What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?
Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.
Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.
However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.
I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.
That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.
Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.
The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.
I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.
Now we might still say, big deal?”¦doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?
What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.
In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the nonsociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.
Intellectally, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.
And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.
The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredeness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.
At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.
(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Thanks4Sharing,
“my ex had no idea I was watching him sneak over to open the pantry door. I let him sit down on the couch before I walked into the living room – that’s when he yelled, “THEY’RE BACK!!! THEY JUST WON’T LEAVE THIS PLACE ALONE!!! COME SEE THIS!!!!” (LOL guess i wasn’t supposed to see him open the door himself)”
This has been refer to gaslighting and it’s a attempt to psychologically abuse us. The term first came to public knowledge from a movie:
“Gaslight is a 1940 film based on Patrick Hamilton’s play Gas Light (1938). It was released in the United States under the title Angel Street so the audiences would not confuse it with MGM’s 1944 version starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman, though both had essentially the same plot. ect.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslight_(1940_film)
Interesting enough is I just posted on my blog when my ex s/p tried to “gaslight” me during our separation. You can read it if you want at:
http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/06/i-smell-gas.html
As stated by Sierra Koester:
“Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse or brainwashing where one individual attempts to get another individual to believe she is “crazy”. This is most often done through the denial of facts, events, or what one did or did not say. The gaslighter might also directly or indirectly imply that the individual is defective, crazy, or suffers from a mental illness.”
Glad to hear you were able to get away from your ex partner and his abuse.
Dear Thanks4sharing,
I am so glad that you found your way to LF and that you are NC with this monster! I am a retired mental health professional and I know how difficult it is sometimes to manage bi-polar and when someone is playing games with reality, “just for FUN” yet! It can throw you into a tail spin.
Please hang around here and read the old archived articles as well as the current ones and the comments, those old articles contain some EXCELLENT information that will help ground you and validate what you have been through! Good luck and God bless you. Again, WELCOME!!!
ABLESSINGID…if you don’t manipulate or exploit others, and if, as you say, you are “a kind and caring person,” then I’m afraid you may been been misdiagnosed? While not necessarily driven by cruelty, sociopaths do not meet, with any sincerity, the description of kind and caring? Perhaps the absence of certain emotions that you describe are better explained by another issue?
Jennifer….I completely agree with you that the issue of convenience, in general, is enormously salient. I’ve written extensively how, in general, narcissistic spectrum personalities find any form of inconvenience oppressive, unacceptable, and “states” they feel entitled to escape. The narcissist typically feels entitled to “relief from inconvenience.”
In my upcoming post, scheduled for next week and already written, I make this view very clear. You make excellent points.
Steve,
Brilliant!!
Many thanks to you for your comments!
Could you also reflect on a P’s typical response to “inconvenience vs drive for control, power and drive “to win”? is there such a thing as “win at all costs for a P? what if the costs are too high and convenience is valuable?
Looking forward to reading your article next week.
I nearly got sucked into the void of yet another psychopath…OMG! so close..I hate myself….why can’t I see them earlier? Why does it always take me longer than everyone else?? I am so mad at ME!! Another bloody psychopath ripped me off ( this time it was three hundred dollars.. that I don’t have to spare). All my rage at the ex P is back, so triggered. SH*T!!! SH*T SH*T!!! What can I do????
God Tilly
Keep your purse closed girl!
If someone’s either asking you for money or cohercing/manipulating you into paying for them – run! run! run!
I have a sound and very solid group of friends – they NEVER asked me to pay for them or put me in a position where I feel I am expected to. This is how I’ve learned to differentiate between what is healthy and all the stuff being ‘sick’ that I went through with the S.
Any chance of getting your money back? If you can – do – then spit in their eye!
The rage is at yourself – I know what that feels like – we all do- don’t go into the cycle of beating yourself about it – it’s done! As Kathy says, make it constructive, use the energy to empower yourself ………. soo sorry doll – it’s so horrid to have to go through life in this guarded manner – but no choice…….
All love.
Steve,
Please clarify for me how a “psychopath” could be “diagnosed” who was “kind and caring” and did NOT “manipulate”? Isn’t the PCL-R pretty specific for “diagnosing” a psychopath by how they have BEHAVED as well as how they “think”? I can’t imagine ‘diagnosing” a “kind and caring” person who had behaved in a “kind and caring way” even though they might tell me that they did not “feel” “normal” emotional feelings.
Isn’t it more likely that a professionially diagnosed psychopath would tend to lie and say “but I am kind and caring”? Haven’t 99 to 100% of the psychopaths that the victims here dealt with convinced us that they “loved” us and were ‘good people?” Were “kind and caring” about us?
I would also ask you what benefit you think that former or current victims of psychopaths in general would gain from dialogs with such a diagnosed person on a forum for healing from the wounds inflicted by a psychopath?
I have never met, personally or clinically, a professionally “diagnosed” psychopath (by whatever term, sociopath or ASPD etc) that did not have a significant criminal record AND quite a bit of violence in their background as well. Maybe you have met some “kind and caring” people who were diagnosed professionally as psychopaths, but I have never done so.
I would appreciate it if you could clarify for me your thinking and reasoning on your post above. thanks. Oxy
James,
Thanks for sharing that link to your blog. I guess I must have had my head in the sand, but I hadn’t seen anything on gaslighting since I’ve been on LF. Eye-opening! I was questioning my sanity, and my motives bc my S used to always tell me I was crazy and blatantly lie about everything (Deny the facts). It was so bad, it would be akin to me saying “the sky is blue” and we both can look in the sky, and see that it is blue, but he would say “no it’s red.” I was always amazed at how he was able to deny things (usually situations where I was present) that I knew happened. I’d end up questioning myself.
Gaslighting is just one more a-hah moment I’ve had on this site.
I feel like Charlie Brown, when he is seeking Psychiatric Help from Lucy’s stand, and she’s going through all these phobias, when she gets to the fear of everything Charlie Brown yells “THAT’S IT!” with such force that Lucy falls out of her chair. There have been so many times, I’m skimming through comments and I want to yell “THAT’S IT!” like Charlie Brown. I spent all these years in awe of the S and trying to figure out what it was about him that was off, and now I know he’s an S. That’s it!
Dear Done, Yep! THAT’S IT!!!!! You are so right on. I was gaslighted too…..and couldn’t do anything but “argue” that NO, the sky really is BLUE, why are you doing this? It hurt so much….but now I KNOW WHY!
There is actually I think, a lot of good psychology in the comics, and esp in Peanuts! LOL
I think I have read some articles but can’t remember the exact diagnosis Lucy had but I am sure she is not only highly narcissistic but a bit of a borderline personality disorder as well. maybe even psychopathic, as she sure likes to make poor old Charlie suffer and convinces him she won’t move the football! Which of course, she ALWAYS does, and poor old Good hearted Charlie—reminds me of myself—still wanting to trust and having the same result!
Nice to not be quite so “trusting” any more of the Lucys of this world!
BlessingID – I dont think ANYONE on this blog can be convinced that anyone diagnosed as a sociopath is even A little bit caring! Sorry, just not buying what your selling. Its plausable maybe if the doctor who diagnosed you IS a sociopath TRYING to frame you in order to 1) Exploit you in some physical, emotional, or monetary way, 2) Lie, manipulate, and Gaslight you, OR 3)
start over with no.( 1) and (2).
I must say that other sites may offer you more of what you are looking for. I, for one would LOVE to believe that a S is capable of genuine “caring” for others, but to do that would put me back into the “fog” that I have fought so hard to fight my way back from.