What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?
Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.
Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.
However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.
I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.
That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.
Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.
The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.
I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.
Now we might still say, big deal?”¦doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?
What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.
In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the nonsociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.
Intellectally, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.
And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.
The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredeness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.
At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.
(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Tilly, I am where I am because I feared for my life. I did what I could to protect myself and then decided that’s all I can do — except to regain my strength and health. But, I never put down my guard.
I truly believe you can trust Donna — she is the owner of this site. All she would do (according to policy) is to honor your request to give your email address to Oxy. She only “monitors” this site to protect all of us posters from the “bad guys.” Nothing sinister about it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you handle this current problem with grace and courage. You can do it. I know you can.
Oxy…i’m not sure if i’ve misunderstood your post, or you mine? In my last posted comment, I suggested, as I think you are also suggesting, that “kind and caring” unless it’s contrived manipulatively, is really not consistent with the psychopath’s personality. Psychopaths are not genuinely kind and caring individuals. That doesn’t mean they can’t selectively behave in a civilized manner when it serves their purposes to do so…and certainly they can selectively choose to make “seemingly kind and caring” behaviors (again, when it suits their ulterior agenda) But I think we both agree that “kind and caring” in a sincere form is quite antithetical to psychopathy.
The LoveFraud poster to whom I responded said he’d been diagnosed as a sociopath, then added that he was “kind and caring” and never manipulated anyone. That didn’t sound to me, on the surface, very psychopathic, although as I think you point out very aptly, many psychopaths will be extremely skilled at cultivating the perception of themselves as kind and caring.
I believe we agree on all this?
Steve
Steve, I think I remember that you even suggested to that poster in your response that he might have been misdiagnosed. I thought that was a wise comment.
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Tilly:
Donna watches over this site and helps people preserve their anonymity. If you email her with your request, and Ox-Drover agrees, she can put you in touch.
I am concerned for you. Do what you need to do to stay safe. You can have a life that is free of the fear and manipulation. Stay strong, clearheaded, and if your intuition gives you a hint as to how you can escape, please pay attention.
Yes, Steve, we do agree on that psychopaths can FAKE “kind and daring” but your post seemed to indicate that you took the “word” of this person that they had been diagnosed but WERE “kind and caring” and I have never in my entire career seen a psychopath who was “diagnosed” who wasn’t one, and I have seen MANY WHO WERE, but were not professionally diagnosed as PPD. It is my observation that more PPDs are misdiagnosed as something “lesser” than the other way round. It seems to me that few clinicians are sure enough to actually give a diagnosis of PPD except for serial killers, even when the person has all the characteristics of a PPD.
Most (if not all) of the PPDs (self proclaimed) who have come on here have said in one form or another “but I’m not bad” or “I’m kind and caring” and I say BS!!!! Being a PPD PRECLUDES “KIND AND CARING” and we know that a PPD will lie when the truth fits better, therefore, after a person here or anywhere, procliams themself “officially diagnosed” as a PPD, I assume that is the LAST NON-LIE I WILL HEAR OUT OF THEIR MOUTH.
For a person to say in one post I am “diagnosed” PPD and then say “but I’m kind and caring”—-one statement or the other is an outright LIE—-they can’t both be true. So if a person is coming on here proclaiming themselves a PPD when they have not been diagnosed, theya re a liar. If they HAVE been diagnosed and say “But I am kind and caring” then I think they are also a LIAR—-AND IF A PERSON COMES HERE AND OBVIOUSLY LIES, I don’t see how interactions with them can in any way be beneficial to any of us.
If that makes me an opinonated old bat, so be it. LOL I’ve just ahd my fill of PPDs and their LIES and attempts to cause chaos and trouble. Many posters here are STILL in DANGER from their PPDs and others are still actively emotionally bleeding from their wounds, PTSD etc. and so I don’t think that a “kind and caring” attempt to “help” these people and dialog with them is beneficial to any of us, or to LF in general. It isn’t my site and I can’t ban such people, and if I did have that “power”, they would just come back under another name I am sure. For my 2 cents worth I just won’t interact with them any further. It just kind of shocked me that you seemed so “understanding” and “caring” about this person who was either LYING about being a “diagnosed” PPD OR LYING about being “kind and caring.” I think the odds of a “kind and caring” person being MISdiagnosed as a PPD are slim to none! So maybe I am too judgmental and you are more in tune by being compassionate toward this person who showed up here saying they were “a kind and caring” diagnosed psychopath, but it just sends chills down my body when one shows up and I have never seen a positive dialog with these people either here at LF or any other blog.
I think Steve was being politely fescisious, Oxy. He did point out that the person may have been misdiagnosed, for one contradicts the other. I also noticed that the P did not post again (Unless I missed one). Not that Steve would need my defending, lol, but I thought it was wise of him to stand up in a very non-challenging way.
Katya:
You seem like a “kind and caring” person. And I also believe that your are intelligent. That makes you exactly the sort of person that a sociopath would like to get into conversation so that he/she could mess with your sense of reality. That is EXACTLY how we got caught by dangerous, manipulative, sociopathic people.
When we are tolerant of “unusual” but really disordered thinking, we train ourselves to tolerate things that we should not tolerate — not if we are to be safe and happy and calm.
If someone introduces themselves as being diagnosed as a sociopath, we should be very, very cautious. Trying to reverse that sort of diagnosis from a distance with no direct interaction is not a good idea. Notice how we are already distracted from the subject of trying to heal ourselves because someone showed up with a different agenda. We’ve spent so much time around “sociopath logic” that we’re comfortable with it — even when we know that THEY ARE MORALLY INSANE!
This is not a good thought pattern for us to reinforce for ourselves. For our own health and well-being we should simply maintain NO CONTACT!
thank you, Rune, I am starting to understand this better and better, and getting angrier and angrier that they are allowed to continuously traspass human souls and s&$&t wherever they are. The more I find out about mine the harder it is to deal with what I had put my family through, the more confused I get about how I could be so egotistical in seeking love, affection and understanding and not considering who it was I was seeking them from, less healed. “Kind and caring” is what they present, no doubt. Mine had it all and it was still not enough. My poor family members suffered and continue to suffer and it is I who put them in danger. Starting to think I was insane, especially after last night’s conversation with my kids and finding out that while having it all at my expense he had some guts to steal from me.
I just renamed myself. The PC would not remember the login. Has anyone had experience with coercion and extortion in “legalese”?