How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My ex-wife, the sociopath (Part 2)

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Editor's note: The following story was sent to Lovefraud by a man whom we'll call "Anthony." He believes his ex-wife is a sociopath. This is part 2 of 4. The story refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Read: Part 1 Early Bird Gets “The Worm” When we met, in late January of 2008, Jezabel's morning schedule was to report to the office at 6am, She said that she liked getting her work done while it was quiet. Her alarm would go off at 5am, and she would leave for the office by 5:45, to arrive by 6:00. From 6am until probably about 8:00am, there were no co-workers in the state government building at all. Most of the other workers started to report t …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My ex-wife, the sociopath (Part 1)

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Editor's note: The following story was sent to Lovefraud by a man whom we'll call "Anthony." He believes his ex-wife is a sociopath. He tells his story in great detail, so it will be  serialized, appearing today and over the next three days. The story refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Meeting the Perfect Woman I met her through a mutual friend one evening at a local restaurant. I found her strikingly attractive, and we made a plan to have dinner the following week, which we did. I was “hooked” fairly quickly, and I remember thinking many times how I must have been the luckiest man alive to have this gorgeous and intelligent woman want to …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The Other Prey – loving someone previously married to a sociopath

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Editor's note: The following was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Winifred." This is titled "The Other Prey," and is for all of us who have chosen to love our current partners who were married to, or close to, sociopaths in the past. When I met my husband over 15 years ago, he had filed for divorce. Even though he was an extremely quiet and private man, after years of friendship, he shared with me that his soon-to-be ex wife was a "sociopath"! I was in my late 30s and had heard of this term before, but one never really can begin to absorb what it means until you experience a sociopath first hand as I am. Growing up as a child of an alcoholic mother, I had been in two failed …

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Sociopathic tendencies or full-blown sociopath?

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(The article below is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is for convenience's sake and not meant to imply that females aren't capable of exhibiting the attitudes and behaviors discussed.) What does it mean to say that someone has sociopathic tendencies, versus full-blown sociopathy, and does the difference even matter? The simple answer is that someone with sociopathic tendencies will exhibit sociopathic behaviors and attitudes sometimes, while elsewhere he may seem to possess (and, in fact, may possess) a somewhat genuine (if limited and unreliable) capacity and desire to respect others. In contrast, the full-blown sociopath's respect for others, …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A hard fought battle, but no regrets

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from the reader who posts as "RobertInSeattle." I've been running into sociopaths all my life often when I least expected it. And believe me when I tell you the more I learn, the less I know! As I've been delving into all of this more deeply than I ever have in the past (all because of my breakup earlier this year with my most recent sociopath encounter), it's finally gotten me to looking much farther back into my own long history with them. There was so little discussion and certainly few if any online support groups in years past that actually addressed sociopathy when I went through my first divorce which started back in 1989. Many …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My personal encounter with sociopaths within the system

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Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Robert in Seattle." It happened to me over a period of several years while my first wife and I were divorcing and fighting over custody of our two kids. She managed to game her lawyer, the child advocates office, the judge and most other people along the way. The only thing she couldn't game was the MMPI test that my psychologist conducted under court order (at my request and that I had to pay for on my own). While short of actually just coming right out and declaring it, the psychologist conducting our tests identified her scores as strong traits of borderline personality disorder …

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Law enforcement sacrifices victims so they can build a case

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Back in June, a mother and daughter from Colorado, Tracy Vasseur, 40, and Karen Vasseur, 73, were charged with helping unknown Nigerian bosses take money from women in an elaborate online dating scam. More than $1 million was stolen from 374 unsuspecting women in 40 different countries. In the scheme, unknown scammers posing as members of the U.S. Armed Forces pursued online romances with victims they met on dating sites and Facebook. The scammers "proved" their identities with fake military documents and personal photos, and eventually start asking for money for "satellite phones," or so the "soldier" could travel to meet the victim. The Vasseurs acted as military "agents" to collect …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I provided her a road map to my life

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Editor's Note: The following post was written by a Lovefraud reader who comments as RobertinSeattle. Boy, I've started and re-started this post several times. Each time, a new idea or thought comes up that changes what I want to convey in my first open post about a recent breakup that started from a popular online dating site late last year. But let me start off with some general observations: I've noted on many websites and blogs that sociopaths make up anywhere from 1% - 4% of our society. And that male sociopaths outnumber females by as many as 8-to-1. While I might agree with those percentages in general, from my personal experience and research, I'd argue and debate those numbers …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I feel stupid that I was blind

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Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Roger." I am writing this from Tokyo, Japan and would like to tell you about my experience with a person that "conned" me. Last year I experienced having a very short relationship with a lady that fits the description of being a sociopath: has no heart, no conscience and no remorse. In addition, now I know that she thought nothing of lying, cheating and stealing my money! I met this lady, who is a full-time lecturer at a university here in Tokyo (as am I) at a dinner party in June last year. It was arranged by a person whom I know (and trusted) and his wife, and they were trying play "Cupid." He, too, is a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What would you do and what would you think?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Maryjane." If your husband, whom you found out had affairs all during your marriage, had a child with his secretary, paid her hush money, came onto your mother, grandmother, and another sister, told you that he had an affair with your sister ”¦ during the time frame that you were readying for divorce, would you believe him? Also, this man gambled away most all the money in the marriage on football and golf betting (at a country club that you were the member of, not him, as he ran up bills) and was an alcoholic ”¦ And at the time, that piece of info about your sister, was just a part of the entire hurtful …

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