Melissa K. Dean was a new lawyer in a new job. All she needed was a new romantic interest. So she posted her profile in Match.com, and received more than 30 responses in the first two days. One of the men started began his message boldly, writing, “Hi Gorgeous!”
For a woman who had long doubted her feminine appeal, the words were irresistible. More words followed—words that seemed to indicate mutual interests and goals, words that appealed to the woman’s sympathies.
Melissa K. Dean tells the story of being seduced by, married to, and then abused by, Jack Cass, a man who claimed to be a former Navy SEAL. It’s a classic story of sociopathic victimization.
Exotic dancer
Dean tells her story in a new book available in the Lovefraud Store, Hi Gorgeous! Starry Eyes and Toxic Lies.
They communicated online and by phone for a short time. Then they met for lunch, which Dean describes early in the book:
Conversation superseded our interest in our salads as we prattled on about various topics, including the characteristics we valued and disliked in potential mates. He spurned spoiled princesses and victim-oriented women, a group that included his mom—a counselor “ahead of her time,” yet victimized by by his Baptist father’s verbal abuse and infidelity with Jack’s piano teacher. He hated civilians, abhorred dishonesty and disloyalty—especially infidelity.
My bleeding heart was moved by his tale of woe, which he fully anticipated. Here was a man who’d been wounded on the battlefields of war and romance. “I let women walk all over me,” he proclaimed. The three purple hearts to which he laid claim paled in comparison to the heart he said was repeatedly broken by women who’d either cheated or bilked him out of money. “Learning to trust is a difficult task for me,” he said.
Can anyone say manipulation?
At one point before meeting Cass, Dean worked as an exotic dancer—that’s how she earned the money to take a prep course for her bar exam. Cass was fascinated by her former stint as a stripper, and after he manipulated Dean into marriage, saw his future in marketing his wife as a sexy model and dancer at biker clubs.
He, of course, had financial problems, child support payments and no steady income. But he had big ideas, which he convinced his wife to participate in. Gradually, he became more and more impatient with Dean’s contributions, and displayed his displeasure through emotional, psychological and sexual abuse.
Message of hope
In their letters to Lovefraud, many people have said their experiences with a sociopath were so outrageous that they should write a book about what happened to them. Melissa Dean has done it.
Many of you, who thought you were the only person on the planet experiencing the abuse and crazy-making of a sociopath, will take comfort in her story. You are not alone. In fact, many of you will recognize yourself, and the person who victimized you, in the tale.
Dean’s book has a happy ending—she escapes and begins to rebuild her life, her way. Her story is proof that you can recover from the abuse. It’s the message of hope and healing we all need.
That is good advice HH, not to try and give myself a timeline. I can see that it is not going to work that way. I am worried about people getting mad at me, pretty much everyone has noticed that I have changed, become distant. My parents and friends have already complained, but those walls are up baby, I do not know what to do about it. Except for here, I feel alone in the world.
Sadly, E, I don’t think your family or friends will ever understand. I don’t bother sharing with them any more unless some major stalking event happens. I had to change my phone number three weeks ago – and people asked why. I told my family, and few close friends. But people just don’t understand.
Although I try not to act like a “sad sack” around other people I also try not to be “fake happy.” If people make a comment I’ll say “It’s been a rough year.”
I had a problem with my sister on July 4th – she was displeased that I was not playing my usual role of sparkling sister and aunt. After 6 hours at the barbecue I was done – and I went home. It sucked.
Just keep moving through. I think if I hadn’t fought it so much in the beginning I might be further through. Then again, even with the “fighting” it, I was still in horrible pain.
Keep bloggin with us – it’s the one place I feel welcomed and understood. I feel so bad for the S victims who haven’t found us!! Then again, I like our tight little crew – we get to know each other……and new people come in and go out at a comfortable pace. How long have you been with us, E? Just a few days? Or are you a “return” blogger?
I have been writing letters to him and to myself. The letters to myself have been short so that I can recite them to myself throughout the day.
Today I wrote three lines to myself
He does not love you Eliza
He never will love you Eliza
He is unable to love you Eliza
I am not sure why I sometimes cling to odd little things like this, they help me to breathe, because I think that oxygen is important to my survival. Sometimes I am kind of afraid that I will forget.
I have been reading this site since last April, but only just logged in a week and a half ago. I was to the point where I had to talk about it, because I was going crazy keeping it all in and no one understood at all. I am really glad that I did, even though it is EXTREMELY difficult, being here has helped so much.
I read this site from March through december before posting. Sometimes I would sit all day on a Saturday just reading, reading, reading, – I couldn’t get enough!!
But I didn’t start blogging until mid-December, and have been a fairly regular blogger since then. I really like getting on line at LF. I know it will always make me feel better when I’m down or anxious.
I’m so glad you are here, Eliza!
Ditto HH! I am super glad you are here too. I better go to sleep, I have to get up early and scrape the blizzard off of my car. GNITE!
Me too – sweet dreams to us both – NO CANNIBALS 🙂
Sweet Dreams!
Arrrrrgggghhhh!!!! I don’t want to be going thru this! I wanted this to work out! I am going crazy. He’s a slime bag shit faced lying sexy SOB.
I haven’t heard from him since last Tuesday when I would not loan him anymore money. I didn’t know he wouldn’t call anymore. I have not called him, I am going to be strong, why prolong my agony? He didn’t even buy me a little Christmas present… he could have bought me something real nice with MY money for God’s sake!!!
We are all living in the f***ing twilight zone.
Shabbychic,
I broke down and contacted mine and I regretted it so much. I hope you can get through this without breaking down, the further we get the better we can see them I think.
Twilight zone – that is how I refered to it many times. Shabby I bought mine a xmas present and he looked at me so pissed and said {you know how small you just made me feel? I didnt get you anything”} hang in there girls – this is a life lesson – not the end of the world. You will see things more clear as the fog lift’s. I think of innocent people in prison with no hope of justice because of evil spaths that get off scott free – does anybody else feel wrongly convicted?