What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?
Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.
Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.
However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.
I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.
That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.
Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.
The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.
I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.
Now we might still say, big deal?”¦doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?
What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.
In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the nonsociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.
Intellectally, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.
And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.
The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredeness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.
At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.
(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Done, yes, angry plenty. But Investigating into his past is what helped me stay away from him and not blame myself. In the process, I came upon women who did not know why he left one day and/ or still blamed themselves. I am blame free now, because I realized through the very process of discovery that this creature would have done what he did no matter what. So, Confused, you have more things to be confused about, given Done’s and my comments.
Btw, the nicks you make us for yourselves serve a very temporary purpose. I hope no one plans to stay Confused for a long time or the rest of your life. The name we call ourselves is the idea we identify with.
I guess..I am feeling some guilt AND sadness today…being Fathers day…my dad passed away a few yrs ago….I wish more than anything my S would have a GREAT relationship with our 3 yr old…however he abandoned him at birth…got to know him a few months ago…took me to court for 2 yrs trying to get out of support…Im missing what isnt..im missing whay i know never will be..Im looking at my 3 yr old today knowing he has no clue what today is…and Im not goiong to have him call him as he hasnt called or anything in weeks..he is busy taking me back to court to get out of support….please tell me somebody…am I wrong for doin g this for trying to protect my son and not acknowledging him today?????
I felt much stronger a few days ago…but sad today!!!
NO ONE CAN JUDGE YOU. ONLY GOD. END, I am in the same very boat. My little one called my older kids’ father today and said ‘Happy Father’s Day’. His own father was a pig and a prick and no diagnosis can ever make it right. Instead of getting mental health treatment and trying to have a relationship with his son, he’s gone to court, using girlfriend’s money to file for Joint Custody, when his own daughter said she cannot see him wanting a relationship with any of his children. My job in this life is to be a lion, to protect young cubs. So is yours. we owe it to society to limit these kids’ relationships with their sick dads, so that they will not perceive their fathers as role models. Alienation or not, the kids must grow up to know right from wrong. My ex talked the talk but had no idea of how to walk the walk. He’s too Mentally Ill to be a role model and to be a responsible parent. So, what Father is he?
I went NC with my Biological Father. He was not around when I was growing up. Once he disrespected MY children, he was no longer a part of my life. My step dad is the one who is getting presents today and an outing. I hope a day will come when your little one will have a great father figure in his life…
This is a very interesting thread. My ex used to say that life wasn’t worth living if he was bored or if things were predictable. He always had to have a new thrill. He was a rock climber, but even that bored him if he wasn’t climbing in an unsafe way. I stopped climbing because he scared me so much when he was belaying me. I think that’s why he lived out of the United States for so many years and why he says he prefers to live in third world countries. That and after hearing his stories, I think it was easier to have conquests in these third world countries. He justified it by claiming all of the people in those countries were just using him for money and that the women just wanted a green card. That is how he arrogantly go away with hurting so many people. I think it was fun for him.
He could never sit still and just BE. He was bored out of his mind with our baby, for the little bit of time he spent with him. He hated the mundane.
KATYA..thank u soooooo much..you brought tears to my eyes…my lil one isnt even asking about him…which is good….but it still doesnt make it hurt less….He is using his own mother to try and get thru to his son..which is sick to me….and you are right …..disrespect me…fine..but do not disresect my kids…thank u for the reinforcement….xoxoxo
Jillsmith,
I HOPE my son will grow up to be a surgeon instead of a murderer, a soldier instead of a rapist, a mountain climber instead of a thief. Whatever social norms I can instill in him, I will do so, and will try to recognize his need for stimulation.
by the way,….I agree..same here…bot did he talk the talk..but could never walk the walk…..someone once told me…no dad is better than a bad dad….and I completely agree…I cannot have my son think that what his father does is right!
Katya,
I don’t really know what you are saying. My ex-husband has a PhD and is a “mountain climber”. I don’t really think these things are going to keep someone from being a murderer, a rapist or a thief, as my ex-husband is a sociopath who has raped, stolen and tried to kill me while I was pregnant with our son. His PhD doesn’t mean he’s a good person.
I am a good mother who recognized my sons need for stimulation, but I’m also working hard at teaching him to be content in life.
I don’t really get why you addressed this comment to me. I wasn’t commenting based on anything you said. I was simply commenting on my Sociopathic ex-husband’s inability to be bored, which is what this thread is about.
I wish you the best of luck in instilling whatever it is you want to instill in your son. I’m sure you’ll do a great job. I didn’t remember reading any other comments you made on this thread. I’ll go back and read them, so I can make some sense of why you made this comment to me.
Katya,
I just went back and read the thread more closely to figure out why you made this comment to me. I took it to sound like you hope your son gets a PhD and is a rock climber, like my ex-husband. Believe me, you do not want your son to turn out like my ex-husband. Just because my ex-husband has a PhD does NOT make him a good role model for my son or anyone else’s son. Also, as Rune can attest to, rock climbing is much different than just normal hiking in mountains. It’s a very high risk activity with a lot of thrill and stimulation. There are many people with sociopathic personalities in the climbing community.
I just can’t figure out why you made this comment to me. After reading the whole thread more closely, I think you must have thought I was responding to your comment with my first comment. I wasn’t. I was responding with thoughts to the article. I’m sorry if I made you think I was responding to your statements. I really am confused though.