Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Simon Baron-Cohen, author of The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, is a professor of Developmental Psychology in the department of Experimental psychology and psychiatry at the University of Cambridge. He is director of the University’s Autism Research Center and has endless awards for his research and writing.
If you only read one book about empathy, this book should be it! Baron-Cohen explores the definition of empathy, or the lack of it, in humans, to answer his own questions about the Nazi atrocities in Germany before and during World War II. He also, as a scientist, wanted to explore why some people treat other as objects and answer his questions about how a human being can treat another person with utter cruelty and lack of compassion. His definition of empathy is:
Empathy is our ability to identify what someone else is thinking or feeling and to respond to their thoughts and feelings with an appropriate emotion.
Empathy … requires not only that you can identify another person’s feelings and thoughts, but that you respond to those with an appropriate emotion.
He explains that lack of empathy can be a fleeting state, in which anger, drugs, alcohol, or distractions dampen our empathy temporarily, or it can be a life-long pattern from which there is no recovery. He goes on to show that there are medical conditions in which both parts of empathy are missing (recognition of another’s feelings as well as responding to those feelings.)
Like any good scientist who studies his subject in a scientific manner, Baron-Cohen actually measures empathy. He and his team devised a Empathy Quotient (EQ) in order to measure empathy on the standard bell curve, where the majority of humans are in the middle. Most people have a reasonable amount of empathy most of the time (both recognizing and responding to the feelings of others), with fewer people having a much greater amount of empathy, and others having a lesser amount of empathy.
When I meet someone with very little empathy, it is as if they lack the very apparatus to look inwards at themselves, as if they lack a reverse periscope that would enable them any vision of themselves.
He defines, for research purposes, empathy into six broad categories. He describes zero empathy as:
Individual has no empathy at all ”¦ at which level some people commit crimes and are violent, but ”¦ fortunately, not all people with zero empathy wish to harm others ”¦ they cannot experience remorse or guilt.
At level six are the hyper-empathetic people that he describes as:
Continually focused on other people’s feelings, and go out of their way to check on these and to be supportive. It is as if their empathy is in a constant state of hyper-arousal, such that other people are never off their radar.
Using both psychology and brain scans of the areas of the brain involved in empathy, Baron-Cohen explains how the various personality disorders, psychopathy he uses that word borderline and narcissism, overlap in empathy or lack of it. Other medical conditions, such as autism, also cause problems with empathy.
He shows that people with classic autism, while not having empathy, do not generally intend to cause harm to anyone. The book also explores the genetic links. as well as the environmental links. that can produce low or lacking empathy in a personality.
Appendix 1 is the Empathy Quotient self test. Appendix 2 is How to Spot Zero Degrees of Empathy (Negative). It discusses borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality, a young person with conduct disorder, and How to Recognize a Narcissist.
This is an excellent book for learning more about ourselves, as well as learning about people with low levels of empathy. I highly recommend this book for both scientific information and for common sense information that is useful day to day in dealing with others in our lives.
The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, on Amazon.com.
Awwww Hens…I hope you feel better today. Don’t move to the moon. We want you here!
It has contacted me.
It asked if I saw the blue angels this year. Nothing else.
I wonder what the evil entity really wants.
I know it has plenty of money right now, since it has finished off it’s summer work season. probably made about 70grand. So it has power right now.
Dear Sky,
I’m sorry, I know you must be unnerved (at best) if it contacted you. Looking over your shoulder is difficult when you know that the person has killed in the past and is capable of doing it again. (((Hugs))) and do the best you can to live with CAUTION not terror. God bless and protect you.
Thanks Oxy, but you didn’t say NO CONTACT.
I need encouragement to not reply. I think. Gray rock, and all that. Please never cease to remind me because it is tempting to find out what it wants.
Dear Sky,
Yep, you KNOW NO CONTACT is the only way to go, contacting him will only FEED HIM ATTENTION which is what he wants above all else. NOT replying will not feed him. REPLYING, even gray rock, is FOOD FOR HIS SOUL, and lets him still know he has an effect on you.
Keep your eyes open though, and your doors locked. It is easy to get to where we are not cautious enough, but at the same time, we must never live in TERROR. I get lazy sometimes and don’t maintain my vigilance about locking doors, etc. but I have my little fanny pack with my epi pen and my car keys, my phone in my pocket, and my “friend” in my fanny pack or close by my hand. Keep your vehicles where he can’t get access to them to do something to them….my guess with his background that is how he would attack. I hope your BF takes your situation with the X seriously too. My egg donor never got it through her head that SHE was in danger as well as me, once I was gone she was NEXT on the list, but it had to be me first for the trust to kick in and protect my P son’s “interest” in the estate because if I outlive(d) her, he gets nothing, so there will always be the chance he will send someone to get me before she dies….and afterward if I do outlive her, he’ll still want REVENGE. So there’s no way to ever get him to “forget about” me….and I suspect yours is the same way, after 25 years of “owning” you in his own mind, he hates to let go of that “ownership.” Just BE CAREFUL! You’re in my prayers. (((hugs)))
I believe NOTHING that comes out of it’s mouth anymore.
I would not trust it within 500 miles of me anymore.
I just want it over and finished now.
I will do all in my power to make it stop.
Period.
skylar: don’t break NC if you love yourself. I just have been coming through this myself and it isn’t worth caring about them when it only makes the hell start all over again. I am not going to be cursed by this blindness on my behalf to vile and rude people. I am better than that and so are you. Be safe, Lovey…you are in my thoughts and prayers. Better to error on the side of safety…ALWAYS.
Dupity Duped
thank you all so much for the reminders.
I am always tempted to play with his head. Just old habit, I guess. NC is the best revenge, I MUST keep that at the forefront. He has had plenty of time to plot further and he is possibly back in this area where it’s nice and cool compared to where he lives.
But they do have an MO and it always involves DRAMA. So they cannot mess with our heads if we don’t participate. It’s our choice. ((hugs to everyone))
HUGS HUGS HUGS I AM SO GLAD YOUVE NOT DONE ANYTHING. SKYLAR, I LOOK UP TO YOU AS A ROLE MODEL FOR ME (OK SO THIS SOUNDS ALL ABOUT ME) BUT I THINK YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME A LOT.
STAY STRONG! SCREW HIM! ANY RESPONSE IS FOOD FOR THE SPATH! STARVE THE SPATH!
((superkid))
it IS all about you and me and everyone here. We’re in this together. Each one of us helps the next one during the trials.
Spaths confuse us by appearing to be real people so it’s hard to remember that they are cookie cutter editions of each other. No matter what surface facade they present, in the end, they all feed on DRAMA. Don’t give them any! I MUST KEEP THAT AT THE FOREFRONT OF MY MIND.
You know Hens, I think some hairdressers seem to think that they have to keep the conversation going while they are doing your hair. Some people just can’t stand silence…and seems the dumber and less aware they are the more they can’t tolerate silence…and not only appear foolish, but open their mouths and PROVE THEY ARE!
The current crop of “reality” TV shows I think proves that there is a large population of people who are shallow as cake pans and have to be continually entertained. Just enjoying something calm and peaceful isn’t “interesting” to these people so they are always after excitement and novelty. The fact that you don’t keep up with the “current culture” of music or biker rallies doesn’t mean you are out of step, just that you have better things to think about than a mob of drunken bikers or missing the “opportunity” to hang out with a bunch of puking drunks.