What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?
Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.
Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.
However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.
I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.
That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.
Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.
The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.
I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.
Now we might still say, big deal?”¦doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?
What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.
In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the nonsociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.
Intellectally, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.
And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.
The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredeness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.
At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.
(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
“Since they are immaturely unable to burden the emotion hate it’s self they will protect it on other people ”
typo s/b:
Since they are immaturely unable to burden the emotion hate it’s self they will project it on other people
Really wish I could edit this entries…
blindsided31
I so sorry to hear about crying but tears are something they leave us with. I know I did my share of crying but at least in a way it gave me some kind of release from my own emotional pain. Sometimes I felt a little better after crying, sometimes I didn’t..
Escapee,
Aww….you are so sweet! I’m so glad that you are feeling much better than you were yesterday. I’ve been there. The constant shifting from one emotion to the next can be exhausting, but it seems to be the only way to really begin to heal from the trauma and devastation of loving a predator.
We all realize that being involved with these creatures is not anything like being in a relationship with normal people. People who have a functioning conscience and a stellar character just like all of us on LF. Yeah, you may break up but you knew that the other person cared for you, may have even loved you so you’re able to have closure and move on once the heartache subsides.
With predators….oy vey! They are the unwanted gift that just keeps on giving! A gift that is hollow, empty, soulless, diabolical, cruel, and without mercy.
It’s been a whole year since my last involvement with a predator and though I am now indifferent to him, I still have transient feelings of loathing and contempt. He deserves that from me. He was a ruthless, selfish person and he didn’t fit in my ideal of what goodness and decency really is. Overjoyed that he is gone, gone, gone from my life. Truly.
Eventually, darling, you will feel the same way as I do about the ex psycho. Mostly indifference when it is clear to you that he just wasn’t worth a damn, absolutely did not deserve such a beautiful, wonderful woman like you.
But you will never forget the difficult lesson, because the pain and suffering was immense and you do not want to ever go through that mess again, and you will start to visualize a life of peace, joy and love. It will happen if you want it to happen. It’s your choice to be free and tranquil. In due time.
**Hugs to Escapee**
JaneSmith – I always love your post, you give and give and then give somemore – you are special. STEVE this is a great article – I could go on and on about his boredom issues and how I put my life on hold to keep him intertained and happy, I remember how I felt so f–ng responsible for his every need and desire..And exit routes yes usually every thursday evening when he got paid he would find a reason to start a fight so he could drive off into the nite to do whatever or whoever…. Boredom – I own a home 5 acres and have many hobbies – he would keep his mind occupied with crossword puzzles or internet games while I worked away…..He could never just sit idol and reflect or communicate, he was a weird one for sure…I am sure I was boring to him as he had no interest in anything I did or said, but still I was convinced I was the best thing he had ever trapped…oh hell –why am I still here? – cause I am still learning and he is becoming less and less a part of my life – if these guys were just simple creeps and jerks we could let go and move on but they are Evil and affected us like nothing ever has or will again…peace to every body here on LF
Blindsided, i was reading your post and i haven’t been onin weeks as i was without the internet and i can identify completely. After 6 years of loyalty to my s and no sex(impotent ) i was dumped for a biker chick but he tried to keep me as well. They are nauseatingly needy in the sense that they have to have someone all the time hence the overlapping. Mine too years back told a friend of his(now an ex male friend who saw the mask off) that he didn’t want to hurt me as i beleive they know they are hurtful but too insensitive to know why. The new woman has no idea who he really is, she’s bought into the facade just as i did. I go through bouts of loneliness and temptation to fill the void but as time goes by i see more clearly what and who he really is. It’s a hard pill to swallow that i meant nothing and got nothing but grief, nothing positive and nothing even concrete as he was sure to not give me what i wanted which was nothing , even a card in 6 years(he used the withholdingbullshit) . They move on not missing a beat physically and well emotionally we are just replaced as we were just along for the ride so to speak. That is always how i felt, nothing about me mattered, all about him. It’s smashing the ideal that is the hard part. love kindheart
Henry,
My heart broke for you (and all the rest of us) when you wrote, “…and he is becoming less and less a part of my life – if these guys were just simple creeps and jerks we could let go and move on but they are Evil and affected us like nothing ever has or will again”peace to every body here on LF.”
What I wouldn’t give if I had never met him!! At age 19, I had no idea such “Evil” creeps and jerks existed. Now here I am at 72 (escaped when I was 65) still trying to “let him go” but mainly trying to recover from the TOXIC infection of it all.
Henry, you are a good man. I believe in your continued strength to overcome. My own belief in my own strength today is a little weaker than usual, but I believe that I, too, will overcome. WE ALL WILL with the help, love and support of this LF site, our Source, and native intelligence.
Peace and blessings, Lily
anewLily – You are so kind…thank you. I am proud of you for taking control of YOUR life and putting your health and well being first. We must take care of ourselves and here we will find that support, understanding and compassion that we need to overcome ….it’s a new Day Lily~~!!!
Henry! Wow the power of the electronic age. I felt I had just pressed submit and here is your response.
Recently I haven’t put my health FIRST but each day I’m getting better at doing that.
Your “It’s a new DAY” was just what I needed as a pick me up. It IS a new day — even though it is Father’s Day tomorrow and I have such deep regret that I chose such a poor specimen to be my children’s father!
I’m going to concentrate on IT’S A NEW DAY! Thank you!
Thanks for the interesting article. All of it rang true. I could pinpoint many moments in my path-experiences where their boredom played its ugly-self out.
Now, for some new titles for future articles about boredom:
1. Bored with Psychopaths
2. The Boring Repitition of Psychopathic Behavior
3. Intense, but Boring: The Life of a Psychopath
4. Bored with Them, Bored Without Them
5. Boring is as Boring Does
6. And You Thought Chimps Were Boring?
Hi Everyone, I am feeling a bit snarky this evening.
Great article and great posts on this boring take. my favorite is Shabyshiks’ “HE was boring!!!!”
how true! I was bored to death by the same repeated, limmited activities and routines of the S. How could I forget lights out by 7:30 bed time routine if he wasnt getting his way! yet while I constantly tried to find new comon interests and ways to engage him, in his boredum he found entertainment in being cruel, creating abrupt chaos, pain with all his lying, cheating and betrayal!