Many, many people who were romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was amazing. Earth-moving. The best they ever had. At least, that's how it was in the beginning, while the sociopath was still reeling them in. The targets thought this amazing sex was proof of the real connection between themselves and the sociopath, proof that the two of them were wildly, deeply in love. The truth is that sociopaths are incapable of love. Oh, they're capable of feeling attraction. And they're capable of proclaiming love, very convincingly (especially when they're looking for sex). But they are not capable of genuine concern for another person's welfare, which is a key component …
One trait or behavior does not make a sociopath – look for a pattern of traits and behaviors
I once heard from a man, whom we'll call "Jeff," who wanted to know if the woman he was involved with, "Amanda," was a sociopath. It started as a friendly involvement, with Jeff trying to help Amanda out. Amanda, who was from a foreign country, called Jeff her "best friend." Jeff eventually started to have feelings for her. But then came a series of unsettling experiences: Amanda made pornographic videos, which were posted on the Internet. Amanda worked as an escort. Jeff offered to pay her rent, so she wouldn't have to be an escort, and Amanda agreed—and continued being an escort anyway. Then Jeff asked Amanda to sign a contract promising that she wouldn't be an escort. She …
The sociopath’s “discard” is soul destroying — you learn your “soul mate” is pure fabrication designed to con, exploit, and hurt
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 49B: Clarity And Its Consequences With each interaction with Paul, each toxic email, each review of my scary financial situation, each new piece of evidence confirming who and what Paul really was and how much my soul and strength had been sapped in his presence over nearly two decades, depression loomed and increasingly would not be denied. It was as if the earth opened up and …
For a sociopath, why lie when you can deflect, discredit and distract
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 49A: Clarity And Its Consequences A few weeks later, when we needed to inventory all of our physical assets, at my lawyers’ recommendation I invited Paul back to the house. Room by room, we agreed on the list of what we owned: furniture, outdoor grill, prints, appliances, jewelry, and so on. “Paul,” I said, “we need to add the items you already took or that you have at your …
For a sociopath, why lie when you can deflect, discredit and distractRead More
Sociopaths are “spin” and misrepresentation experts. To protect yourself, document everything!
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 48: Toxic Emails I spent the rest of the afternoon making phone calls to find someone who would let me store my financial files and sentimental items at their house. Melinda, a mom whose daughter was on the lacrosse team with Jessica, offered the use of her house. I only knew her casually, but I knew she had been through a physically abusive marriage. Was I putting her in danger? …
Like cosmic black holes, Sociopaths suck in all surrounding matter and energy and give nothing back
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 47B: Divorcing A Sociopath—Round II In that moment, I understood why, throughout our marriage, Paul had criticized me so often for being controlling. It had always seemed odd, and I had stupidly responded by bending over backwards to make sure he would not view me that way. I caved in to what he wanted to prove that I did not need to be in control. Fool! Most people consider me flexible. …
Freeing oneself from a sociopath is challenging and can be dangerous
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 47: Divorcing a Sociopath--Round II As I turned the corner and the house slipped from view, I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. Five minutes later, text messages and calls flooded my phone. I ignored them and kept driving. A few minutes later, I pulled into my bank’s parking lot and tried to breathe normally. I checked my phone. All the texts and calls were from Paul. I …
Freeing oneself from a sociopath is challenging and can be dangerousRead More
Sociopaths and double lives
A reporter inquired about people who live double lives. Why do they do it? Can they maintain double lives for a long time? What are the dangers? Like most of us at Lovefraud, I have some experience with this. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, cheated with at least six different women during our 2.5-year marriage. He had a child with one of the women. Ten days after I left him, he married the mother of the child, which was the second time he committed bigamy. And of course, he took a quarter-million dollars from me—spending much of the money entertaining these other women. Not everyone who lives a double life is a sociopath. Some people, like spies and undercover cops, are doing their …
Raw power and control — the core of what sociopaths want
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Maisie." Here is my story. I would be grateful for any thoughts as I'm still trying to make sense of something I went through. I was in the very best relationship for 25 years and then he died. Afterwards I was utterly heartbroken and alone as a result I think of being still quite young in my circle of friends and them not being able to cope with the tragedy. In the village where I lived a newcomer stopped me whilst I was walking to introduce himself. He would stop from time to time to talk to me. I was in a desperately lonely state and eventually agreed to visit him. As his neighbours …
Raw power and control — the core of what sociopaths wantRead More
Realizing a sociopath has no ethical compass or moral boundaries is brutal
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 46B: Divorcing A Sociopath—Round I My breath caught. My chest tightened. Fear welled inside me. I swallowed, trying to coax moisture back to my mouth so that I could speak and conceal how scared I was of Paul in that moment and of what might happen in the future. “Don’t move back in,” I said. “It won’t be good for the kids. It’s already hard enough. And I saw the check you wrote …
Realizing a sociopath has no ethical compass or moral boundaries is brutalRead More