Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader in the United Kingdom whom we’ll call “Edward.”
There seems to be a lot of stories regarding male sociopaths, so I thought I would share some insight from my own life story thus far.
I met T about 10 years ago. It wasn’t love at first sight, but I quite liked her. I guess I fell for my own rescuing mentality (since noticed and dealt with), and made a bid for her affections. I let my guard down, as one who would wish to be loved has a need too, so the other can see some more of me.
There were many times during this period where I should have walked away from T, but I thought I loved her and hoped that by being a good, steady, decent male in her life would have awoken her to a new awakening, where we would have grown together. Wrong. Very noble, but the damage seems to be more than a small part of T.
The relationship dragged on, T got divorced and had a windfall from the sale of the marital house, which was squandered in a short space of time. Although the money was never the biggest issue, it would have provided at least a comfort zone for her and her kids post divorce (I had my own money and broached the squandering by saying maybe we could pool our resources.) When it was all gone, their small family unit dispersed, and I saved myself by buying a small house.
T put herself at the mercy of the local council, and surprisingly gained social support. Only in the UK would this occur. We carried on in some sort of relationship. I felt a small light at the end of the tunnel, but knew deep down I was only playing a bit part with T.
One evening T announced she was pregnant; my initial response was silence. Don’t get me wrong, the sex was planned, but somehow I didn’t think we would have children as T was on the pill. My son was born and the focus for me changed from T to him. I did everything a dad could, and supported him and T. Then she moved, for the 7th time in as many years, but this time I was prevented from seeing him. Why? I have no criminal record, I work, gained education, volunteered. My solicitor was very frank with me, ‘you can spend all the money you like, but she does not have to comply with a court ruling, any fine imposed on her she can’t/won’t pay due to hardship.’ Hardship?
I played a waiting game and sure enough, I was allowed to see my son again. However, through fear of not seeing him again, I made some silly moves, culminating in asking T to live with me. Big mistake. Email contacts were deleted from my account, any contact with females was disliked, money went missing, my possessions were abused, T spent more time socializing outside of our family unit than in it. Any questioning of T was met with silence and a cold look. I felt awful, my work suffered (I gave up lecturing), I became isolated and depressed. T’s contribution to the house spluttered to a halt, I then asked her to leave.
Many questions were going unanswered, so I went for a rummage through her paperwork, sure enough, I found some hospital paperwork. She’d had an abortion. I was stunned. I confronted her, T’s response was, “who told you?” Not sorry, forgive me, let me explain, nothing. I was heartbroken, stunned, angry, but also felt sorry for her doing something alone, without my support.
Trail of destruction
T left my house leaving much debt, bailiffs demanding payment, her part of our rent, but more importantly, more misery on her trail of destruction. She lies constantly; every attempt at finding the truth is met with a lie. Even lying to a family member who asked me something completely out of the blue. This culminated in a showdown one day at my home, completely unscripted, where T was confronted by us both. T’s response was to get up and walk home some 10 miles away. Stunned into silence we both were.
The more clued up me started putting up barriers for my own safety. I became no more of a pushover, fought fire with fire, but to be honest, that is not me, why should I become somebody else?
The good thing is, our son is doing well, he is a lively little thing, I will keep an eye on his moods and development through his childhood. Me, this has spurred me on further to understand the human being, in that I have a degree in psychosocial studies, and have enrolled on a science degree in Integrative counseling. Methinks I have had a baptism of fire, but come out of it a better person.