What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?
Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.
Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.
However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.
I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.
That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.
Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.
The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.
I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.
Now we might still say, big deal?”¦doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?
What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.
In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the nonsociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.
Intellectally, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.
And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.
The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredeness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.
At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.
(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Good posts, Kathleen, your honesty is inspiring. You too Oxy….well LF posters in general too!
I missed you all. It was a crazy day. I Got a third formal diagnosis of PTSD. Lovely I thought, and asked “How Bad?” and she said: “Extreme”.
Perhaps, it is boredom that drives my P now to proclaim himself “Married” to an American woman he’d met in Europe and has kids with. Not only is he married to a Mexican he has not lived with in the last 3,5 years, but he is also living with his student, while doing another. Lucky for me, I have a friend, who – wait a minute, is friends with P and totally feeds him the information. Betrayal upon betrayal. I am starting to believe they write Drama out of boredom, sheer lack of purpose and real life goals. But, I never realized that the fact that he would so quickly delete me from his biography and assign my child to a totally different woman, would make me so crazed.
LTL,
I’m not sure I understand all your above post, but while I do agree with you that there are ALL levels of psychopaths, as a medical and psychological professional I DO KNOW that if you “qualify” to be “diagnosed” by a professional as ONE you have done some horrible pattern of behaviors over a long period of time not just a few days or one or two instances. HORRIBLE! MANIPULATIVE AND WITH MALICE. In fact, more psychopaths are UNdiagnosed even by the professionals they see than are diagnosed, usually only people who have a SIGNIFICANT CRIMINAL HISTORY are ever diagnosed, as psychologists and psychiatrists seem loath to “label” people PPDs or ASPDs.
There is a pretty good chance a PPD will go UNdiagnosed or UNlabeled and little if any chance that a “kind and caring” and non-manipulative person will be MIS-diagnosed.
Yes, I have been engaged with the UPPER spectrum of Ps in my family, but I have ALSO been engaged with MANY LOWER LEVEL Ps in my business and professional life, and even dated a few of the NON-physically violent ones. so my experience with Ps covers a WIDE RANGE of Ps not just the MOST VIOLENT. I have in the last year just gone NC with several low level Ps that were in my “close circle” that I tolerated for a long time—walking on egg shells around then so I didn’t set them off. NO MORE. THERE IS A NO TOLERANCE POLICY FOR Ps now with me.
I think there are people who are “clueless” about social skills and how to give and take, but that ALONE doesn’t make them a psychopath, hard-wired or otherwise. It simply makes them pitiful.
I disagree with you that “sociopathy is not black and white” because I believe it is…however on a SCALE of from “bad to worse”….anyone who will “qualify” to be clinically and legally diagnosed is a BAAAAAAD ACTOR and no two ways about it. By the time they are an adult they either is or they ain’t a P. they may be a serial killer, or they may be president of the US but either way, they are self centered, manipulating, using, abusing, etc and have NO empathy or carinig for others. Bernie Madoff didn’t kill any one, ,he just stole 50 billion bucks and left 100s of thousands of people and institutions dead broke. Is he a “white psychopath” where Ted Bundy is a “black one”? Not in MY BOOK. In my book they are BOTH A 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. both took what they wanted without any thought of the devestation they were doing to others by obtaining what they wanted, in Madoff’s case money, power and control, in Ted’s case, sex and to view suffering. It is some comfort to me that both of them will/did draw their last last breath behind prison walls. I hope Madoff lives to be 100.
As far as “levels of Ps” it is sort of like RATTLE SNAKES come in all sizes from about 6 inches to over 6 ft long, they are all poison and under the right conditions can kill a person. The little ones don’t contain as MUCH jvenom as a big one, but their poison is actually MORE deadly per cc as a big one, but a big one can strike further and give you a bigger dose of poison, but you are more likely to see him before he gets a chance to strike at you….and sometimes he will warn you with a rattle first. But a P is a P is a P is a P, and they are ALL TOXIC, and none of them are the “garter snakes” which can’t hurt you, they are all vipers.
Dear PI,
I think we posted over each other, but WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF Ps—–NEVERLAND! OZ! WONDERLAND! Where up is down and left is right, and high is low, and right is left and….oh, well, you get the idea.
I am sure many here can relate to the EXTREME PTSD, the best therapy that helped me with the worst of the PTSD was “rapid eye movement therapy” and it really DID HELP A LOT. Not sure of the why, but sure of the it HELPED! and quickly! Google it and you will get some ideas about it. It might be of help to you. It is “mainstream” therapy not off the wall stuff so isn’t experimental or anything, just not as easy to find as “talk therapy” or other kinds.
I still get triggered from time to time, but am starting to recognize when I am and not react so extremely….and “catch myself” before I go off the DEEP END COMPLETELY. In the worst of teh PTSD I was “crazy as a chit-house rat” most of the time and the sun coming up or going down could trigger me! LOL
Glad you are here, keep on putting one foot in front of the other, it does get better!
I don’t know if you realize that I had to change from Katya, and since I’ve been investigating so much and with such horrible discoveries I now am forced to identify myself with what I do the most of:PI. It was an EMDR counselor that diagnosed me after the first therapist turned out to be triggered by my stories and the second is still with me but does not do EMDR. So, some friends recommended her. It is very humbling to know exactly what our clients suffer from. A friend said this: PTSD is a Normal Response to a very UBnormal stress.
I could have / would have expected anything from the P, I guess. But the fact that he did not just deny me, he denied our son’s existence hurt me far worse then I was prepared for. I want to scream. yet, I have to get up and go to work, and cook and be good to kids and be with my parents who remind me that it was all my fault and then apologize and cry right along with me. It’s just too much, way too much than a human should be able to handle. In a war, you know the enemy. The Ps look and act like a friend, nothing personal: it’s what they do. OH, how much I want to talk to someone about Not without my daughter, a book and a film that came out years ago…
Anyway, Thank you, Oxy, as always, you are a wonderful support to all of us. And I agree with you about the extent of the dysfunction. In my mind, the mellows are the S and the extreme creeper like mine was is a P. Funny how many still believe him. Scary, how scary for me to even think that a physical abuse would have been easier to deal with than an emotional constant manipulation of my life. Here is to the 3,5 lost years and G-d knows how many more before I regain myself enough to fight the Ps. (Oh, I am waging a war on them as soon as I am well enough).
Oxy- just a question or if anyone else wants to respond- Do you think- given the “fact” that no moral compass is there for P’s- that all P’s “have it in them” to commit violent crimes, abuse, theft, and any other type crime imaginable?? Just b/c they may not have gotten to that point yet, do you believe that circumstances could easily put them at risk for such ?
I tend to think that a P could easily turn violent, or any of the above. Has anyone dealt with P’s that you believe could or would never turn criminal? You mentioned different degrees of sociopathy, is this what you were meaning by it?
I am sorry Oxy that you were so badly triggered by the post the other day. We all understand where you are coming from and I hope your dreams will be free from P’s from now on!!
Sabrina:
I personally think anyone is capable of anything.
I believe a S, will stop at nothing if that is what is required. They get so intent on ‘winning’ that if this is the ‘goal’……what’s going to get in their way?
If you look at Scott Peterson case…..it’s a good example.
I use him, because he is attractive, charming and someone most of us would have had over for dinner and NEVER SUSPECTED! BUT…..even as they looked for Lacy…..he was continuing the lies……affair…..never thinking in a million years anyone was on to him……he thought he would get away with it.
I say…..never discount what they are capable of doing!!! Or anyone else for that matter!
Sabrina,
A thought provoking question for sure…..I have to say that I agree with Erin.
I think generally speaking as human beings anyone is capable of doing things they might not normally do under certain circumstance. For most of us it is CIRCUMSTANCE that would make us cross “that” line. How many times have you heard a story of the battered wife who murdered her husband/boyfriend? Do you really think this woman is a threat to society? Do you think she would have been capable of murder, if she was not beaten & emotionally abused?
My personal opinion is NO, I don’t believe she would be capable of that under any other circumstance.
Even in our society right now with the recession. People are commiting petty crimes that might not have ever stolen before in their lives. Stealing food for their family to eat.
Survival mode is a human condition that is strong within all of us. Many of us might never face what might “push us” over the edge. The difference is that the circumstance drove these people, and there is remorse.
As far as an P is concerned, because of the lack of moral compass, empathy, and regard in general for or anyone or anything……That is the big question.
I think it is a mistake to “generalize” P’s. Anymore than you can generalize any particular “group” in society. Because of the lack of empathy, it is definately something to consider that a P is more prone to violence. (and for sure capable of it)
But there again there is a broad spectrum. Some P/S/N can hold down high profile jobs and many can not keep a job. (so as much as they are the “same” they are also “different”)
My opinion is that again their circumstance & also the p’s intelligence level will often determine, how much crime, violence, etc they will commit……It is not empathy or moral judgement that would stop a P from commiting an act of violence. It would just be simply not wanting to get caught. The act “itself” of violence, or crime is without remorse, guilt, empathy.
Speaking of triggers….the whole thing with Mark Sanford has been a huge trigger for me. Too many similiarities in the email exchanges and being great distances apart, the huge difference in income, etc. etc. And it is as if every article I read that says he is truly in love with her is so painful to me. MAYBE in his case it is true, but collectively, face to face, they haven’t spend more than a few weeks in each other’s company. I spent maybe two weeks face to face, stretched out over 4 meetings. Like in my case, they were “friends”. So it stirs up my “maybe he DID love me” feelings that I’ve been way past!!!! For SOOOO long. ARGGH. I see red flags about the governor, and mine had so many, many more and multiple affairs and would adore and then dump when you least expected it. But when the media (some) go on and on about the wonderful emails I get sick to my stomach! Those are just words. How loving was it of him to put her in that situation? Mine said things like “I’m trying to breathe your molecules” when he would visit a place he knew I had been. “I look for your face every where I go” JUST WORDS. With the emotional depth of teens. I HATE THAT THIS IS SUCH A TRIGGER for me or creating PTSD symptoms. UGHHHH. Help!
I agree with the “anyone can be pushed to anything” scenario, either by fear, pain or being gaslighted..I think there have been enough proofs of this with the research that has been done on how “guards” and “prisoners” will start to behave and also teh Nazi prison camps and other such “experiments.” “Man’s inhumanity to man” is a FACT in my mind and I think under the right circumstances any of us could be violent, I just think the Psychopath, without any empathy to start with is MORE PRONE to violence and I think the “public personna” such as Scot Peterson’s is a perfect example of one that “appears” normal but is in fact a MONSTER! Ted Bundy is another one. BTK is a third off the top of my head.
I think SOME Ps are very COVERT and some are OVERT not caring what you think of them.
For example, think of the P who is a “motorcycle gang member” and he strust down the street TRYING to appear DANGEROUS, and he most likely IS dangerous. Then there is Scot Peterson, COVERTLY appearing like everyone’s nice neighbor. Which is the MOST dangerous? The answer is that they are BOTH DANGEROUS, one overtly and one covertly.
Many if not most of us have dealt with the COVERT kind of psychpath who isn’t going to strut down the street trying to make others aftraid of him, but the covert kind is JUST AS DANGEROUS as I think we can all attest.
I have been unfortunate enough to deal with BOTH kinds and I don’t find a thinble-full o f difference in the danger they are. Both kinds have tried to kill me. Both kinds have lied to me, both kinds have tried to undermine my life, both kinds have stolen from me, both kinds have run smear campaigns against me, both kinds have run fear campaigns against me.
The ones who are “sneaky” are in some ways more dangerous because they are like snakes in the grass.