Explaining the sociopath

She makes you drinks and home-cooked meals. He cuts your lawn and fixes your car. Your new romantic interest just can't seem to do enough for you. You never felt so cared for. It must be love! Maybe it is. Or maybe it's a sociopath who is trying to soften you up for later exploitation. I've often written on Lovefraud that sociopaths do not have the ability to be caregivers. Many readers find this confusing — the sociopath they know was always doing things for them. So let me explain. First, some background. Three components of romantic love The core of sociopathic personality disorders is an inability to love. What, exactly does this mean? Scientists have determined that r …

9 Questions to help you discern if your caring, helpful partner is faking itRead More

By Eleanor Cowan A young woman from my building banged on my door at 3 a.m. “It’s me! Darlene!” Soon on the couch and sipping the hot tea I made for us both, she wept uncontrollably. “I know what happened,” the twenty-four-year-old cried as we waited for the police to arrive. “I know what happened. He ordered me a night cap at the bar while I was in the washroom. I don’t remember going to his place. I woke up undressed and in pain. Oh! I’m lucky I escaped.” “Wow, a nightcap knocked you out like that?” I asked, tucking my shawl around her shaking form. “No, not the drink but the drug dropped into it when I wasn’t looking!” she replied, in tears. The two responding officers, both women, ge …

Unearthing my repressed memory of being drugged and rapedRead More

Last week Lovefraud published an article by Eleanor Cowan entitled, When sociopaths use righteous indignation to exert control. In it, Eleanor relates how her fiance twisted her comment about a pedophile priest into an opportunity to establish his moral superiority over her. The fiance, of course, was disordered and a pedophile himself, but Eleanor didn't know it at the time. He convinced her that he was a righteous, religious man. A Lovefraud reader commented on the post: This article really is a perfect example of how they manipulate you – what I want to know is HOW is it they are so believable? How come they are such good actors?? I would think the average non sociopathic person would …

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Perhaps the hardest thing to comprehend, and accept, about sociopaths is just how different they are from the rest of us. I've spoken to hundreds of people who have tangled with sociopaths. Even when the mask has not only slipped, but shattered, even when they know the truth about what the sociopath has been doing all along, they still ask, "But how could he do it?" "He kept telling me how much he loved me; how could he cheat like that?" "He said we were soul mates; how can he just up and leave?" "How can he be so cold and calculating?" "How can he look me right in the eye and lie?" (Substitute "she" for "he" as necessary.) Then, the people I talk to start making statements like the …

Think of sociopaths as aliens — it may help you understand themRead More

Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: I always knew there was something wrong with my ex-husband, and friends and family did as well. There were lies, gambling, cheating, drug use, rehab 3 times, head games. He would drive erratically with our son and I in the car (even when our son was very little). He would speed up if there was a cat or other animal in the road. I would always completely freak out so he never ran one over when I was in the car, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did when I wasn't. (I could tell his counselor in rehab #3 knew there was more to his problems than just drug addiction.) He was clean for a long time and that's when I realized it wasn't the drugs …

Will the sociopath treat the next wife better?Read More