Stonewalling is when someone shuts you down from communicating. He just “bails” on your efforts at communication, refuses to take you seriously; refuses to engage a discussion of your concerns. He may ignore or dismiss you, express fatigue with you (and your concerns); he may listen without offering a thoughtful, respectful response, and then credit himself for having listened, perhaps even listened at a length he may complain about. In any case his unthoughtful, lazy, dismissive, or flat-out non-response to your feelings and concerns captures the essence of stonewalling and will reflect his pure contempt for which he'll take no responsibility. Rather, he may depict you as a boring w …
It’s opposite day: When psychopaths project
By Linda Hartoonian Almas, M.S. Ed We may not be wearing socks on our heads and our shirts may not be on backwards, but when psychopaths project their traits and behaviors on to us, things may seem as strange as if we were. Unfortunately, at first, what they are doing to us is far from obvious. We have no idea that they are taking their own shortcomings and reprehensible traits and behaviors and trying to make us believe that they are ours. Who would do that? Since the thought seems incredibly ridiculous to us and is the last thing we would consider doing, the possibility usually fails to cross our minds. As a result, we are almost always confused and defensive until we come to …
Why narcissists get the job
A study finds that because narcissists are so comfortable talking about themselves, they often impress people who are interviewing them for jobs. Read Narcissists often ace job interviews, study finds, on News.Yahoo.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Psychopaths and the rules: to comply or not to comply, how do they decide?
By: Linda Hartoonian Almas, M.S. Ed When dealing with psychopaths, or individuals with psychopathic features, nothing is as it seems to the naked eye. When in relationships with psychopathic individuals, the non-psychopaths bear the brunt of great responsibility, both real and perceived. After all, the "normals" really are left carrying the loads and picking up the pieces when the psychopaths are tired of playing the games that they initiated. However, the blame or burden they attempt to place on us, while accepting none for themselves, is not legitimate and we should not internalize it. Our actions and behaviors have little or nothing to do with the outcomes of their choices, even if t …
Psychopaths and the rules: to comply or not to comply, how do they decide?Read More
Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath
I am so excited. I can finally start talking about my new book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you're dating a sociopath. Who should read this book? Quite frankly, everyone. If you're wondering whether you're in a relationship with a sociopath, this book tells you. If you know you are, or were, involved with a sociopath, this book tells you how you got sucked into the situation and why it's so difficult to get out. If your friends and family can't understand why you got trapped, give them this book. It explains everything. If you want to protect yourself, or someone you care about, from becoming involved with a sociopath, this book tells you how to stay safe. Red Flags of Love F …
Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopathRead More
Sociopaths and double lives
Recently, a reporter was inquiring about people who live double lives. Why do they do it? Can they maintain double lives for a long time? What are the dangers? Like most of us at Lovefraud, I have some experience with this. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, cheated with at least six different women during our 2.5-year marriage. He had a child with one of the women. Ten days after I left him, he married the mother of the child, which was the second time he committed bigamy. And of course, he took a quarter-million dollars from me—spending much of the money entertaining these other women. Not everyone who lives a double life is a sociopath. Some people, like spies and undercover cops, are …
BOOK REVIEW: Cults In Our Midst
I recently finished reading Cults In Our Midst—The continuing fight against their hidden menace, by Dr. Margaret Thaler Singer. The book is not new—it was originally published in 1995, and the revised edition that I read was published in 2003. It is a comprehensive description of cults, which the author defines as: a group that forms around a person who claims he or she has a special mission or knowledge, which will be shared with those who turn over most of their decision making to the self-appointed leader. Before reading Cults In Our Midst, I'd read and watched TV programs about some cult leaders, and noticed the similarity between their behavior and the behavior of sociopaths. I dev …
Link between Facebook and narcissism
According to new research, people who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook, tagged themselves more often and updated their newsfeeds more regularly. Read Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism, on Guardian.co.uk. Link sent by a Lovefraud reader. …
The latest psychopath cartoons
The always-creative Sarah Strudwick has created another cartoon describing the inner lives of psychopaths (NOT!). [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/AMeALBOUksQ] …
A sociopath claims, ‘We are the uniquely gifted’
Editor's note: A reader who identified himself as a sociopath recently posted this comment on the Lovefraud Blog, and sent it to me in an email. I am posting this piece because it provides a good description of how sociopaths view themselves, and explains why they are quite comfortable taking advantage of the rest of us. Be sure to read the question I asked him, and his response, at the end. We are uniquely gifted "Sociopath" is a misleading word: it implies a disorder, something wrong and unnatural with the person, and this couldn't be further from the truth. We, the people you refer to as sociopaths, have nothing wrong with us. We are instead, the uniquely gifted. Our gifts have been …