Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Dr. Barbara Oakley is the author of Evil Genes—Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother’s Boyfriend. Oakley’s resume reads like something out of a spy novel: She worked as a translator on Russian fishing trawlers during the Cold War, went from a private to an officer in the military, met her husband while working as a radio operator at the South Pole, and is now a professor of bio-engineering.
About this book, Gavin DeBecker writes, “Whatever you might believe about the role of genetics versus environment, Evil Genes will take you somewhere you haven’t been. Barbara Oakley brilliantly reveals the falseness of one of the ego’s little lies: That all our behavior is decided by us.”
Psychology Today writes “The author is successful at intertwining science with her family’s history ”¦ Oakley’s explanations are lucid, making Evil Genes and easy read even for those who need a refresher course on chromosomes, seratonin, and the amygdalae ”¦ From infamous dictators to conniving sisters, Machiavellians come in many shapes and sizes. Now we have some insight into what makes them tick.”
Like the previous book of Dr. Oakley’s that I reviewed, Cold-Blooded Kindness, this book was so interesting that I could hardly put it down, and I wore out another yellow highlighter marking especially interesting passages I wanted to review again.
Dr. Oakley’s sister, Carolyn, actually did steal her mother’s boyfriend, and was highly Machiavellian, probably psychopathic. Dr. Oakley personally and professionally “gets it” about toxic people. She focuses her book on the genetics plus the environments that make people with personality disorders “successful” or not so “successful,” by looking at various people, including her sister, Carolyn, as well as Mao, Stalin, the CEO of Enron, and Hitler. She looks at how their genetic tendencies and family histories folded together with environments that placed them at a juncture where they could blossom into the abusers on either a personal scale or a worldwide scale.
She looks at the way in which genes, and their variations, affect not only how we look, but how we react and think, how self-serving we are, or how altruistic we may be. She takes the very subjects that are discussed daily here at LoveFraud and puts them into scientific jargon, but in such a way that even if you had trouble in Mrs. Smith’s seventh-grade science class, you can still understand what she is talking about.
Dr. Oakley doesn’t just focus on the psychopaths, but on the personality disorders in general and the fact that “borderline,” “narcissistic,” “histrionic” and “antisocial” personality disorders overlap in such a way that they are more likely to be different points on a continuum rather than separate entities. She refers to the “total” personality disordered as the “successfully sinister” or “Machiavellian.” About trying to tell someone who has not been targeted by one, she says it is like:
trying to explain color to a blind person ”¦ People simply aren’t generally raised and educated to understand the small percentages of the population—some of whom are outwardly very successful—are quite capable of masking deeply disturbed personalities. Sometimes, sadly, the devastating reality of these “unfixable” personalities becomes clear only after marriage and children. (As relationship expert Russell Friedman once quipped: “You can’t love someone into mental health.”)
“I can’t believe there might be some kind of scientific explanation for this,” the have-dealt-withs tell me time after time, “I never even talk about it because no one would believe me.” Without knowledge of recent studies, people have little way of figuring out that their seemingly isolated experience was far more common than they’d realized.
There are few books that I have ever found as interesting as I have Dr. Barbara Oakley’s two books, and I am anxiously awaiting her latest book which is due to be published in August. Don’t let her “subtitle” to Evil Genes of “Why Rome fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother’s Boyfriend” put you off or fool you. This is well researched and documented information about the “successfully sinister.” The book adds to the growing knowledge available to the public (not just the professionals) about the “psychopaths among us,” that will hopefully help educate the general public about how to spot toxic personalities and realize that they truly are “unfixable.
Like Gavin DeBecker, who had a mother who was personality disordered, Dr. Oakley had a sister who was personality disordered. She, like DeBecker, not only “gets it,” but knows how to present it so that others can “get it” from her writings. I highly recommend this work.
Evil Genes—Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother’s Boyfriendis available on Amazon.com.
Lizzy,
Your job is not to tell them what you did say. Do NOT correct them. Say the MINIMAL truth and NOT one word more. “That was NEVER said”.
Your job is to show you are a person who controls her emotions. Your demeanor will be the swing factor. That is what their whole case swings on, doesn’t it, that you are unstable. Well, you’ve come a long way here of LF, so you are gaining more control all the time. Tues is when you show your growth.
Even if you have been rejected so far, that does not change your obligation to be your own advocate for BETTER.
(Q: how many times did the formula for WD40 fail? A: 39! That’s why it’s called wd40!)
And Lizzy? If my words cause you more anxiety, then do the right thing by not reading my posts. Your success is more important than anything I have to say.
(((((((((((((( Lizzy )))))))))))))))))))
I believe you’re strong and I believe you can do this.
LL
Katy-no, your words make me feel better, just like your earlier post. I feel like I need a lot of encouragement to keep me calm and not looking like a hot-head. I do not want my Irish temper coming out. I want the calm graceful southern woman to come out. Any advice that you can give me to manage their questions is most appreciated because I don’t feel strong right now-I feel afraid and I don’t like that feeling.
LL-thanks
Katy-what do I do if they start pressing the issue after my no response to try to rile me up and get me going?
Lizzy, just calmly repeat ” I already answered that, the answer is still NO. ”
they can’t rile you up IF YOU DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO. Period.
YOU can control yourself. NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO OR SAY, you can remain calm.
What if they say-“we have two witnesses that said that you did”?
Hi Petite,
I just found your post from last night (probably yesterday, morning in your neck of the woods). So good to hear from you! I am doing well, thank you! So happy to hear that you are doing much better! That’s great news! Hope to see you (here) again, soon!
Love,
E
Hi Lizzy,
I am sending prayers your way… You can do it, Lizzy. Rise above and follow the advise given by the others, here. I am looking at that advise and thinking… I must continue to handle myself in those ways, with a particular situation/person I have been dealing with. Really great advise Katy and Oxy. It’s a rough road, having to deal with twisted narcissistic types.
I wish you all the best, Lizzy. You are strong! You’ve proven that! You can get through this!!
Much Love,
Eden
Thanks Eden-I appreciate it, really. I hope your situation works out as well. Narcissism is so hard to deal with.
Liz,
Ok, you know how you envision yourself in your cop uniform saying: “step away from the drama.”
So now, realize that when you become an officer, you are going to be asked to testify in court, quite often. What kind of demeanor do you want to show/have, when you do that? Do you want to get all excited up on the stand when there is a criminal lying about what happened? NO!
You want to give dignity to your uniform. JUST THE FACTS, MA’AM.
So, from today til Tuesday, I want you to “wear” your uniform in your head, so that you become comfortable in that skin. Sleep in your uniform too. By Tuesday, you’ll be that cop, on that stand, testifying to the facts against those criminals.