Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Simon Baron-Cohen, author of The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, is a professor of Developmental Psychology in the department of Experimental psychology and psychiatry at the University of Cambridge. He is director of the University’s Autism Research Center and has endless awards for his research and writing.
If you only read one book about empathy, this book should be it! Baron-Cohen explores the definition of empathy, or the lack of it, in humans, to answer his own questions about the Nazi atrocities in Germany before and during World War II. He also, as a scientist, wanted to explore why some people treat other as objects and answer his questions about how a human being can treat another person with utter cruelty and lack of compassion. His definition of empathy is:
Empathy is our ability to identify what someone else is thinking or feeling and to respond to their thoughts and feelings with an appropriate emotion.
Empathy … requires not only that you can identify another person’s feelings and thoughts, but that you respond to those with an appropriate emotion.
He explains that lack of empathy can be a fleeting state, in which anger, drugs, alcohol, or distractions dampen our empathy temporarily, or it can be a life-long pattern from which there is no recovery. He goes on to show that there are medical conditions in which both parts of empathy are missing (recognition of another’s feelings as well as responding to those feelings.)
Like any good scientist who studies his subject in a scientific manner, Baron-Cohen actually measures empathy. He and his team devised a Empathy Quotient (EQ) in order to measure empathy on the standard bell curve, where the majority of humans are in the middle. Most people have a reasonable amount of empathy most of the time (both recognizing and responding to the feelings of others), with fewer people having a much greater amount of empathy, and others having a lesser amount of empathy.
When I meet someone with very little empathy, it is as if they lack the very apparatus to look inwards at themselves, as if they lack a reverse periscope that would enable them any vision of themselves.
He defines, for research purposes, empathy into six broad categories. He describes zero empathy as:
Individual has no empathy at all ”¦ at which level some people commit crimes and are violent, but ”¦ fortunately, not all people with zero empathy wish to harm others ”¦ they cannot experience remorse or guilt.
At level six are the hyper-empathetic people that he describes as:
Continually focused on other people’s feelings, and go out of their way to check on these and to be supportive. It is as if their empathy is in a constant state of hyper-arousal, such that other people are never off their radar.
Using both psychology and brain scans of the areas of the brain involved in empathy, Baron-Cohen explains how the various personality disorders, psychopathy he uses that word borderline and narcissism, overlap in empathy or lack of it. Other medical conditions, such as autism, also cause problems with empathy.
He shows that people with classic autism, while not having empathy, do not generally intend to cause harm to anyone. The book also explores the genetic links. as well as the environmental links. that can produce low or lacking empathy in a personality.
Appendix 1 is the Empathy Quotient self test. Appendix 2 is How to Spot Zero Degrees of Empathy (Negative). It discusses borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality, a young person with conduct disorder, and How to Recognize a Narcissist.
This is an excellent book for learning more about ourselves, as well as learning about people with low levels of empathy. I highly recommend this book for both scientific information and for common sense information that is useful day to day in dealing with others in our lives.
The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, on Amazon.com.
well sarahsmile, now that the spath is finally gone, ppl are saying its about time and shit like that, if they have any contact with me at all; most wont speak to me. no—good job, u did it, how can we support u in this…its just too late for them i guess. lifelong friends i’ve had, just GONE.
my boyfriend tho, ppl dont have a problem with but becuz im an idiot, theyre sure he is too and are just waiting…like my dad . my mom died wen i was 14 or she wud probably be supportive and helping me with my kids, no matter wat…my dad was awful to her, really awful.
i also have health issues to deal with and today i feel crappy. I wish there WAS some way to get out there, get my life 2gether, etc. i have been in school now for going on 4 yrs (usually while working and of course dealing with the spath–plus 2 small kids=MAJOR guilt) and have 4 classes plus 2 more FT yrs left (the university will only let me do those last 2 yrs FT too ). i can not keep doing that avenue of bettering myself. i am close to eviction and my cars almost dead, like i dont think it will get me to a job for 2 long anyway so why am i trying to get one???? I AM SO FRUSTRATED
Dear Ain’t
QUOTE: I wish there WAS some way to get out there, get my life 2gether, etc.
There IS A WAY TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK TOGETHER….I don’t know what it is but YOU DO if you will just sit down and see things through your creative mind in a positive light. YOU can find the way.
Positive things are: you are no longer having to put up with the psychopath plus two small kids. Therefore you can let the MAJOR GUILT go free and send it off in to the wild blue yonder.
Take a vacation from trying to get your college degree for a year or a semester….take a year to just MAKE PLANS for the rest of your life, and to settle down and find some peace and calm, spend some time with your kids helping them recover (I’m sure they have suffered from this chaos as well) SLOW WAAAAAY DOWN and smell the roses, and take time for joy.
Sort out if you even want to finish up that degree. Just take time for YOU. (((hugs))
There is a true ‘scientific’ side of this pathology.
But what about the ‘spiritual’?
I believe that the spath in my life is an entity.
The things I have witnessed, heard, saw and sometimes tasted, the mind boggling-ness of it all….I have studied religions, themselves, and in all religions there is a common thread describing evil and it’s traits and it’s warning signs.
I have come to the conclusion while I think no religion nor faith is ‘right’ nor ‘wrong’ – that the truth lies somewhere in the middle, do we not have an eternal battle with good v. evil itself? If we are to recognize the existence of goodness, must we also, to be good ‘life warriors’ also recognize the existence of evil?
I will never believe anything other, after all of my searching for answers to this confusing maze we call ‘life’, after all has been read, said, done, I will never believe anything other now, than the “IT” in my life WAS INDEED and still may be a manifestation. While I realize this leaves me open for much criticism and projection, I LIGHT CANDLES & I SAY PRAYERS EVERY DAY, CONSTANTLY, BECAUSE THE BLOOD IN MY VEINS RUNS SO COLD, IT IS ABSOLUTELY CHILLING.
I pray for you all, as I do myself.
Get out there and do something TRULY NICE just for YOU today and do it for me. xxoo
Dupey
DUPED NO MORE!
I have had similar thoughts. Take a look at Ephesians 6:10-18, telling us that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood,” (other people), but against “the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” People can be used by dark entities to do the work of the evil one. There is a spiritual side to all of this, whether we choose to believe it or not.
Years ago, I was on a vacation with my family. The spath was standing by himself on a deck (of a log cabin) and I was standing on a hill, looking up at him. I saw a mist (or something) in front of his body. He was smiling weakly, looking like there was something that was making him uncomfortable. At the time, I didn’t know what I was seeing. Today, I suspect that it was a spiritual entity (not a good one) that uses him (a vessel) for its’ purposes.
yes ox drover, ideally that would be good to do, wat u suggest. however i am not able to take any time at all as i have no resources in the interim. i have to go to school, get a job or put my kids in fostercare and go live in a shelter. i have no help, financial or otherewise. counselling would be great, i have decided i would actually attempt it after great struggling against it and indeed i am desperate for someone to talk to like 3x a week, no joke. but once again, there is no avenue for it rite now. medicaid has decided i am to be sanctioned for not cooperating with finding spath’s residence. i will never do anything to put my kids physical or emotional wellbeing in danger and pissing him off will stir him to kidnap them, period. he doesnt work anyway so they’d just have to put his sorry butt in jail. which i am fine with of course. he is transient anyway and will continue to be so.
at least the guilt i used to have, is GONE. the guilt for sheer stupidity at the get-go, the guilt for takin him back, the guilt for not leaving, the guilt for bringing 2 precious girls into this…its done.
after being gone the last 3yrs (my babies were only 2yo and 14mos old wen i started back to work FT and school PT) and having this summer only online courses (but back up to FT) I am loathe to leave my kids again 10-12 hrs a day and have a hireling raise them. I am crying typing it. I have no choice tho and it paralyzes me from going out and putting in apps. I really do need some time off. Im not going to get it.
bluejay i used to believe the spath was being used by the devil or his own SPTs and soul issues were the problem. now i just think he’s not even human. which is ludicrous. but its where im at. The Spath Can NOT Be Fixed. There is no hope eternal for him. any other woman that wants him, oh please do honey. fix him even and reap the benefits of MY blood, sweat and tears. i dont want him EVER again.
i wonder how much pain i have caused myself thinking he could be human. how much damage i caused my so many ppl. my daughter is DEAD becuz of him, indirectly. i live with this every day. no more guilt, but facts still remain with their consequences and ramifications. and i have to raise up 2 spawn of that entity. i am quietly worried sick how to prevent them from being their father. getting his influence out of the house was monumental but is it enough, especially if i am to be denied raising them myself and having to have others do it? who have no clue wat theyre up against??
bluejay: yes, I have noticed. I am fighting this ‘thing’ on all levels. Mind, body and spirit. This is not normal. I am 60 years old now and have never met anything quite like this. So vile and disgusting. The only thing missing is the head spinning around and I have said that before and I am not just being ‘poetic’ nor ‘colorful’ when I say this….
It’s alright; I have the protection of the Angels about me.
Much to IT”S dismay, I am sure.
Peace, love & light bluejay…
Dupey
DUPED NO MORE!
I fought those thoughts these two years. I’ve also studied many religions, and even lived a few years identifying as a Humanist. Then I started to FEEL something more, so I searched around, read, sought answers, until I came up with a structure that resonated the most with me, felt the most true for me. When he came along, I was starting a new life, excited, joyous, free, grounded. My friends told me I was SHINY all of the time. He ridiculed my beliefs — all beliefs, in fact — until he stripped me down to nothing.
He said to me one time, “I am the Devil. I have the Devil inside of me. Why aren’t you running from me?”
My reaction was, “Oh, poor baby! He is so lost, so full of self-loathing!”
I have seen his face change.
aintgonnatakeitnomore,
I applaud you for what you have done, been able to accomplish, getting the spath out of you and your daughters lives. You are in a tough place. Disordered people cannot be fixed, that’s correct. We have seen the insanity of these people. Keeping ourselves free of them is necessary. I would do the best that you can (that’s all anyone can ask of us), day-to-day, trying not to be hard on yourself. Keep praying for yourself and your situation. I hope that all things work out for your good, that your children can remain with you, that solutions will come to you. It is hard when there are children (I have three kids who seem to be okay, not spaths, for which I’m grateful). I don’t say a whole lot about my spiritual take on this disorder because this is a secular site, but I do have my thoughts on the subject.
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YES YES EXACTLY…these spaths are not human!
no one wants to believe this, no mental health person wants to deal with it and will tell you, you are subverting, changing the subject, etc. HE IS the *problem* not me. NOT me! not me AT ALL…now im denying and not taking ownership…takes 2 for a relationship 2 fail…UH UH.
soooo glad to have found this site. sorry i am so verbose. in a few days i will chill out, ladies. bear with me 🙂