CRON: Array ( [1552870515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552870815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552871115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552871415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552871715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552872015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552872315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552872615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552872915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552873215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552873515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552873815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552874115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552874415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552874715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552875015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552875315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552875615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552875915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552876215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552876515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552876815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552877115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552877415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552877715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552878015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552878315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552878615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552878915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552879215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552879515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552879815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552880115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552880415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552880715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552881015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552881315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552881615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552881915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552882215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552882515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552882815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552883115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552883415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552883715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552884015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552884315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552884615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552884915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552885200] => Array ( [woocommerce_scheduled_sales] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552885215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552885515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552885815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552886115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552886415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552886715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552887015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552887200] => Array ( [reschedule_event_post] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552887315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552887615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552887915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552888215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552888515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552888815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552889115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552889415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552889715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552890015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552890315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552890615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552890915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552891215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552891515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552891728] => Array ( [check_plugin_updates-easy-social-share-buttons3] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552891815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552892115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552892145] => Array ( [bestwebsoft_wp_update_plugins] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552892294] => Array ( [check_plugin_updates-ad-inserter-pro] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552892415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552892715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552893015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552893315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552893615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552893915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552894215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552894515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552894815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552895115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552895200] => Array ( [reschedule_event_post] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552895415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552895715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552896015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552896486] => Array ( [check_plugin_updates-easy-social-share-buttons] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552896615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552897215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552897515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552897815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552898102] => Array ( [wp_1_wc_privacy_cleanup_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => wp_1_wc_privacy_cleanup_cron_interval [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 300 ) ) ) [1552898115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552898415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552898715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552899015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552899315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552899318] => Array ( [ao_cachechecker] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552899615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552899915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552900215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552900515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552900815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552901336] => Array ( [wpbdp_daily_events] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552901415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552901861] => Array ( [_cron_zencache_cleanup] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552902015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552902315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552902615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552902915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552903215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552903515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552903815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552903969] => Array ( [update_network_counts] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552904115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552904415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552904715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552905015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552905315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552905611] => Array ( [woocommerce_cleanup_sessions] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552905615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552905915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552906215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552906515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552906815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552907115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552907415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552907715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552908015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552908315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552908615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552908915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552909035] => Array ( [seopressor_site_audit] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) [seopressor_daily_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552909215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552909515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552909649] => Array ( [check_plugin_updates-event-espresso-core-reg] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552909815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552910115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552910415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552910715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552911015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552911315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552911437] => Array ( [simple_history/maybe_purge_db] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552911615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552911915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552912215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552912515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552912815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552913115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552913715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552914015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552914301] => Array ( [wp_cache_gc] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => [args] => Array ( ) ) ) ) [1552914315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552914615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552914915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552915215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552915815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552916415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552916715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552917015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552917315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552917615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552917915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552918215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552918815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552919415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552919715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552920015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552920315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552920615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552920915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552921215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552921515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552921621] => Array ( [yotuwp_cache_event] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552921815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552922115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552922415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552922715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552923315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552923615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552923915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552924215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552924515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552924815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552925115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552925415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552925715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926316] => Array ( [action_scheduler_run_queue] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => every_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552927211] => Array ( [woocommerce_cleanup_personal_data] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552927215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552927221] => Array ( [woocommerce_tracker_send_event] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552927515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552927815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552928115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552928415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552928715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552929015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552929315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552929615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552929915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552930815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552931115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552931175] => Array ( [delete_expired_transients] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552931415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => 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[40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552933515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552933815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552933929] => Array ( [wpbdp_license_check] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552934115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552934415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552934715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552935015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552935315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552935615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552935915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552935964] => Array ( [subscribe_reloaded_purge] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552936215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552936815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552937415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552938011] => Array ( [woocommerce_cleanup_logs] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552938333] => Array ( [wp_scheduled_delete] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552938915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552939515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552939815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552940115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552940715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552941615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552941915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552943715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552944015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552944315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552944615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552944915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552945215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552945515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552945815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552946115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552946415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552946715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552947015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552947315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552947615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552947915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552948215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552948515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552948815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552949115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552949415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552949715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552950015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552950315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552950428] => Array ( [wp_scheduled_auto_draft_delete] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552950915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552951215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552951515] => Array ( [seopressor_link_check] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552951575] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552951815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552952115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552952415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552952715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552953015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552953315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552953615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552953900] => Array ( [yst_ga_aggregate_data] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) [monsterinsights_daily_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552953915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552954215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552954515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552954815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552955115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552955415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552956015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552956315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552956615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552956915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552957215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552957515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552957815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552958115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552958415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552958715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552959015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552959315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552959615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552959915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552960515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552960815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552961115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552961415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552961715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552962015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552962315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552962615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552962915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552963215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552963515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552963815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552964115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552964415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552964715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552965015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552965315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552965615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552965915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552966215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552966515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552966815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552967115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552967415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552967715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552968015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552968315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552968615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552968915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552969215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552969515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552969815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552970115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552970150] => Array ( [wpbdp_listings_expiration_check] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => hourly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 3600 ) ) ) [1552970415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552970715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552971015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552971315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552971544] => Array ( [wppa_cleanup] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => hourly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 3600 ) ) ) [1552971615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552972215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552972515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552972815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552973115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552973415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552973715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552974015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552974315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552974615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552974915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552975215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552975515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552975815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552976115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552976415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552976715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552977015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552977315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552977615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552977915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552978215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552978515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552978815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552979115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552979415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552979715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552980015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552980315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552980615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552980915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552981215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552981515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552982415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552982715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552983015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552983615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552984215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552988715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552991415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552991715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552992015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552992615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552993215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552993515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552994115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552994415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552995015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552995315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552995915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552996215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552996515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552996815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552997115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552997415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552997715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552998015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552998615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552998915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552999215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552999515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553000115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553000415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553000715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553001015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553001315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553001615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553001915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553002215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553002515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553002815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553003115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553003415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553003715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553004015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553004315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553004615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553004915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553005215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => 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By | May 7, 2013 69 Comments

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My ex-wife, the sociopath (Part 4)

Editor’s note: The following story was sent to Lovefraud by a man whom we’ll call “Anthony.” He believes his ex-wife is a sociopath. This is part 4 of 4. The story refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

Read: Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3

Trying to make sense of the insanity:
How could someone behave this way?

At this point I was totally bewildered and completely devastated. Nothing at all made sense to me. I remembered all of the strange events that happened throughout our “relationship,” and I knew that they all tied together somehow, but even the events themselves were so bizarre, that my mind just could not make sense of them. I knew that she was a very sick woman, that’s all.

When I talked to a neighbor a few days after she left, I even told them that there was something very different about this “breakup.” It was nothing like a normal breakup, but it was so much more painful than anything I had ever experienced before. I could not figure out why, so I just thought that it was because I loved her so much. It was not until months later when I began to learn about narcissism, psychopathy, and covert abuse that I learned why I was in such incredible pain. I had been in an abusive relationship for 3 years, and did not even realize it. I was so hooked on her, emotionally addicted, and determined to show her how much I loved her, so that when she left, there was so much more there above and beyond the loss of a relationship, which actually never existed in the first place. It was this addiction and the emotional abuse of the past 3 years that caused the much deeper pain during the breakup. It’s not an easy concept to accept and to truly understand, but it is what happens, and it was the reason for very difficult time that I had at this point.

Trying to make sense of the insanity:
Discovery of Narcissism

It was several months after she left, and I was still clueless to what had happened to me, and still knew nothing about why it happened. I was visiting a friend, and we were talking about this. When I explained to her that I finally got hard evidence that my wife was cheating in her office during the workday, and when I lovingly (well, as lovingly as possible under those circumstances) confronted her, she turned it around on me, called me crazy, and still denied it. My friend’s response was, “She will never admit it. She’s a narcissist!” I remembered that this was the very thing that my attorney said when we talked months earlier, but I dismissed it then, because I had the wrong impression of what a narcissist really is.

I thought I knew what a narcissist was, but when I began to really read about it, I was shocked to find that it explained much of what I had experienced. I thought I had finally found it! I learned about the defense mechanisms like projection, then understood exactly why she accused me of the very things that I suspected she might be doing, and I learned that she actually told me many things about her own thoughts and actions when she accused me of these things. So much about my strange experience suddenly wasn’t totally strange! I went from total confusion, to a point where things actually began to make sense. What an incredible day that was for me. I cannot begin to explain how it felt to finally be able to make sense of the hell that I had experienced in this, and to start to resolve the cognitive dissonance that I had been carrying around for years.

Although much of this disorder fit my wife’s behavior, there were some things about Narcissism that did not fit her at all. This is sometimes normal because these disorders are not black and white, all or nothing, but the traits fall on a continuum. Some are more pronounced in some people, and not in others. Actually, there is a grouping of disorders that are similar, called cluster b disorders, including Anti Social Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Histrionic Personality Disorder. This is the official grouping by the American Psychological Association. These disorders share similar traits, and the disordered share similar coping mechanisms.

I had heard about this cluster in the past, but like most people, knew little about it. While much of my problem was explained through narcissism, there were some basic things about narcissism that did not fit my wife at all. Mostly, narcissists are totally focused on their image, so they want the very best of anything that will make them look good. This could be cars, houses, clothes, or other things. They often brag about accomplishment and\or events that never really existed, or about credentials that they do not actually have. They want to be seen with powerful and successful people to make them look good. None of this fit my wife. She drove an old van, and while she was very attractive and spent money on her hair and nails at times, she did not put much importance on having nice new clothes, or the best of anything, really. I had trouble with this, because it showed that she may not actually be a narcissist, or at least not to such a degree, but still, most of the strange events were clearly explained by this disorder, including the bizarre projections, the covert abuse, the mind games, and relationship phases of idealization, devaluing, and finally discarding. Narcissists are also known for coldly smearing their victim’s names and reputations in the end, in an attempt to shift the focus and blame off of themselves.

Trying to make sense of the insanity:
Discovery of Psychopathy

So while I studied Narcissism, and was learning a great deal about what happened to me, I came across the website Lovefraud.com. This site was created by Donna Andersen, who was victimized by a man that she believes is a sociopath. As I read the stories, so much of them mirrored my own story, and the traits of a sociopath matched my wife’s perfectly. Sociopaths are also known as psychopaths, and the disorder is in the cluster b disorders, but now the APA calls them Anti-Social Personality Disorder. They are clustered together with NPD (narcissistic Personality Disorder). They are all closely related, and as far as I’m concerned (and so many others who have been victimized and nearly destroyed by these sick predators), it’s pure evil.

Now I finally knew exactly what happened to me. I began to learn why it happened to me, also. These people target their victims because of weaknesses that they quickly find in the potential target. They have spent their entire lives putting on facades and preying upon others, so they become very skilled at manipulation, and at quickly evaluating a potential target, to determine where their weaknesses are. They then exploit those weaknesses as they put on whatever facade is needed to gain whatever they seek from the victim. They are masters of this game, because they have had to be in order to survive, and because they have perfected this game over their entire lifetime.

I began reading everything that I could find on the subject, and before it was over, I probably owned and read a dozen of the top rated books about psychopathy, by authors like Dr. Robert Hare, Harvey Cleckly, Sandra Brown, and Thomas Sheridan. In addition, I found some excellent websites, and probably spent hundreds of hours studying over the 18 months that I spent learning about this disorder. It was such a liberating thing to gain understanding after being in a total fog for so long. I finally knew, I clearly understood, and I have learned things that are truly priceless. Yes, I was pretty beat up, and yes, I went through absolute hell, but I finally see it. I will never have to go back to that ugly place again. I know what they are, I know how they operate, and I know how many of them are actually out there, everywhere. I’m no longer easy prey, and I hope to educate as many others as possible about this. The only way to fight this is to shine the light of truth on it, and expose it.

Understanding the Bizarre Behaviors:
Projection

Projection is a defense mechanism that is used by the disordered to give relief on a sub conscience level for bad feelings that are the result of their own thoughts and actions. To relieve themselves of those bad or uncomfortable feelings, they project their own defects onto others. The result is that they blame others for exactly what they themselves are thinking and doing. Being on the receiving end of these projections is truly a bizarre thing to experience.

I’m still a little unclear about this, because the disordered person has no conscience or empathy at all. They do not care at all about others. How then do they feel uncomfortable feelings about what they are thinking and doing? I am not sure, but I know that I experienced this with my disordered person on probably 5 or 6 different occasions. These occasions were times when we were having emotional discussions about our relationship, she was therefore under stress, and she would accuse me of things that I felt that she must actually be thinking or may have done herself. I had good reason to think that she may be thinking or feeling these things, yet she accused me of those very things, and completely without merit. It was baffling to me.

I saw her complete lack of empathy, and her actions clearly showed that she did not care about how her behavior would crush me. She actually enjoyed getting over on me, and doing what she was behind my back. Why then would she need to use projection in those moments when discussions were heating up about things between us not being “right?” I do not understand this, but there is no doubt that, when we were arguing about the things that I felt were very wrong with our “relationship,” and she was under stress, she projected onto me on many occasions. Not understanding what was happening, but definitely understanding that something very odd was taking place, I could only make mental notes, and try to make sense of something so bizarre.

One of the first times that I can remember that projection was used by my wife was when we were having a heated discussion about her daughter and how I thought that our family was out of order, and she said something like, “you never loved me. I think you wanted to love me, but you don’t know how.” And she also said, “You only married me to prove something to your ex-wife,” and “This whole marriage is a lie.”

I remember stopping and trying to figure how something like this could come out of her mouth when I constantly made every effort to show her how much she meant to me. I deeply loved her, and I made a conscience effort to show her, almost on a daily basis. I knew that her accusations were completely base-less, and even absurd considering how I treated her. I knew that there was something significant about these exchanges, but I just could not make sense of them. I figured that she must have been thinking and feeling these exact things, but was completely puzzled as to what was really happening. If she were thinking and feeling these things, why in the world would she accuse me of them? It just made no sense!

These exchanges were the oddest things for me. I am a very logical person, with a background in computer science, so I tried to make sense of this, but from a logical point of view. Not having a clue about what I was dealing with, I just could not understand what was happening. The truth is, this disorder and everything about it, is anything but logical. It is completely illogical, and we are dealing with people who are actually insane. They are not out of touch with reality (a psychotic), but they absolutely are insane. You can never figure out what is happening while you are trying to figure it out from a normal person’s perspective. Not until you understand that you are actually dealing with insanity, will you even begin to get your mind around what is happening. It is truly bizarre.

Understanding the Bizarre Behaviors:
Duping Delight

This was one of the most hurtful aspects of my “relationship” with this sick woman, and until a few months ago, I had not yet learned of the term to describe it. I suspected throughout our “relationship” that I knew what was happening, and as time went on, more cracks in her pot became visible, and I began to slowly put it all together. I became more and more convinced that things were not at all as they seemed. If that was not enough to deal with, there were many times that I felt that she was actually covertly rubbing it in my face that she was getting over on me, carrying on an illicit and disgusting sexual affair, and I was clueless (or at least she thought that I was). These instances clearly demonstrate how these people think, how they view life as nothing more than a game, and how they enjoy destroying others in their quest for dominance, power, and control. These instances are clear proof to me that what I was dealing with was a very sick and a very evil woman, and it is hard to even get my mind around the fact that this woman is this way. Had I not experienced it for myself, I would probably not believe it. This is a very beautiful woman on the outside, but a rotting soul on the inside.

Duping delight is the term to describe one of the tools used by these sick people, and I believe that this tool alone shows that what we are dealing with is actually pure evil. There is no poor judgment, or bad choices here. When someone is such a cold and sick person to manipulate and deceive someone, then to make a sport of it for their own sense of power, control, and amusement, they clearly demonstrate purely evil behavior. Nothing anybody can say will ever change my mind about this.

One of the first instances of this that I can remember is around several conversations that we had about fitness. She was never an active woman when I knew her, and a typical evening for her was to sit in front of the TV and watch any of her 15 favorite TV shows. She was very close to a couch potato, and I wanted us to be a little healthier. I explained that I wanted to grow old with her, and I framed the discussions as positively as possible, hoping to encourage her to be more active with me. Most of the time, we sat on the couch and watched TV, hardly ever walked around the neighborhood, and only rode our brand new bikes once or twice.

During one of these conversations when I was gently nudging her to do something like take a walk to get us a little exercise, she told me that she got exercise during the day at her office. She said that she closed the door in the middle of the day, and exercised. Now this was towards the end, when I was pretty sure that she was seriously deceiving me, and may be having sex in her office during the day (I had eliminated all other possibilities). I played along, though, laughing at the thought of her doing push-ups in her office, saying something to the effect that I’d love to be a fly on the wall to see something so funny. I thought about what she said, and I could not believe that she’d think that I would believe that she’d close her door and exercise in her office during the work day, when she was a total couch potato for the entire time that I was around her, and all the way back since I met her. It’s just ludicrous that someone would even think that story was even close to plausible.

Just weeks later, I found out, without a shred of doubt, that the exercise that she was getting was mostly from behind as she let her boss use her like a piece of trash. The fact that she was doing it was not enough power and excitement for her, she had to take her sick games to the next level. She had to covertly rub it in my face that she was screwing in her office, and getting away with it, while her loving, faithful, and clueless husband was being made the idiot, or at least she thought so.

One trait of a psychopath is that they are easily bored, and this is a large part of why they are ALL sexually promiscuous: the need for excitement. I think it is also worth pointing out that they carry out their “duping delight” games not only as an exhibit of dominance and control, but also as simple entertainment for themselves. I bet she almost wet her paints when I made the comment about being a fly on the wall while she “got her exercise,” but I know she wasn’t laughing when I exposed her for the cheating, lying, deceitful woman that she is.

Another good example of duping delight happened one evening while we were being couch potatoes, and watching Jeopardy. This episode was about the game of golf. Now to our knowledge, she had never played the game. None of her past (known) boyfriends were golfers, nor were her husbands. Still, as the questions were read, she answered many of them correctly, and with smugness, as she played her game, and toyed with me. She knew all about the game of golf, the swings, the different clubs, when to use them, scoring, and so on. I played along, asking her how she knew all of this, and she just explained it away as luck or something. Again, this was towards the end, so I knew what she was likely doing with me, and figured that she had cheated with at least one man who was a golfer. Low and behold, when I busted her, the married trash that had been doing her in her office for years was, you guessed it, and avid golfer. Gee, what a coincidence. I think not.

These two examples show clearly how very sick and depraved these people really are. It’s not enough to do what they do to innocent, loving, and trusting people. They have to take it up a few notches with their sick and twisted games.

How anybody can say that this is not absolute evil is beyond me. Sam Vaknin (Malignant Self Love) says that narcissist are not evil. Tornados and tigers hurt people, just like narcissists, and they are not evil. They are only doing what tornados and tigers do. It only stands to reason, then, that narcissists, just doing what narcissists do, like tigers or tornados, are not evil either. I guess we could apply this very logic to someone else, lets say, Adolf Hitler. Hitler just did want anyone like Hitler would do. He wasn’t evil, he was just doing what he does. It’s a ridiculous argument.

These people know exactly what they are doing. They know very well that they are destroying families, and innocent lives, but it never bothers them one bit, because they lack the very things that make us human to begin with: empathy and the ability to love. Just because they do not care (it does not bother them in the slightest), does not make what they do any less evil. Furthermore, considering how they ACTUALLY ENJOY what they are doing, which is clearly demonstrated in their “duping delight,” when someone tries to call this anything less than absolute evil, it almost makes me furious!

If this experience has taught me one thing, it is that evil exists in this world, not only in things that are blatantly obvious, like someone flying an airplane into a building full of innocent people, but even more so, in people and places that most would never expect to find it.

Understanding the Bizarre Behaviors:
Idealization, Devaluing, and Discarding

Another common theme with many of the cluster b disordered individuals (NPD, ASPD, HPD, BPD), is that relationships with these people all follow the same progression. There are three phases that make up this relational progression: idealization, devaluing, and discarding.

During the idealization phase, the disordered is treating their partner as if they are the best thing that they have ever known. This is at least partly because they are in the process of hooking the victim. They are very skilled at sizing up a victim, quickly learning what the person wants and needs, and then becoming exactly what is needed to ensure that the victim is hooked. This is important, because it is this bond to the disordered that will ensure that the victim remains once the abuse starts in the next phases of the relationship, the devaluing phase.

Immediately after the victim is hooked, the disordered will begin to devalue the victim. This may be a gradual process, and it will likely begin with little comments at opportune times, when the victim is made to feel less-then in some way, or made to feel not quite good enough. Other ways that the disordered may devalue the victim is through the use of other abusive tools of the trade used by the disordered. These tools include manipulation, projection, gaslighting (making the victim think that they are crazy, and that the problems are because of them), duping delight, dishonesty (lies, some of them for no other reason that it is entertaining to them), subtle put downs, deception, and deceit.

For someone who has not been through this, one might think, “I’d pack my bags as soon as someone began to treat me this way!” I would think that very same thing. What needs to be understood is that these tactics are never overtly used, in blatant, obvious ways. Disordered people are very skilled at this game, so they know how to be very subtle in what they are doing, and they are able to blend enough good in the mix so that the victim usually does not even notice what is happening to them. What ends up happening in the “relationship”, is that the victim begins trying to compensate and correct, to restore the “relationship” to what “it was” in the beginning. The only problem is that, the victim does not yet know that their entire “relationship” was never real to begin with, and therefore can never be “restored” to its original state. Still, the victim begins buying into the lies, and jumping through hoops, trying to appease the disordered in some way. This is all in an effort to resurrect the perfect person and “relationship” that they once had.

The final stage of relationships with the disordered is brought about in one of two cases. The first case is when the victim no longer of any use to the predator, usually because they have either gotten what they wanted, or because whatever they wanted has been all used up. The other case is when the predator is found out, the mask is removed, and the game is up. Either way, the victim is callously discarded like yesterday’s trash. This is a very difficult thing to experience, and it often drives the victim to the point of suicide.

This relational progression took place in my “relationship” in the same way that it did in all of the other cases that I have read about. It is amazing how similar all of our stories are. The details may be different, but the stories are almost identical, and there are hundreds of them, probably many times more, but most are not talked about.

The discarding was the most incredibly painful experience. I honestly thought we loved and cared for each other. When I discovered the hard evidence of what she was doing, and when I still offered mercy, forgiveness, and a chance to make it all right, but instead, got it all turned around on me, more lies and deceit to shift the blame, and coldly discarded, it was emotional pain like nothing I have ever experienced.

It is only by God’s grace that I made it through alive. Had I not had Him, and the key people that He put in my path, I am certain that I would have at least taken my own life, possibly much more. When I hear of any of the very common tragedies in the news today, I understand exactly why these things are taking place. The world is not a nice place, but is full of evil, much of it well hidden in places that one would never suspect, and it is going to continue to get worse. It is this evil that is destroying so much good in the world, and these sick people are a huge part of the problem.

Understanding the Bizarre Behaviors:
The Smear Campaign

When one of these people is either found out, or when they have completely used up the victim, and thus have discarded them, the smear campaign is sure to follow. This is because they must maintain cover for what they are, out of the basic need for survival. In order to do this, blame must be shifted. For the victim, this is like the final nails in their coffin.

Try to imagine going through a “relationship” with one of these sick people, being covertly abused, having been idealized, then slowly devalued for years, and finally discarded like a worthless piece of trash once you prove that this person, whom you genuinely and deeply loved, had been doing something like screwing their boss the entire time. Imagine the depth of pain and confusion that you’d feel at that time (believe me, it is more painful than you can imaging).

Now try to imagine how you would feel, if you were in this state, and you also had to deal with this person, whom you loved and cherished, and whom you thought loved you, begin to spread lies about you to your friends, family, and neighbors, to explain the breakup. These people are ruthless, and they lie as easily as they breathe, so they will not hesitate to do this, because it serves their purpose. That is the only thing that ever matters to them. It is completely devastating to the victim.

God only knows what this woman told people to explain what happened, but I could see that she told them something. I did not understand what was happening until months later, when I learned about psychopathy, and read the many other stories of this very thing happening. Still, I knew that she was spreading these lies, and completely denying the truth. My neighbors would no longer let their daughters have sleep-overs with my daughters at our house, and when we were in mediation for property division, the mediator came back in from her room saying that she’s getting 2 completely different stories about what happened. I did not even ask the mediator what she was being told.

It really doesn’t matter what she had been saying. It’s all a pack of lies from a severely disordered woman. I know that she is going to pay for what she did to me and my children. God is not mocked, and she mocked Him throughout this entire “relationship” and marriage, and throughout the process to end it. I know that I did my part to try to help her, and I deeply and genuinely loved her. I showed unconditional love and mercy, and I know that God was pleased with that. I was so very good to her, but she repaid my good with evil, all the way to the very end. It may be a game to her now, but it won’t be forever. If these people even have a soul, when their number is up, they will be reminded of the lives that they destroyed while they played their games.

 


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SheSellsSeaShells

Wow. Thank you so much, this has really helped me. I’m very grateful to you for sharing everything you experienced and found out, they really don’t vary very much, do they? I’m 9 wks (today!) away from my painful experience, and am still in horror with the legacy, even though I got out of it after just 18 months. It’s not like the end of a relationship, it’s the aftermath of a traumatic experience.

Reading your story has inspired me to share mine with Love Fraud too. If it helps even one person, that will be enough. Thank you again xx

Stanley Yelnats

SheSellSeaShells,

Please do share your story whenever you are ready. It WILL help others. Don’t be afraid to speak about it. This would be exactly what they want!

Take care, and may God bless and protect you!

“Anthony”

Phil

In my experience it takes a year to get over one

deuce58

Thank you so much. We rarely get stories about female SP’s. Reading is like dejavu’ for me. I was also suicidal such that I had to hospitalized for 2 days. My SP wife did the smear thing. She called my licensing board and did major damage to my career from which I will never recover. I too noted the constant lying and was able to rationalize it and so and so on just like your arcticle and I mean just like your article. My wife was also drugging me such that I could barely stay awake. ( I did know this until I sent some food items to a lab and they came back full of Valium. Then she tried to convince everybody I was a drug addict. As an addition to the story it should be stresses that because or their looks, charm, and ability to lie they can convince any body of anything. I told my lawyer that ishe talked to my wife that in 15 minutes she would have him convinced I was Bin Laden. Great job
Deuce

Stanley Yelnats

deuce58,

I’m so sorry to read about your ordeal. Her favorite TV station to watch late at night with me was Investigation Discovery, and many of the shows aired were true life cases of women who did the very things that you describe, and even more. We are both lucky that this did not go as far as some do. They do not care one bit about others, and could easily do something like poison someone, if they think that they can get away with it. Many of them do.

Yes, the looks and sex appeal are powerful tools that they have, and they know this, and use them fully to their advantage. My biggest mistake was to sleep with her way too soon, which pretty much ensured that any hope of remaining fully objective in the relationship was gone! That was a difficult lesson to learn!

Take care!

“Anthony”

7stepstoheaven

I can’t help but look at Anthony’s story, and yours and so many others, in light of the Jodi Arias trial. I watched the whole thing because I was fascinated at getting a look at a real female sociopath, and boy, she did not disappoint! Her boyfriend that she left before the one she murdered is still snowed by her. He just thinks she “changed” after she left him, but she has been a pathological liar and manipulator for quite some time. You first get a good look at how she operates when the male detective interviews her. She has the baby voice and pours on the charm, while being flirty and seductive in her movements and talking to people, especially men, in a little baby voice as if she could not hurt a fly. It was probably a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence to actually witness a sociopath take the stand in her own self-defense – her lawyers could never control her, it is quite evident at this point. She manipulates the media every chance she gets.

Over all this time you begin to get a complete picture of how she operates, all the while putting up a harmless facade. The jury did not hear the half of her manipulations and deceit. Her “journal” that she wrote in constantly bears absolutely no resemblance to reality. Her lawyers enabled her to put together the smear campaign of all smear campaigns against her victim, and she also tried to say she had been physically abused, and that he was a pedophile, with no proof whatsoever. Since we have gotten a close up look at her machinations, and her complete lack of remorse, and her ability to lie very convincingly about anything, it is very scary to know what a person like that is capable of.

I believe her appearance and her tale of woe seemed to be so much at odds with the actual brutal facts of the murder, that she produced a sort of “cognitive dissonance” in the jury, which was overwhelmingly male. After convicting her of first-degree murder, and then convicting her of extreme cruelty in the conduct of that murder, they hung when faced with the choice of the death penalty or life in prison.

Subconsciously, they bonded to her appearance, as a small, frail, pretty young girl, and decided they could not give her death because, according to the jury foreman who is the only juror who has spoken thus far, they did believe that this man was verbally and emotionally abusive to her, based on cherry-picked text messages that were presented as evidence in court. What these men do not understand is that what sounds terribly abusive on his part was that he was at the end of his rope with her lies, invasion of his privacy (breaking into his email etc.), and refusal to let him alone. She stalked him, and that came out in court. Her presentation in court was of someone who lied to the jury more than once, and never showed any remorse or took responsibility for this crime.

If only this poor man had come across lovefraud and learned about NO CONTACT, he might be alive today. There is another recent posting here about “why do people think we are crazy” when we try to talk about the sociopath! That’s the position this young man was in, and it is obvious that the jurors did not understand his distress and misinterpreted it as he was verbally abusing her. They were not really presented a clear reason as to WHY his responses to her were abusive, and four of the jurors made a wrong decision because of it. They really did not talk about sociopathy during the trial. One psychologist for the prosecution diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder, but it was not explained very much. It was never explained how ruthlessly manipulative these people are. It was never explained that every time he tried to break up with her, she threatened suicide, all the while writing pretty little rational-sounding things in her diary, which was total fiction. That she would call him ten, fifteen times in a row after he had had enough. It was not explained how she distressed him to the point where he said some not very nice things to her. They do not understand that the sociopath elicited these angry responses with her outrageous behavior. The jurors went as far as they could go, first degree murder with extreme cruelty, but when the time came to put her to death, they suddenly saw her as a victim.

And I am sure both of you can understand why. I feel very bad for his family, who have waited five years for closure, only to be told a new jury will have to be convened for the sentencing phase of this trial. At least we know she will never see the light of day again, no matter what happens. Once those jurors get the opportunity to see the interviews she gave while they were still deliberating her sentence, where she has demanded hair and makeup, and for her handcuffs and prison stripes not to be shown, as she blithely chats as if she is on American Idol, while her life and death are being decided, and see that she takes pleasure in tormenting the victim’s family, they will kick themselves for their inability to see this through.

elizabethbrooks

I don’t even know where to begin. Just highlight lots of paragraphs and scream, “Same here!!” My 24-yr marriage to a sociopath reflected so many of these. The discarding was really my fog lifting….The day after I ended the marriage, he was back with his psychotic friend who booked hookers for him, and booked him one that day. He had a new girlfriend 3 days later. Even though he had a family he’d just dumped like so much trash. Our counselor had warned me, “Be prepared, you will be replaced with lightning speed.” It still shocked me, but it really helped me heal. The evil transformation you witnessed was exactly what I saw, and some of my friends have seen. I even recorded a conversation, after he left, where he was in that “place.” And yes, once he was exposed, he was on his way out! Some of the textbook traits do not fit my Soc either, because he was financially responsible, ambitious, and successful in his career. So I understand how confusing that part was for you. But so many other traits, he fit like a glove, the love-bombing, duping delight, discarding, etc. Interestingly, I massaged him all the time. For Father’s Day one year, I ordered him a beautiful massage table, and we kept it in our bedroom. I didn’t mind, I loved touching his body (he was extremely vain and stayed in perfect shape at age 48). Several times a week I gave him nice massages. I treated him just like the author describes. We were so close/intimate, that I’ve had 2 friends get tears in their eyes and say, “I was so jealous of your marriage!” We sat together in intimate conversation at least 2 hours every day of our 24 year marriage! I am one year out, and thank God every day for removing me from it. The loneliness and shock of adjusting to being a single mom and divorcing still wash over me in waves sometimes….but God has provided comfort for me every single day of the past year. Giving the issue to God from day one has saved my life and sanity.

Hav0c13

This sounds exactly like my ex fiance. Be thankful that your smear campaign didn’t result in being dragged into court, not once, but twice for false claims of abuse. I wish there was a database somewhere of names for everyone to check up on someone. Real names of people to avoid at all costs.

My story is exactly like yours and I found out later that the girl has done this before to many men. She will never stop. She’s like the terminator 🙂 The best advise I can give you is that it will get better. Avoid her at all costs and eventually you will heal and over time you will forget. I hope.

I_survived_The_Bastard

Hi Hav0c I don’t think a database of names would be much good, unless it listed their aliases as well. I discovered my spath used at least 5 different names!!

anothervictim

I agree that there should be a database of names of people to avoid. My sociopath had done the same thing to many people before me too! She is a serial home-wrecker and liar. If only people knew what they were dealing with before getting hooked!

mediaman007

I am speechless… I like many others commenting on this story have been through it and still going through it. You have given me so much information that will hopefully help. I have been divorced from my ex-wife of 14 years for about a year and a half now. We have a 60-40 split with the children with them staying with her the majority of time. I am absolutely frighted beyond words about what I should do from this point forward. My story is like many, very long and hopefully I can get the courage like you to tell it to others. Thank you so much!

anothervictim

I was told that if someone is given the MMPI test, it can spot sociopathy, and if they score as a sociopath on that test, they will get nothing more than supervised visitation with their children.

elizabethbrooks

Anothervictim! I don’t think anyone can make a blanket statement like that….I’m in that very battle, and each Judge makes his/her own decision in these cases (at least in my state) but the blessing is that in my state, we have one Judge with us throughout the legal battle (divorce) and the Judge comes to see the evil Sociopath for what he is….at least in my case! AND–mine was tested MMPI by two psychologists and was diagnosed with Pers Disorders by both. Unbelievably, both of these psychologists have behaved crookedly IMHO….well—they were both snowed and highly prepped by his atty before testing. One of them had seven (7)!!!!! visits with Ex before ever meeting with me. And he wasn’t supposed to see him at all—this psych had been ordered to counsel our child, not Ex. But his atty wormed him in there to snow the psych. This psych is skilled, I do believe, but for some reason became emotionally snowed by Ex, and refuses to believe or label him dangerous, despite extensive evidence to the contrary, including a Dom. Violence Protection Order….which he has violated, death threats to me….and much more.
YES, in my case, supervised visits are all that have been awarded, after 9 months of No Contact with his child. However—are you ready for this—-Ex is not following the court’s instructions to merit these supervised visits! 6 weeks have passed since he won the SV, and he still hasn’t done what court ordered. WE all know why! Because he doesn’t love or care about the child!

I hope lots of people are reading this part—-my DVPO and the No Contact with the child (sole custody to me) was due to my carefully documenting everything from the date of separation. I photographed his abusive text messages to child, recorded (digital audio) every conversation with Ex once we split, and I emailed him detailed stories about problems—thereby documenting those events. “Dear Ex, Child tells me that you were nowhere to be found for 3 hours on Saturday, while you had her. She said she needed lunch, and couldn’t find you.” etc.

I never answer my phone without digital recorder running. If you don’t have the recorder, let it go to voicemail—where you may capture what you need there. A voicemail enabled me to get him a conviction on a 2nd Violation of the DVPO. Voicemail proved Ex violated.

Some people will scoff, but the most powerful weapon I have in my case is the One who created the Universe. I submit my case and my actions to God every single day. God has protected me and my child….beyond what you would believe!

7stepstoheaven

You are one smart cookie for documenting things like you have! Even the reverse emails questioning/documenting his behavior at the same time! Does he ever deny these things happened when he writes you back? Just curious! His own behavior will become obvious at some point, especially concerning his lack of interest in seeing his own child, which proves his battle for visitation/custody was all about winning, and had nothing to do with wanting to be with his kid.

Too bad about the psych, that is rather shocking and appalling! We saw that happen in the Jodi Arias trial, too (so many parallels) when the psych expert for the defense was totally snowed by her lies, and convinced that the murderer was the one being abused, when there was no evidence of it! Just proof once again at how easily they can manipulate people who should know better.

And I also find it interesting that there seem to be more men coming to lovefraud then ever! Sociopaths come in all sexes, colors, and sizes!

Erdelyi

Anthony- thank you for taking the time to present the “story” of your personal experience in such lucid words. I’m certain you will help many people targeted by borderline/sociopathic/psychopathic individuals and to understand the “schedule” of your partner’s manipulation. Ah, if only we could only exorcise the emotional destruction.

mo mac

Immensely detailed. This website is a source of healing, insight and invaluable affirmation. We can also expose them, raise awareness. Perhaps one day the giant jigsaw will join up and they will be less successful…or thwarted in the con early on.
The fact of the matter is that without this information, without this literature to refer to and learn from….many of us may not have made it.
Pain such as no other…pain such as you cannot explain or describe.
The humiliation, the shame, the incredulity, the disbelief…
To be so used, so discarded, so mocked and left for dead….by this ‘persona’ you thought was the closest human connection imaginable. Because they are a shell…a nothing, a thin veneer over black, ugly, emptiness.
But how they blend, how plausible the charm, the pity play, the mirroring of the very essence of your soul.
That- you can never convey with any real relevance to the uninitiated.
BUT here we are….surviving.

Anthony,
So much of what you said caught my eye and I thought “Yes! Exactly!”
And I like the way you included the part about how some people would say “I’d never let anyone treat me like that!I’d pack my bags right away!” That’s the attitude that is so prevalent today.People who say that have NO UNDERSTANDING of this type of relationship and how it affects a person’s thinking faculties and ability to act!As you brought out,often by the time the relationship is over,the victim is suicidal.I felt like a zombie.I knew if I didn’t get out when I did,I WOULD DIE.

Thank you for sharing this excruciating journey. You so clearly and lucidly explain the confusions and your search for answers. I believe most of us who have survived such an encounter breathed an “OMG, me, too!” Your quest for answers led most of us to the very same sources of information! AND you, too, experienced that mind boggling heartbreak with a therapist who simply DID NOT get it. With the utter anguish over this particular type of abusive relationship, the therapist invalidating you (and me, along with so many more) was almost unbearable. Your descriptive evaluations of this alien-encounter brought my own thoughts once again to the surface. It does get better, but I doubt that any of us are the same as before this sychophant of vampiric life force drain entered our lives. There are too many people in posts of high profile that have no idea what is taking place with these individuals. I think the numbers of these “alien” presences are increasing and I’ve even noted increases of children with no remorse. Thank you for sharing this frightening trek of incredibly deep pain from the “bowels of the Twilight Zone.”

Phil

This is my P – short for psychopath – perfectly. The only difference was she loved her little girl.

I was lucky. We only had an affair and we live 150 miles apart. I can only shudder at what I’d have gone through if I’d gone up there and married her like she tried to force me to do.

I_survived_The_Bastard

I was lucky. I didn’t get dumped by the spath, I dumped him!! But even that proved to be a difficult task. Although there were oddities in the 10 year relationship, I didn’t realise that he was an spath, so when i finally decided I’d had enough and wanted to finish the relationship, I expected it to happen in the ‘normal’ way ie you tell the other person you want to finish it, there are tears etc, they move out and you get on with your life.

What actually happened was that I decided it was over and picked a date when I had finally plucked up the courage to tell him. But 2 days before that I was brushing my teeth and he came into the bathroom and commented ‘You won’t kiss me any more, why?” My response, through gritted foamy teeth BECAUSE I WANT A TRIAL SEPARATION! The look on his face was a picture.

He didn’t see why he should go an sleep on someone elses floor/sofa and for a whole month more I had to put up with him being in the flat. I had to make a mental note to wear a dressing gown etc as he kept pawing at me and I couldn’t bear him to touch me any more, but I still didn’t know he was an spath. As the month worn on I hated him more and more, but tried to be civil, but he still hadn’t found anywhere to live. I think he was deliberately not trying, not believing I was serious about ending it. But having found the courage, I was deadly serious and wanted him gone.

After about 3 weeks it was arranged that he would stay with a mutual friend, away from where I lived and he would try & get a job in that area, so we all visited and then I returned to my place. About 3 days into his visit I received a drunken phone call from him accusing me of phoning all the agents in the area telling them he had a drink problem (I later realise this was projection and I think gaslighting) but at the time I couldn’t understand how he could accuse me of that as why would I tell the agents that when I wanted rid of him.

Later that night I had a panic stricken phone call from the friend. She had locked herself in her bathroom as he had been in a drunken rage and had threatened to kill her!! I was horrified! I asked if she was ok and she was, and that he was now alseep on the sofa. I said he would probably be ok until the morning.

After that phone call I sat in shock and shaking and knew this was crunch time. I had put this friend in danger and had to do something about it. I decided that if I didn’t do it now, then In never would. I went round the flat packing everything I could find of his into suitcases and rubbish sacks. I was shaking but I knew I had to do it or we would never be safe.

Then I rang the police for advice, but they weren’t very supportive, saying that because of him living with me for over 1 year he had a right of access to his home – ie my flat. It made me so angry. they could only do something once he had done something to me – how stupid!

I then rang another friend who worked the early shift – by now it was about 5am and he was the only person I knew who would be awake at that time. he advised talking to a solicitor. At 9am I rang a solicitor and made an appointment to see him later that morning. I explained to him that I had told the ex to leave but he wouldn’t. we also spoke to my landlord and told him the situation and what we planned. We basically gave him 2 days to move out or we would get an injunction.

When I came back after 2 days he had gone! I was so scared to go into the flat but relieved I didn’t have to face him. I changed the locks immediately and then started clearing up all the mess he had left – he hadn’t taken half the stuff I packed, so I was lumbered with clearing it and for months/years I kept finding the odd bit here and there.

For about a month I was doing the ‘getting over the boyfriend business’, still not knowing he had been an spath. Then an ex of his rang me asking of I had seen or heard from him. He had been staying at one of her properties but couldn’t be found and did I think he was suicidal. My answer to that ‘No he’s too selfish for that’.

Then she dropped her (unknowing) bombshell and my life changed forever. She commented on how sorry she had been to see how much weight he’d put on, he looked just like his mother. I commented that his mother was dead. She replied no, she’s alive and living in xxxxxx. I was stunned. And then more shock. The friend told me that the brother that I had been told had died, wasn’t one brother, but 2 and both were alive and living in xxxxx and had children!!!

All I can say to describe it is that the bottom dropped out of my world, the rug was pulled out from underneath me. The disbelief unbelievable. 10 years of my life had been lived in a lie. I couldn’t comprehend it. I didn’t know who I was any more. The pain and anger I felt indescribable. I can remember standing in my hall way screaming, screaming in such pain and banging my head on the wall in the most excruciating agony I’ve ever experienced. I think it was almost animalistic howling actually, the pain of a soul that has been ripped to shreds. Unless you’ve experienced it, its indescribable.

Later on someone offered me a new bed to replace the ‘marital’ bed. I told them to bring and axe as I wanted to smash the bed to pieces. Sensibly on their part they only brought hammers. I found it very therapeutic to smash the bed and it really helped in my healing.

7stepstoheaven

“All I can say to describe it is that the bottom dropped out of my world, the rug was pulled out from underneath me. The disbelief unbelievable. 10 years of my life had been lived in a lie. I couldn’t comprehend it. I didn’t know who I was any more. The pain and anger I felt indescribable. ”

This is exactly the same reaction I had upon finding out my stepfather of ten years had left my mother for a woman he worked with, after she confronted him about sexually abusing my youngest sister for ALL THOSE YEARS. Along with countless affairs and cheating. I had loved him as a father because he replaced my father who had died. I could not believe that he had fooled all of us all of that time, that we had lived with him and never suspected a thing. I was 19 years old and it rocked my world. Every person in the family fell into a stupefied state of depression, disbelief, rage, and guilt. I remember thinking “how will I ever be able to tell who I can trust and who is bad?” I lost the only father I had a second time. No one can ever be prepared for such a betrayal by someone you trusted.

To Be Free

Anthony:
Thank you so much for sharing your story!

It is such a breath of fresh to read this knowing others understand the magnitude of these relationships. I have tried to explain it to my family and friends what I have gone through. I don’t fault them for not fully understanding because they haven’t experienced being with one who is disordered. I am so thankful that they haven’t experienced this!

Reading the part of you sitting on your couch and having the conversations you described was liking looking in a glass ball of reflection as I was sitting there with my ex-boyfriend having a similar conversation.

(I have been married for 22 yrs. My husband died and a month later this old high school friend shows up – of course I know now that it was all planned on his part.) We dated for 2 1/2 years. I broke it off before Christmas. Went NC for 4 weeks, but foolish begin conversations again. I have been now 2 weeks of total NC. And plan to keep it that way!

I feel doubly foolish for going back to him for a few months. Especially since he was seeing someone else, which of course he said he had just gone out with her a few times since we were apart. I have since found out that he started seeing her before I broke up with him in Dec. (OF COURSE) And I saw a text feed where they were saying “I love you, baby” and etc. That’s when I felt the sickest. I have been duped twice! And the other part I felt sick over was that he was intimate with me and her. 🙁

He is one that is also financially stable, have a great career, just finished his master’s degree, very handsome, very physically fit…. everything to make him look good. I thought he was my prince charming but as we know, that is just fairy tale stuff.

I did so much for him. Gave so much of myself to him. It was never enough.

I hurt and pain continue. I hope that one day…I can be truly Free.

I am going to counseling tomorrow for the first time. I hope it will help. I have had extreme anxiety.

gladtobeawayfromhim

Thank you Anthony for sharing your story. I’ve been out of my relationship for right around 8 months and I’m just now realizing how little I knew the “man” I was with. I can’t say that he is a true man. It was through a series of strange events that I discovered my ex is truly a sociopath. Last summer he suffered a breakdown and I took him to the psych hospital where he was committed for 5 days. Apparently he manipulated the doctors the whole time while locked up. They diagnosed him as bipolar, but I now see the whole truth. I may take time to write down my story to help educate others who are going through or have gone through similar situations. I’m a highly educated, independent woman and I’m having a difficult time forgiving myself for being taken advantage of by this person. I will say that I did try to take my power back from him recently. When I learned that he has moved on to his next victim and given her the ring he took his daughter along with him to buy for me, I contacted her. See, this fool couldn’t stop texting or calling me. I thought he wanted to reconcile. I had texts and pictures (the kind that engaged, commited men do not send) to show her as to who this person is. They were (maybe still are) in the midst of planning a wedding and building a 5 bedroom house at her expense. She had also told him to quit his job and she would support him because of his bipolar. Ohm and the child that he thought about signing away, now is forced to visit her dad every other weekend because he is such a family man. The fiance thanked me profusely, but I’m guessing she was manipulated into taking him back. I did try to save her unlike those before me. Only prayers and time will help her now.

7stepstoheaven

This is what I don’t understand – what woman is so desperate to have a “man” that she will not cut bait even when she knows the story up front? He sounds like a parasite – is he faking the mental illness so he can find himself a caretaker? You have intrigued me by saying a spath is so willing to pull a con that he will actually allow himself to be committed to a mental hospital!

I would rather be alone the rest of my life than be with a deceitful parasite.

two_violets

I think this post really hit on one of the things that is hardest to understand for people who don’t have an abnormal dominance drive. That’s the question of why sociopaths, with no morals, seem uncomfortable when accused of something heinous and resort to retaliatory accusations and projection. While it might be comforting to think of this as a latent sign of morality, I believe it is most likely just another sign of “ladder think”.

“Ladder think” is my term for the mentality that views life itself as nothing more than an enormous ladder. Success means climbing the rungs by knocking the people above you down and shoving the people already below you down even further. Viewed from this skewed perspective, sociopaths interpret moral judgement as something that knocks people down the rungs. For instance, Bernie Madoff used to be powerful and respected, living in luxury and calling all the shots in his massive financial empire. Now his domain has been reduced to the size of a prison cell, and his clout is non-existent. He’s been knocked all the way down the ladder. Since sociopaths have a dominance drive allowed to grow vigorously by egotism and lack of empathy, of course they find the thought of losing power incredibly repugnant.

I believe this is one of the reasons why they turn tail when the mask is removed. It’s not that they are ashamed of their behavior. They are simply uncomfortably aware that, no matter how clever they think themselves, they are greatly outnumbered by people who possess a conscience. Recognition for what they truly are would mean being relegated to the lowest rung, and oh, how they hate to lose their social clout and all the manipulative power that goes with it! Faced with such a terrible threat, sociopaths generally respond in one of two ways: fight or flee (or sometimes both a once). Fleeing would correspond to the discard phase. Of course fighting does not necessarily mean resorting to physical violence. For the more sophisticated, it’s often a smear campaign, threats, or nasty, baseless face-to-face accusations. But what form would those accusations tend to take? Here, I think, lies the answer.

From the sociopath’s perspective, you are swinging a huge morality stick at them, which has the potential to knock them down the ladder. Now, the problem is that they have no morality stick of their own to swing back, because they have no morals. So what are they going to do about it? That’s right–they’re going to take yours. Just like at the beginning of the relationship, they are a warped mirror, designed to turn your own hopes, dreams and morals against you, to hook you where it counts and hit you where it hurts. Believe in soul mates? They’ve felt the connection since you first met. Value generosity and mercy? Then you’re stingy and vengeful. You think their cheating is evil? How much of a coincidence is it when they they turn around and accuse *you* of cheating? Nevermind that it has no basis in reality, because reality and “ladder think” have nothing to do with each other. That’s why conflicts with sociopaths are never about the facts.

If you’ve grown comfortable living your whole life as a lie, then why should you value the truth? From the sociopathic perspective, it’s always (only) about winning, and if they said the sky was green, they have to be right (above you on the ladder), even if they were factually wrong. This is why sociopaths enjoy gaslighting so much, because it is basically the art of burying the facts in favor of gaining more power (to knock you down the ladder). They play the same game from start to finish, always ignoring the truth, though at some point, the gap between their words and reality becomes so large that others break free of their control. The mask slips.

Faced with sheer, undeniable insanity, normal people start thinking, why am I even listening to this? It has no basis in reality. The terrible truth is, nothing the sociopath did was ever based on reality. When they finally say something unbelievable, it is not the sociopath’s tongue which has changed; it is the victim’s ear. Perhaps the greatest silver lining of their twisted mirroring is that since sociopaths only know how to echo back your own moral indignation, if you have been true to yourself, their projected accusations will always be baseless. The more absurd their words, the better, because it pushes the listener to transform into an advocate of self, sanity, and truth. When you root your convictions in the world as it truly is, they have no power. When they have no power, then you are free–and from their perspective, that is the worst thing of all, because then you are a rung up on them. =)

somebodysdream

can I reprint this accurate summary?

two_violets

Of course! Understanding what sociopaths are really up to is one of the best ways to avoid being caught in their deceptions. Please feel free to share this anywhere people could benefit.

7stepstoheaven

I think you have hit on a great analogy. They hate it when you finally put the finger on them. They hate being exposed, and that is when you see the full extent of their rage! It’s probably the most dangerous time to be in a relationship with a spath. How many times have we seen on shows about murderers, that they murder their spouse just before or at the same time their house of cards is going to go down and they have no control over that. All the credit card bills are due, and the wife or husband will see the full picture of financial abuse they were unaware of, as one example. Or like Anthony’s story, when he finally confronts his wife about her infidelity. They can’t fool you anymore, so they go into damage control in order to maintain their facade with other people that know you. Often they have done a pre-emptive strike, and the smear campaign has already started. They will always act this way because 1. They are angry that you outed them, so you must be punished, and 2. They have to maintain their power and their power is based on the mask. To maintain the mask, they must take you out first by the smear campaign.

This happened to me with my younger sister. I was having a normal phone conversation with her, when she made a remark about our mother, and I said something to the effect of, no I don’t believe that, and the next thing I knew she was SCREAMING at me over the phone something about our mother making her suicidal! Nothing like this had ever happened before! She hung up on me, and I felt very bad that I upset her because I had NO intention of doing such a thing. I called her back, and her young son picked up the phone (he was no more than six years old at the time) and I said, oh honey I was just talking to your mom and she got very upset, and he said to me “yeah, her mother!”

Next thing I knew, she grabbed the phone away from him and started screaming at me “how dare I talk to her child!” and hung up on me again. I was totally bewildered and wondered WTF just happened????? It was telling to me how her very young son had reacted to this, cool, collected, and blase like this happens often! And then I was very disturbed that she had screamed something about committing suicide with her young son within earshot!!

I figured, I know I did not do anything wrong here, but I am going to bite the bullet because I am sorry that whatever I said got her so upset. I decided to send her some flowers. The response to my flowers was not quite what I was expecting. She sent me a note saying that her husband thought the flowers were very nice (his family is in the florist biz) and that my gesture would go along way toward her thinking about forgiving me!!

It was no more than a month later when she started her smear campaign against me with my other sister, and sent me a bizarre, terse email stating:

“It is too disturbing to speak with you until you get control over your alcoholism.”

Now, since I am not nor have ever been an alcoholic, it was another WTF just happened???

The pertinent information here is that SHE is a recovering alcoholic! Now the reason I may not have sounded quite like myself is that I was going through excruciating pain with endometriosis. Since I was so ill, her email was something that emotionally blind-sided me, and I really had no way to respond to something like that!

Later I found out that this is about the same time she tried to convince my other sister that I was an alcoholic, and she believed her!! Now that was a serious mind-f*ck!!

How could she convince my sister of something that was not even remotely true? Well, she did it. Her powers of manipulation and persuasion were off the charts! And she has not spoken to me since. Birthday presents sent to my nephews get no response. She just began to act like i had never existed, like the silent treatment on steroids.

It has taken me years to understand that she has borderline personality disorder, although she is a psychiatrist, which is really frightening! Her mask slipped with me during that phone call, and instead of having an adult conversation about it, I think she became afraid
that I might tell my other sister what had happened. So she took out the threat by starting her smear campaign.

I think she realized that I could not be manipulated early on, and took the opportunity when I was weakened by my illness as the perfect time to take me out, especially since I live in a different state from both sisters, so there was no way to connect except by phone or email, and that clearly was not going to happen. She cannot trust someone she can’t manipulate, in her paranoid version of the world!

HurtTerribly

Anthony

You sound like a very loving human being, and very trusting one. Never lose those qualities in yourself.

We are all here to a large part because we experienced similar situations, or similar life altering experiences.

There were a few things you pointed out that really stood out. 1) your remark about how she changed in an instant, the snarl on the lips, the black eyes, the rage. I saw and confronted this so many times. It feels evil. Its cold, dark, and horrible. When its aimed at you, sometimes you lose your step because its simply that frightening. I remember it well.

Narciccism…terrible word that, and living with someone who has three to four of these behaviors rolled into one is a terrifying human experience. Do we wonder why we suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

I watched a man turn this switch on and off for 10 years. Go from one person to another in a matter of seconds, I feared for my life a long time. Now I don’t.

The “aftermath” post break up conversations, where you try to convey the pain you are suffering in some hope there would be even a glimmer of recognition that you paid the price for them. And, you get absolutely nothing or a rather flippant comment, which can then send you into another tailspin. That remark about the weight you shed really stuck with me. I remember talking long distance internationally and telling this person who called to have something sent to him, that I was on the verge of suicide. He nervously laughed and then said, “I have bad days too you know!”.

Im so glad you are here to share your story, it helps those of us that can feel lost in the ether, by confirming, and it brings people forward who may be experiencing the same, and are lost in the abyss.

When you smile now, you’ve earned it, its a serious smile in a way, a smile of deep knowledge, and confirmation. Life can be beautiful again. One step at time, moving forward.

lifting the veil

Anthony,
thank you so much for writing you story…..you have written so articulatately about your experiences….it made me feel so sad for all you have been through..i think your an amazing person to have gone through so much and yet to have held your heart strong in character……god is truely with you and that light will always guide you out of the darkness…keep following it and may each day bring you closer to true peace.
you have help me alot by just reading your experience….i searched for answers just like you……i found lovefraud and read books and soaked up every bit of information..untill i realised yes the person i had spend 16 years of my life with was a sociopath…….and it was all a lie…..it devasted my life……its 3 years on and im still trying to recover……thank you for the clear facts in your part 4..again it made me see face to face what i too went through too just like you and what this person did to me……at this point in time im still struggling to come to terms with the after effects…..today i received a letter from my ex…..it would be what you would call her projecting letter……she basically told me im the one who had abused her for years,due to the fact i was abused as a child………..and told me she wanted nothing more to do with me,she had moved on,she didnt think about me and didnt want me anywhere near her,that she didnt want my anger in her life….it was a letter full of abuse and cruel accusations like so many i have received from her………..i sat once again in tears reading it…………..but something was different this time……….because i cried yet after i got up and went on about my day,you see i see her,i know who she is,i know what she is,i know what she is doing………..and i know why she has discarded me……….because i know what she is and she cant use me anymore and she cant play her mind games with me anymore……its terrible to find out you never knew someone at all…when you gave everything.
there are givers in life and there are takers…my ex would have been the first person to say………………she was a taker……and i was the giver…..i thought we were the perfect couple for so long…but now i know i was duped!

lifting the veil,
I’m sorry that your ex keeps finding ways to hurt you.Ironic that she wants nothing to do with you~yet she’s the one writing!She doesn’t “think about you” but she keeps writing you.I think she’s really POed that you’re NC with her! 🙂

kmillercats

Anthony

Thanks for writing this article. I found myself shaking my head in agreement many times. Although, I like everybody else have been involved with one. You related your experience with great detail and enough depth to convey how totally foreign and alien these experiences(people) are. I wish I could go back to “before the spath” and read your story. I wonder what I would think from that perspective. Unfortunately, I can’t. Spath I was with recently said, ” I do some bad things and some good things”. I guess he thinks the good cancels the lies, cheating, manipulation,gaslighting, etc. Wow…what rationalization. They really have no clue how to “be”.

Tea Light

Thanks for this twoviolets, I found it very helpful

learnedmylesson

Its not exactly the same as what MY s/path “girlfriend” did to me but many similarities.I could relate.As I ve said on here before…I tried to help her with rent for her apartment that she was supposed to be sharing with an older(60) roommate lady….who she arranged for me to meet-which I did….turned out to be a great scam.In fact she was moving in with a guy.I was working and didn t go into the apartment after that…I thought great—a place to stay with a nice lady who could influence her.Instead it was a guy with a long record …and only after snooping and investigating found out the truth.After I confronted her,she accused me of stalking,being immature and having insecurity issues.But as I texted her adios she laughed and said I was obviously too stupid to figure it all out earlier.I said lies are hard to prove…which is the truth.A lot of things didn t seem kosher but to get definitive proof is not easy.Since then(a year ago)she s been arrested twice and been the domestically assaulted by the guy she was cheating on me with.He went to jail for two months.I have had no contact with her…though she tried calling me to bail her out of jail for stealing.I wouldn t accept the call.Quite an adventure in sociopathic training for me…and a few thousand poorer (though not an amount that was debilitating)…I survived and my eyes are wide open.Indeed-I have learnedmylesson.

OpalRose

Anthony – I went through the same discovery starting with a comment to me about my husband’s narcissism. I read about narcissism and found amazing parallels, but it was when I read a link about sociopaths that everything clicked and started to shift my paradigm of thinking. Total shock to rethink all the bizarre behavior under the category of “insane” and “disordered.”

I was raised by a sociopath mother (on a scale of 1 to 10 she was a 20). And then I married a sociopath husband because (looking back from what I’ve learned) of love bombing and pity play. My mother particularly liked the duping and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing…..

“When someone is such a cold and sick person to manipulate and deceive someone, then to make a sport of it for their own sense of power, control, and amusement, they clearly demonstrate purely evil behavior. Nothing anybody can say will ever change my mind about this.”

The behavior truly is bizarre and the way you wrote about your experience provides such helpful clarifications about many aspects of what we go through. It is soooo true that a break up or loss or discard with a sociopath is pain beyond the normal scope of experience.

I made my “discovery” in Aug 2009 and have been learning since then about the abuse by my mother and my husband. The new perspective of seeing them through the absolutely correct lens of sociopath is priceless, but the loss is so tough for me and I’m still a bit disoriented.

Thank you again for writing your story and lessons learned. So well-written and and logically stepping through all the pieces that we all share on this site. I’m saving a copy of this in my “think straight” file on my computer to refer to when I need it.

Also – I read in your comments that you are in a much better place now with a wonderful person in your life. So happy to hear that update – best wishes.

VegasGirl

I was shocked when I read this awesome article because if you turn this story around and write “ex boyfriend” (who I lived with for 10 months) instead of “ex wife”, that was my life IN DETAIL … right down to him working for the state (of Louisiana) and going in to work an hour early every day!
I agree the pain from that break up was the worst I had ever felt from any experience in my entire life because my ex bf was the sweetest, kindest most patient man I had ever known. However, the facade covered a dead interior and the pain he inflicted by his lack of remorse nor empathy for any pain he inflicted weighed far heavier than the pleasure of his charm.
I have been set free by knowing the truth about what I had been dealing with for almost a year and a half after I read this article. Thank you so much for sharing this. I finally found the liberation I needed.

aotearoaangel

This was a mindboggling read. Bits were true to my story, bits not. I guess there are infinite blends that link lack of compassion, empathy and authenticity in people. Im sorry that you experienced that level of pain.No one should have to.
You are right describing that cluster of disorders, axis 2 in the DSM IV manual. I work in mental health, Ive seen the very best and the very worst of people. One caution I would add though is around borderline personality disorders, they are not so heartless usually. Self absorbed yes. Mostly from a childhood of abuse and neglect or extreme privilege (makes me grateful I never got everything I wanted, or even close to that!). They do cause drama and mayhem, but from emotional pain, if anything they have BIG emotions. After working with people with this for so long, I have a lot of compassion for them. For the unceasing pain and demanding emptiness, that is only ever eased momentarily, that creates their self absorption. They are dreadfully hard to live with, not for the faint hearted, but they are capable of love of a type. And of ethics. Like all people there are some evil ones, of course there are. I just didn’t want a blanket belief about all of them.

In my own ’path'(etic) experience, like you Anthony, I ignored the twanging gut. I don’t know why, looking back it was giving very clear signals. Never again! Not only that, but stuff I knew from the work I do, wth?? I was a lot more vulnerable then, fresh out of a long relationship I hadn’t wanted to leave, new city, new job. I was a ripe sweet raspberry ready for devouring I think.

I remember afterwards, feeling bitter about men and making a conscious decision that I wouldn’t do that, that I wouldn’t let him take that too. It took a bit of doing, sometimes I had to stand with my foot jammed painfully in the door of openness shouting in my head about the abundant goodness I saw much more of every day than the evil. But I did it and I have peace in my heart, and light in my eyes (mostly, still get the dark encroaching, makes me like the light so much more though 🙂 )

Good for you making your way through the murky sucking quagmire of (insert favourite yukky stuff here, mine is crap) to an understanding and much better place. I wish you joy, blessings and authentic love 🙂

Anthony, thank you for sharing such a painful and devastating experience. What you said is true about there being many common traits that most sociopaths exhibit in a relationship. Gaslighting, boredom, lying, promiscuity, manipulating, deceiving, the pity play, lack of empathy/guilt, and game playing are all typical behaviors of these creatures. Their motives, however, can be quite different. For example, the spath that wormed her way into my life concentrated her efforts on separating me and my wife, She had a covetous nature that was nothing like I had ever experienced. My wife was her employer for about 7 years, mainly in our residence. I had no clue that I would be used as a pawn in an attempt to ruin my wife’s (and my) life. She had the luxury of studying me for quite a few years and waited for the right moment to “bond” with me when she knew my wife and I were going through a difficult time in our marriage. Her whole goal was to take away those things that she envied about my wife: her marriage, her house, her income, and her family life with our children. I was but a sideshow in what was soon to become a very twisted relationship. Anyway, after a few months, and enough red flags to line a May Day parade, I finally figured out what she was up to. Unfortunately, my brain had already been rewired and I was totally addicted to her. Thus began my long and painful journey toward recovery.

behind_blue_eyes

Anthony, your painful experience is so similar to many of our stories with the same pattern. What I find particularly vile about sociopaths is that they will continue to manipulate and deceive their victim until one of two events happens: 1) the victim can no longer provide whatever the sociopath is using them for, be it money or shelter as examples; 2) we expose their mask or come near to exposing their mask. The end is then swift, full of victim blaming and smearing.

Forget what Sam Vaknin says. HE IS A FRAUD. He is a convicted criminal and diagnosed Narcissist. His PdD is in Philosophy not any Medical Science. Humans are not Tigers or Tornados. Functional Humans know right from wrong, truth from lies and their behavior’s effects on others.

He is correct in saying that Narcissists (and all Cluster-Bs) cannot be cured. Therefore, whatever he writes is merely self-centered and income generating.

Donna and others here know far more about these toxic individuals than Sam Vaknin and most real Psychologists and Psychiatrists for that matter. Thank you for sharing your painful story and adding to the body of evidence here to the benefit of all.

Sharing is part of healing.

Tea Light

Vaknin is a diagnosed psychopath, see the documentary I Psychopath. Bob Hare makes an appearance I think, it’s not on my Amazon wish list.

4Light2shine

Anthony thank you, thank you. My heart goes out to you. The articulate descriptions of the horrific behaviors as well as your detailed breakdown of the individual components was really appreciated, and shows you have done your homework. Most of you here are far more knowledgable than I am, as I’ve just really begun to educate myself. Please continue to be strong, to protect yourself, and know that by sharing your story you are giving hope and strength to some who desperately need it. As a man myself I think overall we may feel more uncomfortable in sharing our horror stories, and yet I can assure you that you are not alone. There appear to be plenty of evil ones who just happen to be female. While the physical brutality that some of our females here have endured is probably much worse because they also have all the other psychological , emotional, ect., abuses that we have had, the female sociopath is in other ways more powerful. One description I read described the female sociopath as the top predator on the planet. On the tv show ” what would you do if – ?” One episode showed 3 separate people basically stealing a bike in broad daylight, all 3 young people. 1 white male, 1 black male, & 1 attractive female. The first guy got a little resistance, the second quite a bit, someone even called police and intervened. The third probably spawned some new careers as the results showed she was not resisted in any negligible way, and was in fact given assistance to steal the bike by complete strangers who were … Wait for it …. Men. Same show interviewed a professor from a major university who explained the findings of his studies, basically that attractive = good. We as men are hardwired or programmed or whatever to believe this on a very fundamental level. The men on the show seemed almost powerless. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen this power over men exploited and used as a weapon against me, and the ease and smoothness in doing so. Masterful. Hang in there my friend, and thank you again.

Saysi

Hi ‘Anthony’, thank you for taking ther time and trouble to write in so much detail about your very destructive and upsetting relationship. I am sorry you have suffered so badly as a result, and obviously you really had high hopes for the marriage and put your wife on a pedestal in many ways early in the relationship. I do feel it is not unusual for her to want to continue communicating with a male friend from work early in your relationship with her (although obviously not for the relating to go further than a friendship) but she had known him already before she met you if I understand you correctly? I also feel it is not unusual to feel uncomfortable speaking to him in front of you on the phone in the early days of your relationship or for you and her not to be invited round to his home as you mentioned you felt if it was an ordinary friendship that this should maybe have been the course it would have taken.
As you mentioned, a lot of previous hurt and deceit obviously makes it difficult for you both to have total confidence in another person in a relationship, and both of you may have a lot of residual pain and some mistrust and emotional baggage from previous relationships.
I at one time thought my husband maybe was Psycopathic or Narcissistic (his Mother is a diagnosed Malignant Narcissist, classic text book symptoms) but he is diagnosed Aspergers syndrome and I have been married to him for 35 + years.
You have experienced high expectations from your relationship and also look at things from a very logical point of view. There is a lot of black and white thinking and much analitical behaviour from yourself (also stemming from your suspicions) but it seems almost as if you were ‘looking’ for the proof, or evidence of a betrayal situation before there was really evidence that it existed to such a degree that it seems it must have been apparent to your partner, which could have changed the emotional response from her sexually,and more as the extent to which you analysed your partner’s activity and life could seem quite persecutory, or may indicate you were feeling paranoid yourself maybe and cause your partner to react in the very angry way that she did when finally confronted and you mentioned also that her behaviour changed at this time and afterwards too..I would say that may possibly be because she felt analysed and a realised there had been a breach of trust in the way you always mistrusted her as shown by the constant invasion of her privacy maybe? What she had been doing herself (having an affair) would not necessarily have changed the way she reacted to the accusation. Not everyone who has a relationship while married is a Psycopath.:)
By your own admittance your wife was not going anywhere else other than where she said she was going when you tracked her movements and you were attending Bible Classes together, so you were doing things together as a couple? I don’t feel she truly exhibits traits of Psycopathy or Narcissism.
I am just wondering what proof you found that she was having a relationship in her office?
Although my relationship with my husband is not in any way a direct comparison, my husband has spent some of the years we have been together accusing me of having affairs with people at my places of work..one even in a car outside our own front window, when being brought home every evening by someone I worked with. These problems have caused me to give up employment and lose career momentum when his insecurities became overwhelming. He would also ring my girlfriend’s phone repeatedly when I was at her house, causing her 11 year old daughter to be constantly woken from her bedtime sleep. This became such a problem over a number of years in many different ways that i stopped seeing my friends altogether because I didn’t want them to be put through his frequent rudeness and inconsideration and he never could see it or stop it. His feelings took priority over anything else and as you will know, isolating their ‘victim’ is part of a Sociopath’s foreplay. My husband tried to build a division between our daughter and my Dad by saying our daughter didn’t give him (my husband) enough love, because he ‘didn’t get a look in ‘because she loved her grandad more than her own dad’ (him). Despite me explaining that because we love one does not mean we don’t have enough love to go around and that the more she was loved, the more she would be able to give love, he still did not relent. Eventually though I am happy to accept his diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome, but some of the behaviours are very similar to some psycopathic traits, but the reasons for them are vastly different.

I know this relationship has deeply hurt you and it does seem to me that you are a more sensitive soul than your wife maybe. I don’t know what others here feel (as most on this group have a lot more experience with Psycopaths and Sociopaths than I myself have maybe, although I do have a brother who is a Psycopath and he does undertake criminal acts of deception and secreted my share of our parents inheritance away and lied to me about it..basically he was showing signs of this condition when only a young child as he would say that it was a ‘Dog eat dog world and he was out to get others before they took advantage of him’ and he was about 10 years old at this time. He was selfish,(as a child, unless it was in his interests to get on the best side of someone for his own gain) cunning and secretive, and would never do a single thing to assist in the home and was never altruistic or showed affection unless to gain something from someone)
Your wife could maybe have been displaying symptoms of insecurity, having had past relationships where she has been cheated upon, and maybe was reluctant to give up on her ‘work mate’ as she didn’t want to put all her trust in one man again (although there could be many reasons why she may have had a relationship at work) and maybe you loved her so much that the pain was greater due to your input into the relationship, your love and high hopes for it.
The fact that you mentioned that your wife didn’t have a desire for a super smart car or purchase a lot of clothes also indicates to me that she does not come across as typically Sociopathic as many have Narcissistic traits in these areas as making a good impression often matters a lot to them.
I am rather curious as to how you discovered that she was having a relationship at her office, but I suppose I will have to just wonder on that one!
I wish you well with future (or current) liasons and hope that you find the love that you surely deserve and thank you for sharing your experiences so candidly. Take care.

Tea Light

4light, what you write is no doubt true, “attractive = good. We as men are hardwired or programmed or whatever to believe this on a very fundamental level. ” But I imagine this holds for women also; it’s well known that people with looks considered normatively desirable in society are granted favourable treatment in workplaces, restaurants, and so on, there are studies on this. So good looking personality disordered people are probably inevitably going to use their looks as part of their ”mask of sanity” as Harvey Cleckley called the false persona that psychopaths present to the world to fit in, avoid detection, and to lure targets.I would imagine they know consciously or simply intuitively that others are likely to respond favourably to them , because of their physical appearance. And they’ll use that ruthlessly, be they man or woman, straight or gay, in the same way as they use love bombing, and sex, to attract and then entrap. We certainly need to think past and through phusical appearances as a society if we want to get to the real truth of someone, to their inner qualities.

7stepstoheaven

This is a very interesting piece of commentary from a man who has been a warden in the prison system, warning future prison officials about dealing with manipulators, Jodi Arias, the murderer, in particular.

Carl ToersBijns

Jodi Arias ~ Master Manipulator?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0g6x3_Ct6g

Published on May 25, 2013
Following the Travis Alexander murder trial one cannot escape the characteristics and personalities involved in this case. This is my own opinion of Jodi Arias’ manipulative skills and how she will attempt to use them inside prison. Thus this is an awareness video for those that will supervise her at Perryville and subject to her deceit and foolishness to take chances as she is definitely a risk taker in nature.

————————————————————–
My comments after viewing…

“Beautiful people are exempt from moral law.”

I have read a lot about sociopaths, but never read something so specific about how they manage to manipulate so skillfully and readily. And she managed to do this with several of the jurors in this trial, unfortunately, in spite of all the evidence. They thought she was a girl gone wrong, a victim of circumstance. They did not recognize her as the predator she is. She has already managed to skillfully manipulate outsiders even from prison. I really do not think it is a coincidence that the psychological expert for the prosecution, Dr. DeMarte, had her home broken into and her LAPTOP stolen on the eve of the trial. She is dangerous, and will be dangerous as long as she lives.

It is critical in relation to Anthony’s story, and the story of other men who have run into beautiful, sociopathic women. As the warden says, they get what they want by APPEARING to bond with you emotionally and psychologically, so you will never suspect that you are being manipulated, and that their only goal is getting something they want from you. This really explains how people are blind-sided by these predators.

aotearoaangel

That was an interesting watch 7steps. Are most sociopaths good looking? Mine wasn’t but he was very disarming and appeared so disingenuous, like a lost small boy at times. Im so soft as far as people in pain, or apparent pain.
I can still remember, though its four years ago now, the jolt that went right through my soul like a giant earthquake when he finally told me some truth, or at least owned some truly heinous lies. It was like in a single micro moment the whole world was different. I didn’t know where to find solid ground. I remember vomiting, that shock was so big. For a long time after I struggled and struggled to filter what was true and what wasn’t. In the end I realised it didn’t matter, there was no way of telling, I don’t think even he knew any more. So I took it all as lies. That was the safest way. We had a joke in my friend group after, how do you know when Nico is lying, his mouth is moving. Laughing about it made me feel less rocked and less stupid.
The luckiest luckiest thing for me was that he was deported after that dreadful weekend. He didn’t have a visa for here it turned out.
He emailed me for a long time after, saying he would change, I was his true and only love etc etc. Part of me wanted to believe it, but not because I loved him any more, that had died or was in the death throes. As I navel gazed my way back to sanity I realised I wanted it to be true because I felt so stupid. It was my own ego that wanted it. That would have made me stupid x 100 LOL I learned to live with the shame, mostly because my being vulnerable came from the good parts of me, the positive but naïve places. I keep a tighter rein on the inner Pollyanna these days 🙂 AND most importantly trust my intuition, which was clanging like a fire engine at that time.

7stepstoheaven

I honestly think the only way we can make sense out of some of these behaviors that seem bizarre to us, like projection, is to realize that with these people everything is about power. When they know the truth and you don’t, that is a form of power. When they are confronted and their response is to project, it is all about displacing their own uncomfortable feelings of powerlessness onto YOU. That way, they are not the crazy one, or the bad one, they turn it around so YOU become all of those things, and they feel a sense of power by putting you off-balance, by putting YOU on the defensive. The smear campaign is about isolating you from anyone who could be helpful, and instead making them allies of the disordered person. This is all about protecting their own image of themselves, and it is also very sadistic, a way of making you suffer not just by their actions but by proxy. Even the people they keep close to themselves, who look like their allies, are being manipulated because this person can trust NO ONE. This is something I just recently began to understand.

Everything they do can be explained in terms of just maintaining power and control over another human being by any means necessary, with the added bonus of subjecting you to cruel and unusual punishment. This is how all of the personality disorders operate, out of damage of some kind, and with sociopaths, because they were born that way. There is a lot of rage and hostility in their worlds, but they are very good at hiding it. I believe that it is that hostility and lack of empathy that comes across to us as pure evil.
These are people that cannot trust or love anyone else. All of their relationships are based on manipulation, used to keep themselves in power, in the driver’s seat, at all times. They actually hate themselves, and everyone else, who they look upon as suckers because they are so easily manipulated. They use manipulation not only for power, but as a way to vent their hostility and rage, and shield themselves from any consequences of their actions. Any attempt to get through to them will just be ridiculed in their evil little “hearts.”

For example, I had a stepfather who was a sociopath. He was married to my mother and was in my family for ten years. Only at the end of those ten years did the facade appear to crumble in my eyes, as the oldest child. When I was 19 and away at college he left my mother, after my youngest sister finally exposed that he had been sexually abusing her since she was 3 years old, which was when he first came into our family. I had always liked him and looked upon him as a father figure, since my father had died. I never saw him again. I never actually saw the EVIL, although certainly other family members did, especially my mother. After that, she always referred to him as “the psychopath.”

I had seen a few things I had started to have some questions about, which were mostly concerned with how he spent money. It also turned out that during these years my mother had received a sizable inheritance from her mother, and boy, did he ever help her spend it, looking back on things. Now, my mother is a strong woman, but she was also a narcissist who neglected her children’s emotional needs. I later found out that when she and the psychopath started dating, my grandmother had said to her “you watch him around the little girls!” She actually told me this a couple of years before she died, and it turned my stomach that she had actually been warned and turned a blind eye. He also cheated on her with her best friend, as well as next-door neighbors. She put him through school (on the GI bill) while she worked full-time and he spent his time studying and hanging out at home. He also liked to party and he and my mother entertained many of his younger friends, smoking marijuana and dabbling in other drugs.

As soon as he graduated, he got a job in another town about a 100 miles away, so my family moved while I stayed in the same town at college. My mother actually got to stay home with her other three children, the youngest child, a boy, was his. When the shit hit the fan two years later, it came up that he had already begun a relationship with a woman he worked with, who also left behind her husband and 1-year-old son to be with him.

So you can see here the substance abuse, sex addictions, the molestation, the psychological and emotional abuse of my mother and youngest sister, the abandonment of his own son, and his parasitic lifestyle living off my mother and helping himself to her inheritance, leaving behind his own 6-year-old son. He never paid alimony, and minimal child support to his son. My mother made him sign an agreement that he was responsible for paying for his son’s college education. The psychopath’s own mother was married to a very wealthy man, and when she died she had also left money to her grandson. The psychopath manipulated his son into not attending her funeral, and manipulated his own son into signing away his inheritance. Yes, he stole his own son’s inheritance!
And of course he left my younger brother in debt after promising to pay for his education.

I don’t doubt that although very intelligent, handsome, high-functioning, and charming, as well as having lots of friends, that this man was a psychopath.

It has now been over 40 years since I last laid eyes on this man, but the damage to my family continues. In the last ten years I have had to come to grips with the fact that both of my younger siblings are personality-disordered. I was the oldest child and felt well-loved and respected by my siblings. I had an especially close relationship with my nearest sister, because we are only two years apart. As soon as I became sick and disabled, I was pounced on like a pack of wolves singling out the weakest member. I never saw it coming, and never would have believed it if you told me what was coming. My youngest sister is extremely high-functioning, in spite of her molestation and a later problem with alcoholism, she became a medical doctor and a psychiatrist. Because of that, she had a lot of clout when she started to manipulate my other sister so she could destroy the close relationship we always had. It began to happen as soon as my sister moved to the same town, where they could raise their children together. Before that, I had visited my younger sister many times and thought we had a close relationship. But then I got scapegoated and smeared by her. My sweet little brother became hostile and narcissistic. It has taken me most of the last 5 years to start to understand what is going on here, and why I have been cut off from half of my family. I began to learn a lot after coming here to lovefraud, just to start to understand what has been going on in my family.

I have been the object of the smear campaign, the projection, the silent treatment, the splitting, the manipulation and the hostility, and I could not sort it out until I came here to lovefraud four years ago. By then the only person in my family I had contact with was my mother, and because I was disabled and no longer working, I moved back home to spend time with her. Although she could be very passive aggressive and callous at times, she was also always very honest with me. She did love her children. She could not see the dysfunction I was starting to wrap my head around. She was never one for a lot of self-awareness, although she was very intelligent. She basically refused to see anything wrong, and I got so angry with her over it that I cut off contact after 2 years, and did not see her that last year of her life. I was just too depressed, crushed, and felt like no one would respect my boundaries or have an honest conversation with me. I had sparse contact with 2 of my siblings, but things were still very strained, so I just disconnected so I could not be hurt anymore.

When my mother became terminally ill, I got back in touch with my closest sister, who I found out was dealing with an alcoholic, parasitic husband who refused to get a job after she moved to the same town as my youngest sister. Every single one of the children married a parasite who wanted us to do the work! She felt trapped in the situation because she travels a lot in her job, and she still has one child in high school. But she is planning to divorce this guy, even though he still continues to act like he will not take responsibility for himself,even though he knows his free ride is coming to an end.

I have tried to make her see the problems in our other two siblings, which she cannot see even though she’s a psych nurse. My other sister finally showed her hand when I sent Christmas gifts to my niece and nephews, and the packages got switched. Of course my closest sister made sure her nephews got their package in time for Xmas, but the disordered sister held on to the package I sent to her by mistake, and didn’t give it to her own niece and nephew until June! I finally told her, you can see why she did that, don’t you?
And she finally admitted that yes, my younger sister had scapegoated me. My younger sister outed herself because she could not control her hostility toward me, and rubbed it not only in my face, but in the rest of the family, including her niece and nephew she withheld the gifts from! She was not able to maintain the facade. I had proof of her bad behavior.

I finally got proof of my brother’s bad behavior when I wrote him an email calling him out on a few things, one of which was owing me money I lent him years ago. He’s a pathological liar, and has had two girlfriends in a row, one that he lived with, without telling either of them he was still married. He is a love-bomber par excellance, charming and funny, the life of the party, but is also not “there” unless you are in the same room with him. I also realized that no matter how hard I tried to get in touch with him, he never responded, not to phone calls, emails, or texts. I found out he had gotten married again when I found him on Facebook. That was the last straw, to me! The response I got back when I emailed him revealed to me who he was, who I suspected he was, for you don’t ever confront a narcissist without feeling the full venting of their rage, denial, and projection. I finally felt some vindication in my judgement of him. I had hard evidence, in writing. There have been red flags flying for quite a while, there. He is also the son of a psychopath, but I didn’t see these problems till he turned 40.

But my closer sister still continues to deny and minimize the damage that has been done, and since I live 5 hours away and am too disabled to travel, I almost never see her. My problem is that I don’t feel safe as long as my younger sister is still “close” to her. I don’t feel safe as long as she sees nothing wrong with who my brother has become. Of course she has been manipulated by both of them, and that can be hard to admit, but I see the power my younger sister has over her. It’s crystal clear to me now. I wrote her an extremely long letter about my feelings and experiences, to basically tell her that I now have a bottom line, and I have to know if i can trust her no matter what these other people do. That I want no contact with them, or them with me, and I do not want to even hear about them. That I can’t take any more abuse, especially with her as their unwitting proxy. That a relationship with her is very important to me, but difficult under the circumstances. The trust that was broken so many years ago has never really been healed, and that it was taken away from us by my other sister’s manipulations. Frankly, I’m terrified to send it, but at some point I have to. I always wanted to have this conversation face-to-face, but I have only seen her twice in the last 4 years.

She is all I have left of my family, except for her children, my niece and nephew that I haven’t seen in eight years. It may alienate her if she can’t handle my honesty, but without that honesty, there is no basis for trust.

I do feel vindicated in that all my suspicions have been proven, and that both of these people have outed themselves at least because they could not contain their hostility. I understand that they are both products of their childhood and genetic inheritance, but I no longer have any sympathy for them because of their actions toward me. For a long time I thought I had done something wrong, and just tried harder to make up for it in some way, but now I know better. That has been psychological validation to me, and I feel that I have a pretty good understanding of who they really are, and can turn my back without any further self doubt. That certainty means a lot to me. It’s just sad to lose your family this way. I never thought these things would happen after these people became adults, because my family was always close. Not any more. I have grieved for that a long time. It’s clear to me now that damage like this goes on for generations.

Tea Light

7steps welcome to the LF community! Thank you for being here and for your insights they are astonishing me as you are describing the mechanics of my abuser’s behaviours so accurately, with such clarity. I’m only a third into your post but wanted to respond already. Glad to have you with us. Peace and love to you as you move forward to the life you deserve.

4Light2shine

Thank you Donna. I’m so glad I found your site. I’m already feeling comfortable here and am so appreciative to you and your team. This is by far the best resource I’ve found on the subject . Tea Light I’m sure you’re right, this certainly can apply to both sexes. As far as rethinking our societal perceptions, no argument here. Unfortunately the wind seems to be blowing the other direction. The key for me is not embracing the norms especially when they seem to be drifting from what my values are guiding me to do. 7steps I was thinking along the same lines that those behaviors are likely to just keep you on the defensive or distracted and weakened.

welcome 7steps!

7stepstoheaven

Thanks blossom! I started coming here 4 years ago but I took a break for a while, and came back!

Tea Light

Your post is extremely powerful 7 steps, you face your history with such intelligence and resilience.

Tl_9136

wow this has been one of the best stories on this site,The detail in this has hit home in so many ways, in the last year alone the female sociopath has come to the front of the line instead of hiding in the shadows, more and more the media has accepted that they exist and have been eager to bring it to light,when i wrote about my relationship with a female sociopath she used it to attack me (shocker) it was expected, they hate when the truth comes out! i found one of the best tools to confront a spath with is a well documented truth, when they cant hide behind there lies and false fronts they quickly run to another victim or famously lay low for a period so they have a break in there actions

aotearoaangel

It seems sociopathy is an equal opportunity thing then? Or maybe that should be opportunistic.Any gender, shape, size, race, religion, orientation. Like shape shifters they move and change to suit their wants. The only way of telling is the trail of devastation in their wake?
That scares me so much. I don’t ever want another one in my life

AnnieK

This sounds almost exactly like my husband’s ex. Only he stayed with her longer because they had children. He felt like he could not leave them with her because we all know that Judges like to keep the children with the mother. She is pure evil. She vowed that she would turn the kids against him and it’s working on 1 of them so far. We’ve had no contact with his son. His older daughter is still defending her and calling my husband with “Why are you doing this to Mom”? As if she is the victim. That’s what we are dealing with now…the kids believing her lies. Thanks so much for your story. It’s so important to get this out in the open to help other people.

Kay

Annie k
Your story is familiar to mine. Basically you are da*med if you do. And da*med if you don’t! Sociopaths are miserable people. Miserable. Sometimes it’s even hard to see them as humans, with all the pre-planned damage they do, they seem more like preprogrammed robots, that only forge ahead to destroy others. The sociopath I deal with (my husbands ex wife, sometimes he will post on LF, but he rather just pretend she doesn’t exist and venting about her abuse is hard for him. I can understand why he wants to erase her and any memories of her out of his mind. She maybe a woman but she is a predator. She text about 20-30 times a day, even though divorce was final over 6 years and been separated for over 10.
He has no contact with her, now that the children are older and have their own phones, and are more mature than their mother. He communicates they them. To try to communicate or co parent with her is impossible. When my husband use to attempt to co parent with her, she intentionally sabotaged plans with the kids and their dad. It’s been about a solid year that he literally has not responded to any text or calls. She has made up lies about the kids. Once saying the 14 year old daughter found a lump in her breast, and they were at the doctor getting biopsy, and she had to have removed, and was having surgery that next day. We knew it was a lie. Have you ever heard of a biopsy being done and getting results back in 15 minutes. That was the final straw for my husband. He will not respond to her. Yet she still tries… She still tried to make my husband feel guilty regarding kids. But we speak to the kids all the time and it’s all a lie. Everything she says. I am pretty sure she thinks she is a genius and my husband and I are stoopid¿? (Lol)

When it comes to my husbands sociopathic ex wife, we basically live by the creed “guilty until proven innocent” . She has caused my husband so many problems. Financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. My husband is not her only victim. ANYONE who this woman befriends, or comes in contact with gets abused by her in some way. She is very abusive to her elderly mother and step father. It’s so sad. She neglects the younger child, but glorifies the older one. It’s really strange why she does this… The younger child is starting to have problems. Because of the neglect by his mother. And of course the sociopathic mother text my husband and sometimes even me, saying now he is depressed and bi polar and it is cause his dad fights with his mom. Which there is no fighting going on, my husband chooses to have NO CONTACT with her, but he never talks badly of her to children, and if he sees her he isn’t rude, he just doesn’t acknowledge her.

She thinks telling my husband that his son is depressed and sad because of his dad will make him feel guilty. My husband knows that his son is not depressed and if he is, it’s his ex wife’s fault, and if it was a real problem he has already said that he will take her to court and get custody of his son full time – IF he is so depressed and dysfunctional from living with his mother

Kay

But she would deny any wrong doing ever. She refers to her children’s father as a deadbeat dad. Obviously just to get a reaction from him or at the point a Response…. She is so so so desperate to get him to respond to her text messages (SHE HAS TAKEN DESPERATION TO A NEW LEVEL). She use to upset me. But after dealing with her so long, and educating myself on disordered cluster B’ personalities such as her, I have finally come to terms with her and all her antics. Sociopaths are fairly predictable. She uses the same manipulation tactics over and over. It is only the topic that changes. Example; When she doesn’t get a reaction or response from telling my husband that his son has locked himself in the closet and is crying because his dad won’t come to her house for Christmas, she moves on to trying to guilt him by saying his son is failing school because he is so distraught over his dad refusing to co parent with her. **see same old tactic – different scenario

Buster

Hi, person with exwife sociopath.

Myself also, ex-wife sociopath. And I even caught her in bed with our older boy, then 12 years of age, 2 days after she was served with the dissolution, and containing the allegation of sexual abuse on the children. Washington State (King County) did back flips to get her off from prosecution. It was like watching acrobats.

But I cant help but notice you typed in a huge volume of write up, when you had no children with her. And it only lasted a few years. it could have been so much worse.

This may sound really harsh, and I don’t mean it to be harsh;
it was a lesson, you may have needed to learn or re-learn.

As for your clueless social worker/counselor, I doubt seriously, she was that clueless. That would be like you as a programmer, not being able to translate decimal to hex.

The lady counselor was NOT clueless, but rather she was (and is)GENDER BIASED. Its common in today’s failing society to find people in profession positions of power to commonly abuse that power along geneder lines. Especially by female professionals.

Bias is the most common form of professionals running a scam. The counselor just could not bring herself to come down on your ex-wife, due to her gender bias. So she did the most common and easiest form of the act of Bias as a professional; She played dumb.

You can file a complaint to the medical licensing board, and note the emotional damages to you this caused. I would. Review everything first. Get copies of the medical records of your counseling before you let this “professional” know you are pursing a complaint.

And think it through and document things, and have some well-adjusted people on your side, read your statment and comment, before submitting to the medical board.

Again if you file such a complaint, follow through, and insist that you be informed of the hearing, and attend it and speak up. Considering bringing an attorney with you to the hearing.

angelo

Wow sounds similar to what I’m experiencing with my wife odd behaviour all the matching traits,only thing I don’t have hard evidence is the cheating,I know she is cheating got the gut feeling that won’t let me go,been enduring this abuse for nearly 15 years now…planning my escape its a hard 1 we have 3 lovely girls or I hope they mine??? Anyway pray for me that God will deliver me from this deceptive,manipulative,sociopathic woman…blessings Angelo

Dave

Many females can be gender biased as they have this belief that women cannot do things like this to big strong men, (no offense ladies im not claiming any of you on here are like this) Its difficult for a man to come out and admit he was abused first of all, second of all many people will not believe him.

I had a female counselor and thankfully she wasnt biased, actually she is the one that pointed out to me that i was in an abusive relationship with a BPD/NPD woman. The only reason i even went is because the courts ordered me to have a mental health assessment done because of things my ex had said and emails she showed them from me that showed me jumping all over the place with my emotions, well of course i did, when you deal with the disordered its like being on an emotional rollercoaster which causes you to do the same, of course she did not show them any of her emails she sent to me. She had a CPO on me then invited me over all weekend for sex then had me arrested on a violation, then called my best friend crying claiming she never wanted me to go to jail, yet gave the presecutor all these emails i sent her, thus making me look like the crazy one.

My CPO after 2 years now finally drops feb 25th (thank God) I found out later that she started chasing a married man and sleeping with him, then got him to move in with her, then my kids told me they were arguing constantly (same issue i had with her) then when he left her and went back to his wife she called me after keeping me from my kids for 6 months, trying to boo hoo to me on the phone about how he did her dirty LOL,,,i told her “thats what you get for messing with a married man” She then said how he had trust issues with her around other men (again another issue i had with her too) She even called me crying the next day claiming she does not want to be a dishonest person anymore as it causes too much bullshit in her life and wants to air out her dirty laundry and admitted to me she was constantly looking for another boyfriend during the 10 years i was with her and how it was wrong of her to do me like that yet ended it with BUT (here comes the blame game) that i made her miserable the whole time. Once she seen i was not falling for this BS anymore she split me back in the all bad category then tried to screw me in court last month during my visitation rights hearing making up all kinds of crap saying i owe more in CS than i really do, claiming i only made 4 payments last year, court is continued for march, so i got CS to send me a printout of what i owe and how many payments i made last year for proof her and her lawyer lied. She then said its not feasable for her to meet halfway for visitation with kids cause she is too busy with her company (thats a lie she has 4 employees that run most of it) its a 3 hour round trip for me to get my kids, she also has 3 vehichles to my one, and makes way more money and the damn judge ordered me to provide all transportation, then had the nerve to complain about my living environment because my kids sometimes sleep in my bed (they are still young, not freaking teens) even though she lets my daughter sleep with my son all week long cause she is scared and has been since ive been kicked out and lied to the judge when i brought that up claiming it rarely happens and only when she sneaks in his room after mom is asleep.

Everything she has i helped build/pay for/maintain/ including her company, she screwed me out of all of it as we were not married, she got it all plus CS payments from me while moving a married man in to help her more and all the while lies to job n family services to get free assistance in the form of free health care for the kids, free daycare after school, and even started getting food stamps!!!!! She refuses to report other adults pay when they live with her claiming she is a single mom of two, she even did that with me for years even though im the natural father living there and contributing to bills.

Whoever wrote this article, count your blessings you did not have children with this person!!!!! I cant fully escape the carnage because i have to deal with her on some level for the kids.

Now get this, (again no offense laides) while in court last month i was the only male in the courtroom, judge knows my ex has a protection order on me (based on lies of abuse from me when she was the physical one) and still orders me to break the CPO and go to her house for pickup/dropoff,,,my ex does not protest this at all even though she claims she fears for her safety around me, im the one that protested and judge still ordered it. Its a sick ass society that we live in.

Dave

Hey Donna,

You must not remember me, i got on your site 2 years ago, remembered my usnername and password the other week.

I didnt mean to sound biased against women, but it is hard as a man to convince people that your wife/girlfriend was physically/mentally/emotionally abusive, especially to police or the courts. My ex i guess is a covert NPD, she seems perfect and likeable and successful to those on the outside looking in and people think she is great, but in the house she is a total monster. She made a lame attempt in dec to get me back after the married guy left her (he probly got tired of her shit lol) but she said it would be like 5 years down the road, and i replied “it will be no years down the road” i told her she got what she deserved and i have no desire to be with someone like her whom i cannot trust and blames me for everything and tears everything apart that i help build. Then she raged out on me again and we have not spoke since. Its hard to have kids with them, i still have feelings for her and dreams about all this and thoughts of having my life back with my kids, but i had no life, she owned it all and tortured me and ill be damned if i go back to that, i just yearn for the life i “thought” i had at the beginning, but dont we all?

Dave

Yup i have.

I forgot to mention that during my visitation hearing last month we agreed to both come alone, of course she wound up bringing a lawer who started a mud slinging contest.

I dont see the point in that, its not like this is a custody battle. I have no idea why the judge continued it to march or why she ordered me to pick up/dropp off the kids at the mothers house while she has a CPO on me. I did, and nothing happened, however i brought my court order, a witness, and recorded it on a cell phone. When i get my kids in march the CPO will have expired, however i will still take precaution, i park on the other side of the road from her house, i only get out and stay next to my truck i dont touch her property and i will keep it that way. I have a feeling that once the CPO is expired and court is over with she may try again to rope me into this, she wont right now with all this legal stuff happening, ill tell her no again and again ill be split in the all bad category.

Angelenuff

I was married to a sociopath. I felt like i subjected myself to an unknown addiction of a man that I thought loved me but he just existed physically just so i can adore him from far away? its an endless mind games and abuse through out my one year marriage to him and five years that i thought that i known him before we married. Once we exchanged vows, the real demented sociopath came out and I knew I was screwed when i started seeing something unnatural emerge from him. He enjoyed toying with me immensely. I saw it in his eyes. Towards the end of our living together , I discovered he was lacing my prepared dinner meals with poison. Texas police wouldn’t believe me because he’s so charming and convincing.So it was no use telling anyone about his cruel tortures he would do to me constantly. Its over now, Divorced this past June 3rd, and recently found out that my ex sociopath contracted AIDS.Am I sad for him? Obviously not, but so glad that we had no children together. So blessed to be alive .

overproof

My Ex wife, the life Destroyer.

She popped up out of nowhere, on my work instant messenger..Hi, i’m your coworkers stepsister, I just moved here from Colorado and i’m just looking for people to hang out with (I would later find out against her brother in laws wishes she used his laptop and messenger). It was at a low point in my life, I was in a deep depression after surviving a road rage shooting 2 years prior, self conscious about the scar on my face and the peg it had knocked me down in life I was elated for a little attention.

She was aggressive and quick, here’s my phone number, here are my pics, send me some of yours, almost seemingly taking control right away, at the end of the conversation we had a date in the very near future.

I pulled up at my co-workers house and she was attractive, not particularly what I go for but I was lonely and this was going to fix that. Our 1st date was a movie date, we saw a chick flick and she got all mushy, drove back to where she was staying and parked in the driveway and talked for a few hours. I provided her entire arsenal in that time. Talked about my early life, child abuse from my step-mother, me being a by product of my dads affair, my father dying young, my hopes and dreams of having a family and not treating it like my dad did, my vulnerability since almost being killed and admitting the most important quality I seek in a woman is loyalty. That was 9 years ago and I only realized this week that the game started that night. She told me of her dedication to loyalty after her ex cheated numerous times getting another girl pregnant, how much her dad dying affected her, her dad died the same day I was shot (I later verified it was a day before) and how we both lost something that night that it must have connected us. I felt that I had never connected with a girl like this before, she sealed the deal when I went in for a hug at the end of the night and she went in aggressively and kissed me. This did set off red flags but hey..I wasn’t lonely.

She turned up the intensity instantly, the charm, compliments, our next date was a dinner date and she wrote our names in a heart on the disposable table cloth, tore it off and put it in her purse before we left. I was smitten..I had never felt pursuit like that from a girl and assumed this is what it’s like when you find the one who really wants you. We went back to her place and started making out until she got really aggressive. I liked her but still had my wits…this is my co-workers family, I need to take it slow in case this doesn’t work out and I make things awkward at the office. I could see what was supposed to be disappointment but something behind her big green eyes told me this was masked anger…still I ignored, even the comment that 6 weeks is the longest I can go without sex.

She came on even stronger after that, pushing to see me daily, calls every work break. I lied to her a few times about where I was or my plans to slow things down but she kept pushing. We had sex soon after and she began calling me her boyfriend, I didn’t mind..I kinda liked it. I then decided it was time for her to meet my friends so I took her to my favorite watering hole, she was the life of the party. I noticed later that it seemed she got every phone number of everyone she was introduced to and had made a “dancing date” with one of my friends. Weird I thought but I trusted the friend and assumed that was her nature. Things are still going well for another few weeks and my 28th bday was approaching (She was 23 at the time). About a week before everything changed, her tone, her mood. She would call me on break and was all of a sudden going to lunch often with a colleague. Then the night before my bday she blows off plans we made last minute to hang with work friends, our 1st fight. I relished how can you say you care about me and do this hours before my bday, I was told i’m acting soft and today is really my bday and she will be there then. We did go out that night, she bought a cake, a nice gift, drinks all night, I could take her back home and do whatever I wanted after, she had redeemed herself..or so I thought. This was the beginning of some mind bending I do not know if I will ever recover from. She became distant and irritable again soon after, all of a sudden I found myself pushing for us to go on dates and it was excuses or other plans, when I did get her to go out she texted all night like I wasn’t there.

I became irritated after that and attempted to break things off, she cried, she misses her dad so much, I felt sorry, I caved, we were back on. I was still leery however and attempted to slow things back down and limit our time together…I did this once again by lying one night of my whereabouts but low and behold she is texting me that she knows where I am and she’s through because i’m a liar. I felt like I REALLY messed up. I apologized I promised it would never happen again, I generally wasn’t a liar and thought I was sparing her feelings instead of saying I need some space, now I owed her something. I inquired how she knew where I was (Same bar from my bday) and she suggested a couple we hung out with a part of the night was there and texted her if she’s coming down too. I later found out it was the bouncer at the bar who I mentioned to her i’ve had friction with in the past over the handling of one of my friends.

So now we are close to Christmas, she was to be my guest at my office xmas party and shortly after we were to attend a concert that she wanted to go to so that was my gift to her.

I made a huge deal about the party in the week before, bought us both new clothes head to toe, talked about it a lot. I don’t know why I guess I just wanted something to look forward to, even spent extra to get us a room at the fancy hotel it was being held at. She played along, picked clothes that made me look nice etc. The day of, everything changed..she was no longer driving with me and would just tag along with her sister and brother in law, not a big deal, I got there waited a bit for her party to show up, cold as we went to the room to leave our bag, cold as we walked to the banquet hall, cold as we sat at the table. So cold my boss at the time asked who is she to me?

I decided I would still try to have fun, they had gambling games for prizes so I sat at the poker table and immediately dominated to the point there was a mini crowd, everyone cheered and had kind words but her, soon she was gone, dancing with a employee who was helping setup the DJ booth then entertained my coworkers for the rest of the dinner and dancing, after the party it was decided that all the cool kids were going to the hotel bar to keep the party going. As I come back from smoking a cigarette I see her walking arm in arm with my bosses boss who I stated to her how much I despised, the look she gave me I only understand now was to enjoy seeing my reaction. We got to the bar and she was the life of the party, I felt invisible in the group suddenly, I left, went to the room, came back and no one noticed I left, I knew she was doing this to mess with me but I couldn’t justify why, This was after knowing her 2 months and I was already asking myself am I just jelous? Does everyone just see i’m kind of in a funk and are just avoiding me? We round the night out and it’s her and I walking to the room, no words said. We enter, and she laments what’s my problem, my attitude isn’t making her feel sexy…I exploded, she calmly grabs her bag and leaves and I begin following because she ruined my night and she was going to hear what I had to say. She doesn’t bat an eye, she calls MY friends to come pick her up. I left the hotel that night, waste of $300.

We talk later the next day, i’m too sensitive, I should be happy she making friends with the people I know (Later on “Don’t blame me because YOUR friends like me better”), she was just buttering up the bosses boss for me. I don’t buy it. The next night, I go out and on the way home hit a small dog, he didn’t make it and my bumper/radiator destroyed, all my disposable income spent on Christmas and the party. I tell her what happened and that I think I will need to resell the concert tickets to repair my vehicle, she says well you can’t because I have them. I open my drawer and they surely aren’t there, I am welcomed to be her guest or she will take someone else. I am beyond furious but say what the hell, I did buy it for her and can’t be an Indian giver but the red flag is noted. I am not excited about the relationship anymore but want to get through New Years just to see if this is maybe a Holiday rough patch as she laid it on thick beforehand how hard the holidays are going to be without her dad.

We go and we have an OK time, she takes lots of pics, none of us, kinda minimal affection, we come home, have mediocre sex, she then blew me off Christmas day completely after telling my sister who travelled up how excited she was to meet her and simply told me her feelings had changed the day after. I got angry, called her a few names and told her keep the sweatpants and tshirts she has as she is pushing to drop them off right at the moment (see my anger in person, push more buttons). I get my car fixed, have a mini fling with another previous ex to keep my self esteem up and am actually feeling a little better than I was before I met the Demon. Then I get a call from one of my bar friends, LOL, we saw your girl last night..with the bouncer, on a date, for his birthday. I was shocked, I never saw them speak…I get down, try to put it out of my head then about 2 days later I get a call, “Hey, it’s me”. She’s not sure if the bouncer is what she wants, she has deep feelings for me that scared her off, honey, honey strawberries, chocolate, sugar. This is mid Feb, right before Valentine’s day. I say i’m open to talking but make a decision, we talk after that, I don’t hear from her Valentines day then I her from her the next. Oh they went out of town for the day..I end it as i’m no number 2.

Living life again and it’s now a month later, after her birthday. She calls, she wishes I had just given her a little more time. It’s over with the bouncer, i’m all she wants, I refuse, the persistence is mesmerizing, the begging. No one has ever wanted me this bad before and I wanted that. After a few days I agree to meet her, she comes to my office, we talk. Before I know it the office door is closed and i’m crouching to hide from the camera. We leave and go back to my place to finish up, I can’t perform…you stink of other men and I kick her out. She doesn’t stop, I cave. I’m showered with sex and praise for a few weeks then one day I leave my phone at her by accident. Why have you been texting your ex (The one I had a fling with, text were very innocent). She called me ex while I was at work, they had an all out fight, I rationalize I didn’t get to confront the bouncer like this, “Well I don’t know how to contact him anymore (She did), and that was then, this is now (1 month since she “supposedly” was last with him). She leaves, I phone a friend, he says well if you’re giving this a real shot it’s wrong to talk to the ex. I apologize, i’m guilt tripped, we need to be more than what we are, I agree we can work on it. Love bombed for a few more weeks. One night i’m at the bar (Bouncer hadn’t worked there since xmas) and she tells me come to her job at the hotel for a little action, i’m game. I get there and we start then i’m stopped, “You smell like and ashtray and are super drunk” The bouncer always smelled better than you do. I was at the bar for an hour and a half and always smoked. Our clothes are back on and we are in the hallway fighting. I go to leave and I never thought about it until this week how my car key got out of my pants pocket and stayed in the room. No you’re drunk. I’m keeping your keys, she tells her co-worker to call the police. They smell alcohol on my breath and say I can wait for her to finish work or call a cab. I opt for the latter. She shows up to get her stuff after with police. I’ve drank a lot more and gone into a rage at that point, all her belongings at my place are in a blaze in the back yard. The police ask me to put the fire out and she leaves..how dare she cheats on me, comes back then calls police on me. I go on a bender and the next night i’m the the ICU after flipping my car and being thrown out (obv I have bad decision making skills, by product of childhood physical and mental abuse). She shows up in recovery, I start balling, she starts balling. I did all the work for her..she’s in. At the hospital daily, updating and saving the numbers for my closest contacts, giving updates. Her job told her it’s come into work and me (They were firing her, she knew it…prob for causing drama). I had a saviour at my lowest point, dislocated hip, broken ribs, lacerations to my back and face and kinda skinned my elbow to the bone and she was there for me after our drama. It didn’t matter who’s fault it was at that point.

8 years, one autistic son, many police calls, i’ve been arrested and convicted twice while I had bruises and nothing happened to her, Almost deported (Green card, Caribbean National), paying for all my legal costs while paying most of the bills, building her credit, helping her move up the work ladder and far from perfect but providing the best life I could for the family, she emotionally abandoned me when my paternal grandmother died, going as far as to say I hope she died knowing we lived in sin (We had our child before marriage) 2 days after, in retaliation for a mean comment I made about her dad 4 years earlier when she used it as a scapegoat nonstop. She filed for divorce a month after and had be banished from the house. Begged me for one more chance, said I took too long to decide when I did come back, went to Vegas for her birthday and came back with a new tattoo and commitment.

A month later she gets a promotion. She gloats that she now makes more than me then goes and buys basically a newer model of my SUV without any consultation. It’s at that moment I realize that under the crushing credit card debt and all the sacrifice, the moment she made it she took care of herself immediately and made sure to belittle me in many multiple ways.

I ask for a divorce, I admit to cheating numerous times (Only way to keep my sanity) she puts on the biggest act of all times down to throwing up on the balcony, pledges years of unwavering loyalty after her indiscretion with the bouncer. I admitted to this thinking I am dealing with a human that would be turned off by such a thing. We have the best sex in years the night after but I push to proceed with the divorce. She is pissed..filing was a way to get control back when I was seeing there was nothing there and it was backfiring. She went on the warpath, tried to say I would be a danger to my son, i’m a flight risk, danger…we go back and forth and hash out a regular every other weekend and child support deal..she takes more of the stuff, I take all the credit debt..mine for MY arrest right..seems fair.

2 months post divorce, I want you back…i’m hurt and trying to heal. She turns it up..i’m jaded, I think I see the truth and believe you will never change. I stay vigilant in my message, show me you will help me and we can talk..she gives me $100 sometime in the near future and I say this does nothing to clear my record and name. It’s back and forth for a year and a half, she gave me leeway on child support, I don’t have to cover health insurance premium and a little was shaved off the payment, she’s helping me out..helping herself with leverage. She starts a barrage of fake online accounts to keep me off dating sites, threatens more court action. The sex is the best it’s been in my life. Lingerie every encounter. I tell her this means nothing but sex and I come in, do my business and leave. The promises don’t stop.

She gets another promotion and i’m the 1st one she calls. I can help get your life all cleaned up if you give me a chance. I say you have the chance..I need to let her in emotionally. I decline but I am scared to go out and date. The online harassment and threats..I was still mind controlled and didn’t know it.

A year and a half post divorce she figures it out, the good old strategy..even though I told you I wasn’t dating I was and i’m about to introduce him to our son and the sex has to stop. I thought I was cool and the next 4 days were hell. I call..if we can give it another shot are you in? She’s hesitant now after pleading to tears 3 weeks earlier. It’s a discussion…it’s mulling. Ok we can try…I am not thrilled. Love bombed until my 8th shitty bday in a row why it’s my fault she had to get upset. I am half invested at this point and going through the motions just watching..

I don’t know if I became boring or if she became sloppy because the next 5 months was just a slop of lie after lie until I could finally find the evidence I needed once and for all.

She refused and refused but could hear the tone in my voice..she knew the control had was slipping. She asked what can I do to fix this…I asked for the truth. I now understand that they weren’t the truth, half truths, some stories mixed in but she told me the truth.

-If I showed you who I really was you would have never had me.
-I do “love” you but not like you do. It’s just like I don’t want to give you up.
-You are just so much of a burden and always investigating, just let me live my life.

She admitted to sleeping with the bouncer one time she claims but after the “confessional” it was all clear. She had been screwing the bouncer all along, her ex bosses, guest at her hotel.
She says more “truth” than she has in the 9 years i’ve known her, monotone, no emotion. Then says it’s my decision if I want to come back or not. That was Monday.

The smear campaign just started. I’m staying strong. Wish me the best!

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