to family, relationship, societal, cultural, and spiritual forces promoting illness or healing; regard for the influence of sociological factors such as poverty, unemployment, and loss of identity; and the role of biomedicine in rendering mind aspects invisible.
Chronic stress
Life with a psychopath provides great and ongoing inner tension and may also inhibit the ways that tension can be relieved. While it’s neither the whole story nor everyone’s story, it makes sense to me that there may be a lot more bottling up in a relationship with a psychopath than normal and what has been bottled up may well have consequences.
We are beings who, it seems, will make manifest what’s going on inside, whether we do it through action, emotions, expression, or bodily symptoms.
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Next week I will describe one simple method that has been scientifically shown to improve some ‘physical’ ailments which have a psychological component. In the meantime, what have you found that helps?
Thank you OxDrover for a beautiful post. And thank you everyone who has posted here. I, too, have lost the weight (one good thing that has come out of all of this) and the sleep.
My appetite has returned and I am finally doing better in the sleep department. At first I couldn’t sleep at all. I’d just lie in bed and think. Think think think. My mind constantly whirling. Looking for a way in, looking for a way out. Looking for answers I never could find.
Then, out of utter exhaustion, I went through a period where I would blessedly fall asleep. Sweet relief. But only for two or three hours. Then I’d wake up and start thinking again. I couldn’t shut my mind off.
Now I’m sleeping better. Five or six hours on average. But I still often wake in the night and start thinking, or wake early in the morning and start thinking.
This has always been one of my weaknesses, my tendency to brood. Intellectually, I know it gets me nowhere, in fact it always makes me feel worse. But, still, it’s so hard for me to break the cycle.
I feel as though I have to go back and reprocess the past nineteen years. But how can I reconcile so many years of being completely deceived with what really happened? I try to get on with my life, but I keep tripping over memories.
This past weekend I had company and we went for a walk on the local bike path. I hadn’t been on that path for more than a year. Oh my God, so many memories. My husband and I spent many hours there while I trained for my first marathon. We ran together or he rode beside me on his bike, handing me water bottles, urging me on.
We took our daughter there from the time she was a newborn. I have pictures of my husband carrying her in a backpack. We took her there in her stroller. We took her on her scooter, we took her on her bike.
And all the time this man of my dreams (nightmare more like it) was leading a double life. There was life as I saw it, the happy charade, and then there was reality, life behind the veil. And now the veil is ripped, I see behind it, and what I see is so ghastly.
Just this morning I was brooding about how, ever since my husband began his affair with K, he’d call me countless times whenever I’d go by myself “down the hill.” (We live in the mountains.)
He’d tell me to call him when I got down the hill. He’d call me an hour or so later. He’d call me again in the afternoon, and then in the evening; he was worried for my safety and he missed me so much.
When I went to my mom’s (always at least an overnight visit) he’d call me frequently on my cell phone and at least one time each evening on her house phone. I never wondered why he did that. I was just so pleased to hear his loving voice.
And now all I can think of is how he was only calling to, a), dupe me into believing he loved me and missed me and/or, b), make sure where I was.
Reality. It sucks. It’s an effing bitter pill to swallow to know that I was so thoroughly duped. I so thoroughly believed him, believed in him. Everyone did. Well, of course, not K, but then again she was duped in her own way. She never knew of all the other “other” women. No. I’m sure she was convinced that she was his one and only true love and that he was her Prince Charming, her destiny, her life.
Not that I feel sorry for her. Not at all. She absolutely deserves the man she deceived her own spouse and children to be with.
But that’s small consolation to me. I can’t seem to find any real consolation. I’m often jolted awake in the morning by some vivid memory. Then I’ll ponder what really went down.
And when that happens all I want to do is curl under the covers and make it go away. But I can’t. I’m awake and the thinking process has begun.
I know I need to stop. I am only giving him more of my time. I am only keeping myself down.
But it’s so hard. Especially in the morning. In the evening, it’s easy. I think I’ll get up the next day and do this or do that, I will go to church, or exercise, or get together with a friend. And then I wake in the morning and it’s all too much effort. Life feels so dreary. It’s all I can do to claw myself out of bed to make an appearance before my daughter leaves for school.
Not that she cares. She’d rather I stay in bed actually. She says she doesn’t even like to be around me; I’m a reminder of the family she’s lost. Seeing me makes her think about her own pain. She’d rather lose herself in her 17-year-old activities and count the days until she goes away to college. To start a new life. To not have to think about me being lonely and alone or her father doing God knows what and how he has destroyed his family and doesn’t even care.
I don’t know how to help her. I don’t think I can. She doesn’t want to talk at all about her father. If I even allude to him she says, “Stop, Mom!”
She wants me to file for divorce, she wants me to get a restraining order. She wants to never see him again, ever, in her life.
She’s lost, I’m lost, we’re both lost, and I think the best way to help her is to set an example of overcoming this adversity myself.
But it is so hard.
I have started occasionally–and I know I need to do it every day–writing the minute I wake up in the morning. Now matter the time, no matter if it’s still dark, I need to grab my computer and just write away.
I did this several years ago as a writing exercise. I got the idea out an old book by Dorothea Brande. I did it as a way to improve my writing, but ultimately it helped my psyche. During that time, which lasted several months, I was virtually anxiety and depression-free. It was amazing. I was able to handle anything with equanimity. Things that would have normally caused me distress, hardly fazed me.
But it took a lot of discipline. Every single morning, religiously, so tired, dragging myself out of bed to sit at the computer. One eye barely open, typing, typing, making tons of mistakes.
The technique is that you start writing immediately, while your mind is still halfway between sleep and consciousness, and do not let your hand (or fingers) stop moving. Even if you can’t think of anything to say, you keep writing anyway. You can write, “I can’t think of anything to say.” Whatever. Over and over if need be until you think of something else to write. The thing is, write without stopping. Doesn’t have to make sense, doesn’t have to be good. No self-consciousness, no critique of what you say or how you say it as you go along.
When I do it now I do it for at least ten minutes. Years ago I would do it for a half hour, but now that amount of time seems too onerous to me, so I set a more reachable goal. Often once I start, I go beyond the ten minutes anyway.
I find this exercise helpful in more than one way. First, it gets me out of that early morning *strong* tendency to ruminate. Second, it helps get those emotions out. This morning, by the time I finished writing, I was sobbing. And, third, it helps the creative process overall, which helps me feel more positive about myself and my future.
As far as physical symptoms go, I have suffered from psoriasis since I was 32 (I’m 55 now). But my symptoms definitely got worse after my husband moved in with me (when I was 36). I never attributed that to him, because of course I thought he was the love of my life, but now I wonder if at an unconscious level my body was trying to tell me something.
What’s strange is ever since he left, one of my most intractable patches has started to clear up. I’m afraid to hope the improvement will be permanent and afraid that by mentioning it I will jinx it, but there you are. Maybe the body has a wisdom of its own.
A couple people have mentioned having to force themselves to get out. For me, this is a big challenge. To make a commitment to get out and do something and then not be dissuaded by my feelings. One of the slogans in Al-Anon that I need to say to myself more is “Feelings are not facts.” When I’m feeling crappy, I can’t imagine not feeling crappy, so I think why bother doing anything and so I don’t when, truth is, whenever I do force myself to get out I almost invariably end up feeling better.
That serenity prayer says it all. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I’m starting to realize that this is not going to come easy and so I need to make decisions and plans and then act in spite of all the negativity my brain can come up with.
Its the betrayal of trust which is very hurtful. I myself always had a bit of trouble trusting people, but men in general. My ex seemed a decent bloke, infact everyone who passed by commented on what a decent bloke he was. With him, I really pushed the boat out on trusting, when he said he was tired and couldnt meet, I didnt press him and I didnt make any demands. Went with the flow and sometimes I thought some of his statements and action were weird.
I too am not stupid and whilst I knew that the things he was doing were odd, i didnt know what game he was up to. Our relationship did become cat and mouse, because I tried to track him to find out what he was up to.
He sent me a txt saying he adored, loved and ‘cherised’ me – not a bad statement from a man who frequently cancelled arrangements, cancelled xmas arrangements, cancelled meal together arrangements, didnt want sex or intimacy, was unobtainable on his mobile phone and to my 8 txts he sent me 1 txt when he felt like it!
Our logic tells us they are not worth brooding over, but the unexpected part is the ruminating part, which I have unexpectedly been left with, sometimes I feel like I have been infected.
Within a few months of his mask coming totally off *dropped the act* my thyroid totally shut down, I developed PTSD and depression and worse than that my son also developed depression, OCD and panic disorder…I am positive it was due to the horrible stress and circumstances we lived in. Prior to this sociopath comiing into our lives neither of us had any of these problems…worst of all there is no law against being so emotionally, verbally, psychologically and financially abusive that you literally and almost quite deliberately push someone to suicide and illness. They know what they are doing…and in fact will find some way despite all evidence to the contrary to blame you for it all.
sstiles54 says:
I have lost 62 pounds, my hair is falling out, I get headaches, have night mares, anxiety attacks, & feelings of utter fear & sheer terror if anyone who even resembles him is in my line of vision. I live in constant fear, & get 3-4 hours sleep a night. This must be my punishment for being so stupid & trusting.~~
I don’t know you, but I doubt very seriously you are stupid. Trusting, yes and I have to admit I have felt the EXACT same way you described above. I have more physical ailments than I even want to go into and they don’t seem to be getting a whole lot better since I left my ex over a year ago. Mainly because I am forced to have regular contact with him because of the children we have together. What I have been through since meeting him (13 years ago) has been nothing less than horrific. I have beat myself up over the fact that I had so much going for me and am a smart, well-educated woman – how could I have been SO stupid as to fall for him tricks and games?
It’s taken alot of research to understand that we are NOT alone and we are not stupid. My situation is finally starting to ease up a little since our divorce is final, but he never ceases the attempts to bring me back into his world of madness. Do some research and quit beating yourself up over the mistake you made. Just try to focus on getting yourself well and moving forward, not back. I think therapy or support groups are a great way to do that. You will find you are not alone by any means and that you are not stupid.
Chances are, you are a wonderful, giving person and that is why you were targeted to begin with. If you ever need to bounce some stuff off me, I am more than happy to listen. I’m still working through alot of issues myself and it would be so nice to talk to someone who has gone through the same thing.
Dear Gillian,
I hear such pain and loss in your post, and many if not most of us have experienced some or all of the things you talk about. You also sound clinically depressed to me, the things you describe are exactly the way I felt after my husbnd’s death, and also after the years of multiple P attacks pre and post loss of my husband (and my biggest supporter). I have lived in a nest of vipers worse than a rattlesnake filled pit.
The physical and emotional pain and the inability to cope with so much was devestating—I strongly suggest that you get professional help from a counselor and psychiatrist for both yourelf and your daughter if she will go.
You did not deserve this hell on earth and believe me these conartists can manipulate people a lot smarter than the people we see on these forums and believe me also that not many of thepeopole on these forums are very “dumb” in any sense of the word. These people (Ps) have the “science” of manipulation down pat.
Some of them can make you think that black is white, and convince you that the moon is made of green cheese. You are not alone, we have all believed the lie, and believed the “mask of sanity” that they are so good at presenting.
The only thing you have REALLY lost is your “fantasy” man, who never existed, you only believed he did…that is I think someof the hardest concepts to get through our heads is that what we thought was real was NOT. It was like a counterfit lottery ticket, totally worthless. A hologram, or as one poster said a “Hollow-gram” of a human.
In a way it is almost like a sci-fi movie, where the “bad aliens” look like humans but they are not—Ps are the same way, they are not “human” as far as emotions and souls are concerned, they are totally without the normal ability to love. They use and manipulate people.
Your pain is REAL, your LOSS is real, but you can live through this. Read, learn, post, and think seriously about getting some professional help and/or medication. Mood is very depenbdent on brain chemicals and the stress we endure along with the grief of our losses changes the chemical composition of the brain so that it does not produce the “right” mix of chemicals any more. I a a retired registered nurse practitioner and believe me, I cannot function well at all without my medication. It isn’t a shame to need medicine for diabetes which is a chemical imbalance in the body, and neither is it a shame to need medication for depression and excess grief and emotional pain.
You have been traumatized, and your daughter has been traumatized–just as if he had broken bones, he has broken your spirit and your hearts, but you can heal. God bless you and your daughter and give you comfort in your hours of sorrow.
I thought I may add a few thoughts to ponder for anyone who is still in the “heart of the storm” and cannot even begin to see the way out. When I ended the “marriage” with my sociopath I was totally mentally depleted. I wanted to die. For a few days I couldn’t walk ~ my legs wouldn’t support me. I did not understand what had happened or what was happening to me. I learned later that I was suffering from PTSD and severly depressed. I was put on an anti-depressant drug, but it actually caused me to feel disoriented. For a time, I was in no condition to even properly care for my children (aged 2, and a newborn) and managed only with the support of family and friends.
I lost trust totally in everyone except my mother and father. That’s horrible yet honest to say because I have a number of very close friends who I knew I could always count on and trust.
I had short periods of uncontrollable crying daily for a couple months and they came and went like clockwork several times a day. These actually made me feel better than any prescription.
I do believe in Christ. I did and do place my trust in him, and I highly recommend finding a Bible and reading the Psalms. Psalms 91 is a good one to begin with. I began to find solace, and for me this was my turning point to start healing and begin the process to “get back on my feet” so to speak.
I was led to a wonderful counselor who has helped me deal with many issues of what I have experienced. Counseling was a must for me. I focus on my children’s needs and care. I have an herb garden that I tend to daily after my daily responsibilities are done. It rewards me with a cup of tea evening, and works incredibly well as therapy for me. In the winter I cut and split firewood which suffices for excercise & lack of gardening and I keep my bird feeders tended.
I am still living a day at a time. I am not to the point of planning ahead into the near future yet, mainly because of ongoing family court litigation.
Looking back to a little over a year ago, I would never dreamt that I would be recovered to the point that I am today. I praise my Lord for that. Hopefully most people can get on with their lives and never have to see the sociopath again. However, when children are involved as in my case, I am learning that in dealing with a sociopath, no matter what the challenge is that lie ahead after getting away from the ultimate abuser is to never, never, never give up for the sake of the children!!!
sstiles,
my heart goes out to you. I get the whole losing hair and lack of sleep thing. Most nights I’m ok now, but for awhile there the night terrors were insane and it got to the point where I cried before going to bed because I was so afraid of having a night terror episode. Now know it was PTSD, this “lucid dreaming” where everything seems real but isn’t…just like the relationship in waking hours! I didn’t lose weight – I gained it, practically overnight, and some days initially I could barely talk without short-circuiting mentally, crying all the time…it was like once the reality hit like a ton of bricks I questioned every facet of reality. Still can’t sleep anywhere but here without pacing and stressing, particularly if my car isn’t somewhere I can get to it or if I’ve been drinking and can’t drive myself home.
And then I woke up one day to find my windshield smashed in my driveway after a peculiar online encounter with the P. Of course, I knew he did it, amongst other things to terrorize me.
It’s punishment, all right, but it’s NOT from anything larger than the vindictive, evil P/S/N guy. Not a greater judgment call from the Universe. And I promise you, it does abate, eventually.
My plan is to never, ever again lay eyes on the P, avoiding him at all costs. Think it’ll be pretty simple. He knows I know what he is and the most damaging thing to him would be public exposure of the disorder. He also knows I’ll play fair in all things and not expose him without cause or provocation.
At this point in the journey for me, he is becoming prologue of the past…a short-story in the middle of a long, otherwise happy life…a blip in the rearview mirror that, while somehow shaping parts of me, never touched the larger narrative of who I am. And I’m content to keep him there, a cautionary tale, suspended in time like a fossil in amber.
The chemical changes that go on in our brain as a result of the contact with the Ps causes many things that are labeled such as PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, etc. the whole list of things.
These chemical changes have effects on both our thinking and our feeling as well as on our bodies. They are not just things that we can “get over” or ignore any more than diabetes is just a “sugar problem.”
You can’t “control” diabetes with just positive thoughts, talk therapy, or many times just eating right, but you must have a combination of “self help” and “medical care.”
Most things that are “medical” like diabetes also effect our feelings and thinking as well. My late huband was type II diabetes and I could tell when his sugar was “off” because he was CRANKY. He felt bad physically, and he was also feeling bad emotionally from his blood sugar being high or low.
Just “talking” about his crankiness would not have “fixed” the problem, it required taking care of the “whole man”—-medication and self management. Just “understanding” why he was cranky wouldn’t have fixed it.
His diabetes caused some depression with him as well. So we also treated the depression as well as the diabetes and with antidepressant medication in addition to the improved treatment for the diabetes improved both the diabetes and the depression, as since he was not so depressed, he tended to eat better, exercise more, etc. which make the diabetes more controlled.
Since his traumatic death in a plane crash (I was there on the ground at the time) here on our small airport and farm, I have taken antidepressant medication, and believe me I am not one to “want to take pills” but I also, as a medical professional, realize that the chemical changes in my brain are likely permanent and I will probably always have to take antidepressant medication.
In concert with a psychiatrist I have optimized the dose at the lowest effective one for me. I have also had therapy and continue to have, as well as “self care” and learning about PTSD and other results. I am concentrating on my sleep cycle, exercise, etc. and healing from the several severe infections I have had due to the decrease in the effectiveness of my immune system, and the year-long violent attacks of several Ps within my family. NC helps, and with a “wholistic” approach, support of medication, the people who do love me, and my strong determination to “heal” I am “making progress” but also realize too, that just like if I had had a close encounter with a lion, there will be some scars remaining that may be “sensitive” for a long time and be reminders of my escape.
I do know that “trauma” of whatever kind, does leave us changed from what we might have been prior to the event(s) that percipitated the trauma.
Just as a young man who has been in violent combat and has seen his friends die beside him will never totally be the same as he was before he went to war, though he may eventually go on to lead a satisfying and productive life, there will always be memories of that trauma. There are also young men that the violence and trauma of warfare will leave in a state that precludes them ever living a satisfying and productive life.
I don’t know what makes one person “heal” and another “not heal”–I wish I did, or anyone had a “formula” that could fix the effects of trauma upon our minds and bodies.
My mother had a saying that was “the same sun that melts the wax hardens the clay”—to indicate that under identical conditions two substances will react differently. I think this applies well to the effects of trauma upon the human body, mind and soul. Two people can go through identical experiences and will react differently depending upon what they are “made of” and previous life experiences.
As a medical professional, I reacted differently to seeing my husband’s trauma from the firey plane crash, than the other bystanders, and I had a medical point of reference that they didn’t have. Yet, even with the “training” in trauma and emergency rescue, as his wife, it effected me differently than it effected the “professional” part of me.
As Dr. Viktor Frankl said in his book, “A normal response to an abnormal situation would be abnormal.” (He was quoting someone else but I can’t remember who) That’s another thing that is frustrating is that my memory which has always been so good is not functioning as it did previously. It is one of the biggest frustrations from the effects of the traumas of the crash and the Ps. I have “diddly” for short term memory right now—and almost total word finding difficulty for most names. Yet, I still scored on a recently administerd IQ test actually higher than I have previously. Doesn’t “make sense” in some levels, but it did reassure me that I am not “retarded” now.
Knowing intellectually that these “problems” we have “physically,” “mentally,” “emotionally” and “spiritually” and even “intellectually” are caused by the trauma and the chemical changes within our mind and bodies helps to me to keep me from “blaming” my problems on my own “weakness.”
But “recovery” to me means that medication, self-help, and whatever is necessary to “heal” my mind/body is what I need to focus on. TAKING CARE OF MYSELF and focusing on that entirely until I am able to function as well as I would like.
Mecical professionals sometimes don’t take as good a care of themselves as they do their patients. It is difficult for me to be on the “wrong side of the clipboard” but I realize too, that I MUST take care of myself as well as I would want a patient taken care of.
Thank you Dr. Steve for this excellent reminder that indeed the Mind and Body are not separate. How the medical establishment and then the public came to accept this way of looking at health (particularly in the West), is really mind boggling. It goes against all intuitive knowledge and compartmentalizes health. This to me, is an UNhealthy approach.
OxDrover – Thank you. Your posts are very helpful and knowledgeable.
These things you listed: Depression, infection, injuries from lack of concentration, confusion, short term memory loss, allergies, autoimmune syndromes, chronic pain from muscle tension, etc. etc. “You name it”
I had or have every one of them.
Here’s a list of what’s going on with my body AFTER the sociopath and with PTSD:
constant overwhelming fatigue
sleep disturbance
nightmares
constant anxiety
headaches
severe muscle tension
hyper startle reflex
gastro-intestinal and digestion problems
inflamed allergies/sinus problems
constant skin eruptions/hives
severely limited attention span (inability to concentrate)
short term memory loss
spaciness (“spacing out” mentally)
significantly high clumsiness (accidents – ie. dropping things, bumping/walking into things, burning myself while cooking)
impaired cognitive ability and loss of memory (ie. in the middle of a sentence and then get stuck and can’t think of a simple word I’m trying to remember; I try to make a simple point or tell a short story and I suddenly get “stuck” and confused)
ALL of the above were present when I was with the sociopath.
Aside from the sleep disturbances, NONE of them were present BEFORE the sociopath.
As well as all of the above, I also lost a lot of weight due to the inordinate CONSTANT STRESS and CRAZY-MAKING.
Oxy quotes Dr. Viktor Frankl:
He says “it is not the physical pain which hurts the most (and this applies to adults as much as punnished children); it is the mental agony caused by the injustice, the unreasonableness of it all.”
YES. It is also a form a torture and personal terrorism. I’d like to tell people who have no clue what it’s like, “Imagine being in love with someone and then they suddenly turn into the BAD cop AND the GOOD cop and they never let you leave that interrogation room. THAT’S what it’s like living with a sociopath. You know they have devised these ways of breaking people’s minds for a reason – BECAUSE THEY WORK. If you have bonded and are connected to someone who then turns the tables on you and uses ALL of the SPIRIT CRUSHING techniques on you, it WILL destroy YOU eventually.
Anyway, that’s enough of my soap box for one post! 🙂
Oxy – I am very interested in these permanent chemical changes that you mention. Can you recommend any good sources to read about this?
Also, I have another question that I’d like to ask the LoveFraud community, which is what brought me to this article by Dr. Steve. Has anyone had any beneficial experience with holistic or new age types of healing treatments? – for example energy healing or reiki? Or even other things that have worked. I’d love to hear what has worked for you and if you can name resources.
lightsaber – your description of ‘torture and personal terrorism’ is VERY good. I think it could be used well by survivors of domestic violence in general to describe, ‘why we stayed’.
best,
one step