What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?
Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.
Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.
However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.
I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.
That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.
Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.
The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.
I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.
Now we might still say, big deal?”¦doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?
What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.
In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the nonsociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.
Intellectally, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.
And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.
The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredeness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.
At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.
(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Confused2
Embarrassed and humilated – I know those two night-time partners. Just two more great big sticks to beat yourself up with – it’s not worth it.
Try to think of it that your embarrassment is caused by what HE did and SAID – no doubt, he worked very hard on you to lull you into the position of giving him money – I went through a phase of feeling that the S had appealed to my vanity and this was my weakness.
I prefer now to think that I gave him credit for being a genuine and feeling human being which, of course, he isn’t. Remember these people work very hard to get what they want from others – wonder they have any energy left over to be bored!
Justabouthealed
Thanks for this one. Reminded me that I need to be asking the right questions and putting the focus back on myself – as do we all to get and stay healthy again.
I know that I’m very lucky I feel that I dodged a bullet. I even went to my doctor and was tested for STD’s, all negative thankfully. He knew he had a hold on me, he even told me he “twisted my mind” and seemed proud of it! I know he was cheating on me although I have no proof, just a gut instinct that he always put down to me “being silly”. He never became angry or upset he seemed so casual and calm. For a long time I thought maybe he was on meds but came to realize he just didn’t care about anything or anyone. He never lost control of himself even when drinking. And I saw a mean streak in him towards the end. But of course in my low times I just remember the good times and how good he made me feel.
Confused2
Don’t know that I’d say lucky dolly – he was a cruel B and the fact that you were prepared to make allowances i.e on meds etc shows your generous spirit and nature. Trust your instincts about the cheating – because the whole importance of sex thing with Ss is just another way of them filling themselves up on constant attention from whoever will provide it – it doesn’t really mean anything to them in the sense of it being something shared.
Hang in there and keep posting amongst friends.
Yes he did need constant attention even when we were out he needed attention from the waitstaff and people at near by tables. He always needed to be the center of attention. A week before I broke up with him I took him to the doctor for a sinus infection. Two days later we went out and I had been drinking and was sick, actually throwing up in the bathroom and asked if he could drive me home and he said no I would be fine. And then let me drive myself home, sick and drunk. It was all about him and his needs, god forbid I should inconvience him. I look back and shudder at myself.
Escapee:
Did I read that you are a Brit (in one of your previous posts)?
I am half Brit, but I live in America.
TILLY!!! PLEASE POST SOMETHING SO WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE OK!!
Confused
You reminded me of stuff I’d forgotten! About the whole restaurant deal – I’m shuddering too – cringing with embarrassment at his constant attempts at getting attention – if it’s of any comfort, I am actually LOL when I think of how ridiculous he was! How could I have taken it seriously?
I ignored all the red flags too. When the shuddering stops (and it will) just say to yourself ‘under what circumstances would I do that to someone else?’ – this gives you the true picture of who you are – not the person who accepted the unacceptable because she was vulnerable and being manipulated by some cruel twisted con-man – and be proud the answer would be ‘I wouldn’t do that under any circumstances’ – get the focus back on you and off him and his actions.
You got out – that’s the true mark of your character – that once you had him taped, your self-preservation instincts served you well and you had the courage to cut the ties. Well done. Try to see your strengths in all this and get beyond it – if you need reinforcement, you’re in the right place here
Escapee
Yes, you are completely right. The more time I put between him and myself the more I can see his true colours. I have to see the positive in myself and not how he was able to manipulate me. Keep the focus on me and not on him. Thank you for taking the time and talking to me.
Rosa
Yeh – full blooded and in the Uk on this rainy evening (English summers eh?).
Should have known by your ‘turn of phrase’ – very dry…..