Dr. Eve Wood is a practicing psychiatrist and an author of motivational books such as There’s Always Help; There’s Always Hope and 10 Steps to Take Charge of Your Emotional Life. Her motto is, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Now she’s written a new book that she wished was available when her own life fell apart: The Gift of Betrayal—How to Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes, available in the Lovefraud Store.
Dr. Wood’s husband of 27 years betrayed her. For legal reasons, she doesn’t tell exactly what he did, except to say the magnitude of the betrayal was truly shocking and she could have died. Reading through the lines, it sounds like she was involved with a sociopath, and we all know what that’s like.
So what was she to do? Dr. Wood believes what she wrote in her other books, and decided that she wanted to heal, move forward and build a new life. She writes:
“You have a choice. You can see this betrayal as a curse or a blessing. You can make it about him, or you can make it about you. You can be the victim, or you can take charge. You can grow or shrink. You can heal your life or shrivel up and die. You can choose light, joy and love ”¦ or remain bitter and alone.”
The process was painful, and it took time. She didn’t start out trying to forgive her husband. Dr. Wood writes:
“Most books about betrayal focus on forgiveness, on forgiving the offender and yourself. But I think the attention of forgiving is misguided. When you’ve been burned, you need to treat your wound. You must figure out how you got scorched in the first place and learn to heal.”
The book is divided into 14 chapters, which Dr. Wood calls “lessons.” They are:
- What is betrayal, how does it feel, and where can it take you?
- You have a choice: Do you seize your power or become a victim?
- Could you have been married to (or involved with) a sociopath?
- How did you get here, and what are you meant to learn from this?
- What is the role of forgiveness in healing?
- Trust in your ability to create your heart’s desire
- Take action to create the life you really want
- Slow down: Examine and honor all your involvements
- Take risks, try new things ”¦ and pay attention to how you feel
- Let your female friends help you
- Learn what men have to offer and what they cannot do for you
- Invite joy, pleasure and passion into your life
- Stay present to the gift of the moment
- Celebrate you newfound freedom, fulfillment and fabulous good fortune
This book is written for women who have been betrayed by men. Dr. Wood specifically emphasizes that if the man was a sociopath, the only way to heal is to leave the relationship. She states that sociopaths destroy people. However, she doesn’t talk about how to recover from severe psychological issues that may result from these relationships, such as post-traumatic stress disorder.
This book is for the woman who has processed the shock of the betrayal by the sociopath and is ready, however shakily, to rebuild her life. The Gift of Betrayal provides a roadmap for doing it.
The Gift of Betrayal—How to Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes
looking up:
He’s shining you. He’s shining all of you.
He’s putting out what I call “linked” statements. These are statements in which he does something (apologize, make a promise) which he then links to a statement (pity play, controlled outcome) which is designed to put all the attention back on him and his needs.
For example: “I am sorry for cheating” (apology) — LINK — “but here I am dying and nobody cares about me (pity play). Look at how that statement is designed — The recipient is put in the position of immediately having to deny her valid feelings of anger, betrayal, etc in order to supply the sociopath with pity.
For example: “I have taken out a life insurance policy for you and your son (promise) — LINK — which you are not to tell anybody about (I will control the outcome — if I tell the world, I look like a great guy and also I can keep you hanging on waiting for me to fulfill an empty promise).
See how it works with these subhuman creatures?
Yup, you are being shined. All of you are being shined.
I have a number of another girl who has said she loves him on his voice mail recently (i got into his voicemails) should I call her. She lives in the same state as him. Him and I actually live in seperate states but I am still stupid enough to still cant just say no more. It has taken this long…why do i feel the need to call her…do I need one more “other” relationship while being with him to push me over the edge?
LookingUp:
He has a life insurance policy for you and your son?
That’s terrific!!!! What a guy!!!
Tell him you want to SEE the policy.
In fact, tell him you think it would be a good idea for YOU to keep it in your safety deposit box for safe keeping.
After all, his health will be deteriorating soon because he is dying of cancer, kidney failure, whatever.
Another reason you need to see the policy is because you need to see the face amount.
After all, you and your son have to carry on after his death, so you need to know exactly how much money you can count on.
Ask him when he wants to go to the funeral home and pre-arrange his funeral.
It’s always easier on the survivors if these things are taken care of ahead of time.
If this guy says he is dying, CALL HIS BLUFF!
Rosa:
I’d add that list “and I know you will be so overwhelmed with details preparing for your death, that you should also give me the date the premium payment is due, so I can remind you to make it on time.”
Looking up,
We are so sorry you are going through this.
Why do you have to call her…whats the point….you have the proof….
Another girl saying “I love you” — doubt it was his health insurance agent wishing him well, although he may try to get you to believe that!!!!!
Figure out why you cant say no more? Whats holding you back from saying I DESERVE BETTER. I AM BETTER. AND CAN DO BETTER FOR MYSELF…
Stay here and read articles with us…old ones…get to know you arent alone and what you can do to strengthen yourself, your mind, your body and your soul. LF is excellent soul food and healing food to help you find a BETTER WAY!!!
ps… I suggest you TRY to stay out of his voicemails…your heart already knows what this guy is…just assume he is a cheater, and liar… no need to hear it…just a need to get out of it and move on when you are ready!!!
Looking Up:
You have the number of another girl?
Call her, if you can handle the truth.
But, then you may have to act.
Will you be ready to act?
It is kind of like the movie, “A Few Good Men”.
Tom Cruise says to Jack Nicholson, “I want the truth!”
Then Jack Nicholson says, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
Looking Up:
What I am trying to tell you in the above post is that only you will be able to determine when you have had enough.
We can all tell you that it is enough. But, at the end of the day, it is a decision ONLY YOU CAN MAKE!
You are a smart lady. You will know when it is time.
Rosa… you crackkkkkk me up! BTW the Amy Fischer/Joey Buttastupo reference yesterday LMAO….
hope we are not driving Looking Up in circles with all of our varying advices….call her..dont call her…pick out a plot with him…let him go one kidney is enough to live and thrive for a long time…lol….but guess the point is Looking Up has to do whats right for her and take it all in from the war veterans on the other side!!!
I hope Looking Up….will look toward the light sooner than later!!!! Its a process … a painful one at that…but one that will lead her to a better place when shes ready!
Thanks for the laughs along the way Rosa..
Matt:
Thank you!
I knew I was leaving out an important part regarding the premium.
It is wonderful having a lawyer in the house.