What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?
Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.
Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.
However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.
I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.
That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.
Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.
The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.
I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.
Now we might still say, big deal?”¦doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?
What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.
In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the nonsociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.
Intellectally, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.
And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.
The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredeness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.
At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.
(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Good Night. I actually quite successfully forgot the anxiety and the fear that overwhelmed me today. Thank you ladies. I will go and read even more about the Ps. Oh, they are a tiring bunch; I wish I could just learn to lie and manipulate – that’d be so easy… night
Katya:
I’m just going on what I have learned in my very ‘short’ years on this earth….living and giving, learing and losing…..
Yes…..it’s about ERIN and her kids FIRST now. I still give, every day. I give of myself, my time, my energy (i’ve got no money left Ha ha)….but I still give….I just don’t give and trust like I used to…..and I am much more confident about myself and my situation than I have ever been!
I do believe it ‘takes a village’……but I’m the chief of my village now.
I respect others opinions, but I don’t have to ‘live’ by them…..I speak up now, I don’t coward and internalize.
I can compartmentalize my feelings, but not bury them because the ‘rest of the world’ may not agree.
I like who I am today!
And you know what….in your language or mine……’to love themselves’ is okay…..no matter what language it translates into!!!! 🙂
I am much healthier emotionally and spiritually if I view the world from the eyes of……’others are important, but self is first’.
If you don’t have ‘self’…..then what is there to give society?
Yes, it does sound like S’s were in control of the rule making group!
🙂
LOL
COOL STUFF Erin. I have nothing to add. Well said
Good night ladies~
Stay strong and focused.
(Is that the same as ‘live long and prosper’)
Oh dang….it’s time for bed! Shut up Erin……..
Just a thought: “Kind and caring” = “Grooming”?
That the P/N/S lie even towards themselves? They say “I am caring” but have in hindsight the puropse to exploit? I think we all have some kind of manipulative traits in us, and it hit home with me when I read in another thread Kathy Hawk wrote about “The man I USED (highlighted by me) to get over my father”. Well it was exactly that, I could finally see my father in the mirror of the X for what he really was, but it was not so in the beginning. I found out this by looking “for manure in the s**t”. What good might be in this horrible encounter. I first thought that I was manipulating him myself, but then I found out I did not fall in love to use this man on purpose to do some therapy on myself, but purely because I loved him unconditionnally.
With the N/S/P it is vice versa. They pretend it being manure and it turns out to be s**t.
That is the hard part, and requires a lot of gut feeling and street smartness, I think, to be able to distinguish between “care” and “groom”. Not to be paranoid but catious not to offend and abhor the really caring but not openly walk into a knife that has been offered to us as being defensive and “caring”.
That would mean i would have to tell them everything i know and risk death
Dear Tilly. I would not risk my life for anything or anybody! I can just speak for myself of course but I firmly believe there are very few people “martyr material” out there. I can assure you as I have seen many people die (as a Cancer doctor) and I have accompanied many people during their last period on earth they ALL pay back what they took unrightful.
I also had the urge to help justice to prevail, but not anymore. I have compassion for my next, be there for them if they want me to be there, but I leave it now to higher powers which are so much better than I ever can be.
I am not here and supposed to rescue anybody but to look after myself which is hard enough sometimes. LOL. Death will come anyways, but there is life BEFORE death, and for that we have some responsibilities, to use this our precious time with prudence and joy and diligence. I wish for you dear Tilly that you might see the light at the end of the tunnel quite soon, and wish you a peaceful night and a relaxing sunday!
Dear Tilly,
Send an e mail request to donna and ask her to forward your private e mail to me and I will answer you off line.
Katya, I can see by your posts that you ARE a “kind and caring” person, and THAT’S THE PROBLEM—we are ALL “kind and caring” people and that is what the P’s hooked into. Our kind and caring natures make us want to believe them, want to help them and the exploit the “pity poly” and want us to rescue them.
The problem is, that is what they are using to hook us into “helping” them and THEY THEN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US.
We ALWAYS put them FIRST and we must learn to PUT OURSELVES FIRST. When we give all our care to OTHERS and NONE TO OURSELVES, this is not good at all.
When we STARVE ourselves totally we cannot have the strength to work toward feeding others. (Metaphorically speaking) We must take care of ourselves so that we can take care of and give to others….and if we give it all to those that COULD AND SHOULD “feed” themselves, we have nothing left to take care of ourselves or to help those who can’t help themselves.
I have been trained from birth to be a “rescuer” and to “rescue” the psychopaths in the family from the consequences of their bad behavior by taking on the consequences myself. NO MORE, NO LONGER, NEVER AGAIN.
While we are recovering, we must focus ALL our energies on healing ourselves—it takes energy and time and thought and we must not let ourselves be distracted by trying to help others when we can hardly stand up ourselves. I focused my energy on helping others when I was not even able to “crawl” much less walk, it was easier on me to focus on other’s problems because it kept me from having to face my own problems—-facing our own problems, our own pain, is the most painful way, but the ONLY way, in my opinion, that we can heal. We can’t go under, over, or around the pain, we must go THROUGH it, but we come out the other side, like the Phoenix rising from its own ashes. Golden and happy!!!! (((hugs))))
Oxy:Doesn’t feel right to email Donna as I don’t know her from a bar of soap.
My P daughter is back and has teamed up with her P father to literally destroy me. Their timing couldn’t be better, for whilst I am physically ill from the stress of it all, I am emotionally ready to do whatever it takes to see these psychopathic murderers finally jailed for the murders that he (and his friends) committed 25 years ago. We don’t have the death penalty over here, and there are plenty of corrupt police, judges and solicitors and lawyers. That is why these psychopaths are still free. That is why it is so dangerous for me.
Looking back, I think that is what my American teacher meant when she, “be careful,” she said that this site was heavily monitored. I think she meant that it was monitored by both corrupt and legal authorities.
All this “purging” is the culmination of going no contact with my P daughter. I had no idea it would bring all this to a head. I have been legally abused in the past more than anyone I have ever read (or heard ) about except Sunny Jacobs. (see her book “Stolen Time”). (And then, even she put herself before her kids back then, which I would never have done in a million years.)
My P daughter wouldn’t care less underneath, if her father was a murderer or not, so long as she was getting attention, money, her own way etc. But she will pretend to believe he is NOT one for the sake of seeing my downfall and a few dollars. She has the face of an angel and can shed a bucket of tears at a seconds notice.
Libelle:
I don’t have “an urge to help justice prevail”. Rather, I see my own demise at the hands of these psychopaths now that my daughter is back in the country and has reacted to my “no contact”. She has told them I have given her names in the past which is my death warrant. I am the only person left living who knows. All the others were killed because they were going in be witnesses s in the court cases. No other reason.
I have lived my life under this cloud for my kids.
When I found out through LF that my daughter is a P and the condition can be genetic, something changed in me… bigtime.
I meet with the detectives later today. They approached me.
So that says a lot to begin with.
It says to me that if I don’t get in first, they will.
Dear Tilly! I hope the very best for you, and that you might be soon in a very safe place and alive and well! It is the worst nightmare I could ever imagine I have heard of- can’t you just disappear as Oxy did? Hopefully the detectives find some clever solution for this horrible situation. Take care, my thoughts are with you ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))