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Boredom and the sociopath

You are here: Home / Explaining the sociopath / Boredom and the sociopath

June 18, 2009 //  by Steve Becker, LCSW

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What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?

Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.

Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.

However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.

I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.

That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.

Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.

The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.

I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.

Now we might still say, big deal?”¦doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?

What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.

In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the nonsociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.

Intellectally, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.

And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.

The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredeness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.

At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.

(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)

Category: Explaining the sociopath

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KATYA
15 years ago

The client is not an S. The client has PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder (which is tough, and manipulative but not usually antisocial). After all she’s been through she does not want to continue with her therapy (I hope temporarily) and I agree with you: I should not take it on because the ONE is enough. But,I cannot stand by and watch this happen. Having given her the numbers I felt like a coward who fled and left her to deal with the shame and the guilt – well, you know… Plus, because the therapist has PhD next to the name and the client has BP next to hers, I know who will be believed unless people like me who have suspected this all along stand up for client rights. (OHHH

sabrina
15 years ago

Katya- Your wanting to reach out and help her, is commendable- BUT DONT. What more can you do for this person? How did she get your number?? I think something about “personality disorder” turns on my DGAD (dont give a damn) attitude. I know it sounds super cold, but you cant heal from your current traumas while adding more drama. If you need a break from your reality- watch a steamy soap opera- dont create your own 🙂

ErinBrock
15 years ago

Tilly:
I’m not oxy….but I wanted to respond…..
Are you okay??????
Youv’e had a few downer weeks. Honey you need to take an emotional break, let it all out of your head and recoup.
You need to feel better, emotionally about yourself…..DO NOT FORGET WHO TILLY IS!!!!
Yes, we all do things we wish we hadn’t….(I’m currently in a predicament), BUT…..it’s about learning, lessons and growth.
We can’t read about ‘learning, lessons and growth’……we MUST LIVE IT! AND…..you are! Turn your mindset around and look at what life is trying to teach you……find the lessons here……
I would suspect this lesson is…….QUIT HELPING OTHERS RIGHT NOW!!!!! It’s tilly time!
Until you learn these things……life will continue to bring it back around.
So STOP……look, listen and feel…..give yourself a break and collect yourself…..THEN….move forward with caution and awareness.
You need to remove the ‘shit on me’ sign from your forehead, and don’t forget the ‘kick me’ note on your back.
You must find your ‘fuck you’ attitude and NOT LET ANYONE TAKE ADVANTAGE of you!!!!
It’s time to take Tilly on……It’s all about TILLY! If you need to foster the inner sociopath to find this attitude….then do it!
Forget about helping ANYONE but TIlly right now……you just can’t do it. There is no charity when you can’t do it for yourself.
Find your strength, give yourself time……don’t look back, don’t look forward…..look at your here and now…..if your not happy….CHANGE IT! You have the power…..don’t give it up to negativity!
XXOO
I’m sending strength your way girlfriend!!!!

sabrina
15 years ago

Katya- sorry , I just realized you are professionally trying to help her- I thought her contact was more of a personal nature. Still would say that it may be more stressful than you need !! take care.

KATYA
15 years ago

LOL
I agree with the two of you, though in my field EVERYONE has got something. The woman spent time at a concentration camp. She was raped, family members killed – some by enemy, some by taking their lives. Part of the reason I feel she cannot be strong enough to do it on her own. Others have complained before her – petty talk, but none were strong enough to make calls. This “therapist” is out screwing with people’s minds and having a control freak ride at their expense, it seems (G-d forgive me if I badmouth a great woman, but too many signs, just too many). I will try to look for another fool to take on this victorious deed. I am a fighter, but this thing P’s done to me makes me walk away from something I would ordinarily feel responsible not to walk away from.

ErinBrock
15 years ago

Katya;
I can relate to your wanting to not leave her, and all your justifications…….
BUT….she is responsible for she and you are responsible for YOU.
You can’t force her to contnue therapy, and you can’t prove to her that ‘all therapists’ are good.
You can’t give away charitably if you have none to give currently.
I, like Sabrina, know if may sound cold and callous…..but leave it alone.
Are you really in a position to ‘stand up for clients rights’.
This client should stand up for her own rights. If she give a shit, she will see it through……if not…..
The way the systems are set up……it’s so uphill to expose and no one really gives a damn…..
I think you have your own fish to fry currently.
Maybe in a different place and time, I would say…..go girl…..fight like hell for her….
But….not currently for you!

KATYA
15 years ago

Interesting it’s coming out now, when we are reading what we are not supposed to, and maybe this discussion will help you decide. I come from the peoples where Others are Everything and Self is last. Telling someone in my language to “love themselves” is a very sexually inappropriate term (that’s my dry humor, but it’s true, if you translate languages). I was raised with the notion of “the group decides and prioritizes, stand for the truth and honesty at all costs, give of yourself and your life for the betterment of society. OK, OK so they lied and corrupted S’s were ruling the group. But, I am a firm believer that together and for the benefit of society is better. (maybe, not, LOL, Maybe, that’s why the client picked me. Oxy? )

sabrina
15 years ago

Katya- you have to do whats in your heart thats right, bottom line- no matter what any of us suggest. I am in a real defensive cocoon place after the week that I ‘ve had so you can disregard anything from me that dosent sit well with you.

I do firmly believe that in general-with emphasis in general- that one should reach out to others in need of help whenever we can, and in doing so it also accomplishes to get ones focus/mind off of oneself- hence rejecting a narccissitic type life style. I am much more humble and experience the most peace in helping others. I just think this much intenseness (?) may drain you more than you have to give right now. If you are convinced that you need to help her- maybe suggestions like youve already given her would be enough . Im sure you will make the best decision. nite..

sabrina
15 years ago

meant to say good nite..xoxo

KATYA
15 years ago

Erin, Sabrina,
you are right. I will step aside only because I feel I am not strong enough and have my fish to fry. I will check on her and try to empower her as best I can and stay in the shade. I just have grown so much distaste for Ps, it’s become a personal thing: ME vs the Ps (not good). (again, the client has no way of knowing, different cultures, different languages, etc. So, I am not on a witch hunt, YET, LOL)

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