A reporter inquired about people who live double lives. Why do they do it? Can they maintain double lives for a long time? What are the dangers? Like most of us at Lovefraud, I have some experience with this. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, cheated with at least six different women during our 2.5-year marriage. He had a child with one of the women. Ten days after I left him, he married the mother of the child, which was the second time he committed bigamy. And of course, he took a quarter-million dollars from me—spending much of the money entertaining these other women. Not everyone who lives a double life is a sociopath. Some people, like spies and undercover cops, are doing their j …
Raw power and control — the core of what sociopaths want
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Maisie." Here is my story. I would be grateful for any thoughts as I'm still trying to make sense of something I went through. I was in the very best relationship for 25 years and then he died. Afterwards I was utterly heartbroken and alone as a result I think of being still quite young in my circle of friends and them not being able to cope with the tragedy. In the village where I lived a newcomer stopped me whilst I was walking to introduce himself. He would stop from time to time to talk to me. I was in a desperately lonely state and eventually agreed to visit him. As his neighbours …
Raw power and control — the core of what sociopaths wantRead More
Realizing a sociopath has no ethical compass or moral boundaries is brutal
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 46B: Divorcing A Sociopath—Round I My breath caught. My chest tightened. Fear welled inside me. I swallowed, trying to coax moisture back to my mouth so that I could speak and conceal how scared I was of Paul in that moment and of what might happen in the future. “Don’t move back in,” I said. “It won’t be good for the kids. It’s already hard enough. And I saw the check you wrote …
Realizing a sociopath has no ethical compass or moral boundaries is brutalRead More
Because “kindness” and “empathy” are faked, a sociopath can turn evil in an instant
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 46A: Divorcing A Sociopath—Round I As we discussed dissolving our marriage, Paul’s initial strategy was to act kind and generous. He urged me to follow his lead, and everything would be all right. I asked him if he was involved with another woman—not that it made a difference. I just wanted to know. He assured me he wasn’t dating anyone and laughed at the absurdity of the idea. …
Because “kindness” and “empathy” are faked, a sociopath can turn evil in an instantRead More
7 reasons why regular people enable sociopaths
Three former administration officials of Penn State University were sentenced to jail last Friday because they failed to report signs that Jerry Sandusky, the former assistant football coach, was sexually abusing boys. This is right and just. They should be held accountable. The former university president, Graham B. Spanier, will spend at least two months in jail, followed by two months of house arrest. Gary Schultz, the former athletic director, and Tim Curley, a former vice president, will also spend time in jail, followed by house arrest. On October 9, 2012, Sandusky was sentenced to 30 to 60 years in prison for assaulting 10 boys. However, more men also came forward, and Penn …
The realization that someone you thought you knew and loved is a sociopath is brutal
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 45C: Whack-A-Mole Returns The only topics Paul broached repeatedly were his company and our finances. Magically, as soon as we rang in the New Year, only six months after being assured of the financial success and viability of his company that would allow for this move and enable trips back East to see my aging parents multiple times a year—not to mention rebuilding our depleted ass …
The realization that someone you thought you knew and loved is a sociopath is brutalRead More
With a sociopath, when “no contact” isn’t possible, try the “grey rock method”
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 45B: Whack-A-Mole Returns In retrospect, I wish I had had the energy and foresight to move back East immediately, but I was too tired and too ashamed that I had made such a disruptive change in my life, maybe for nothing. Also, both kids seemed to be enjoying life in the mountains, and I did not want to uproot them again in such a short time span. That would hardly be fair to them. …
With a sociopath, when “no contact” isn’t possible, try the “grey rock method”Read More
Sociopaths want everything to be about them–even the smallest, everyday choices
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 45A: Whack-A-Mole Returns In spite of my exhaustion from managing a cross-country move for our entire family in such a compressed time—with almost no help from Paul—within a week of our arrival in Utah, Paul wanted to go on a midsummer vacation with Anne-Marie and her family. I told him the timing was horrible for me, because I was spent. Also, the two weekends Paul wanted to be awa …
Sociopaths want everything to be about them–even the smallest, everyday choicesRead More
Sociopaths use our hopes and dreams to manipulate and control
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 44C: A Second Honeymoon Finally, I had Paul back. More importantly, I was getting “me” back. Plus, I was going to be able to escape the suburbs and live in the mountains. I had scheduled a few interviews for teaching positions at schools in Connecticut. I cancelled them. My brother was skeptical and downright worried. He thought it was all happening too fast and that Paul had a hidd …
Sociopaths use our hopes and dreams to manipulate and controlRead More
Caution: Sociopaths can be very convincing
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 44B: A Second Honeymoon I looked at him. “Are you serious?” “You’ve talked several times about moving to give Daniel a fresh start. Let’s do it. We’ll have to do it fast. We need to make sure we sell the house and have the kids there by the summer so they can meet people and be ready to start the school year. I know it sounds crazy, but how about it? Let’s give us the second chan …