Finally—the word “sociopath” is being applied to a high-profile case that doesn’t involve a serial killer.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco, wife of Joey Buttafuoco, shot in the head back in 1992 by Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita,” is telling her story. And the first words of the introduction are, “Joey Buttafuoco is a sociopath.”
Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know, has just been released. Why did it take Mary Jo 17 years to write the book? Because it was only in 2007 that she realized the truth about Joey Buttafuoco.
Perhaps you remember the case. Mary Jo got shot. The police said her husband was having an affair with her assailant, who was 16 at the time. Joey Buttafuoco denied the affair, and Mary Jo believed him, defended him, and rallied friends and family around him. But the cops were right and she was wrong—her husband was sleeping with the teenager. Then Joey Buttafuoco said it was all Amy Fisher’s fault—and Mary Jo believed him again.
Mary Jo describes the craziness of life with her husband: how he continued to reel her back in, how she coped with the ordeal (she became addicted to painkillers) and how she finally recovered—from the addiction and from Joey. The book is co-written by Julie McCarron, a well-known celebrity collaborator, so it’s an easy read.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco has launched her media tour with an appearance today on Good Morning America. See the coverage:
Mary Jo Buttafuoco speaks out about her ex-husband Joey, the “Sociopath”
Excerpt: Getting It Through My Thick Skull/p>
In her book, this is the message Mary Jo conveys:
I wouldn’t wish marriage or an intimate relationship of any kind to a sociopath on anyone; my hope is that this book will inspire others to “get it” and get out far sooner than I did. I promise there is a great new life on the other side!
Mary Jo actually contacted me when she was starting her book, and we spoke on the phone. Now the book is done, and I hope she gets a lot of publicity. I hope a lot of people buy it—especially people who really don’t understand how many sociopaths are in the world, and what they look like. Maybe, just maybe, this book will be a big step in raising public awareness about sociopaths.
Getting It Through My Thick Skull is available now on Amazon.com.
PI, I am confused by your statement, “that not all abusers are psychopaths.”
Maybe I’m confused because 3 of my counselors separately “diagnosed” my narcissiopath as a psychopath DUE to his physicall abuse. I believed them! Maybe I shouldn’t have?
Hmmm. Maybe it is true that not all abusers are psychopaths, But, maybe all PHYSICAL abusers are psychopaths?
I think I need some more study or some expert clarification. I’m feel really confused. I sure don’t want to label my EX as a psychopath if he isn’t — but just toxic (as our GP in my hometown told me — who knew him.)
Right you are. I don’t intend to diminish anyone’s experience, and I certainly have no doubt that the “empty suit” was a P just by your previous descriptions. The descriptions of the Ps and symptoms are abound even on the net (if you wish to compare notes). In fact, Psychopathy used to be a legitimate diagnosis, was taken out of the Manual, and is now working its way back into the MH diagnostic circles. Instead, a diagnosis of APD is given to those who meet the criteria. The criteria focuses highly on lack of remorse, lack of conscience, and pervasive disregard for the rights of others (as well as pathological lying and failure to abide by societal norms and authority). There are more within the criteria of course. By “lumping” all abusers into a term Psychopath, one takes the actual meaning of the decease out of the condition and begins to use it loosely. Again, I don’t want to come across as being insensitive, I am merely pointing out that not all abusers are psychopaths, and not all killers are psychopaths and not everyone who is in jail is a psychopath. that isn’t to say that a physically abusive alcoholic, or an emotionally abusive OCD, or a disrespectful and violent teenager cause any less damage. I think Pathological Lying is (as Donna noted) a significant telling factor. I also believe that not all psychopaths are physically abusive and indeed some are walking a very thin line between what is legal and what is not. In hind sight, I am now wondering why mine knew laws so well for instance… I hope I did not upset you with my comment.
PS: Hitler apparently had a Borderline Personality Disorder. I would have lumped him with the APDs myself, but the college psych books said otherwise. It’s still cluster B and I have no idea how he’d not meet the criteria for APD, but I learned that he did not. Go figure. He must have not been a terribly good lier: just enough to convince a whole nation…
PS AGAIN: it may have not been the Physical Abuse that got him that diagnosis. It’s all the things you pointed out: superficial charm, lack of emotions, perceived neediness and sense of entitlement, etc. these are the pointers. OK, I am taking my Smart hat off. 🙂 I had a really neat “healing” day today. I am going to start counting the really good days like today and hope to get up to a full week. Good night
To lump or not to lump, that is the question.
This is from Wikipedia:
The following findings are for research purposes only, and are not used in clinical diagnosis. These items cover the affective, interpersonal, and behavioral features. Each item is rated on a score from zero to two. The sum total determines the extent of a person’s psychopathy.[6]
Factor1: Aggressive narcissism
1. Glibness/superficial charm
2. Grandiose sense of self-worth
3. Pathological lying
4. Cunning/manipulative
5. Lack of remorse or guilt
6. Emotionally shallow
7. Callous/lack of empathy
8. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Factor2: Socially deviant lifestyle
1. Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
2. Parasitic lifestyle
3. Poor behavioral control
4. Promiscuous sexual behavior
5. Lack of realistic, long-term goals
6. Impulsivity
7. Irresponsibility
8. Juvenile delinquency
9. Early behavior problems
10. Revocation of conditional release
Traits not correlated with either factor
1. Many short-term marital relationships
2. Criminal versatility
PInow, I do KNOW that my “empty suit” was a Narcissist! Just haven’t been convinced he was a psychopath.
Doesn’t really matter. He tried to kill me. His “label” isn’t important. I’m 1800 miles away and SAFE.
I am very happy for you. I hope to say the same of myself (feeling safe that is). you are right, it only matters for educational purposes. and the conversation we had was about educating the public on what Ps are. So, we are back to the start: Abuse is bad. Not all abusers are Ps. I had no idea mine was a P until years later. I had no idea I was being abused even, until much later. That “Con” is what is what I found most devastating in my case.
For me, the CONTROL was the most devastating to me and even while “in” it, I couldn’t get free.
I want to educate the public about statements like,”Why didn’t she just leave?” by telling them to walk in our shoes and then ask the question to get the answer.
I feel very pessimistic about ever getting the public to understand that part of it.
ANewLily:
Don’t worry ANL, there are enough people like you and me out there, who have walked in our shoes, to find us our audience. Then its just a matter of time before the information is readily available to those that are trapped in it and can’t find their way out like we were. But each individual will have to reach their own “rockBottom” before they can reach out and identify with us.