Finally—the word “sociopath” is being applied to a high-profile case that doesn’t involve a serial killer.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco, wife of Joey Buttafuoco, shot in the head back in 1992 by Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita,” is telling her story. And the first words of the introduction are, “Joey Buttafuoco is a sociopath.”
Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know, has just been released. Why did it take Mary Jo 17 years to write the book? Because it was only in 2007 that she realized the truth about Joey Buttafuoco.
Perhaps you remember the case. Mary Jo got shot. The police said her husband was having an affair with her assailant, who was 16 at the time. Joey Buttafuoco denied the affair, and Mary Jo believed him, defended him, and rallied friends and family around him. But the cops were right and she was wrong—her husband was sleeping with the teenager. Then Joey Buttafuoco said it was all Amy Fisher’s fault—and Mary Jo believed him again.
Mary Jo describes the craziness of life with her husband: how he continued to reel her back in, how she coped with the ordeal (she became addicted to painkillers) and how she finally recovered—from the addiction and from Joey. The book is co-written by Julie McCarron, a well-known celebrity collaborator, so it’s an easy read.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco has launched her media tour with an appearance today on Good Morning America. See the coverage:
Mary Jo Buttafuoco speaks out about her ex-husband Joey, the “Sociopath”
Excerpt: Getting It Through My Thick Skull/p>
In her book, this is the message Mary Jo conveys:
I wouldn’t wish marriage or an intimate relationship of any kind to a sociopath on anyone; my hope is that this book will inspire others to “get it” and get out far sooner than I did. I promise there is a great new life on the other side!
Mary Jo actually contacted me when she was starting her book, and we spoke on the phone. Now the book is done, and I hope she gets a lot of publicity. I hope a lot of people buy it—especially people who really don’t understand how many sociopaths are in the world, and what they look like. Maybe, just maybe, this book will be a big step in raising public awareness about sociopaths.
Getting It Through My Thick Skull is available now on Amazon.com.
I am not so sure I will go along with all of PI’s statement.
I will ‘give you’ they may not all be P’s/S’s, but certainly cluster B’s…….in the end, the public has NO CLUE about Cluster B’s…..let alone P’s/S’s.
The public doesn’t want to be ‘involved’…..UNTIL IS SHIT”S ON THIER FRONT PORCH!
I do believe we all know Cluster B’s……
I think the ‘intimate’ level we were involved in these S’s lives and them ours, makes it hard to judge others from the outside. THis is why others have a hard time seeing or believing our abusive situation.
The S’s save it for ‘home’…..and portray the perfect outer shell to the outside world…….Or the office etc….but they do not outwardly and across the board take wrath on the world…..they need a ‘justification’…..’You made me….” “If YOU hadn’t…..”
So don’t be so sure we don’t all know other P’s…….I just hope we all know better than to walk into anohter intimate relationship with them.
Keep safe…..ALL OF US!
Pinow and others:
I may be jumping on a fast moving train here, but I have to say that I agree with everyone’s statements. I don’t think it is easy to for us to determine who is or isn’t a true S.
I was married to a physical, emotional and verbal abuser…mostly due to his being an alcoholic. He was absolutely “normal” until he got a drink in him and then he transformed into a monster. He also cheated when he was drinking. He killed himself nearly 18 years ago. I was much younger then and all I can remember about him is that he was a very bad man when he was drunk.
However, it is Pinow’s experience of:
“A man who can look into your eyes and tell you that you mean a world to him after coming back from being with a long term lover, a man who can lie in each and every direction, 100 x day with no particular care, a man who cons, lives off of you, etc. – that is my P story. I had never known such a person in my life, and I hope I never will again.”
that first brought the word “sociopath” into my personal life. I asked my counselor to please help me understand how ANYONE could do what Pinow has described above. He looked me straight in the eye and told me that my ex was a sociopath and like Mary Jo says…that word meant something much BIGGER to me than who he was until I researched the true meaning of it. I also agree that all of us are capable of lying, cheating, etc. but have come to believe like Mary Jo. It’s when these things are a repeated behavioral pattern and I think it takes more than ONE isolated trait. For instance, I have a wonderful aunt that is now in her mid 70s and has told tall tales all of her life. She is also one of the most caring people I’ve ever known and loves her family dearly. I don’t feel that she is a sociopath.
And, my gut tells me that when we find ourselves involved with a sociopath, we find ourselves asking “what the _________?” because they’re mask does slip and they suddenly either say or do something totally out of the character that we’ve come to know. Make sense?
Tnewman:
Well said!
“that word meant something much BIGGER to me than who he was until I researched the true meaning of it”
For me this was my life saving moment also! When I dug into the meaning…….it was life changing! I realized, all those years of ‘morphing’ into what the S wanted and never was happy with…..all his I love you more than…..I could never live without you….blah, blah’s……NOTHING was going to change, there was NO HOPE!!!
It boils down to ……people either ‘get it’ or they don’t….BUT….once you ‘getit’…..there’s no fooling yourself any longer……the fantasy is over.
ErinBrockovich:
Well said right back at you! “It boils down to —people either ’get it’ or they don’t”.BUT”.once you ’getit’”..there’s no fooling yourself any longer—the fantasy is over.”
I just hate it when people think that WE are the crazy ones! We’re seen as scorned people obsessing over our little fragile broken hearts! I don’t know about the rest of the people on this board but I’m 49 years old and have suffered many broken hearts in my lifetime! It hurt, I healed and moved on. For me, what made the “ordeal” with the S so much different was the sheer level of deceit, the humiliation, being taken advantaged of in the name of what appeared to be the most sincere love I’d ever experienced, and the insult to my own intelligence as well as my integrity. AND, just where is the closure??? We could curse them all day long and tell them how they made us feel and because THEY can’t feel, once again they’d only waste more of our energy and once again, it would be US who appear to be the fruitcakes!!! And, it all boils down to people just don’t “get it”.
I’m sure you’ve seen my posts under the thread Narcissists Commandments where I have tried for so very long to get my ex-S’s wife to “get it”. She finally started posting some on this board and then when she was told by others exactly what I’ve been trying to tell her, she bailed because she just doesn’t “get it” although he’s cheated on her repeatedly and has given her two incurable STDs! And, THEN, she married him!!!! She wants to “help” him and he has her convinced that the only reason in the world I’ve told her these things is because I “want him back”! Do the other people on this board who responded to her want him back, too?
T:
Keep in mind……we can’t change how others perceive them! EVER…..if we try outwardly and loudly, it ALWAYS backfires…..
Like I say…..we need to ‘plant seeds’……covertly……but sometimes it just doesn’t matter what others believe, and we must have the wisdom to know this.
If it ‘serves our need’, then become a gardner….and plant those seeds!
If we do it out of sheer caring for someone that will get duped next…..we will only appear the scorned woman!
It’s all about exploitations…….
Think back, if someone tried to ‘warn’ you…….you probably defended him up one side and down the next…..I SURE DID!
We believed in them…..we had to /we wanted so much to……we couldnt betray our relationship by partaking in ‘foul’ issues against the ‘love of our life’……..
As harsh as it sounds…..until someone is seeking the ‘why’s’, they will not be open to hearing about it. Consequently, they will not ‘get it’ until they are ready! JUST LIKE US!!!!
AND NO, THANK YOU……I don’t want YOURS, MINE or anyone elses S back…..she can keep him for now……sounds like she may need his health insurance anyways!
There will always be another ‘unassuming/wonderful/fantasy living’ person to take them on, they will never be alone……alone is a scary world for them! They melt and turn into mud. No one to boost the ego, no one to admire them, stroke them, no one to dominate, no one to control, manipulate…….Yeah…..they move along quickly!
LOL! His health insurance? I’m sorry, but that made me laugh. He won’t work…it’s HERS that he needs just like he needed mine! You’re right…people will “get it” when they’re ready. And, yes I’ve planted acres and acres of seeds. And, several of them have already sprouted. I’m sure the rest will pop up sooner or later…I hope, for her sake, it’s sooner.
I am so grateful to see another survivor from Sociopaths in Mary Jo’s book. It is something to CELEBRATE! It gives me HOPE!
It is validating to those of us who have experienced the “crazy maker” in our lives. I hope that she does plant the “seeds of awareness” in other innocent people.
I want to express my GRATITUDE to Donna, LF, and all of our experienced SURVIVORS! TOWANDA!
It has been a PRICELESS education for me.
I broke the NC rule after 14 months due to divorce proceedings. I want you to know that I was very well prepared because of all that I have gained here on LF! I could see it and hear it loud and clear.
I am so THANKFUL that I am on my way completely out of this situation. I made the right choice for my life! No second chances with an S.
Take Care and Have a very Blessed Day! Thank you ALL!
My former BF was a physically abusive. I believe he was bi-polar and it seemed he was a paranoid-delusional. He was Not when we first dated. Then he lived in London for a semester and did a lot of drugs and was never the same. He would have visions of people’s aura.
My P was not physically abusive…is not. Neither was he emotionally/verbally abusive except for the lies. He became truly emotionally abusive when the A was exposed and he was going back and forth between us, telling us both different stories of who he really wanted.
Maybe my P is not a P, but he definitely has a personality disorder, my Marriage C who met him once and is now my Indiv. C says he’s an NPD.
If you look at ANY person who is PHYSICALLY VIOLENT in pursuit of CONTROL ESPECIALLY with loved ones, this book looks at them the way I do PSYCHOPLATHS.
I also look at RAPISTS and CHILD MOLESTERS as ALL psychopaths. Think about it guys….sure, they may ALSO be very Narcissistic, but the fact that they can perform physical violence on another person for CONTROL WITHOUT EMPATHY to me, is THE thing that sets them apart from the just narcissistic person, even a high level N. I think when they pass that line into raping, beating, abusing adn controlling others, they have passed the line into PSYCHOPATHY.
THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS WRONG!!! Yet, they do not restrain themselves, then try to place the “blame” on the VICTIM—“She made me do it” “she was asking for it” etc.
That is NOT TO SAY that EMOTIONAL VIOLENCE is not just as hurtful or just as wrong, and I consider those people psychopathic as well if they have no empathy and no remorse for the manipulation they do or the harm they do.
BOTTOM LINE, THOUGH, whatever you call them, whatever the name, “a rose is a rose is a rose and it all SMELLS THE SAME!”
Banana, thank you for sharing this. your BF could have / may have been helped with the anti-psychotics. The P can never be helped because they think that we are the guilty/ crazy/ stupid ones.
It is important to me somehow that we recognize the difference. If one is in a relationship with a mentally ill person (be it bipolar, schizophrenic, depressed, etc.), one may wish to consider standing by that person, setting personal boundaries, establishing supports, and insisting on their treatment. I have met couples where one or both are mentally ill, and they support each other, truly through thick and thin. Physical abuse may come and be stopped, the dissonance may be resolved with treatment and mutual respect and understanding of boundaries. It is when you are with a lying conning P that these goals may not be reached. In my case, I made a horrific mistake of questioning my own judgment and the advise of professionals in the field ( i.e. do not attempt to explain to a P that he is mentally ill, do not insist on a treatment. Go NC). I hoped instead that I was wrong in my diagnosis and insisted that he own up to behaviors and take on responsibility for own action. If they even do, it’s shallow, with an end goal in mind and totally superficial (like their charm). Sorry to be harping on this. I know the professionals in the field will agree with the points I’ve shared because these points are universal. I am not sure I sense understanding among some bloggers. Personally, I am happy to have found this site, because to me, LF is different from the Abuse Victim sites, or other PD sites. Most of the posted articles do focus specifically on Ps and I too have learned a lot through reading these and the blogs.